TTC after miscarriage/loss

A.Girl! Hi, i'm doing ok! Yes my son will be 2 next week! And looks like i'll be ovulating around his birthday, so what a present that would be for him and us if all went well this month???

6 months is not long at all for a wait on the list! That's great news to hear!!! Totally beats waiting 12! I have everything crossed it all goes smoothly, but even better, that you conceive before then anyway and that miracle comes along!

Soda how are you going??? Any updates? I haven't read any other threads yet as doing a catch up. But i sure hope you have good news coming??!

Mama thats a lot of MC your MW endured!!!!!!! So nice to have someone like that to speak to! She sounds lovely.

Great news agirl!

Mama I'm going to see a counsellor on Monday so looking forward to that, anxiety seems to be my latest emotion to go through!

Currently in Greymouth, my first time 'alone' since we lost George, I was so anxious and scared but I'm actually coping really well!

Had a phonecall from a family/friend yesterday and she's 15wks and having her baby today due to troisomy(?) severe issues :-( so sad for her but I was actually able to help by explaining what happens in hospital etc. And showing that you can get through it! After my best friend losing her boy last year at 18wks due to 'rare' issues, then mine and now this - gah! Surely that's it for sh*tty luck for forever now!

Hello ladies. I haven't stopped by in a while, as I felt like I needed to give my brain a break from ALL things babymaking-related for a few days and needed to stop thinking about TTC for a short while as I felt a bit like it was one bad day followed by yet another bad day... But I've missed you ladies and was really hoping to read some good news when I had a quick catch-up over what I've missed, but doesn't look like that's the case    I have no great news to share either. Although I had my progesterone level checked today and it came back all good - showing that I ovulated about a week ago and the corpus luteum is producing progesterone at the right levels to make anything that might be looking for a home nice and comfy. But I don't even want to allow myself to think that might be a possibility this cycle - I feel like I'm heading towards those sort of thoughts taking over my life a bit I'm trying to hard to go with the 'what will be, will be' attitude, but it's a challenge!

I see counselling has been mentioned a couple of times lately and was wondering if any of you Auckland ladies have ever called the Miscarriage Support Akl supportline?? My doctor has mentioned it every time I've been in to see her since the mc, asking if I've called them yet, and she gave me the brochure for the second time last week and strongly recommended that I call them. But I'm just not sure what kind of service they offer...like, what does one say when calling a miscarriage supportline!?! I'm kind of keen, since my doctor is so dead set on me giving them a call, but was wondering if anyone else has been in touch with them before....

Soda, this is for you (and all you others having a down day):

Good news about the progesterone, Rin! I saw a counsellor before I went to the states a few weeks ago. It was good - I've seen her a few times before for other things and DH and I saw her before we got married. Though the session didn't help heaps, it's good knowing that she's there if I need her and that she knows my history. I'm pretty sure you get some free counselling, so ask don't be afraid to ask! With regards to the Auck mc support... I've read there stuff but never talked directly to them.

Stink soda :-( I was hoping for some good news from you!

Hugs, Sara. It's so hard being on your own when you feel anxious and vulnerable. It's especially hard when you're left to the thoughts in your own head rather than being distracted by someone else or having someone to share it with. I hope you're counselling goes well on Monday.

Hi Ladies - I'm new to all this forum business, but it looks like a great place for support, and to know other people are walking in the same shoes as you (as painful as they are ).

DH and I have been TTC for almost two years now. After finally getting a PCOS diagnosis from Fertility Associates, we were lucky enough to fall pregnant on our first round of Clomiphene in May. We had our 12 week scan last week, only to find baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks. It was a missed miscarriage - which is very cruel as your body still thinks it's pregnant and I had all the symptoms to go with it. We are heartbroken. I had a D&C on Monday, and thought the physical healing might start to help the emotional, but it really is a rough road. I've only just started to do some work from home, and am due to go back to the office on Monday, but am still sad, scared, nervous, and as though work is pointless.

I'm sure it will get easier - I'm also going to try some counselling. I've always believed you're only given what you are strong enough to handle in life - sometimes it feels like a fine line!

Has anyone else has any experience TTC after a missed miscarriage with PCOS?

Thanks to everyone for sharing their stories - you are all amazingly strong!

Welcome msrw8, I'm sorry for the reason that you're here but it is a great place to find support. Like you, I had a missed mc at 12 weeks, there was definitely a period where my body still thought it was pregnant and I had the symptoms for a few days throughout the mc which happened naturally, I agree that's cruel!

I hope it goes well for you on Monday, returning to work can be hard (especially staying focussed) but might also offer some distractions? Are your workmates aware of what's happened or do you plan to keep it to yourself? I did a couple of half-days when I first returned to work, which I think helped ease back into it.

I'm fairly new to all this too, but I believe it will get easier. xx

That's so true about sympathy sometimes being harder than just being left alone, particularly at work. I hate it when people make a fuss even if they have good intentions, so I understand where you're coming from. I recommend having one or two close friends or family who you can talk to about it all you want, and be content to let everyone else say sorry and not bring it up again. That's worked for me so far anyway. It's great that you can work from home for a few days before launching back into the workplace full time.

I didn't tell anyone at work, I just said I was off sick. It's getting easier each day and I know that sitting around the house by myself would do me no good, so for me it was the right choice to come back.

I think we're going to wait 1 cycle before ttc, if my first AF seems normal then we'll start again. My Dr also recommended to wait at least 1 cycle and I think it's important for you and your partner to be emotionally ready too, which may take longer.

Welcome mrsw8 - this is a good place to be at such a horrible time. Really sorry for your loss and that you had to join this secret club that no one wants to be a member of. I too had a missed miscarriage when bubs had died at 8 wks (that seems to be quite the common week for this terrible thing to happen at!), but we found out at a scan at 9 weeks as I had been spotting for a week and then had a D&C the following week. Miscarriage is a massive challenge to have to go through and the heart-wrenching bit is that you have very little control over any of it, so just go with the emotions as they come. And they will come, in waves - I found it so hard that one day I would finally feel I was getting a handle on things and the sun was slowly starting to come out, then the next minute I'd be right down there in the depths of sadness again.

It's quite a long road - 4 months on from my mmc it's still pretty hard and I've settled into quite the routine of going into work well after 9am and leaving again around 4-ish. Hardly employee of the month material but everything has changed so much since the mc and work is really not a priority right now, so make sure you put yourself first for a while. It is quite a surprise to find out so much about this other side of pregnancy, and in such a harsh way, and you're right - no one talks about it and you might be surprised who comes out of the woodwork if they know about your experience with their own personal stories to share. For me, I asked my boss to let the colleagues in my team know what had happened to me, as I didn't want to have to keep up any sort of happy charade that nothing major had happened to me during the week I was off and I needed people to give me a bit of time to start feeling like my normal self again and couldn't expect them to do that if they didn't know what had happened. But the whole journey is a really personal one and you have to do what feels right for you every step of the way. And coming in here to rant about the injustice and downright awfulness of it all can help sometimes too!

Hi Everyone, happy Friday! :) It's so comforting to hear everyone's journeys (as awful and unfair as they all are)and know you don't have to go through this on your own.

Soda - how exciting that your cycles may have kicked back into gear on their own! You do hear of lots of stories of women who have such a hard time falling pregnant, then one day it just happens miraculously. I guess the one thing we all have to hold onto is the hope and joy of a beautiful baby, so hoping and praying this happens for us all soon!

I had a counselling session this morning - and while it was a bit awkward - it was good in the sense the counsellor normalised all the feelings I've been going through - tears, anger, blame, jealousy, anxiety, and just downright feeling miserable. Even though the physical part is dealt with, she said I needed to be kind to myself and not expect too much - that the waves of emotion will keep coming, and to recognise that and take myself away (go for a walk, grab a coffee, sit in the sun) and know that it's OK to do this. She drew a circle and said that what was me ("the circle") is now fully consumed by grief. She said that will never go away, but what does happen is that the circle gets bigger, stronger, and you start to build in other things in your life that you get enjoyment from - but ultimately you are a different - but stronger person as a result. I've noticed this in small amounts already - especially in building a stronger relationship with hubby. As twisted as this sounds, I think this has been a good thing for us to go through together, as we've learnt more about each other and have proven to ourselves that we can do it together. How has everyone else's partners responded? Are they coping OK now? I do think it's really hard for the guys, as their heart breaks when they see ours breaking and feel helpless.

Good luck for all the baby making going on out there! Talz, will you do anything on 19 Aug in memory?

I agree with you mrsw8 re: the event of a mc creating a sense of greater closeness with hubby. My hubby and I talked and talked and talked the week between the scan and the D&C - we both had the whole week off work and spent time sitting at home and talking or going for walks and talking while we waited for the day of the D&C and we were both so incredibly open with what we were feeling. We have pretty good communication usually, but it seemed things were just kinda next level at that time. There've been a few times since where I've obviously felt just as low as I did that week again and it's been slightly frustrating that DH hasn't been in the same headspace at the same time, but he has said that he still thinks about it in some small way at least once every day, as I do.

Just thought I'd share something I randomly came across today - this week has been Loss and Grief Awareness week, facilitated by a group called Skylight. They're encouraging people to light a candle in rememberance this evening and take some time to remember someone they've lost - there are also candlelighting events at various churches around the country. So I'll be taking some time tonight to light a rememberance candle at home, to remember our little lost ones, as well as those other friends and family that we've lost over the years who I believe are taking care of our wee angels in heaven for us for now.