Have an emergency plan

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   I write a blog following on from my traumatic birth, and I have compiled something I want all families trying and expecting a bub. If it's the one bit of advice you take while you're pregnant then please let it be this...  

I've cut and copied this from my blog, if you want to follow it it's here
survivingbirth.wordpress.com

"If there is one thing I have learnt from my experience it’s always have a backup plan. Not just a backup plan that says c section rather than vaginal birth, by backup plan I guess what I actually mean is a “when-s***t-hits-the-fan” plan – and make sure everyone knows it, your birth partner, your husband, your wife, your mother, your in-laws, your cousins uncles sister, your midwife, your best friend… make sure you tell as many people about your “when-s***-hits-the-fan” plan.

We are all told to go into birth with a backup plan that says if I can’t have a vaginal birth, then I’ll have a C-section or I want a natural birth – no pain relief – but if I need to then I’ll have an epidural, but no one tells you to go in with a plan for if something goes wrong. The one thing I regret every day about my birth is that I didn’t have the opportunity to tell anyone what I wanted if things didn’t go right at all, if I was rushed away dying, because no one told me that could happen. So if you’re pregnant, or if you know someone who is pregnant then please, please think about what you would want to happen to you, your partner and your baby if things go horribly wrong.

When I got pregnant with my son I didn’t even contemplate that I wouldn’t be there after he was born, that I would be the one in danger and not him, no one told me the dangers of childbirth, and I never researched them because there is a stigma around teaching people about the negatives of childbirth (and talking about traumatic births as a whole) so when s*** hit the fan during labour I didn’t have a plan ready, no one knew what I wanted, and most people still don’t know what I wanted at the time 15 months down the line because it’s too late.

When my son was born he was fine, however, my “body who knows what to do” (that’s what I was told anyway…) didn’t know what to do, and my uterus failed miserably at giving birth and instead tried to kill me, so after my son was pulled earthside everything changed. I went into labour with a basic birth plan, no pain relief, vaginal water birth. I always told my partner no C-section unless it’s life or death and no epidural unless it’s life or death… I ended up with a spinal block epidural emergency C-section and I thought that was it, but it wasn’t. I also went into labour thinking it’s okay once my bub is earthside, I’ll introduce him to our families, I’ll snuggle him with skin to skin after birth, no cord clamping and breastfeeding straight away. While I was trying to push him out, I was thinking to myself, soon I get to introduce my baby that I’ve spent 9 months growing inside me, no one knew his name, even my partner and I weren’t 100% sure on what his name would be, we had an idea but wanted to see him first. We were going to spend 3 days in a birth center bonding and learning how to be parents, we’d even organised my partners meals, everything was sorted except for our emergency plan, so here are the things I wish I’d told my partner, my Mum, my midwife but more importantly, they’re the things I wish I’d thought of before I went into labour, the things that meant the most to me, and the things I urge all pregnant people to think about before you go into labour. You never know how it’s all going to pan out and I hope and pray for everyone that no one else goes through what me and my partner went through, but please, if you’re pregnant be prepared with an emergency plan.

My emergency plan and wishes (if I’d had the chance):

1. Take photos… take 100’s of photos. I pretty much missed the first 2 days of my sons life, I didn’t get to see his first poo, I didn’t get to change his first nappy, I didn’t get to see him being dressed for the first time, or coming earthside, so please take photos of everything so I can feel like I was there too

2. Because we haven’t told anyone his name, and haven’t decided on a name, unless I die, DON’T tell anyone his name…. let us as a couple and a family introduce our baby, let us TOGETHER tell everyone his name, he is mine and yours and I want to let the world know with you. I don’t want my parents or your parents to introduce me to my baby….

3. If it’s me or the baby…choose the baby, we chose to create his life, he doesn’t deserve to die because my body gave up… I’ve done the best thing ever creating and growing him for the past 9 months and IF one of us has to go… let it be me…

4. Don’t formula feed him from a bottle. If he has to be formula fed, go ahead, but cup feed him. They do this in NZ and it helps them to learn how to breastfeed. I WANT to breastfeed so please give me the best chance possible, if it doesn’t work out after that, then we’ll go from there.

5. If I have to have a C-Section, please PLEASE let me see my baby come earthside, let me see that precious baby take his first breath. Don’t take him out while my eyes are closed, don’t put up a screen… he’s mine and this is mine and my partners life changing moment, let me see it

6. Don’t neglect our baby if I have to get taken away. Love him, cuddle him, show him that he’s wanted here. All he’s known for the last 9 months if closeness and love, don’t because you’re worried about me neglect him. I’m hopefully going to be fine, and he needs all your attention now so give it to him

7. If I can’t do it, I want my partner to do skin to skin with our son once he’s born, help our baby have the best chance, and help him and his Daddy start that bond.

8. I want my partner to be able to ASK FOR HELP! If he can’t cope, please step in and help him… if I’m not there to help and he’s worrying because I’ve been taken away somewhere for some reason, he’s going to be stressing so help lighten his burden

9. If something happens to my baby and I am fine, I DO NOT want my baby left alone, either myself, my partner or one of our family members PLEASE stay with our baby the whole time. They don’t deserve to be taken away with strangers and left on their own, if you can stay with them do it, show them the love that only a family can show them, not the love some nurses or doctors can show

10. My most important wish though, to my partner, my parents, my siblings, my friends if something happens to me or the baby and the doctors tell you that doing something drastic like performing a hysterectomy is the only way to save my life, or if surgery WILL save my babies life, don’t feel bad for making the decision, at the end of the day I would rather all three of us be together happy and healthy growing up together, so don’t blink an eyelid if the doctor tells you they can save mine or bubs life by doing something drastic. I would rather only be able to have one baby and watching them grow than lying in a grave, or having them lying in a grave. Do what you need to because you love us, do what is right and don’t feel bad about it at all.

I wish every day that I had made this list before I went into labor… I wish every day that I didn’t regret things that had happened that I didn’t get what I wanted, I regret every day that I left my partner to make the hard decisions and I hate that I don’t remember my birth… so please I beg of you, if you’re pregnant, have an emergency plan, and pray that no one needs to use it."