I’m ready to talk.
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Topic: I’m ready to talk.
Posted By: mamanee
Subject: I’m ready to talk.
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 11:44am
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Please please please, this is confidential, and Sam and I are SAFE. I did read through a previous thread that might have had similarities and CYFS was contacted.
Please, do not contact CYFS, I am SAFE, I am FINE and I have a LOT of support. This is a cut/paste from the domestic violence forum I have joined. Sorry it is MASSIVE I want to share, I want to tell my story because I want anybody out there to know that domestic violence is not just about physical violence, there are women like myself who have been subjected to emotional/verbal/mental abuse and it's just as bad. Ok, this might be a long story. It started nearly three years ago. I had moved back to my home town after studying somewhere else for two years. I was single and open to a relationship. I was a completely normal, happy 21 year old with friends a job and a wonderful supportive family. Enter - M. I met him online. He seemed ok. We chatted for a little while and I invited him to a party at my house. (He lived about an hour away). He came to the party, we got on great, and decided to see more of each other. Things were fine for about one month. Then the alarm bells started ringing. I was young and I ignored them. We would tell each other things about our past and things that we had done. He started to slowly make me feel bad for things he wasn't even around for, for example, I left school at 15 to study. He didn't like that so he told me I was unmotivated and lazy and a dropout. Conversations like this continued, and he made me wonder whether anything I had ever done was any good! He critized everything I did, everything I said and told me all of my ex boyfriends were no good losers (he had never met any of them, he just decided this after I had told him about them) He then decided that I should quit my job and move an hour away to where he was living with his parents. I stupidly did. What a mistake. I couldn't do the housework properly, I was lazy, unmotivated, I didn't have enough friends(he had none). I shouldn't smoke, I shouldn't eat this, do this, do that. Nothing I did or said was any good. I walked on eggshells ALL day long. I had to make his lunch, cook and clean, and it was never good enough for him. If I got upset or stood up to him, his rage would be triggered. It would escalate to the point where I would be cowering in a corner with my hands over my ears saying STOP IT. He wouldn't stop it and I would be a crying mess for days until he made me apologise. I can describe it as a feeling of intense expectation on my thoughts. He would MAKE me explain to him in great detail about what I thought was wrong with me, what I should do about it and why I reacted a certain way, thought a certain way and he would do this for hours on end. I knew this was wrong but I let it happen. After about four months he decided that he could never offer me a commitment, never wanted to have any children, but wanted me to stay with him anyway. I wanted those things, so I left and went back to my mum. Two months later: He kept coming over on the weekends to see me. Things would be ok for a day, then something would trigger him and he would get into an uncontrollable rage. Two weeks later: I found out I was pregnant. He flipped out, and told me I needed to get an abortion, or he would move as far away as possible and never see me ever again. I continued the pregnancy. Nine months later I delivered a healthy baby boy. He was there, and we had moved back in together. Four months later: He decides it's not what he wants, and he wants myself and our four month old baby to leave. I leave and get a place of my own. He still tries to control everything I do, and shows up whenever he likes. To cut a long story short, our son is 18 months old now and his father has been exactly the same to me as before, even in front of the baby. Eight weeks ago he decided to move to Australia to work so that he could pay off his debts and make a future for himself and for us. He MADE me promise that I would not see anybody else while he was gone, and that he would change and that he would come back whenever he could to see us and it would be great. He came back last week. It had been two days and we went out for a drink with my step-sister for her birthday. My sister and I were having fun and laughing and joking about old boyfriends we had when we were 15. He took offense to this and lost the plot. He ended up in an uncontrollable rage in the middle of town screaming and swearing at me. My mum was babysitting our son and he had gotten us a motel room for the night. He took me to the motel and the intense arguing and constant questions about where I get off treating him like that and that the whole trip was a waste of time/money and why did he even bother coming back if I was going to be such a spoilt, selfish little [CENSORED]. He then got angry when I wouldn't have sex with him so he drove me home at 3AM, dangerously, while screaming and shouting at me at the top of his voice, not watching the road. Needless to say I was terrified, shaking and crying, and he was yelling at me to stop crying. I went inside and locked the doors. He returned the next morning and blamed me for everything, saying it was a waste of money and I humiliated him in front of my sister and to the motel staff who brought two breakfasts to the room and he was the only one there. I tried to explain to him that I would never forget what happened in the car and that it was unacceptable behaviour. He didn't agree. He blamed me for treating him like crap and walking all over him. He does not listen to me when I say that I am scared or that I am upset. He is adamant that I need to look at myself and realise that I have a problem and that I am so self-righteous and stubborn and it really pisses him off. He also says that I am the reason for his anger. When he came back he demanded that he take his son out for the afternoon (I declined, saying that I wouldn't let him take him out when he was that angry). He lost the plot again saying that I wasn't letting him see his son and he could get court orders in place so that he can take him away from me. This is the single most horrifying thought I have ever had. That is my baby. I gave birth to him, did everything for him, he lives with me and me alone. I have been on my own with him for over a year and I am a damn good mother. He says he has grounds to get full custody of him and I better watch out and don't push him because I don't know what he is capable of. I am terrified that he and his family will do something. His family do not see what he is like, and they think he is a softly spoken, gentle person. He has left to go back to Australia now. For the past three days I have been in survival mode, trying to keep him happy, to appease him, not to get upset, not to trigger him and to just keep him calm until he leaves. He accuses me of being hot and cold, wondering why I will not have sex with him and constantly badgering me about my problem and when will I learn to take the blame for things and face up to my issues and change. My appeasing didn't work though, just before he left, he took back all the gifts he bought for me (a digital camera to take photos of his son, some perfume and some moisturiser) I am a solo mother and I can't afford to buy nice things. :( He even made me take off the jeans that I was wearing because he had paid for them. He said he was going to burn them all and smash them. He said I didn't deserve any of it, I was a selfish spoilt brat and I have ruined his whole trip back and it was a huge waste of his time and money. I need to see a counsellor. I know this is abuse, but I need to have someone TELL me that it is, because he says that I am imagining it all and that I only say he's abusing me to get out of facing up to my problems. Please help me, I don't know what to do. I do NOT want him back, although I want him to have a relationship with his son, I would never stop that. I do not however want my son to grow up around the abuse and the yelling or to think that it's ok to treat people like this. |
Replies:
Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 12:00pm
It's definitely abuse - good on you for speaking out. 
You have done very well and he knows it's abuse too which is why he is telling you you're imagining it so that you won't get outside help. Get your family on side if you can. Your sister has seen this all go down so I'm sure she will be there to back you up. Talk to her - and she will be able to confirm for you that this is not your fault but his inability to control his rage. -------------  
 
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 12:00pm
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Well done for sharing. You are obviously seeing that his behaviour is not right and I'm pleased to hear that you are safe and have a lot of support. I assume you have gotten in touch with a counsellor. Have you also contacted the court? I'm not sure the specific name for it but something along the lines of a trespass order against him and starting proceedings to have full custody of your son. Emotional abuse is an awful thing to live through in many ways worse than physical abuse as the scars are harder to see and take longer to heal. -------------  
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 12:01pm
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Oh sweetie, I don't know what to say expect that I beg you to get the help you need and get him out of your life.
I believe from what you've written you are a very strong young lady, you can do this. Thinking of you. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: My3Sons
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 12:01pm
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Renee, ------------- Mum to Mr 10, Mr 6 and Mr 4 
 
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 12:09pm
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Well done for sharing, its a very brave thing to do.
Yes this is abuse, have you contacted the Families against violence or women's refuge, they can help you. This is NOT OK! For your own safety and that of your son, seek the help of the courts to prevent him coming near you or removing your son. Good Luck and let us know how it works out. I've followed your story since you were pregnant with Sam and you are a fantastic mother and a lovely lady, you deserve so much better. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 12:17pm
Thank you everyone. I am making plans to see a counsellor at the moment. My stepsister has been through the whole family court system with her ex partner so she knows EXACTLY what I am going through and has given me a lot of good advice. The difference between her and I is that her and her partner had broken up before she found out she was pregnant and her son doesn't have a relationship with his father. He didn't contact me for a week, but this morning I awoke to find text messages. I texted and said 'The only contact you and I are to have is to be about Sam and that's it'. He then sent me a lot of awful messages saying that he had heard there had been a red car at my house a lot this week (my friend) and have I f***ed him yet and it's his bed and he was going to take EVERYTHING out of my house and leave me with nothing. His fridge/freezer/washingmachine/dryer/couch/bed are here. He went to Australia and left them here for me to use. I have a bed of my own in my spare room so that's not a problem but everything else is! I am paying for the washing machine dryer as he left me the bill, along with the playstation 3 that was on the bill also (he has the PS3 with him in Aus). I feel sick to my stomach thinking about him taking things from me. Should I just arrange for it all to go back to his parents so that he's got nothing of his here? I know he doesn't care about anything but his bed (he is adamant I am sleeping with lots of men in it, which is bollocks). I am glad that he is away from me though. I am very safe here, my mum stays lots and I have friends and family everywhere to back me up. They all know what he is like and what he has done. |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 12:25pm
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To be honest if it was me then I would get all his stuff out of your house and off to his parents. That would help break those ties.
I know it would be difficult but hopefully family could rally together to help get you what you need. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 12:29pm
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Good on you for having the courage to speak out and to do something. Don't let him dangle the threat of taking your son away from you over your head, it won't happen.
I am sure you will get a lot of support from your new website and people who have been through similar situations, you will of course continue to get support from us all on here. |
Posted By: weegee
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 12:32pm
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Didn't want to read and run. Good for you for standing up to him, and thank goodness he's back in Oz and away from you.
I agree with Paws, probably best to at least start getting rid of all his stuff as much as you can. It doesn't sound like he is going to listen to reason about anything  and it's definitely abuse. I would even consider changing your cellphone number since he's sending you abusive texts. (But document the text messages he's sent you, what he's said and exactly when they came through, just in case you need them down the track.)
and remember that acknowledging the problem is a big part of dealing with it! You go girl!------------- 
Mum to JJ, 4 July 2008 & Addie, 28 July 2010 |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 12:36pm
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Is it possible for you to change your phone number or have him go through your parents/lawyer to contact you.
I'd get rid of his stuff too, it that's what he's using against you, get it out of your life. Thanks for sharing your story, so often we think of abuse as only being physical, when its the emotional and mental abuse that is far more common and far worse in terms of your self esteem. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: mrsturtle
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 1:09pm
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Well done for sharing. My family is currently going through the family court for a very simmilar situation except its my brothers partner that is the abusive one so while i totally understand the whole white ribbon thing i feel i need to point out that its us females as well. Any way i digress.... Chances are things will get nasty in time so all i can say is document document document! Its hard doing the whole he said she said thing do anything you have proof of will be in your favour. Also be prepared mentaly to have all sorts of crap accusations thrown at you. i totally agree get all his stuff back to him you may be able to use the local police or someone of authroity to drop it off to his parents that way there can be no allegations that you have damaged any of it. Re the legal stuff the order you would be after is a care and protection order for you and your son. Be strong and god bless.
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Posted By: febbabe
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 1:13pm
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I agree I would get rid of everything that is his, the less he has over you the better.I would change my phone number as well so the only way he can contact you in through a 3rd person who can monitor his behaviour towards you Good luck with everything your a strong person to make a break from him.
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Posted By: Joscia
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 1:31pm
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1. It is definitely abuse. No question about it. Don't doubt yourself for a single second on that. 2. What a f$^&$% bully! 3. I agree with the others - get rid of his stuff. Make a clean break - give him as little ammunition as possible. 4. Don't answer his calls on your cellphone, but maybe keep your number so that you can still receive his texts as evidence. You never know how useful those things can work out to be 5. I would start talking to a lawyer (maybe through citizens advise?) about a protection order and find out some information about getting sole custody. 6. ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com"> 
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(Sorry - maybe not appropriate, but MAN that kind of gutless behaviour winds me up!) Posted By: arohanui
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 1:31pm
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Aww Renee What an awful situation to be in. You sound like an amazingly strong woman to be going through that, and you obviously have the strength to get through it. It breaks my heart that people are treated like that and you have no idea how glad I am that his emotional abuse didn't convince you that you need to stay with him.
I'm sorry I don't know the ins and outs of the legal stuff, but didn't want to read and run. Thinking of you ------------- Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and... http://alterna-tickers.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 1:34pm
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Oh Renee, to you chick!
You've had tons of good advice already so I'm really just posting to let you know that I'm so sorry he's put you through all this and that you're an awesome girl who deserves so much better. Stay strong ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 1:43pm
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Good on you for being strong and making a move to change things for yourself and your son.
I agree with what others have said - make a clean break, get someone to help give all his stuff to his parents and document EVERYTHING he says to you or sends to you in an email or text. And TALK with your family and ask for their help so you're not going through this all on your own. Take care ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: ooEvaoo
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 1:46pm
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Renee, good on ya, you've made the first step by recognising that YES INDEED THIS IS ABUSE! and you're gonna do something about it. Seeing a counsellor is a great idea, and it'll help you regain your confidence and self worth. You are a wonderful mother, don't let his threats intimidate you. You would have a strong case if you're going for full custody or a restraining order against M, being the primary caregiver and already showing that you are able to support yourself and Sam on your own. You family will be able to back up your capability. Also M has been absent the majority of Sam's life therefore does not have very reasonable grounds. As for his "assests" he left behind...if you've been in a de facto relationship for 2 years and over..and break up, all the assests should be equally divided. Otherwise give his stuff back to his family....STOP! paying HIS bills...If you get in touch with Womens refuge or Salvation Army I'm sure they'll be able to help out with replacements for you. Or even us Hamiltonian mums could maybe help out with stuff.
------------- 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 1:50pm
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Renee, Im so sorry your going though this, but im so proud of you for telling your story and admitting things arent great, that takes a lot of guts to actually admit .
I agree with the others re keeping a record of texts etc . Also remember that nothing you have done now, or in your past has caused you to deserve this, he is an abuser who has systematically over the years broken you down and destroyed your self confidence, they are clever , these bullies, but , they are also cowards, a real man would realise he had a problem and get help ...BUT , that is NOT your problem, the way he is is the way he is , and is NOT due to any input from you . So dont let him make you feel like you deserve it , or that its somehow your fault. Sam is very lucky to have you as a mum . And remember , if you need ANYTHING , please let us know ...we are all here for you ------------- 
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Posted By: susieq
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 2:03pm
| I agree with what others have said Renee, you are a good Mum and Sam is one gorgeous little boy, thanks for sharing your story |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 2:29pm
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I agree with everyone else.
Just some logical advice maybe...see a lawyer re. parenting orders, GET A PROTECTION ORDER in place and once that is in place, if possible, talk to your landlord about the situation and see if you can get the locks changed (you will probably have to pay for this unfortunately), especially if he has a key to your home (is it in your sole name or joint names?). Re. his stuff - if you can, get it to his parents, and stop paying for it, especially if it is in his sole name. Yes, you lose financially as a result, but it reduces the possibility of him turning up on your doorstep. Good luck, and be proud of speaking up. It takes a strong person to admit it. |
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 2:37pm
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Renee, you are a very very brave and strong woman to be able to talk about all that has been happening to you.
I don't have a lot to add, except to say that you are doing the right thing by cutting him out of your lives. Psychological abuse is incredibly painful, and there is always the fear that it will turn violent - after all if he can do it with words then whats to stop him doing it with his fists. Will be thinking of you and S. |
Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 2:55pm
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You are a really strong woman to be able to speak about what has happened. You should be really proud. I ditto the comments about getting a lawyer soon. Good luck - it's not an easy road ahead but you've taken the biggest step in speaking up. ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: aussiegirl
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 2:57pm
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What everyone has said has been great advice for you.
Take care and stay strong, you are very brave for choosing the next path to take, its the right choice for you and your son. Thinking of you ------------- Mum to Hayley **30.6.08
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 4:03pm
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Wow Renee, some of what you have written I could have written myself. I went thru something very very similar for four years.
My advice to you is to get any trace of him out of your house and move. I think it would be best to go for interim custody of Sam while he is in Australia. Go to the Citizens Advice Bureau and use their free legal service. Also contact the IRD about Child Support. Maybe you should also contact Womans Refuge and get some support from them and advice. Also remember: You have done nothing wrong. Don't let him or anyone else tell you otherwise. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: MonicaMouse
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 4:10pm
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I think the others have given you some great advice, definately keep a record of everything that has happened, and any communication that you have if you can.
I know I've only met you and Sam once, but you are doing a great job as Sam's Mum, he is such a lovely boy, and this is because of all the work and love you have put into him. From what I've read, it's him who has a problem, but unfortunately one that you are bearing the brunt of. Speaking up takes guts! ------------- 
Blair 15/10/2007 Daniel 30/07/2009 |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 7:21pm
Firstly, hugs hun and well done for getting up the courage to stop him  That takes guts.
With the parenting orders, basically you can apply for supervised visits etc (like with his mother present too if you trust her), which would be the most likely way to go if you are worried about him nutting off in front of Sam. Secondly, protection order for you. It's a must have and will make your case better for getting an effective and safe parenting order in place. Also, are you living together? Not that it matters I don't think, but in the eyes of law. seeing as you have a child together and have been in a relationship, you are entitled to half of everything. So he cannot actually take 'his' stuff out of your shared residence without agreement from you. If you choose to, you can fight for half of the stuff in your separation and relationship property agreement, but if he chooses to fight it then it will cost you so you have to weigh up the options. It really does depend how much you've contributed towards 'his' stuff and if you have receipts for the payments you have made. (I'm not a lawyer, just work for a law firm so some of what I've said could be wrong). But yeah, I would be getting legal advice and putting things into place. Good thing is, he's over there probably thinking that you won't actually leave him so you'll be able to get into all of this before he does. Keep records of receipts, texts/emails, get friends/family to write affidavits if they've been witness to the abuse and you should be fine. I wish you all the best chick, you and Sam deserve a life of happiness and I really hope you get it soon
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Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 7:55pm
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Thank you everyone for your kind words of support, it really means a lot to me.
In regards to the legal stuff, I 'know' it's what I need to do, but I am somewhat apprehensive as his dad is a court registrar, his gran used to be the president of plunket nz and his whole family think I am absolutely NUTS and crazy and a liar because that is what he has told them. I'm not really sure how to approach it because I know if I went down a legal path he would do absolutely anything he can to stick it to me right where it hurts - Sam. He would take it as a personal insult and rally his whole family in support who will make sure he comes out on top. |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 8:35pm
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Renee! first big big hugs to you and your boy.
Document document document. talk to anyone and everyone who hs seen him at his worst and get them to sign afidavits. Next I would decide if you want him (or his family) to have contact with Sam. Is he a good dad? could he be trusted? Ringwoman's refuge - if only for advice. 9/10 kids stay with mums - sometimes that sucks for the dad, but not in the case. |
Posted By: Spirals
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 9:26pm
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I don't have much to add - it's already been said. But I didn't want to read and run. Jsut want to send you a big hug, and congratulate on your bravery in speaking out.
You've done the best thing in removing yourself and your little boy from that environment and making the decision not to go back to it. He may have the support of his whole family - but you have witnesses to his behaviour. No matter what he's told his family about you - none of them have actually witnessed you acting that way. Liek others have said, you need to get this documented ASAP. A woman's refuge, a counseller, doctor, anyone in a profession who can listen to you and make notes without actually taking legal action would be a good start. Keep copies of what you've written on the forum as well. Stay strong - you're doing great. xx |
Posted By: Danaj
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 9:43pm
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Hey chick,
Been there, got the T shirt. You just described my ex to the letter. Getting rid of his stuff is the best idea but it's not the stuff he's interested in, it's the control it allows him. If you get rid of that, it will be something else and so on. It is bst to remove anything that gives him more control. Keep the text messages and document everything including times and dates. It's the only way the courts will help you if it comes to that. Protection orders aren't that easy to get so you need detailed info to back you up. It will be a tough road but you are making the right steps and just stay strong. Don't allow him to manipulate you. I remember looking in the mirror and telling myself that my he was right and that I was useless and not worth anything. It got to the point where I thought my family etc would be better off if I wasn't around anymore. Very scary stuff and all of it was just so he could feel like the big tough man when he was just a nasty coward. Put you and your son first. It's going to be a battle but I would go through what I did ten times over before i would go back. 7 years later i'm married, pregnant and can't believe I wasted so much time on the ex and allowed him to victimize me. These things only become clear when your out the other side. ------------- http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wyI1oWn/"> 
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Posted By: Bubbaloo
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 10:11pm
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Renee everyone has pretty much said what I was going to say just wanted to let know I am thinking of you. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  Was danni-chick Mum to James My Angel 28/07/08 |
Posted By: Chickaboo
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 11:08pm
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Renee - alot of what you said could of been me and My Ex.... But I KNEW it was abuse I just took a while to get out - for good.
A protection order is so that he can't just turn up when he feels like it - I still have one in place 8 years later for my ex (although we changed it to a code of conduct so he could see child) Get sole custody - legally of Sam. Just having looked after him all his life doesn't gve you that full custody... Legal things aside they are the easy part - its the emotional thats not.. I wished i had taken the courts up (my ex assualted me and my DH) on the councilling but I wanted to sweep it under the carpet so to speak to get over it. As for relationship for Sams sake- I tried that and it was what kept me going back seeing him getting abuse even after i had moved on. He eventually moved away without a word to me nor his child and its the best thing he could of done. Sam will work out himself what a loser dad he has (how sad that sounds) My advise is never speak ill of Sam's dad in front of him - although its the truth it will effect SAm. I have never talked bad to 'child' about dad and what he did etc.... 'child' worked out itself.. Huge Hugs - cause its not easy...
On an up note - there is a light at the end of the tunnel - I am now very happy married to the best Husband (although he has his times LOL) who loves 'child' like his own and we have RHylz together.... PM me if you want to talk more to someone whose been there done that (unfortuanatley) ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
876 |
Posted By: Chickaboo
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 11:12pm
Alot of the time they use the kid a a way to get to you - once they know they cant they stop. No lawyer would give him Sam -he moved to Oz and left sam here ------etc... So don't let that scare you.... but talk to a lawyer about it and voice your concerns. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
876 |
neeandsam wrote:Posted By: WestiesGirl
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 11:14pm
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Well done for sharing your story hun
My sister was in a similar situation about 5 years ago. I agree with what everyone else has said, you definitely need to make a clean break from him, leave while you can. People around you will support you. Documentation is also really important. Keep everything!! In regards to legal advice you MUST get it!! Sorry to sound harsh but, who cares who is family is and what they might do, it isnt going to affect them, they are not going to be on the front page of the newspaper. You need to protect you and Sam! Its about you and Sam not them. My thoughts are with you hun. Your doing a great job ------------- Our Angel July 08  Gone but not forgotten
And to complete our family, our princess has arrived 
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 28 November 2008 at 11:28am
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Hugs hun I have nothing more to add just that going to womens refuge (or even checking out the website) is a good idea. They can point you in the right direction in regards to all that legal stuff.
xxxx |
Posted By: sweetpea
Date Posted: 28 November 2008 at 12:31pm
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Thanks for sharing your story you are a strong women to admit that something is wrong now its time to do what is right for both you and your wee boy. I agrre with what all the other ladies have said already. get rid of his stuff, talk to courts etc. Keep his txt messages if you don't want to recieve them anymore contact your service provider and get his number blocked.
Also know that you have alot of support out there in more places than you think. |
Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 26 June 2009 at 10:05am
| I just wanted to bump this for any body out there who wants to read and feels like they need some support. |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 26 June 2009 at 1:16pm
| So how are you doing now Renee? Your pregnant again, are you still with the same guy? |
Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 26 June 2009 at 1:29pm
Happy to say that I am doing really well. Sam and I are totally out of the situation. His father still rears his ugly head from time to time, but because he is living in Australia, there isn't much he can do really. I have a new partner who is absolutely wonderful and supportive and will never ever in a million years hurt me or let me be hurt again. And he is the father of the baby I am pregnant with now. I am so glad I got out of the abusive relationship and stopped the cycle, god only knows where I would be right now if I had stayed with him. |
Posted By: ange221
Date Posted: 26 June 2009 at 1:55pm
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I'm glad you're with someone nice now. There is hope.
You ex sounded so much like my DS's father. I'll never forget being driven round on Xmas eve being yelled at and having water thrown at me if I wasn't paying attention to what he was saying and then being dumped on my friends doorstep at midnight with no purse or phone. Lucky my friend were so understanding. I left my ex when I was ten weeks pregnant with DS and have never looked back. I am now with someone wonderful too and have another beautiful baby. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 26 June 2009 at 2:04pm
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Wow! Glad to hear another success story, and I'm so glad you got out of the situation too.
Your story reminds me of the time I was dumped on my own doorstep after staying at his place (at a time we weren't living together but he still had 100% control over me) and ALL of the baby food, nappies, wipes, bottles were at his place. He dumped me and the baby off with no way to change him or feed him, and i had a gastro bug at the time, all because I wanted to go to the mall and when I got there I kept having to run to the toilets to throw up and it annoyed him. Makes you really really wake up and see what real love is when you find it. 
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Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 21 August 2014 at 12:27pm
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I've just found this again. I am the original poster, I guess my username will come up when I post this. Just to update. The dad in this story, hooked up with the step-sister in this story and tried to get full custody of my son, on a without notice basis through a judge. They failed, he abused her, the police were involved, and I subsequently won full custody. He disappeared from my son's life in November 2013 without a word, and left my son miserable and confused and hurt. I know they both in the past have read these forums to try and dig up dirt on me So, if you're reading this *waves* See this here > < This is how many f**ks I give. SHAME ON YOU BOTH. And also, GOOD JOB, and HAHA. I hope it was worth it, completely ruining my seven year old's world. Luckily that sweet little boy has me eh? As he always has done. That's right, he's seven now. I hope you felt like a piece of sh*t on his birthday when you failed to contact him, and he was devastated. Same with Christmas. By the way, I'm waiting, and I'm armed. Not with weapons, but with myself. The real, strong, confident, amazing 30 year old woman that you threw into a pit of hell. Guess what, I crawled out of that pit and I'm stronger that the pair of you combined. |