same sex mummies to be
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41644
Printed Date: 27 April 2024 at 3:18pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: same sex mummies to be
Posted By: toes_crossed
Subject: same sex mummies to be
Date Posted: 26 February 2012 at 9:27pm
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WELCOME!
This group is for all the mummie's to be (pregnant or planning) who are in same-sex relationships. I've just had a wonderful experience on the Due October 2012 forum having nervously identified myself as a gay mum-to-be. They welcomed me so warmly and had funny and awesome things to say. Two other same-sex couple ladies dropped in to say hello and this is how this group was "born" - pun intended :) Use this group to ask and answer any questions, suggest gay-friendly midwives and share your experiences :) We're due October 28th after a 2nd IUI through FA. First scan March 14th! Toes_crossed it sticks.. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: koromiko
Date Posted: 26 February 2012 at 9:48pm
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Hiya,
Thanks for starting this, I looked around when I joined to see if there was a page like this but there didn't seem to be. I'm due in July 2012 and this will be our first child. A friend has helped as out as the donor, we tried DIY but ended up needing to go through FA for practical reasons. We've wanted to be parents for ages and we're so excited that it's finally happening! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  
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Posted By: koromiko
Date Posted: 26 February 2012 at 9:53pm
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Toes_crossed, did you know there is a playgroup in Wellington for "diverse families including same-sex parents and donor families of any flavour"? I'm really looking forward to finally being able to join! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: toes_crossed
Date Posted: 26 February 2012 at 10:03pm
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Hiya,
Congratulations on your baby bump! Did you do IUI? What cycle did you get lucky on? We found an awesome donor through FA and I'm due October 2012 after a 2nd IUI. Excited to hear about this play group. Do you know what it's called or where it is? It's only early days for us, only 5 weeks and counting daily! Also our first. How did you find your midwife? I'm just starting to look now at midwives and which hospital to use. There is so much to consider and so many decision to make it's almost overwhelming... ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Pepi-bebe
Date Posted: 26 February 2012 at 10:22pm
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Yippee! Us too :-)
Hi koromiko, funny I never clicked about you either, I'd been lurking in the July thread a little as I was due in May (but MC), so had been looking in the other threads around that date. I'd never seen any other 'out' mummies to be, so thought I must be the only one on here. I joined an Aussie forum that has a GLBT thread, but hardly anyone used it. I've also found heaps of amazing blogs online of lesbian mums, some great ones in Aus & heaps in the US. I can list some if you ladies are interested. We are currently 10wks tomorrow, and have had a pretty high success rate with getting BFP's so far. Our first go with DIY at home insemination we got a BFP on our first attempt (totally amazing as we only insem 2x in one day as our donor was due to donate at FA for us, so he had to have 2 days break before donating there - and had only just arrived into the country the poor guy!) He's my lovely wife's brother, and from the Caribbean. (yep we gonna have a gorgeous baby!) After I miscarried we started trying again immediately as he was due to leave the country. 1st attempt was only 14 days after the MC so too soon, tried again the next month, then lucky the 3rd time, just 2 mths, 1 week after the MC. And a week before our baby daddy had to fly home! We found out it was successful when he'd arrived home. We are so happy and are blessed not just with our own excitement and happiness about this, but also that of our families and friends. We got married 3 weeks ago today & I was so thrilled to be pregnant again as we'd planned the whole wedding around me being 6.5mths hapu. It was awesome announcing to the people that didn't know that I was pregnant again! We've got supportive people all around us. But that said....I've been hungry to have other women who know what we are going through to share this journey with. Who can understand the looks you get, the assumptions everyone makes, knowing you will have to come out to all and sundry once you have kids as your relationship is so much more exposed etc! So yay for finding you two and I hope there's more gay mummies or daddies to come and join us!!! -------------   Oct 11 & Mar 12
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Posted By: Pepi-bebe
Date Posted: 26 February 2012 at 10:47pm
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PS this topic has had 47 views in just over 1 hr since being published (late on a Sunday night)! Talk about a hot topic ;-) ------------- Oct 11 & Mar 12
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Posted By: Lulu 30
Date Posted: 27 February 2012 at 10:29am
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Hi!!! So exciting to see you guys I have been in the due in March 2012 thread with an awesome group of ladies that welcomed me and we have had some good laughs. Our baby was due March 1st but I actually had to have a c section on Tuesday because he was transverse with excess fluid. Hope you don't mind me joining you even though I've had my bubba already?
We went through three rounds of IVF with clinic recruited donor for this little boy. He was the fifth embryo implantation. We did IVF because I carried my wife's baby. She has a misshapen uterus and wasn't keen on carrying a child at all plus has a very physical job. So we made the crazy decision to put ourselves through two years of IVF, but yay we finally have our little man!!! It's so hard to believe we finally made it. Looking forward to sharing experiences with you all. The familiar questions of what does your husband do? Yah dah yah dah, good times. I'm in Palmerston North BTW. ------------- 
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Posted By: koromiko
Date Posted: 27 February 2012 at 10:32am
Toes_crossed we tried DIY first with my partner for a while, and then tried with me, we ended up having to go through FA for practical reasons and so did IUI and that worked first go - thank goodness as I found it horrible and quite traumatic. It took ages and was really painful for me  We also found FA quite frustrating to deal with.
Did you go with a donor who was on their books already, or advertise for one? The playgroup is called Pride and Joy, I think they meet in Newtown once a week. We just asked everyone we knew for midwife recommendations. As I had a flatmate who lost her baby during the birth, I have to admit I was asking for recommendations for midwifes who were very experienced and would keep us safe, rather than asking for queer friendly people. I don't know if our midwife has had any same-sex couples before but it doesn't seem to be an issue at all so we're happy. Pepi-babe, congrats on your wedding, and so great you could be pregnant again for it... and that you were able to go ahead with it at that early stage! We had a celebration last year which we planned around a gap in trying to get pregnant. So glad we did as I felt so sick until 18 weeks, I wouldn't have had such an amazing day if I'd been pregnant! Do you two know any other same-sex parents offline? We're lucky that we have some friends with kids and another couple who are pregnant at the moment. I bet there would be some kind of group in Auckland as well, there must be lots of rainbow families up there. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: koromiko
Date Posted: 27 February 2012 at 10:40am
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Pepi-babe, I'd be interested in the blogs. I have been following http://theothermother.typepad.com/ for years. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: koromiko
Date Posted: 27 February 2012 at 10:46am
Congrats Lulu 30 and welcome! Wow, what an amazing decision to share the babymaking like that! Hope things are going well with your little one  ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: toes_crossed
Date Posted: 27 February 2012 at 11:25am
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Hey girls,
Welcome Lulu!! Off course you're more than welcome to join here with your little man :) We can definitely learn some things from you! Hope you're recovering well from your C section. Did you guys use FA? Is there one in Palmerston North? What a wonderful experience to carry your wife's baby! Congratulations!! How is he doing? Pepi-bebe, wow that's amazing what you guys went through. And how perfect being preggies on your wedding day and getting through all of this :) I guess all of us go through such an emotional and expensive roller coaster, each of us has such an interesting story to tell about the journey to motherhood and it definitely doesn't stop there. Like you say Pepi, once we have the children, there is another whole new world bringing them up in a same-sex relationship and having to explain and correct everyone ALL the time when they ask about the "daddy"...hmm life certainly will be challenging but wonderful :) Koromiko I agree with the midwife thing - it's more important to have an experienced one and hope she is ok with the gay thing - most people are. Like you, we tried the DIY with a personal donor first. He didn't want to do the home thing so we went through a clinic - Fertility Plus. After 6 months of tests and lots of money to get him there we went to the final mandatory counselling session. Initially we were reluctant as we though "we're all good we communicate well" and OMG so glad we did it! During the last session new things came up which we didn't expect - like the donor actually wanting a relationship with the child and the child calling him "daddy" and their children being "siblings", we so didn't expect that as we thought we had plenty of conversations about the donor situation!! It's not what we wanted at all! So sadly but luckily we withdrew from the whole thing :( We then went through FA and were initially told the wait was around 2 years and went on their donor wait list. We did also find them very frustrating at first. We started out in Auckland and found Reception and Specialists to be quite frosty. But we were lucky to get to the top of the donor wait list after a year and had 3 to choose from - unbelievably the first profile we read was EVERYTHING we had been wanting. He sounded like such a fantastic guy and the Donor Coordinator was just wonderful!! So we moved to Wellington for work reasons and started our cycles. We had a major incident with one very discriminating and inappropriate specialist in Wellington who was an absolute shocker! So we changed to another one and the staff said they totally understood (sounded like they know he does this) the new one was ok. In saying that we found the reception staff and nurses just wonderful. We got lucky on the 2nd IUI. It's very early days...and today I'm a little concerned as my symptoms have slowed down, not getting as much MS or cramps...? Next blood test this Thursday. Because we're new to Wellington we don't know anyone. It would be great to get to know some other female couples who are starting, or have started a family. Excited about the play group! Also, thanks girls for the blogs :) ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Pepi-bebe
Date Posted: 27 February 2012 at 1:32pm
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Kia ora koutou,
Welcome Lulu, great to have someone who's ahead of us all! How amazing to have been able to do that for your wife, we considered it, but decided to use my partners brother instead - as our way of combining the gene pool. They are really close and so it just seemed simple that way. What are people doing about their names? I am legally changing my name to have a hyphenated surname, then the bubbas and my wife will have the same surname and it will be part of mine as well. I've had married, and unmarried, straight friends say that if they didn't have the same surname as their kids (eg the kids took their dad's surname), then they had huge issues when the kids needed to be rushed to emergency rooms etc - as you have no way to prove you are their parent with a different surname - unless you carry their birth certificate around. Also - anyone sussed out what the baby will call them? We figure the baby will probably decide for them selves to some extent, but will probably start with Mummy and Mama, then if they stick with that we can be Mum and Ma once they get older and want a more grown up version. I heard a cute story where a kid called one mother Mummy and as they always heard that Mum call the other mother Babe, the baby started calling her Babe lol. Cute eh? Our donor will be the baby/s daddy, but as he lives in the Caribbean it means they will know who he is and that they have a daddy, but they wont see him often and he will play an Uncle role even if he did eventually move here. He totally sees what he has done as a gift and that he is just helping out his sister. For me being part Maori it was very important that our baby knows who their whanau is, so an anonymous dodnor wasn't an option for us - which made it hard!! Blogs I read are... Aussie: gayfourthandmultiply.blogspot.com rosiesgrowingsnowpeas.blogspot.com USA: http://breakingintoblossom.wordpress.com/ loveinventsus.blogspot.com roleplayingwithkids.blogspot.com (This woman is hilarious!) Plus this one has some good articles: http://itsconceivablenow.com/ Alright - that should be enough pleasurab;e time wasting to keep you all busy!! I'm thinking of starting a blog too...but can't think of a cool enough name lol. ------------- Oct 11 & Mar 12
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Posted By: toes_crossed
Date Posted: 28 February 2012 at 5:46am
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haha Pepi :)
Thanks for the Blogs, looking forward to your one too, when you think of a cool name! We think the baby will start calling us mama N and mama k but then will find their own one. As for last name. We tried having the same last name and decided we didn;t like that tradition. Since I'm having the bubs we decided kids will have my last name and her family's middle name (which everyone in the family has). Pity though as my last name is loong! Poor kid... but hyphenating it would just be cruel. Totally makes sense Pepi what you decided with your donor, your culture certainly supports that. Unfortunately our personal donor and his wife were very controlling and we were worried that he would try and influence how we bring up our child which to us wasn't accaptable. Our FA anonymous donor sounded very kind and loving with his family and said he would be fine with the child contacting him if that's what the child wanted. And we want that too for our child. He also said he could provide photos of him and his family...so everything we wanted really. We already have friends who are a straight couple and had to use a donor. They have awesome books for children and wonderful ways of bringing the donor topic into the child's life...we would never want to keep it a secret. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: koromiko
Date Posted: 28 February 2012 at 9:12am
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Toes_crossed I have an old friend N, with a partner K, they have been trying to have a baby, I just had to go look on facebook and check they are still in Auckland, which they seem to be so guess you're not that N - lol!
We have picked a third name which we both have a connection to. Our names really don't work double barreled. We have friends who just picked a name they liked which wasn't in either of their families. Their son is a teenager now and I don't think they've had problems with it. No idea what our child will call us, we haven't worked that out. I've always called my parents by their names, and I like that, but my partner calls hers mum and dad. We were really hoping to find a known donor, someone who will be known to our child, and we feel so lucky that our friend has helped us out in this way. Words can't really express...! On the weekend someone gave us a book that they'd found useful when the baby arrived. My partner started reading it and felt quite upset because every other page had a "mum" section and a "dad" section. We have the NZ Pregnancy Book which is good though, I think it usually refers to partners, and it has a picture of some friends of ours who are a same-sex couple with their son. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Pepi-bebe
Date Posted: 28 February 2012 at 9:40am
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Toes-crossed, that sounds great about your donor's willingness to be contacted and the photos etc - pretty neat for a donor through a clinic.
Koromiko - it's amazing the connection you feel with your donor for giving you that gift eh? Indescribable. I have certainly struggled with trying to find the right donor, in my previous relationship we also decided to have a child (it's always been a non-negotiable for me). A former boss of mine, who I was good friends with volunteered, but after signing a contract and trying 2x my partner freaked out so we waited a year, then decided we were ready and then the donors wife had changed her mind. So we spent another year looking for someone else. I found it so frustrating how men will accidentally 'knock-up' women without seeming to think twice, but if you ask them for their sperm in a concious way - with no strings attached apart from that the baby will know who they are, even when you are an awesome couple (we had a successful business, good incomes, had been together 5 years etc), they freak out about it lol. Then finally the next year the donor and his wife and us renegotiated and agreed to try again...but then my partner of 5.5 years freaked out again about the whole thing and we broke up! So it's been a long journey for me, as we tried about 4-5 times with that donor, and I guess the universe just knew it was not a good idea lol. Especially since this time round it happened first try! With regards to books - I've had 'The Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy & Birth' - Toevs & Brill, for years & it was really useful for the DIY insemination stuff. But I find it's mostly for the planning stage. I think they have it at Unity Books in Wellington. I'm a big book reader so read all sorts - but try and avoid stuff that just sets out to worry you lol. I'm also investigating Hypnobirthing and the book by Marie Mongan is great - incredible philosophies on how labour pain is closely linked to fear and tension making your muscles tense and therefore more painful to give birth. It uses self (and partner assisted) hypnosis to help you to relax your mind and most importantly your muscles. I love that throughout the book it uses partner or birthing companion and not husband, man etc. It's espcially good in the hypnosis dialogues or I reckon I would keep getting pissed off with it saying husband and I'd snap out of the hypnosis lol. Check out http://aucklandhypnobirthing.co.nz/ for some awesome inspiration! Have a great day...my MS seems to be getting a lot better and I'm looking forward to lunch with my bestie today...if you wanna see my wedding pics I'll PM you 3 a link to her blog (she's a photographer). ------------- Oct 11 & Mar 12
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Posted By: MammieB
Date Posted: 28 February 2012 at 4:31pm
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**lurker**
Hi ladies - I just wanted to say "You are all ROCK stars" and all your babies will be blessed and lucky to have two mummies that love them so much! You ladies are truly inspirational and anyone would be lucky to have role models like you in their lives. Good luck on this amazing new journey/adventure and all the best in the "baking" of your babas.  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://daisypath.com"> 
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Posted By: toes_crossed
Date Posted: 01 March 2012 at 9:46am
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MammieB - THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I teared up.. Could also be the hormones ;)So lovely to have such gorgeous, kind people around. All the best with your family!
Pepi - awesome! Thanks for the tips on the book. Migh pop into Unity Books and have a browse... I totally agree with you on the topic of men and their sperm. When we were trying to find a donor we found most men freaked out and couldn't even genuinely respond to say yes or no, and these were people we thought we knew well. One offered himself when he found out we were looking - a guy I knew quite well from a previous work/course. So we wrote the whole email to him and his wife telling them we would cover all costs, all visits, abide by their wishes and ensure everyone is happy, sign contracts to ensure they don't have to worry about child-support etc. It was a well balanced kind email giving them the option to say no if they felt uncomfortable with going ahead and that we would understand - he didn't even reply!! Then he took me off his facebook page! We felt so embarrassed!! This guy has like 10 kids to 3 different partners and used to talk about how he used to spread his seed everywhere. I was so disgusted at his cowardliness, to not even reply and say no thank you - maybe he thought he would get hanky panki with two chicks...?? ugh... Even though our anonymous donor is someone we don't know well, he sounded like the most genuine, nicest, kind guy who was doing this because him and his wife wanted to give a gift back to someone. We thought that would be the best and most positive way to bring our child into this world, with kindness and love so they know the person they are connected genetically to is kind and loving to his family as well as strangers. Haha Koroko we're N and K - except I'm the K :) Who knows what our children will call us...we'll leave it to them! Ok so 2nd blood test this morning, eagerly awaiting results as no real MS and boobs aren't as sore?? Trying to stay positive, thank goodness DW is keeping me positive, giving me all kinds of mantras to say in my head. Otherwise I would be freaking out right now..so impatient. FX Tx that all is ok.. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: koromiko
Date Posted: 01 March 2012 at 5:04pm
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toes_crossed, I hope your blood test results are good. Oh, I remember those anxious waits!
Your donor does sound nice. I think it's great that they're not completely anonymous these days. It was really funny, because we ended up having to go through the clinic they still sent us out the "non-identifying information" form that he'd had to fill out. We did learn about a couple of hobbies we didn't know he had... but it was a bit weird that he still had to do that even though he was our friend. Did I mention I found the FA process pretty frustrating? Oh yeah. MammieB, thanks for your kind message. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Pepi-bebe
Date Posted: 02 March 2012 at 9:33am
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MammieB - That's so sweet. you rock too!
ToesX - your donor offer guy sounds so weird. Maybe he had an 'alternative' (well for us ladies), style of insemination in mind and hadn't discussed it with his wife. So when you emailed maybe all hell broke loose lol. I kind of hope so a little bit if he was being sleazy ;-) Koromiko - yeah the same with Doria's brother. In fact they gave it to him to bring home and fill in, and his handwriting is truly attrocious, so he dictated to me and I wrote it out lol. It was actually really sweet doing it with him, and hearing why he was motivated to help us out, as he's usually a guy of few words. What I found weird was how FA got my wife to have blood tests, when she wasn't going to be the one donating?! We htought maybe it was to check she didn't have Hep or HIV etc and pass it to me? Did you ladies have that too? FA in Auckland were really sweet, we had Dr Mary Birdsall and she was just lovely. She actually got excited when she realised that D's brother was our donor and that therefore the baby would most likely have african ethnicity hair. She kind of made a 'squee' sound and pretended to rub her face in the imaginary baby's imaginary hair. I thought it was adorable! D couldn't work out what all the fuss was about, but I'm definitely looking forward to zillions of teeny dark curls. Our poor donor had an embarassing time at the clinic though, he was fresh of the plane from the Caribbean and not used to being the only black guy around, so he got lots of stares (as does my wife lol). But it was magnified 100 times at the clinic! He was like "argh everyone knows what I'm here for and they are all staring". I told him I reckoned it was just that the staff would see hardly any black guys and they were probably not thinking about the 'donating' process as much as "what beautiful babies he'll make". I don't think I convinced him though! Any other funny clinic stories? ------------- Oct 11 & Mar 12
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Posted By: Pepi-bebe
Date Posted: 02 March 2012 at 9:38am
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Ohhhh and - we are off to see our midwife this afternoon at 3.30pm to listen for the baby's heartbeat. This is our big moment since we are probably not having scans.
Excited and nervous, but am pretty sure that htis time is going well. Last time I had mild spotting on and off from about 5 or 6 weeks, but none this time! Plus my accupuntcurist said on Weds that my pulses are really good and that I still have the 'slippery' pulse of pregnancy :-) ToesX - hope your results come back just perfect. ------------- Oct 11 & Mar 12
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Posted By: toes_crossed
Date Posted: 02 March 2012 at 1:43pm
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Hi girls,
Well bloods came back great - HCG was 134585! and P4 was 77, which is supposed to be nice and high :) So relieved now at least for a week till next bloods. It made such a difference so now I'll start looking for a MW...phew On my other forum all the women are already talking about types of nappies, carriers, hangers....OMG it's so overwhelming as I'm just trying to get through each day and thinking about MW's. How are you girls doing with the whole planning for the baby thing? When I start to think about what we need to choose such as birthing options, birthing place, how maternity/parental leave works and what happens after that I get dizzy...it's so much to think about!! I wish there was a whole checklist of things you need to do and buy and a little book/diary you can enter things into - I might make one in the little spare time I have between crazy shift work and trying to sleep... do I sound a bit overwhelmed...just a little! Good luck pepi for your baby's heart beat!! So is that not a scan you're having? Any reason why you;re not having scans? So funny about your donor...but I totally agree everyone would be just thinking how cute and how cute those little babies/baby will be all dark and curly! So nice that the FA doctor was so nice. Unfortunately without trying to sound like a "man hater" as I'm not...the female doctors I have dealt with are just so much more compassionate than the males who seem to have no bedside manner and no emotions. Koromiko I still find some of the stuff FA do very frustrating but trying so hard not to bring negative energy around this wonderful miracle we're trying to bring to this world. Unfortunately even after the first major incident with that FA "specialist" where we said we DO NOT want to ever see him again they booked me with him AGAIN for a scan! This is the 3rd time so I had to call AGAIN and remind them. They easily book you with someone else and promise to change the notes...but I'm expecting this to happen again..hmmm. Oh pepi yeah we both did blood tests etc but that's because we initially both wanted to know who's more or less fertile, just in case. Lulu - are you still here? How are you coping with the new bubba?? Any stories on how you started planning these things? What have you guys decided on in terms of working / staying at home? ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: JPP
Date Posted: 02 March 2012 at 6:21pm
*lurker in* Lulu30 is in our group (due in March) and we LOVE her  Her wife has been nicknamed from DW to WW which stands for wonderwife as she is such an amazing person and now we call her WM for wondermum as shes so amazing at that too 
I too think that you are all inspirational to everyone trying for a child, reading what you all have to go through IVF wise, finding the right donor etc just blows my mind how strong you all are!  Good luck to you all with your bubbas and bubbas to be, can't wait to see gorgeous pics of them all ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://daisypath.com">
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Posted By: koromiko
Date Posted: 02 March 2012 at 6:28pm
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Pepi_bebe my partner had to do the HIV test too, it's ridiculous. Yeah, they did say part of it was so that if you got HIV from your partner you couldn't complain it was from the donor - but given they test the donor and have the quarantine period it's not really relevant. And the quarantine period is ridiculous too, given we'd already been trying at home, we should have just been able to sign a waiver.
Your doctor's fuss about the hair made me giggle. I'd love a curly haired baby, and when we were looking for a donor I used to eye up curly haired men. We have The New Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy and Birth (Brill) which I think is an updated version and a bit more inclusive. I have to say I haven't looked at it since getting pregnant! I hope that you got to hear a lovely heartbeat this afternoon :) Toes_crossed, yay for a great result! I probably wouldn't have thought much about nappies, carriers etc except that my partner's siblings have lots of baby stuff they don't need and want to get out of their houses so they have been dropping stuff off to us. It still feels a bit early to me! We didn't do much thinking about birthing options until an appointment with our midwife at about 18 weeks when she asked about a few things but we didn't go into much detail. Don't stress too much about it, once you do have a midwife she can guide you through a lot of it and maybe even given you a checklist or a little book! We found the nurses at FA lovely. Our specialist was Dr Hutton and we found him quite insensitive and inappropriate at times. I wanted to change but we would have had to wait for someone else and I just wanted to get on with things. I need to get around to writing a letter to give them some feedback. JPP, Thanks, good luck to you too :) Hope you all have a great weekend! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: dneyn
Date Posted: 02 March 2012 at 7:28pm
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*lurker*
Congratulating all the mummas to be! You guys are super amazing and glad you have started this wonderful journey! My cousins were part raised in a same sex environment - my Aunty and her partner. Have a happy and healthy 9 months! ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com"> 
Master 11 Master 9 Master 1 |
Posted By: Pepi-bebe
Date Posted: 04 March 2012 at 8:07pm
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Oh my goodness JPP - that is seriously lovely that you came on and wrote that - and that your due date forum ladies are so sweet about Lulu's wife. Thanks Dnyen too!
AFM - we didn't hear the heart beat but we actually both feel fine about it. The midwife said that at that stage listening with a doppler is pretty hard to pick up the heart best as your uterus is so low in your pelvis and the thickest part is where the doppler has to 'listen' through. Also ...she seemed to have a rather old skool model of doppler lol, it had really bad feedback - in fact at one point it sounded like a English hunting horn! She said my heart beat down there was really loud and that's a good sign as that means there is a lot of increased blood down there. We might try and see her again this coming Friday, or the one after, it just depends on when we can get back up to see her, as she works in the new area we are moving to North of Auckland. I'm not sure how I feel about going to listen for it this Fri as it will be the exact same day (in terms of gestation) that my miscarriage started last time. ToesX - yippee for the great bloods result :-) About the scans, we are pretty alternative in our lifestyle etc and I have done quite a bit of research into the safety of scans. There's lots of info out there if you do research, and each to their own, but we have decided to not have scans unless we have to. That said, the midwife has suggested that we may like to have one at around 38 weeks just to check for any major issues, in case having a homebirth is not the best option - eg if the baby was going to be likely to need immediate hospital care at birth. So that makes good sense to me, do the scan when the baby is as old and as grown as can be (to avoid any possible negative effects of the ultrasound), but also to be sensible about using the technology - especially as we hope to homebirth. We're not anti-technology just keen on the least amount of intervention. We know that the doppler is ultrasound as well, but not as full on as a scan and also we did it for the minimum amount of time and will only listen briefly next time to hear it, then not use it again unless needed at some point. Look forward to hearing from you all during the week. ------------- Oct 11 & Mar 12
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Posted By: AzzaNZ
Date Posted: 04 March 2012 at 9:08pm
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**lurker**
Just wanted to say how fab I think it is that you guys are "out and proud" and having babies
NZ sometimes feels really homophobic, so glad you've been welcomed warmly in your due date threads (some sanity in this crazy place!) ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
http://intermittentblogger.wordpress.com |
Posted By: toes_crossed
Date Posted: 05 March 2012 at 3:10pm
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Jpp, Dneyn and AzzaNZ - thank you so much for your warm and wonderful words, they really help on this crazy wonderful journey towards becoming mums! ..and all the best with your little bundles too:)
Koromiko, haha I think I freaked out a little - reading my last post I laughing my head off, jeez these hormones really do some strange things to our minds... With you guys being so far along though it's so great people are helping you guys out already :) Pepi, your comments about the scans were intriguing? I haven't even thought of scans being dangerous, I will do some more research - thanks. Also, hang in there, I understand this is a little scary for you being at the same time as your last MC...keep positive and confident that it will all be ok. Our thoughts are with you. I understand and feel for you as every week for me feels like another miracle. So the last few days have been interesting to say the least: nausea kicked in horribly. During a night shift at about 4am I suddenly got the worst bout of indigestion and needed to throw up BADLY, unfortunately I wasn't anywhere near a bathroom but out and about working. I had to quietly throw up around the bushes in the dark while my colleague wasn't looking, he didn't realize until I couldn't handle trying to hide it anymore saying I had to find a bathroom and throw up immediately - luckily we got there in time (sorry TMI). It hit so badly that the following day I couldn't even go to work! Luckily the guys thought it was just a virus but I feel crap for taking the day off, especially since I've had a few off already due to the IUI and scans. I realized it is going to be really hard trying to keep this quiet at work...but I really didn't want to say anything until 12 weeks :( The thing is I'm working with a new team since moving from Auckland. I work in a small town and they are all a little homophobic. Although they know I'm married to a woman the way they speak about other GLBTI is astonishing, it's like walking into the 1960's! So I know when I tell them I'm pregnant it's going to be gossip of the century...hmm. We decided for now to go week by week. The shift work and not being close to the bathroom is proving to be challenging not to mention my uniform getting really tight. Although I know the baby is only pea-sized I'm wondering whether the squashing of the stomach and wearing heavy gear will affect the baby in any way?? Does anyone know much about this? Ok off to cope with the dizziness and nausea, luckily I have 6 days off now so couch and DVD's here I come! Plus finding a midwife is top of the list! Are any of you girls keeping up your fitness? Has anyone changed anything they have been doing before getting pregnant. I've been tempted to do a mini triathlon or at least wanting to go for a run but wonder if it's too intense? So far swimming has been my only form of exercise.. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: koromiko
Date Posted: 05 March 2012 at 5:00pm
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Thanks to the lurkers for your nice comments.
Hope everyone has been having a good week. I am really enjoying feeling lots of kicks and nudges, it's so exciting! Toes_crossed and Lulu30 do you ever have times when you forget the baby isn't biologically related to your partner? I sometimes do, like I have moments when I'm worrying about our child inheriting a risk from both sides, then realise it's not going to get any genes from my partner! And everyone, have people you've told about being pregnant been interested in your donor? I thought we'd get way more questions, but a lot of people don't ask anything. A couple of people have been surprised to find out he is straight, and some people are interested in how involved he'll be. Pepi-babe, I remember being told at about 14 weeks that we might not hear the heartbeat because it was still early, so I'm sure it's not unusual at your stage. I hope you get to hear it next time! Toes_crossed oh you poor thing, 6 weeks is when the nausea kicked in for me. I found it was worst if I was tired, so hopefully your time off will help. Your job sounds quite full-on! I don't think tight or heavy clothing can hurt the baby when it's so tiny - it's very well protected. But not great if you're uncomfortable. I've been trying to keep up the fitness. I used to mostly bike, but find it harder work now and the thought of biking up our steep hill at the end puts me off, so I am mostly biking or swimming. And I have started going to an Active Mums to Be class which is fun. I thought I might do a mini tri or something but between the tiredness and nausea it wasn't going to happen! Hope you're all enjoying the calm after the storm. Lovely weather here in Welly. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: toes_crossed
Date Posted: 07 March 2012 at 9:02pm
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Koromiko that's so exciting feeling the kicks!! Yay for you :)
I've actually enjoyed the crazy Wellington weather as it's great for sleeping after night shift..being selfish I know! Starting to get very lucid dreams in between a bit of insomnia. Really need to get out to the pool and do some exercise to get the body physically more tired rather than just sick. I agree - I totally forget the baby is not genetically linked to DW and always make comments on how the baby will look like both of us..haha. My mum used to say that when you're pregnant the baby will look like the person you stare at the most. So planning on staring at my DW lots..haha We have found not many people ask after we say we got a clinic donor, although not too many know yet. We are planning on showing the full donor profile to my DW's parents when we get it as they are just awesome and will be fantastic grandparents. Wish mine were still around, it's quite sad knowing my mum is not going to experience the joys of being a nanna :( But DW's mum is amazing..she lost her mum just before her 2nd child was born and knows what it's like not to have your mum there - she is doing an amazing job being carefully supportive and loving. How are you girls finding your families and DW/P's parents with all of this? Koromiko biking would be really hard, especially paddling up the hill! I'm having to sell my motorbike now. I really thought I would last longer but the dizziness and bloated tummy on a sports bike is not a good mix..boo. Pepi - so what scans and what types are you planning on having? Hope all is going well... Have a great mid week girls! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Pepi-bebe
Date Posted: 07 March 2012 at 9:26pm
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Hi there all.
My stupid iPhone wont let me comment (grrrr), even though I'm logged in. Actually I think it's stupid ohbaby, not my phone. And it's the same on google chrome. So I have to go on Internet Explorer to comment. I wish they could sort out the glitches, it seems to happen regularly to lots of people. Been a quiet few days, I guess as I'm nearly 12 weeks my symptoms are properly disappearing, but it's challenging for me as we get close to the gestation date I lost our last pepi at. I really wouldn't mind some nausea or extreme fatigue this week lol. My accupuncturist reassured me today all is well with my pulses, but man, I'm looking forward to getting to about week 13! I feel like everything is fine, but then last time I felt emotionally the same (well did have spotting all throughout but thought that was normal). ToesX, scans wise I am hoping to only need the one our midwife suggested at around 36-38 weeks - to check for anything that would neccessitate delivering in hospital rather than at home. Plus one more go with the doppler to hear babies heart rate. We aren't going to be up North on a Friday till we move now, so won't get to do it till around the end of the month - unless we make a special trip. With regards to our donor - all our friends and family know who he is - I did feel sorry for the poor bastard arriving into the country with a lot of people knowing what part of his 'holiday' involved lol. I've been reading a book on gay parenting, and some of the parents were of the attitude that it's best for your kids if you come out about your situation really openly, so they don't have to face 'coming out' for you. I totally agree with that perspective. So I'm getting my practise in by just straight up saying that my partner is a woman and our donor is her brother (in most situations but not all do I reveal who he is). I figure I should be proud of the situation, so our kids feel that it's all sweet and nothing to hide. I have to start exercising again! Up to the week before the wedding we were walking for about an hour each morning (and sometimes up the local volcano), and also doing 20-30+ mins of pilates. But that has taken a big slide since my awful MS...but I have to start again. I've never been big on exercise, so have to force myself. ToesX - I'm intrigued by what you do...I'm wondering if it's police or fire work? Thinking uniform and night shift - particulary with those big chunks of work then days off...? Well, I'm off to stick more stuff on TradeMe, I've been doing it for hours as we are trying to sell lots of stuff before we move house...from a 3 bedroom bungalow with a lounge, dining & sun room, garage and basement...into a 1 bedroom cottage! Eeeeek. Stay well & Pomarie. ------------- Oct 11 & Mar 12
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Posted By: Pepi-bebe
Date Posted: 10 March 2012 at 5:03pm
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Hi everyone,
Sadly I'm writing with bad news. We are losing our precious baby.
I had a small amount of pink / red blood at 10am yesterday morning, and freaked out as it was the exact same day of gestation (11w, 5d) as my last MC started. I rung my former MW as my wife was about to see her for accupuncture and asked if she could listen for baby's heartbeat (as it was a week since my new midwife, who is 1 hour's drive away, had listened for the heartbeat). She agreed but we didn't hear it, she said that was still normal, but to go to the hospital and request an emergency scan. We really thought it over, as we didn't want to have scans, but decided to do it. Went to Akld Hosp, and had a bunch of lovely doctors who did an examination and said my cervix was all good, defintely still closed, but with some surface cells that had bled. But we still decided to go ahead with the US, just to really set our minds at rest, we nearly didn't as I felt happy with the news about my cervix and the reason for the slight bleed. Had the scan at 4pm and was gently told that our baby had died at approximately 8 weeks, just the same stage as last time. I'm still numb and in shock I think. We are being booked into the clinic next Tues if I don't miscarry naturally over the weekend. I am NOT keen on using Misoprostol (I've read such horror stories about the pain of the contractions and nausea, vomiting, diaroeha etc) or having a D&C (as Maori I want to take the baby & palcenta to bury it and they've told me it will likely be 'macerated tissue' which is just abhorrent to me - sorry for TMI). So I have been to get some heavy duty herbs that bring on MC (and that I used last time to clear everything out), and have had full on accupuncture this morning - was very ouchy as she kept 'stimulating' the needles, and apologising. I'm really hoping that all works, I could feel slight cramps in my cervix area when I had the needles in, but I've had no blood yet. This is just an awful waiting game now. I can't believe it's happening again, and on the exact same dates as in October. Just don't know what to do. As you probably remember, our donor lives in the Caribbean and we spent all of our money bringing him to NZ last time - so we are totally broke. So the thought that we have no other attempt anywhere in the foreseeable future just really compounds the awfulness of our situation. ------------- Oct 11 & Mar 12
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Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 10 March 2012 at 6:59pm
| Hugs Pepi- saw your post in the Oct thread, and was wondering about your donor and what will happen next for you and your DW. So sorry you are going through this again. |
Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 11 March 2012 at 9:59am
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This is probably a stupid question but can you get your donor to donate in the Carribean and put it on a plane on ice..or am I just being silly? It would probably cost as much anyway huh... ------------- 
Oct 11
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Posted By: toes_crossed
Date Posted: 12 March 2012 at 9:27am
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Oh Pepi!!!
I'm so so sorry to hear this awful and sad news! Lots of hugs to you and your DW! Wishing you lots of love and peace at this sad time. I hope you get through this ok and are able to try again sometime soon... ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: koromiko
Date Posted: 12 March 2012 at 11:01am
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Oh Pepi-Babe, I am so so sorry to hear your news. You and your partner must be devastated. This weekend must have been so tough for you, but I really hope the herbs and acupuncture have worked so you don’t have to go through another procedure.
Your donor made some donations at the clinic as well, is that right? I know that is not a cheap option but must be a bit cheaper than bringing him over from the Caribbean? I know that’s not a great comfort if you can’t afford it now, but at least the sperm is there for when you can access it. I hope that you and your partner are surrounded by all the aroha and support that you need right now. And I hope that the memory of your recent celebration of your love for each other will help to strengthen you in this painful time. I hope you have the time and space to do whatever you need to do to mark this loss and deal with your grief. We’ll be thinking of you and sending love your way. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Pepi-bebe
Date Posted: 12 March 2012 at 2:49pm
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Thanks ladies for your sweet words.
The miscarriage bleeding has started more properly this morning which is actually good as it means we aren't in the awful limbo of the weekend just waiting for things to start. It seems I hopefully will be able to do it naturally. Koromiko, no sadly we can't use the clinic donations - his sperm wouldn't survivie the freeze thaw tests, so our only option would be to do IVF with ICSI - and at a minimum of $18K a go, excluding drugs - that's just not even the slightest option for us. I just keep being grateful for my wife who is just awesome, and hope that we can sort out getting her brother back here to try again - but man that is going to be challenging mentally - believing that I could carry to term. ------------- Oct 11 & Mar 12
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Posted By: Pepi-bebe
Date Posted: 12 March 2012 at 2:51pm
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PS - So nutella - the same reason as above as to why we couldn't have it shipped from the Caribbean - plus there are no fertility clinics where they are from.
------------- Oct 11 & Mar 12
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Posted By: koromiko
Date Posted: 12 March 2012 at 7:10pm
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Oh no, that's extra devastating :( I hope that possibilities open up for you somehow... but in the meantime wishing you strength and courage to get through this xx ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 12 March 2012 at 7:47pm
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Oh that sucks, so sorry to hear that. Do you qualify to be funded at any stage. And if not, then maybe it is time the law changed.... -------------
Oct 11
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Posted By: toes_crossed
Date Posted: 13 March 2012 at 12:01pm
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Pepi - I know it's not an option you have said you wanted to consider before. But although anonymous, we found a wonderful donor though the waitlist at FA. It was much cheaper than your options (only $140 for banking and $2,100 per IUI cycle where you get 20 samples).
To me at the end of the day I am having my wive's and my baby, not the donor's - he is simply someone who has given us a wonderful gift as nature has it's rules and unfortunately needs a male sperm to make a baby. Genetics are not important to us - I lost contact with my birth father when I was a little girl and remembering the horrible man he was to my mother I would never want to see him again - my mum did a wonderful job and my character was built by the experiences and people around me not by my genetics. We only waited around 6 months on the Auckland list after being with 2 other clinics on their waitlists for over a year. I hope you guys can find a way to make this work and hopefully find a family donor as per your wish. However I do recommend FA as a last resort... Hope both of you are doing ok and healing calmly... ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: koromiko
Date Posted: 13 March 2012 at 4:26pm
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Toes_Crossed just saw you're past 7 weeks, you must have had a scan or be having one soon, since I think that's FA standard. Best wishes for that, I hope you see a beautiful wee heartbeat.
Pepi-babe, still holding you in our thoughts. xx ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: toes_crossed
Date Posted: 13 March 2012 at 4:35pm
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Hey Koromiko :)
We had our scan yesterday and saw a little heart beat. The little trooper is at the right size and date confirmed on 28th October. We were sooo excited especially because that morning I read so many sad stories of Pepi and 2 other girls miscarrying and I thought I had some spotting so cried all the way to FA... Thanks goodness DW is so wonderful and knows just what to say! so so relieved and decided I love scans and blood tests as they at least put me at ease. Just found our OB and first visit in 2 weeks. How are you doing?? Pepi - thinking of you.. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: koromiko
Date Posted: 14 March 2012 at 12:13pm
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toes_crossed that's great news! Yay. Yeah, I have felt hugely relieved after the scans. The 7 week one because a friend had a missed miscarriage just before we went for the scan, and I just hated the idea of keeping on hoping when it had already ended. And the 20 week one because there was a medication I couldn't come off, which has a very small risk of some birth defects, so I would have worried up until the birth otherwise. Great you've found a LMC too.
I'm doing really well (even with the leg cramps, bleeding gums, dizziness, pelvic pain and all the other fun stuff that has replaced the nausea now)! I've just been having a look at some list of books for kids in rainbow families. Might have to get a couple. We're going to write one for our baby as well, and maybe give a copy to our nieces and nephew as well. Just before we got married last year our then 3-year-old nephew suddenly said to me in the car one day "two ladies can't get married". No idea where he got that from, certainly not from his parents! I think we cleared that up So far I haven't heard any questions from the kids about our baby having two mums... but I still think it would be cool for them to have a book with two mummies in it.
Anyway, here's one of the books. http://www.childcareexchange.com/library/5016302.pdf I want to get this one too, it's about all different kinds of families. http://www.fishpond.co.nz/Books/Family-Book-Todd-Parr/9780316070409 Hugs to Pepi-babe, hope you have made it through without intervention and can begin the healing journey. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Pepi-bebe
Date Posted: 14 March 2012 at 6:53pm
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Hi everyone,
This is a bit of a cut and paste as I've been writing variations of the same stuff by email and facebook and text for days now! I'm doing okay, the bleeding started on Monday and I had some pretty sore pain in the night Mon/Tues, then passed the baby at 6am on Tuesday. I'm still bleeding, but it was only heavy for the first half day. So I think I'm doing okay. I didn't use any pain relief, apart from a hot water bottle, but had started to learn some of the techniques for hypno birthing, so used the breathing exercises in the night and when I passed the baby, to calm down and not feel the pain too much. I had ibuprofen here, but last time the baby passed with no warning and no pain till afterwards, so I kind of felt bad about that - like the I'd just let the baby slip away. So this time I didn't want to dull the experience with pain relief unless it got really bad. Maybe a bit mental, but I think it helped me to grieve better, to feel like it was some hard work to let go of the baby. And I feel pleased with my body for doing it naturally, at least it didn't let me down in that way. I don't know if you'll know what I mean, but that's how my mind is delaing with it so far. I still feel really numb, whereas last time it was such a shock that I felt like the pregnancy and my dreams were just ripped away. I guess finding out the baby had died on Friday, then not actually passing till Tuesday gave me time to get my head around it more. I'm normally a total waterworks, I cry at the drop of a hat, (especially when full of pregnancy hormones), but weirdly I've barely cried this time. I'm a bit scared maybe it will hit me in one minute and I'll be on the floor wailing...I guess I'll just have to wait and see. I'm not sleeping well though, haven't been to bed before 1.30am and last night it was 4am. I had a lovely quote from my midwife who wrote: 'Your pain is the cracking of the seed that contains your larger self.' Plus we've had huge support from our friends and family who are as shocked as us about this. For me it's so important to try and have the baby with my wife's brother if we can, especially as I have been pregnant in that way twice. I think I'd feel different if we had just tried with him but I hadn't conceived 2 babies. But now I know what it feels like to carry children that are biologically linked to her. It's a spiritual thing for us rather than DNA and kind of hard to explain. But if it wont work through finances, or lack of visa, or I miscarry again, then we will have to look at other options. For now we'll just focus on getting me healed and fertile again over the next few months, try and save some money and see how we go. He's said he'll come back as soon as we can bring him, so at least that is good to hear. I'll keep checking in here as I'm excited to see how you girls go with your babies! Plus I'll want to keep you updated with our journey too. xx ------------- Oct 11 & Mar 12
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Posted By: toes_crossed
Date Posted: 15 March 2012 at 2:11pm
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Thanks for sharing your sad journey with us Pepi. Wishing you and your wife much love and healing! Glad you're sticking around :) ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: little red hen
Date Posted: 20 March 2012 at 6:16pm
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whoops! wrong thread I think! ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: koromiko
Date Posted: 24 March 2012 at 3:49pm
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Hi all,
How's everyone going? I'm pretty good, but really tired. Have found out my iron levels are low, so I'm starting to take a supplement. I got a couple of books out from Wellington public library, one of them is called the Complete Lesbian and Gay Parenting Guide. I think there were a couple of copies of that one, it's quite useful, though some of it is not so relevant as it's from the USA. Also got out Confessions of the Other Mother: Non-biological Lesbian Moms Tell All, but haven't had much of a chance to look at that as my partner has been reading it! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: toes_crossed
Date Posted: 26 March 2012 at 12:23pm
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Hey Koromiko :)
The books sound interesting? Thanks :) We're having our 1st OB visit today and hoping for another peek at the little grape...very excited and a little nervous.. Told work a week ago which was a great relief as work was getting pretty scary and demanding - lots of drunken violent people (I'm a frontline cop). So I have another week to go then holidays and light duties - yay! We started going to baby shops and looking around, but October seems so far away so not going too far with the shopping. You don't have much more to go - are you guys all ready with baby room, nappies etc? Pepi - are you still around? How are you guys going? ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Pepi-bebe
Date Posted: 26 March 2012 at 7:30pm
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Hi toes-crossed,
Yep I'm still around. OB is a terrible addiction when you are grieving for a baby, but then again, it's nice as people all know I've lost my baby so the support is lovely. I'm visiting the miscarriage forums a bit, and still lurking on the Oct forum sometimes as you are all such a lovely bunch, and funny! The British lady with the small boy (is it LRH?) just cracks me up!! "My Daddy needs MASSIVE, MASSIVE undies" LMAO! Last time round I lurked on my due date for a while, till I got pregnant again, it's like a pleasure/pain thing I suppose. Plus I look at the TTC forums as I 'know' quite a few of the ladies in there, and it's so nice when someone conceives. I 'met' another lesbian on OB who is TTC, so have directed her here :-) I decided to 'come out' about the MC on fb too, I felt like I wasn't acknowedging my babies and my grief by keeping it a secret, so did that just before. Very cathartic. Plus I feel really strongly that if we can cope with it, then we should be vocal about MC, it feels sometimes like an embarassing secret and I am not heppy feeling like that. Toes - you are lucky to be in Wgtn with Baby Star - ohhh I love that shop. The last time I tried to get hapu our donor was in Wgtn and I used to do some contract work in Newtown in Adelaide Rd, so would go drool over the expensive cots etc in there. I love that oval one, Danish I think it is and exceedingly expensive. Keep in touch...and if you ladies are on fb and want to keep in touch that way, I'd like it as I guess I'll fade off OB for a bit in a while. PM me if you do want to become fb buddies. ------------- Oct 11 & Mar 12
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Posted By: koromiko
Date Posted: 29 March 2012 at 10:03am
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I'm soooo tired after contact courses up at Massey last week and 3 days this week. So happy to be home now!
toes_crossed great that you're going to be off front line duties. Are you having extra holidays or just Easter? Pepi-babe, I would love to keep in touch, I'll PM you. I think you're very brave, sharing your grief on facebook. I'm really in favour of people being open about painful experiences, if they can, it can make it so much easier for others going through the same thing, if people before them have talked about it. I've certainly found that with issues like being queer, and having a mental illness, so I can imagine it being the same with miscarriage. It's another thing that isn't always talked about openly, but is something that a lot of people have to cope with. Still it takes a lot of courage to be open. Take care xx ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: toes_crossed
Date Posted: 29 March 2012 at 8:24pm
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Pepi I concur with koromiko - you're so very brave to share your pain and experiences and there should be more like you. I think it's not only so helpful for others but I believe letting it out wholly helps with the healing..
It's good that you are getting support in the MC forums too. Hope they are helping. I was hoping more preggy lesbian partners would be on here but I guess we're still a "minority"..just the 3 of us is still great and the support out there is lovely. I'm struggling with finding more than just Babycity and Baby factory which are very disappointing here in Wellingon, the other shops sound devine but I doubt our budget would allow for it. Especially if I'm thinking of taking some time off after birth to look after bubs and study? aaah..one can only dream! But then again as long as bubs is fed and loved etc. that's all they care about. Would never ever dress our little trooper in Trelise Cooper even if I could afford it! I'll PM you right now Re: facebook :) Koromiko - have added you on FB. I'm taking 2 weeks holidays starting Easter. We're going back to Auckland to catch up with friends and some sanity. I can't wait! It's so lonely here without friends...so 1 week to go and counting. Have a great evening and see you on FB! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Pepi-bebe
Date Posted: 08 June 2012 at 6:15pm
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Wow girls, where'd you all go?! I reckon this thread needs bumped up so any new to ohbaby same-sex mumma's (or gay papa's) can see there's a few of us out there on ohbaby.
We are not yet back to TTC, but if you look in the Planning Pregnancy forums you can see my updates re my thyroid and possible cause of our MC's. Hope you are all going well with mummy-hood and impending mummy-hood. PB :-) ------------- Oct 11 & Mar 12
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Posted By: koromiko
Date Posted: 09 June 2012 at 10:18pm
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Hi Pepi-bebe, thanks for popping in. I've been thinking about you heaps and so glad to hear you have some answers.
Toes_crossed I hope things are going well for you, I've popped into the October thread a couple of times and haven't seen any posts from you... hopefully you're just busy or have moved into a facebook group or something! Lulu30 I hope you're having fun with your wee one... who must be getting pretty big by now! And I hope there are some other rainbow families out there who might join us. I've been really busy so haven't been on here much. Trying to finish off my fieldwork placement, and I've been sick for a while too. Otherwise things are going pretty well, baby is growing at the right rate and is finally head down so that is a relief. Not long to go now! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Inspired_Jurny
Date Posted: 05 September 2012 at 12:51pm
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Hi other Mummies,
Finally found ya's. My partner and I welcomed into the world our 1st child a beautiful wee girl, Hazel Grace born 6 August 2012 8lb 3oz 15 days past due date (eek) After being on the wait list for nearly 2 years at Wellington fertility assoc I decided to start the search for a donor myself and we found the most amazing person. Donor will remain unknown and we have a contract that would be similar to that a clinic would use. Its worked out amazingly for us, we are so blessed. Our daughter has changed our lives at 4 weeks old just can't imagine not having her. I think its fantastic that so many gay couples are having families I think its super exciting and we are just so pleased we went for it! Nik & Chelle |
Posted By: Pepi-bebe
Date Posted: 10 September 2012 at 8:51am
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Hey Nik & Chelle :-) Congrats on your new arrival! Glad you found us! It seems like there's no one else on the same journey in ohbaby till you find this thread. Not that it's very active. Koromiko had her baby girl about 2 months ago I guess, I haven't seen toes crossed again online, but then again I haven't been on here that much since our 2nd MC. I've been working hard out to try and figure out what's going on and have an incredible fertility naturopath who is helping me, so we are hoping to bring my wife's brother back to NZ in late Oct (NZ immigration willing), so can't wait to try again! It's been a long time to wait but I think my body should be better now and ie finally stopped feeling the losses so keenly. All the best with your wee girl, and feel free to PM me or write back on here. Melissa ------------- Oct 11 & Mar 12
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Posted By: brittneyb2109
Date Posted: 01 October 2012 at 10:36pm
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Hi there... I'm looking for a gay friendly midwife... Any suggestions?? I'm in Auckland! |
Posted By: Pepi-bebe
Date Posted: 05 October 2012 at 2:03pm
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Hi brittney, I was using Carly Frances at Motherwell, but she only takes on 2 clients for each month and generally only clients who are into natural birthing methods. If that sounds like your thing you could google her as she has a website as she's an accupuncturist too. I rang a few other midwives and my wife and I met with another midwife who was totally fine with us being a couple. I just mentioned it in the initial call and judged their first reaction. My second midwife (who was in warkworth) was also fine with it. I guess you are newly pregnant? Congratulations!!! How far along are you? If you want to share...did you use a clinic or DIY? But no worries if you'd rather keep it to yourself! After two miscarriages we've had a 6mth wait and our donor (my wife's brother) has just arrived into the country from the Caribbean :-) so we start DIY method of TTC in late October. Yippee! ------------- Oct 11 & Mar 12
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Posted By: koromiko
Date Posted: 12 October 2012 at 6:46pm
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Hi Hey Nik & Chelle and brittneyb2109, I haven't been on here much since our daughter arrived in July. Nik and Chelle, do you know about the Pride and Joy playgroup in Wellington? Even if your baby is a bit young to be playing with others it is still a nice way to meet other families. It's on Tuesday afternoons at Newtown Kindergarten and they have events on Saturdays sometimes. Brittney, these are the midwives I've heard recommended: Caroline Muir from Arrival Midwifery (clinic at Birthcare); Midwives 4 You (South Auckland); Papakura maternity clinic. There is a Rainbow Families NZ facebook group which is a great way to share info. I was wondering about starting a new topic on here for Rainbow Families so it might be a bit easier for others to find if they already have children or are dads or whatever. Not sure which forum to put it in though! We are loving being mums. Our little one is very smiley now and loves burbling away to people - so cute. We have the other half of her genetic family here at the moment and we are still trying to work out the language around that relationship. "Donor" doesn't seem quite right now she is here and doesn't cover the fact that his family have a connection to her as well. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Inspired_Jurny
Date Posted: 30 October 2012 at 1:58pm
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Hi folks, Thanks for the messages, things are very busy in baby land. Hazel is 3 months old now WOW can't believe how fast time is going. She is just Perfect, you can go to OH baby webite and vote her for on the 1st November :o) http://www.ohbaby.co.nz/community/baby-of-the-day/future-competition?id=1099 Koro we are no longer in wellington we now live in North Canterbury and have been very well accepted by our antinatal group and Plunket group which has been really neat. Not in touch with any other rainbow families but thats ok for now. Hope you are all well xxx |
Posted By: brittneyb2109
Date Posted: 06 December 2012 at 4:19pm
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Hi Pepi-bebe and koromiko, Thank you for replying to my message. I've been a bit flustered and frustrated, so I haven't been back on this message board. Too bad there aren't many more active same-sex mummies (or mummies to be) on this forum... I live in the Mount Wellington area of Auckland. I've been using a community midwife I got allocated to from National Women's... I was just going to go with that, but my partner and I decided we still want to find our own independent midwife. They says it's never too late, apparently. Still looking for a LGTB-friendly one. I got a list of midwives in the Mt Wellington region, but haven't started calling yet because I don't know what to say. I'm planning on delivering at Auckland Hospital, due to where myself and my partner's family will be most near during the time close to my due date. So, just for some other "about me" stuffs... I'm 24 weeks pregnant, due March 27th 2013. My partner and I have been together for just about 5.5 years now. Interestingly(and much to everyone's suprise) this pregancy was unplanned. Now, how do two lesbians get pregnant on accident? Well, we had a rough patch for a couple weeks, I went to America to visit family when we broke up, drunk and self-loathing, one night of trying to feel better about myself around an old ex-boyfriend who got made fun of for "turning me gay"... etc. You get the picture. Came back, partner and I realized we were silly, worked everything out, were honest about the whole situation... and then a few weeks later... bam, we found out I was pregnant. Lucky for me, my partner has been baby hungry for the past 3 years and has just been waiting for me to be ready for us to consider starting a family. Although it was maybe two years prior to what I was aiming for, I feel everything must happen for a reason and we are really happy and excited for this baby. Her family and all our friends in NZ are supporting us through this. Sorry if that was too much... venting every once in a while feels good. Thanks again |
Posted By: 2mums can't wait
Date Posted: 08 December 2012 at 8:14pm
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Hey, I posted this in another thread but just thought I'd share hear too. DW and I started our conception journey Dec 2011 when we first went to FA. We were not given the green light to start until 2 Oct 2012, as I had to have a laparoscopy (found nothing, tubes clear) and it took about 8 months to be at the top of the donor list. Thankfully it was a short wait to our first CD1. I started on 25 Climod bc of history of long/irregular cycles. I was completely gutted when after 3 blood tests the nurse told me I was not ovulating. Next CD1 was 8 Nov 2012, with an increase to 50 Clomid. Again 3 bloods and no movement, i begged for another test on the basis my cycles are so long. They let me but still nothing. Next day they decided to just start Clomid straight away at 100. First blood test Mon 26 November, awesome result, my estrogen had risen! Scan showed two follicles, good sizes apparently. Blood tests tues, weds, thurs. each day was torture waiting for the afternoon phonecall. Finally 2.10pm thurs nurse told me I needed trigger injection. Triggered midnight thurs for IUI midday today. I have no idea how I am going to make it to 21 Dec (BT day) when I'm so impatient waiting to ovulate was like torture. I'm scared the trigger didn't work and we just wasted our money. I'm scared bc DW has AF and I don't want the hormones to rub off on me before the potential implantation. Hope there's some more of us out there and it's going we'll with the baby making |
Posted By: Pepi-bebe
Date Posted: 11 December 2012 at 9:38am
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Welcome brittney & 2mums! Well I think I'm the sole one hanging around regularly still since this thread was started. Although the others may pop I from time to time. They've all had their babies now. Sadly my wife and I had two miscarriages and so are TTC again now. Our donor is her brother who is back again from the Caribbean on a 'working holiday' ;-) He gets a 5 month holiday in exchange for a few minutes 'work' a few times a month! My wife and I have been together just on 4.5 years and got married in Feb when I was 7 weeks pregnant with our second baby. We were based in Auckland till April when we moved about 1hr North of Auckland. I'm from here (Northland is where I grew up), and she's from the Caribbean by way of London. We used and are continuing to use DIY style home insemination. Fingers crossed it works soon! You can read our back story on here I think if you read back through this thread. There isn't much action on here, although I'm happy to chat if you want to (as you'll see from my lengthy previous posts!). Otherwise request to join the private 'rainbow families NZ' group on Facebook as it's quite active. Hope to 'see you around' :-) ------------- Oct 11 & Mar 12
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Posted By: P&G
Date Posted: 15 April 2013 at 11:16am
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Hi all - first child for us together, both 32, due nov 2013 very exciting! 9 weeks now and still hard to Believe. We were lucky with a donor and first go a Success! We aren't telling anyone immediate until We are at the 12 week stage which is hard to keep Quiet at this point :) glad to see other same sex mommies To be. We will be looking for Auckland groups to attend With baby once here, anyone know of any? |
Posted By: 2mums can't wait
Date Posted: 06 June 2013 at 9:04pm
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Just thought I'd bump this thread in case there are any new SS mummies to be out there. Congrats P&G. I know there is a play centre type group one day a week in mt Eden. We are planning to check it out when we have bubs. Update for us: our third IUI was successful and currently 5w4d. Time is going super slowly now! ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/411a4f http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: amk11
Date Posted: 06 June 2013 at 9:13pm
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Great to see this thread, my DW and I are expecting our first child on our 4th round of IVF. Hard to be other mother but very excited. We were hoping to do IUI with donor super but at our first FA appointment they discovered I had a large ovarian tumour. Luckily it was benign but I lost left ovary and Fallopian tube, so we qualified for public IVF. Round 1 in May 2011 was a total flop, no embryos survived for transfer so got a repeat cycle in Sept with a BFN. We decided to both have AMH test and mine showed diminished ovarian reserve so for third cycle we used my DWs eggs and I got pregnant but miscarried at 7 weeks in August last year. We had a break and began again in February, I decided to take a break so my DW had IVF and is now 12.5 weeks pregnant, yah! Best of all we have a frozen embryo for me to try next year. Love reading all of your stories, helped me lots while waiting to get. We 12 weeks ------------- IVF 1- No embryos to transfer IVF 2- BFN IVF 3- BFP, miscarriage at 7 weeks IVF 4- BFP, Joshua born 15/12/2013 and one frozen embryo FET- CP IVF 5- Baby number 2 due 21/2/2017 and 1 frozen embryo ❤ |
Posted By: amk11
Date Posted: 06 June 2013 at 9:13pm
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Also congrats 2 mums, so pleased for you ------------- IVF 1- No embryos to transfer IVF 2- BFN IVF 3- BFP, miscarriage at 7 weeks IVF 4- BFP, Joshua born 15/12/2013 and one frozen embryo FET- CP IVF 5- Baby number 2 due 21/2/2017 and 1 frozen embryo ❤ |
Posted By: Pepi-bebe
Date Posted: 07 June 2013 at 8:28am
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Congrats AMK11, sounds like you had a long hard journey like we've been having. I get pregnant (doing home insemination) 2 X out of 4 attempts back in 2011/early 2012 but miscarried both at 12 weeks. Seems that it was thyroid issues for me causing it. Since then we've tried 7 more cycles but had no joy. It really sucks. Our donor is my wife's brother and he lives in the Caribbean so we have visa and financial restraints on bringing him here to try. So we are I limbo right now trying to work out why to do next. He is a bit of an anomaly in that his sperm doesn't survive freezing well enough, so can't be used for IUI, only IVF with ICSI, and I don't think the thyroid issues qualify us for funded IVF. ------------- Oct 11 & Mar 12
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Posted By: amk11
Date Posted: 07 June 2013 at 9:03am
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Thanks pepi-bebe, we had to pay for last round which was tough but my DW got a bonus which paid most of it luckily. We did ICSI too, just to give us a better chance of more properly fertilised embryos. In some ways I feel lucky that we knew that IVF was our only chance because we had a clear plan. Might be worth talking to one of then fertility clinics about getting scored for IVF even with thyroid issues as you have been trying for over 12 months (or attempts). Then you could plan for when your brother in law comes back. Probably a personal question but would you consider another donor? ------------- IVF 1- No embryos to transfer IVF 2- BFN IVF 3- BFP, miscarriage at 7 weeks IVF 4- BFP, Joshua born 15/12/2013 and one frozen embryo FET- CP IVF 5- Baby number 2 due 21/2/2017 and 1 frozen embryo ❤ |
Posted By: 2mums can't wait
Date Posted: 08 June 2013 at 1:48pm
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Hi AMK. Sounds like you have been through a lot. I don't know if I could be that strong. Where abouts are you based?? We are in Auckland. Pepi-Babe, did you have a midwife in Auckland at any stage? If so can you recommend them? ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/411a4f http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: amk11
Date Posted: 08 June 2013 at 2:25pm
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We are in Hamilton, best advice about your midwife is making sure she is open minder and knows that both of you are the mummies and want to be involved. Ours is great and she has an amazing 3rd year student with her so we almost get two for the price of one. I would of changed straight away if she had had a problem, we have worked so hard for this baby last things need is any judgement! I can't lie and say it has been easy but we have both always wanted children, so wanted to give it our all. Most days are good,just sometimes remember how sucky it has been to get to this point. Hope you find a great midwife |
Posted By: amk11
Date Posted: 08 June 2013 at 5:07pm
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Pepi I went back and finally read all the old posts and so totally disregard my previous comment about your donor. I completely understand where you are coming from, about your wife having that connection to your baby. I just hope thatvwhen your BIL can come back that you are blessed with a sticky bubba. I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks last year and it was horrible, so deepest sympathies that you have had two. My wife is now pregnant as I didn't feel quite ready to try again. What've a kind known donor, who is involved from a far but doesn't want to be a father figure. Want a bought some maternity clothes for DW today, as everything is getting a little tight. We had such great service at all the stores we went to (hot gossip, jeans west and egg maternity). This was a big relief, plus we put a stroller and capsule on lay buy..... Scary ------------- IVF 1- No embryos to transfer IVF 2- BFN IVF 3- BFP, miscarriage at 7 weeks IVF 4- BFP, Joshua born 15/12/2013 and one frozen embryo FET- CP IVF 5- Baby number 2 due 21/2/2017 and 1 frozen embryo ❤ |
Posted By: Pepi-bebe
Date Posted: 08 June 2013 at 9:48pm
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Thanks for reading back AMK, saves explaining it all over again :-) 2mums- we had an awesome midwife at Motherwell in Mt Eden, Carly Frances. She's a super experienced acupuncturist too, so will treat you during labour (but not during pregnancy if she's your midwife as she likes to keep the two roles separate so she isn't thinking acup during midwife appt & vice versa). However...she only accepts approx 20 patients per year. Strongly prefers natural, drug free birthing and home birth, although has links with Birthcare in Parnell and some of the hospitals for emergencies. So if those things aren't your cuppa tea she's possibly not for you. She was just perfect for us and she is super down to earth, mega experienced (about 15 yrs), and we loved her! If you google her name you will find her website. PB :-) ------------- Oct 11 & Mar 12
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Posted By: P&G
Date Posted: 08 June 2013 at 11:39pm
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Hi all! We are now 17 weeks :) saw posts on here, congrats To all of us! We have found lots of our friends are due end of Year too recently, seems lotsa December babies :) we are awaiting Next two weeks eagerly to go for scan to hopefully see a gender If bump is willing to co operate! My partners doing great, she's tired And had morning sickness but she's very excited! We will be awaiting mid November for a bundle of joy to join us And our 13 year old daughter. We have a really cruisey midwife in Auckland from mama maternity :) |
Posted By: amk11
Date Posted: 08 June 2013 at 11:56pm
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Congrats p&g to you and your partner. Exciting to find out soon about the gender ------------- IVF 1- No embryos to transfer IVF 2- BFN IVF 3- BFP, miscarriage at 7 weeks IVF 4- BFP, Joshua born 15/12/2013 and one frozen embryo FET- CP IVF 5- Baby number 2 due 21/2/2017 and 1 frozen embryo ❤ |
Posted By: amk11
Date Posted: 26 July 2013 at 7:52pm
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How are all the mummies doing? Have our scan in 3 days and be good to see a healthy baby.... So far so good, my wife is doing well. She is still working about 50 hours per week so is very tired... Encouraging her to start reducing her hours as I worry it is a bit much and her blood pressure was a little high at 16 weeks. ------------- IVF 1- No embryos to transfer IVF 2- BFN IVF 3- BFP, miscarriage at 7 weeks IVF 4- BFP, Joshua born 15/12/2013 and one frozen embryo FET- CP IVF 5- Baby number 2 due 21/2/2017 and 1 frozen embryo ❤ |
Posted By: 2mums can't wait
Date Posted: 26 July 2013 at 8:49pm
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Hey we are going good. Nearly 13 weeks now so just at the stage where we are starting to tell ppl. DW has been amazing taking care of the cleaning and cooking while I lie on the couch exhausted!! Is that your anatomy scan? Are you finding out bubs sex? ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/411a4f http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: P&G
Date Posted: 26 July 2013 at 9:00pm
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Hi all! So exciting our happy news is we have a little girl on the way! We've had the privilege to have two scans, one finding Out the gender! We are excited and now have in true fashion Many little pink things ready! All is healthy, baby is happy and Active, carrying mum g is tired going into 24th week after the weekend. Baby got to come cruising with us to Sydney for a week but no more Travelling now for mum and bump. We are beginning to see outside Movement on tummy and feel kicks in the last two weeks, what a Journey it will be for us all! Wondering if anyone else has a Facebook to Connect :) hope everyone else is healthy and happy, we forget about this Forum!! |
Posted By: amk11
Date Posted: 26 July 2013 at 9:10pm
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Yes it is our anatomy scan, will be finding out gender, happy either way. I have a slight preference for a girl, DW the opposite. Exciting p & g, great you can feel your little girl moving. My wife says bubba moves lots, I can't feel it yet but like to feel her growing belly anyway. One of our fur babies loves to lie against her tummy and purr lots, cats can hear heart beat apparently.... Baby moves when she purrs Collecting quite a collection of things and looking at decorating the nursery soon ------------- IVF 1- No embryos to transfer IVF 2- BFN IVF 3- BFP, miscarriage at 7 weeks IVF 4- BFP, Joshua born 15/12/2013 and one frozen embryo FET- CP IVF 5- Baby number 2 due 21/2/2017 and 1 frozen embryo ❤ |
Posted By: P&G
Date Posted: 26 July 2013 at 9:15pm
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:) exciting! Soon you will feel the kicks and that's a buzz! We are renting so babies in with us for now but we have a large Room so she will have her own "area". I thought we would have a Boy but mummy g knew was a girl. We have a set of same sex aquaintances due To have baby boy in sept and another 2 weeks behind us with a boy too! It's all a thrill buying bits and pieces! Can't wait for November we will be going To a concert in October so the baby will really hear the music :) |
Posted By: amk11
Date Posted: 26 July 2013 at 10:03pm
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My wife is sure its a boy.... We own our house so will make a nursery and paint it lemon probably. We have bought a co- sleeping bassinet that attaches to our bed and has an open side so baby will be in our room for first 5-6 months. That's neat that you have other friends having babies, we don't really but I am an early childhood teacher so have lots of people to talk to about babies and all my colleagues have babies ------------- IVF 1- No embryos to transfer IVF 2- BFN IVF 3- BFP, miscarriage at 7 weeks IVF 4- BFP, Joshua born 15/12/2013 and one frozen embryo FET- CP IVF 5- Baby number 2 due 21/2/2017 and 1 frozen embryo ❤ |
Posted By: amk11
Date Posted: 29 July 2013 at 6:53pm
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So our bubba is looking great and everything is normal but cord was in way so couldn't see gender at all. Sonographer didn't want to say as she really wasn't sure. May have another scan at 28 weeks as being referred to hospital but we are not worried about finding out as we don't too many unnecessary scans (had 3 already)! Hope everyone else is good ------------- IVF 1- No embryos to transfer IVF 2- BFN IVF 3- BFP, miscarriage at 7 weeks IVF 4- BFP, Joshua born 15/12/2013 and one frozen embryo FET- CP IVF 5- Baby number 2 due 21/2/2017 and 1 frozen embryo ❤ |
Posted By: 2mums can't wait
Date Posted: 06 September 2013 at 6:52pm
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Hey I hardly come on here anymore because I'm in a Facebook due in group. Great to hear everything is going well :) In nearly 19 weeks now. I've started to feel flutters but still waiting for a big strong kick so I can really know bubs is alright (man I worry a lot, guess this is only the beginning of that tho!!) Is anyone in any same sex parents Facebook or real life groups? ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/411a4f http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: amk11
Date Posted: 07 September 2013 at 3:36pm
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Hi 2mums, Things are good in our world. Wife is almost 26 weeks and we have got the nursery mostly sorted and got nappies, lots of clothes, buggy and car seat. I have felt baby move since about 20 weeks, lots of clear movements and kicks now We are members of December 2013 Facebook page related to on baby and rainbow families. December page is great and lots of discussions and people have been very accepting of us. Rainbow families is a great group of families, just a bit quiet. I can add you if you are not on it already. Exciting about almost being at 20 weeks. Are you having a scan? ------------- IVF 1- No embryos to transfer IVF 2- BFN IVF 3- BFP, miscarriage at 7 weeks IVF 4- BFP, Joshua born 15/12/2013 and one frozen embryo FET- CP IVF 5- Baby number 2 due 21/2/2017 and 1 frozen embryo ❤ |
Posted By: 2mums can't wait
Date Posted: 07 September 2013 at 6:47pm
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And yes our scan is on 18September. I'm counting the days to see bubs again lol. My wife cried the first time! ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/411a4f http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: amk11
Date Posted: 07 September 2013 at 7:23pm
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I have added you as a friend, then can add you to group once we a friends. We are having another scan in 3 weeks, so might find out gender then ------------- IVF 1- No embryos to transfer IVF 2- BFN IVF 3- BFP, miscarriage at 7 weeks IVF 4- BFP, Joshua born 15/12/2013 and one frozen embryo FET- CP IVF 5- Baby number 2 due 21/2/2017 and 1 frozen embryo ❤ |
Posted By: bluey_york
Date Posted: 03 May 2014 at 11:00pm
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Hi there everyone – I’ve really enjoyed reading back through all the supportive posts on this forum. My friend who is a midwife sent me the link to this, however it looks like I may have missed the boat with you guys not being so active on it anymore.. (I see the last post was last year). I really need an outlet at the moment, so I’ll just write this and put myself and our story out there anyway. My partner and I of six years have been planning a family for the last year now. We’re getting there – we know all good things come, but at 32 (and in the ‘orange zone’ according to my AMH test) and my partner just turning 30 and wanting to have a baby down the track too, we are getting a little edgy not having found a donor dad yet. I guess we were never really quite prepared for how difficult it would be. I remember the offers and promises from our male friends and acquaintances (admittedly after they had possibly had a wine or two ) thinking it was all good and funny to imagine at the time. At the back of our minds we thought that when the time came we would not be short on more serious offers, given our fairly wide circles. That was until the time did come! We carefully thought about and asked in total four of our male friends to be donors. One after the other after they all initially said ‘yes’ one of which even got to the clinic before they decided it was too hard/freaked out. Too many hang ups essentially. Not wanting to make awkward or jeopardise any more r’ships wih guys we already know, we’ve gone online now on sites like NZ free sperm donation (which is free but not well regulated) and also an Aussie based site called worldwide sperm donations which has a monthly subscription fee of $35 but is worth it because of the large numbers of NZ profiles and is regulated in terms of the moderator deleting profiles that aren’t active and policing weirdos. We’ve had a bit of interest from some men but finding a guy in Auckland who is willing to go via our clinic, (Fertility Plus), and do the mandatory counselling session and the 4-5 donating sessions there has been hard. Even when we offer to pay all expenses! We’re on the waitlist at the clinic but would preferably like to meet our donor dad face to face and for them to be willing to be known as donor dad to our bubbas as they grow. So we search on.. hoping to meet a kind and willing man who can take the time to do this for us. Its really encouraging to see so many of you on this forum have done this! Our fertility councellor suggested advertising for a donor through a gay magazine that she had heard about (she’s not particularly knowledgeable about gay issues/things in Auckland – which is a slight problem in itself).. I have no idea what magazine she thinks she knows about. I’ve only seen those dodgey street mags you pick up from family bar with all the pics of gay boys getting trashed and advertisements for sex toys throughout. Haha! Would be awesome if any of you guys knew. Anyways thanks for reading! Hope to hear from someone (if anyone’s out there ) x |
Posted By: P&G
Date Posted: 03 May 2014 at 11:16pm
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Hiya! Keep the faith Miracles do happen! We are in Auckland Were lucky enough to find a donor We now. . . Have a happy healthy almost 5 month old daughter Who is our pride and joy And we were 31 and 32 so hang in there!! - did you want the donor to have involvement Or not at all is my question? |
Posted By: P&G
Date Posted: 03 May 2014 at 11:19pm
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I've just noticed perhaps there is also a group elsewhere Now sorry been out of touch! Hope all the mummies Have happy healthy babies :)) we are so pleased to be Parents have a really fun time raising a daughter who is Sitting unsupported now, about to start tasting solids, chatters Away, is just beautiful! And full of life to wake up to every morn |
Posted By: bluey_york
Date Posted: 04 May 2014 at 12:00am
| Hi and wow P&G– thanks for the encouragement and congrats on your bubs!! That’s fantastic - Yes - ideally – in a perfect world our donor would be involved in an distant ‘uncle’ type capacity. We don’t want to co-parent so much but are open to negotiation on specifics. We at the very least would want him to be open to allowing contact if bubs wanted. XX thanks again – we are doing our best to keep the faith . |
Posted By: bluey_york
Date Posted: 04 May 2014 at 12:13am
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P&G - any clue what the other group might be under? C |
Posted By: P&G
Date Posted: 04 May 2014 at 7:24am
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Hiya - no idea! Just reading back people were talking About another group - maybe on Facebook ? Yes def and at same time we have a set of same sex Couples two weeks before us have a boy and 3 months Before us have a boy too! Seen quite a few success stories For sure in this modern age :) we decided on an uninvolved Donor but I do know a gay man for many years that was looking To have some involvement with baby exactly as you describe an Uncle capacity so didn't know if you'd like me to pass on details He's pretty easy going etc so can't imagine he'd have a problem with Testing, counselling etc as part of the process, happy to ask if he is still Looking to do this - also based in Auckland! |
Posted By: Pepi-bebe
Date Posted: 07 August 2014 at 12:42pm
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Hi, I'm back and wondering if there are any other same-sex couples / singles TTC at present? It kind of sucks that I'm probably the only one that has been TTC for 3 years now! Let me know if there is anyone else out there! PB ------------- Oct 11 & Mar 12
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Posted By: amk11
Date Posted: 07 August 2014 at 12:45pm
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Hi pepe, Best of luck to you, have everything crossed for you and your wife. Our wee man is 8 months old now and we have just moved back to Wellington from Hamilton. Might think about no 2 next year as we have a frozen embryo ------------- IVF 1- No embryos to transfer IVF 2- BFN IVF 3- BFP, miscarriage at 7 weeks IVF 4- BFP, Joshua born 15/12/2013 and one frozen embryo FET- CP IVF 5- Baby number 2 due 21/2/2017 and 1 frozen embryo ❤ |
Posted By: amk11
Date Posted: 07 August 2014 at 12:50pm
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Other ladies are you on rainbow families on Facebook. Can be quiet but I has a good group of members ------------- IVF 1- No embryos to transfer IVF 2- BFN IVF 3- BFP, miscarriage at 7 weeks IVF 4- BFP, Joshua born 15/12/2013 and one frozen embryo FET- CP IVF 5- Baby number 2 due 21/2/2017 and 1 frozen embryo ❤ |
Posted By: P&G
Date Posted: 07 August 2014 at 12:53pm
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Hiya PB I Get really lost In this forum but that's us too - attempting next month. Have you had many attempts yet TTC? We are a same sex couple with 14yr old DD and 8 months old DD in Auckland :) my partner wants me to give It a go but all the females in my family have not much luck where as her side Conceive easily! |
Posted By: amk11
Date Posted: 07 August 2014 at 1:06pm
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Good luck p&g, its a hard one to decide who will have the baby. I really wanted to but my eggs are rubbish so it didn't work, 3 failed rounds of IVF, wife got pregnant first round! Might try with her frozen embryo ------------- IVF 1- No embryos to transfer IVF 2- BFN IVF 3- BFP, miscarriage at 7 weeks IVF 4- BFP, Joshua born 15/12/2013 and one frozen embryo FET- CP IVF 5- Baby number 2 due 21/2/2017 and 1 frozen embryo ❤ |
Posted By: Pepi-bebe
Date Posted: 15 August 2014 at 11:42pm
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Hi P&G, Long story - but we've had 12 attempts, got pregnant doing at home insemination (with my wife's brother as my donor), but lost both at 12 weeks. Then we couldn't get him back to NZ (he lives in the Caribbean) for 6 mths, then tried for 7 months and couldn't conceive, then he went home again and it's been 16mths of not being able to try (his sperm wouldn't thaw - didn't like the cold - so we couldn't use a clinic!) We tried two other known donors, had them both go through the donor recruitment process, one backed out the week we were due to start trying (got back with his ex who didn't wnt him to do it), the other pulled out after 3 months as well. I worked out the other day that even without ever getting to an actual IUI or IVF, we've spent around $30k now... :-( So we've ended up finding an anonymous donor (which I never wnated, but after 3 years of waiting and I'm now 37 and 38 in April, well we just had to start). It's been hard and we start IUI with Repromed in Auckland in about 9 days - so fingers crossed I get hapu and get a take home live one this time! Did you guys do IUI for the 8mth old? Known donor or anonymous? What will you do this time around? PS - wow you are keen TTC with one 8mth old already - and a 14 year old lol! PPS - My wife wont be trying unless I definitely can't carry.
------------- Oct 11 & Mar 12
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Posted By: amk11
Date Posted: 16 August 2014 at 10:17pm
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Good luck, not long now ------------- IVF 1- No embryos to transfer IVF 2- BFN IVF 3- BFP, miscarriage at 7 weeks IVF 4- BFP, Joshua born 15/12/2013 and one frozen embryo FET- CP IVF 5- Baby number 2 due 21/2/2017 and 1 frozen embryo ❤ |
Posted By: koromiko
Date Posted: 12 November 2014 at 12:15am
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Fun to find out this page is still (occasionally) active. My partner is pregnant this time, super exciting as we tried for a while with her before me as well. I'm in the Rainbow Families facebook group. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: P&G
Date Posted: 12 November 2014 at 9:57am
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That's exciting! Congratulations!! When is she due? How old is your other child We are also pregnant - my partner is carrying again :) We are due Mid June 2015 so will have an 18 month Gap between our two hopefully they will get along lol |