Toilet Training Guide
Ask any parent of a toddler what the two scariest words in the
English language are, and you're likely to hear them say: Toilet
Training! Even the thought of it can strike fear into the most
confident of parents, and with so many myths, theories and ideas
out there, it's no surprise - it can be hard to even know WHEN to
start, let alone WHERE to start! We've put together some simple Q
and A to help you navigate the toilet training stage.
When will my child be ready?
You've probably heard your grandmother, or maybe even your mother,
talking about how "in her day" children were toilet trained before
their first birthday. Experts now agree that forcing children out
of nappies too early can cause problems later on with regression,
bedwetting and other psychological issues. It's far better to wait
until your child shows signs of readiness, this will reduce the
amount of time you spend teaching your child to use the toilet, not
to mention reduce the number of messy accidents! Children are not
able to control their bladder function until a nerve connection is
made between the bladder and the brain, and this can happen any
time from around 18-months of age until three years of age. Some
experts believe girls make the connection slightly earlier and
therefore are often out of nappies earlier, but it really does
depend on the individual child.
What are the signs that my child is ready?
Your child's awareness of the toileting process develops
gradually over time, and the first sign that he or she is starting
to become aware is when he or she is able to acknowledge that they
have a wet nappy. The next step is for them to be able to identify
that they ARE wetting, and finally, as they near readiness for
toilet training, they are able to recognize the need to wet before
it actually occurs.
Once your child is aware of how his or her body is working, look
for the physical signs of readiness. My Plunket nurse told me that
I would know when my daughter was ready to toilet train as she'd
take off her own pants and nappy and climb up onto the toilet. I
was skeptical, but sure enough, a few weeks later she did exactly
that. To enable your child to toilet train successfully, he or she
must be able to take his or her own pants off with relative ease,
and it helps if he or she is able to climb onto either a toilet or
potty unassisted. Many parents choose to toilet train over the
warmer summer months when their child is wearing fewer layers of
clothing to make it easier for him or her to undress.
Where do I start?
A good place to start is by talking to your child about the toilet
training process using language that he or she will understand. Let
him or her watch you, or older siblings, using the toilet, and
explain that this is what he or she will be learning to do now that
he or she is a "big kid". If you are using a potty, explain what it
is for.
Initially, begin by placing him or her on the potty or toilet at
various times throughout the day, in particular before nap times,
before going out and before meal times. Don't expect him or her to
perform on cue, but if he or she does wee/poo in the potty or
toilet, give plenty of praise and encouragement.
Later, begin looking for signs that your child might need to go to
the toilet. These may include restlessness, holding on to their
private parts and jiggling from foot to foot. When you observe
these signs, ask your child if he or she needs to use the toilet or
potty and then help him or her to do so. Again, when your child
does wee/poo in the potty or toilet, give plenty of praise and
encouragement.
Potty or toilet?
This is purely personal choice. Some parents prefer to
use potties as they are easier for children to get on and off on
their own, and they can seem less daunting for a small child.
Others prefer to avoid having to clean the potty and go straight
for the toilet. If you do choose to skip the potty stage, it might
help to invest in a step to help your child get on and off the
toilet, and a special toddler insert for the toilet seat to help
him or her sit correctly.
What about accidents?
Accidents are bound to happen; they're a part of the process!
Waiting until your child is showing signs of readiness can reduce
the number of accidents he or she might have. When he/she does have
an accident, try not to show frustration or anger, rather tell him
or her that it is okay, accidents happen. Remain encouraging - if
you become discouraged, so will he or she. If you are worried about
accidents whilst you are out and about, you might consider using
training pants for these times.
Undies or training pants?
Again, this is purely personal choice. Some parents prefer to go
straight from nappies to normal underwear, whilst others prefer an
intermediate step such as disposable, or cloth, training pants.
Training pants do make the mess easier to clean up in the event of
an accident, but they can impair the child's sense of when he or
she is wet which some experts believe extends the toilet training
process.
What toilet training aids do I need?
You don't necessarily NEED any toilet training aids, but here are
some that other parents have found useful:
*A doll/toy who wets - this can help your child to understand the
process of wetting. When my daughter was toilet training we found
an incredibly annoying Potty Elmo who used the potty and sang
little toilet training songs. Much as it grated on my nerves, it
worked wonders and Potty Elmo has now done the rounds of her
friends as well!
*A step - useful to help your child get on and off the toilet.
There are special, purpose designed steps available from nursery
goods retailers, but we found a small plastic stool from The
Warehouse worked just as well and was much cheaper.
*A toilet training seat - this can help make the "big toilet" seem
a little less daunting to your child, particularly if, like a lot
of young children, he or she has a fear of falling in. A basic
plastic model will cost less than $10, but you can also get more
expensive padded ones, and ones with built in steps to help him or
her get on and off the toilet as well.
*Star charts and reward systems - these can help encourage and
motivate your child to use the toilet.
OK, so we've toilet trained but she is regressing - now
what?
Many children do go through a period of regression after
seemingly being fully toilet trained, this is perfectly normal, and
can often be attributed to external stresses such as a new sibling,
moving house or starting kindy or daycare. Be firm and consistent
with your child. As frustrating as it is, try to avoid being
critical or angry as this will just stress your child out even
more, when the chances are he or she wants to be dry just as much
as you want him or her to be dry! Perhaps look at a star chart or
reward system to help encourage him or her.
When will my child be dry at night?
How long is a piece of string?! Just as all children are
ready for day toilet training at different times, so too are they
ready for night training at different times. My daughter was 100%
day toilet trained at 22-months, which is relatively early, yet she
was still in night trainers at 4 years, long after many of her
friends who day toilet trained later were night toilet trained. If
your child is not dry at night by the age of five, you might
consider seeking medical advice, but it is generally accepted that
some children will not night toilet train until well after they
start school, particularly if there is a family history of
bedwetting. Things you can do to help him or her stay dry at night
include restricting fluid intake after dinner, and taking him or
her to the toilet before you go to bed at night.
For more information, check out: Toilet Training Without
Tears or Trauma by Penny Warner and Dr Paula Kelly
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