I’m not crazy…I think. Deborah Johanson's latest entry from her Maternal Journals.
A few weeks back a friend of mine posted on her Facebook page that having a conversation with a mother of kids is like having a conversation with someone who has Tourette’s syndrome. It really got me thinking (and chuckling) because if we think about it, it really is true.
I called my sister the other day for a catch-up and the conversation went something like this:
Me: Hi, haven’t seen you or the girls in ages, are you free this week for a catch-up?
Her: I was just thinking the same thing, how about Monday or… NO! I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH THAT. I AM SERIOUS! Or we could do Tuesday? That’s probably better actually cos I have an appointment on Monday.
Me: Tuesday is good for me. What’s the appointment for?
Her: It’s for… THAT’S IT! I TOLD YOU AND NOW YOU ARE GOING TO TIME OUT MISSY! NOPE, NO MORE CHANCES I TOLD YOU. *a little while later* sorry about that. She’s just not listening to anything I say today. AHHHHHH… YOU CAN YELL ALL YOU WANT YOU ARE STILL IN TIME OUT…. Ok, so Tuesday?
When I think about the conversations I have with my husband I often wonder what the neighbors must think….
Husband: So I said to Jim..DONT SIT ON YOUR SISTER, SHES A BABY YOU WILL HURT HER. OFF NOW! Yeah so I said to Jim that the meeting would have to go ahead another time cos that is when we are away right?
Me: Yeah, I'm pretty sure, let me just double check because…AH! This DAMN Lego is everywhere and hurts like anything when you stand on it! NOOOOAAAAHH COME GET YOUR LEGO AND PUT IT IN YOUR ROOM PLEASE!
In fact anyone who comes near my house on a manic day could be tempted to think that perhaps they were on a candid camera show. A few months back when I was toilet training my son a courier came to the door (which was open) and was lucky enough to overhear this exchange.
Me: Okay so stand here like this and POINT IT DOWN. NOT UP, DOWN! DON’T LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT WHAT YOUR DOING! IN THE TOILET, AIM IN THE TOILET!
When I got to the door, the courier was doing his best to look like a person who had not just overheard someone with Tourette’s syndrome going to the bathroom.
And its not just the telling off that makes you sound a little mad. A while ago we had a plumber over (strolling around our yard looking for pipes and then charging a fortune). I was in the middle of a conversation with my 8 month old saying “You're so cute! Yes you are! Who’s such a pretty girl! Oh clapping hands! Good girl! Aren’t you smart! Where’s mummy’s nose? Where is it? Come on! Where’s mummy's nose??”, when I heard him clear his throat from the door loudly (surely he could have just knocked earlier so I didn’t feel like such a ninny!). He told me a whole bunch of jargon about the pipes in the yard and then added happily “By the way, there’s your nose.”
Ha Ha, everyone’s a comedian.
Deborah Johanson is a nurse and mother, and lives with her husband and their two children on Auckland's North Shore. Deborah shares her Maternal Journals with OHbaby! in association with Tiny Turtles. Click here and here for more of Deborah's Maternal Journal entries.