I've let Em have a spoon since she started grabbing it out of my hands. I'd feed her with one spoon and let her wave the other one around. Then I started putting stuff on her tray for her to use the spoon to eat, like yoghurt and applesauce. She got about 20% of it in her mouth and the rest in her hair

Now at 18 months, she's about halfway there with using the spoon -- she knows how it works but she can't seem to get things to stay on it very well, although she can get yoghurt and applesauce on there! She started using a very small baby fork about a month ago, and is getting really good at spearing big things on that. But mostly she gives up and uses her fingers!

I wouldn't be worried about other people's babies -- they are all just so different with fine motor skills like handling cutlery. And the playing with the food thing is a part of learning, too -- you have to let them do it, no matter how messy it is! Sometimes we just put Em in the tub, clothes and all, straight after dinner as she's such a mess.  

I'd say just give your little one cutlery and let them play. They do eventually learn. Maybe Ben could smear applesauce around his high chair tray while you feed him something else -- it's a mess, but he'll be getting experience with using his spoon.