https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ Copyright (c) 2006-2013 Web Wiz Forums - All Rights Reserved. Wed, 29 Apr 2026 20:36:28 +0000 Tue, 20 Nov 2007 13:17:32 +0000 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Web Wiz Forums 12.05 360 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/RSS_post_feed.asp?TID=12364 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_images/web_wiz_forums.png https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=249445&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#249445 Author: susieq
Subject: 12364
Posted: 20 November 2007 at 1:17pm

Glad it seens to have worked out well]]> Tue, 20 Nov 2007 13:17:32 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=249445&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#249445 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=249394&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#249394 Author: Snappy
Subject: 12364
Posted: 20 November 2007 at 10:48am

well things went rather well... she did offer me a lift last night (i had paid for her parking money that morning so i would have been peeved if she hadnt!) i was open and upfront with her and said that i cant really cope with him on my own anymore. she understood, and said she didnt really want to ask me but was desperate, but has sorted it out anyway. and not to feel bad for saying no.

we go halves for parking and petrol every day so i think if i had of backed out she really would have been out of pocket....]]> Tue, 20 Nov 2007 10:48:00 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=249394&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#249394 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=249364&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#249364 Author: Jennz
Subject: 12364
Posted: 20 November 2007 at 9:41am

If she put as much effort into raising her own child as she did to socialising maybe he wouldn't be such a handful to babysit!

I think she probably thinks because shes doing you a favour by taking you to work then she can ask for a favour in return. I think if you don't want to babysit anymore you need to find alternative transport.
]]> Tue, 20 Nov 2007 09:41:57 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=249364&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#249364 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=249340&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#249340 Author: IVFGirl1111
Subject: 12364
Posted: 20 November 2007 at 8:52am

Hey kaiz, how did you get on last night? Did she take you home in the end?]]> Tue, 20 Nov 2007 08:52:33 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=249340&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#249340 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=249217&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#249217 Author: jaz
Subject: 12364
Posted: 19 November 2007 at 8:41pm

You shouldn't feel obliged to look after him and shouldn't feel bad for saying no. Just be straight up, she'll find another childminder if you keep saying no. ]]> Mon, 19 Nov 2007 20:41:44 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=249217&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#249217 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=249056&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#249056 Author: Snappy
Subject: 12364
Posted: 19 November 2007 at 3:28pm

have already thought of that... we have even enroled janaya in a completely different school to him as we know it could go on for the rest of janayas childhood...

what really gets me is she doesnt think its bad that she is out so often?
she gets him up at 5.30am every morning and makes him ride his bike while she goes for a run in the morning

she moans a lot about single-parent hood, i think she's doing pretty well!!! ]]> Mon, 19 Nov 2007 15:28:47 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=249056&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#249056 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=249055&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#249055 Author: susieq
Subject: 12364
Posted: 19 November 2007 at 3:28pm

Yes you should say no you dont want to look after him now ]]> Mon, 19 Nov 2007 15:28:12 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=249055&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#249055 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=249025&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#249025 Author: ginger
Subject: 12364
Posted: 19 November 2007 at 2:34pm

It may be that the extra amount re bus fares is well worth the trade off, if you get my drift It sounds like you are being used, which isn't what these things are about.

Perhaps to avoid awkward running into her moments, wear big sunglasses and a wig to and from work ...? ]]> Mon, 19 Nov 2007 14:34:52 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=249025&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#249025 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=249014&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#249014 Author: Snappy
Subject: 12364
Posted: 19 November 2007 at 2:22pm

I can definately bus, its a few dollars extra a week, no biggie at all. its just that i kept running into her and she kept asking why i was bussing and not getting a ride with her..

it was funny as the week i bussed in, i didnt get asked to babysit! ]]> Mon, 19 Nov 2007 14:22:12 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=249014&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#249014 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=249010&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#249010 Author: ginger
Subject: 12364
Posted: 19 November 2007 at 2:16pm

She was taking advantage of you kaiz, and it's not fair on you. Where abouts are you based - home and work? I just wonder if there may be another solution - perhaps bussing (sp?) or train or something else, another person you could car pool with?]]> Mon, 19 Nov 2007 14:16:28 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=249010&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#249010 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=249007&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#249007 Author: Snappy
Subject: 12364
Posted: 19 November 2007 at 2:09pm

we dont socialise or do anything together so yeah, we arent really friends. just two parents who return favours.

im kinda scared to ask her for a ride home today now... ]]> Mon, 19 Nov 2007 14:09:21 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=249007&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#249007 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=249005&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#249005 Author: cuppatea
Subject: 12364
Posted: 19 November 2007 at 2:03pm

She doesn't sound like a friend]]> Mon, 19 Nov 2007 14:03:56 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=249005&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#249005 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=248992&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#248992 Author: kebakat
Subject: 12364
Posted: 19 November 2007 at 1:49pm

This is what I'd do if it were me:

I'd say to her something like.. I don't think I can look after "whatever his name is" so often now. I'm just at the stage in my pregnancy where I need to take it easy. I'm getting run down etc from running after my own lil one. Feel free to ask me, but please don't expect I'll be able to look after him.

ETA: If she gets grumpy about it, its really her problem. And if she can't just accept that then shes not really your friend and is just using you for your childminding ability IMO

Edited by kebakat]]> Mon, 19 Nov 2007 13:49:12 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=248992&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#248992 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=248990&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#248990 Author: james
Subject: 12364
Posted: 19 November 2007 at 1:46pm

i think you have done the right thing by saying no to looking after her boy all the timeummm if it was me a would just be turthful tell her its to hard to look affter two 4 year olds on your own and being pregent aswell and that her boy is not behaving him selff while he is in your care as a solo mum myself i have only 3 people i would let look after james and if they say no well then i dont go if she rude to you then i would cut the friendship as it sounds like she is taking adavend of you ]]> Mon, 19 Nov 2007 13:46:36 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=248990&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#248990 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=248981&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#248981 Author: Snappy
Subject: 12364
Posted: 19 November 2007 at 1:40pm

hey ladies

Im friends with a solo mother (we met through creche)
we used to arrange play dates for her son and our daughter on occasions.. and babysat for one another maybe once every six weeks or so...

then we got a bit closer and i started sharing a ride with her to work and back. She had free car parking and i would give her petrol money every week. Then it all started...

i was looking after her son up to 3-4 times in one week. i felt bad as she did take me to work every day etc.. i was also looking after him till 10.30pm when i was in the early weeks of pregnancy which really took its toll..
She is doing very well for a solo mum.. she has hockey and touch practice 3 times a week, a hockey game on a sunday and then of course going out drinking on a saturday night. She only has me, the neighbour and a cousin to rely on.

DH has stepped in and said a big no from now on... He cant stand the little boy as he never listens and destructs every thing in his sight. (he walked up to the tv once and just decided to push it off the cabinet) let alone helping someone while they go out and get p***d every weekend.

the last few weekends shes asked me to look after him again (always at the last minute) and ive been busy and said no. never get a reply like "thanks anyway". she then lost her free carpark so i started going halves with everything (petrol, carparking) on the days i needed a ride.

today i got a ride with her and as soon as i got to work she'd emailed to ask if i could look after him for the night on thursday as she has to go away for work. Ive been honest this time and said i simply cant handle two screaming 4 year olds on my own (DH works shift work) and i have to pack for my trip away..
no reply...

im feeling really guilty and uncomfortable now and really dont want to be in the car with her this evening.. its not like i can avoid her from now on because our children are at the same creche..

what on earth do i do?
]]> Mon, 19 Nov 2007 13:40:13 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12364&PID=248981&title=saying-no-and-feeling-bad#248981