OHbaby! Forums : Major single mum vent. https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ Copyright (c) 2006-2013 Web Wiz Forums - All Rights Reserved. Sat, 11 Apr 2026 17:33:50 +0000 Sun, 15 Jun 2008 13:40:30 +0000 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Web Wiz Forums 12.05 360 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/RSS_post_feed.asp?TID=18184 <![CDATA[OHbaby! Forums]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_images/web_wiz_forums.png https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ <![CDATA[Major single mum vent. : MelanieAndBree wrote: What...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=413170&title=major-single-mum-vent#413170 Author: caitlynsmygirl
Subject: 18184
Posted: 15 June 2008 at 1:40pm

Originally posted by MelanieAndBree MelanieAndBree wrote:


What i mean is that i wouldnt want him having to do everything for her. Changing nappies, getting up in the night to settle her etc. Like in a way it wouldnt feel right KWIM??


I mean, unless he really wanted to.. which would be weird for me u know cause im used to doing it all myself.



well for me, DP came along when C was out of that baby stage anyway, so that was never a concern.
I think if they are willing to help , then let them , if any guy is going to be part of your life, they will do so knowing a child comes with you anyway ]]> Sun, 15 Jun 2008 13:40:30 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=413170&title=major-single-mum-vent#413170 <![CDATA[Major single mum vent. : caitlynsmygirl wrote: well,...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=413161&title=major-single-mum-vent#413161 Author: nikkitheknitter
Subject: 18184
Posted: 15 June 2008 at 1:23pm

Originally posted by caitlynsmygirl caitlynsmygirl wrote:


well, Caitlyn is my responsibility , yes, BUT, DP and I are committed to each other and as such , he is committed to Caitlyn , so he does take some responsibility for her too, just cos your a single mum doesnt mean you have to be a martyr and prove that you do it all when you are in a serious , committed relationship, if i did that DP would be offended, he loves Caitlyn just as much as her real dad does ,and is going to be (unless something really drastic happens) the father of my other kids-if i took all the responsibilty for Caitlyn, all that would do is succeed in singling Caitlyn out from her siblings


Exactly how I feel.

Tobin does a lot for Han - as in this morning got her up and gave her breakfast while I slept in... ahhhh blissss... though I maintain financial responsibility for her and do the childcare drop off and pick up stuff.

If anything it's relationship building for them. Atleast that's what I tell myself so I can sleep in just that liiiittle bit longer. ]]> Sun, 15 Jun 2008 13:23:38 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=413161&title=major-single-mum-vent#413161 <![CDATA[Major single mum vent. : I guess if i had more kids with...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=413150&title=major-single-mum-vent#413150 Author: MelanieAndBree
Subject: 18184
Posted: 15 June 2008 at 1:01pm

I guess if i had more kids with that person it would be different.

What i mean is that i wouldnt want him having to do everything for her. Changing nappies, getting up in the night to settle her etc. Like in a way it wouldnt feel right KWIM??

I mean, unless he really wanted to.. which would be weird for me u know cause im used to doing it all myself.

]]> Sun, 15 Jun 2008 13:01:56 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=413150&title=major-single-mum-vent#413150 <![CDATA[Major single mum vent. : lol thanks nik, (mothers ! argh!)...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=413129&title=major-single-mum-vent#413129 Author: caitlynsmygirl
Subject: 18184
Posted: 15 June 2008 at 12:13pm

lol thanks nik, (mothers ! argh!)

well, Caitlyn is my responsibility , yes, BUT, DP and I are committed to each other and as such , he is committed to Caitlyn , so he does take some responsibility for her too, just cos your a single mum doesnt mean you have to be a martyr and prove that you do it all when you are in a serious , committed relationship, if i did that DP would be offended, he loves Caitlyn just as much as her real dad does ,and is going to be (unless something really drastic happens) the father of my other kids-if i took all the responsibilty for Caitlyn, all that would do is succeed in singling Caitlyn out from her siblings ]]> Sun, 15 Jun 2008 12:13:58 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=413129&title=major-single-mum-vent#413129 <![CDATA[Major single mum vent. : Yup I feel exactly the same as...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=413094&title=major-single-mum-vent#413094 Author: BuzzyBee
Subject: 18184
Posted: 15 June 2008 at 11:03am

Yup I feel exactly the same as Mel re: Lucas being MY child & MY responsibility solely]]> Sun, 15 Jun 2008 11:03:57 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=413094&title=major-single-mum-vent#413094 <![CDATA[Major single mum vent. : Id find that even if i was in...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=413092&title=major-single-mum-vent#413092 Author: MelanieAndBree
Subject: 18184
Posted: 15 June 2008 at 11:01am

Id find that even if i was in a relationship id still feel like single mum. I wouldnt expect my partner to do things for Briahna.. maybe in time? i dont know. But id feel like its not his job, as she is MY child. ]]> Sun, 15 Jun 2008 11:01:35 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=413092&title=major-single-mum-vent#413092 <![CDATA[Major single mum vent. : heeeeehehehe you guys make me...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=413080&title=major-single-mum-vent#413080 Author: nikkitheknitter
Subject: 18184
Posted: 15 June 2008 at 10:40am

heeeeehehehe you guys make me laugh.

You were still a single mama kelly - I still think of myself as one even though Tobin lives here. You just had great support. (Although we all know at time living with people is more challenging than if you were doing it on your own aye kelly? )]]> Sun, 15 Jun 2008 10:40:37 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=413080&title=major-single-mum-vent#413080 <![CDATA[Major single mum vent. : susieq wrote:Makes you a single...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=412349&title=major-single-mum-vent#412349 Author: caitlynsmygirl
Subject: 18184
Posted: 13 June 2008 at 9:46pm

Originally posted by susieq susieq wrote:

Makes you a single mother when you were in your flat and yes you were helping both ways and so were we with babysitting


was I married when i was in your house? no, so I belllllliiieve that made me a single mother.
And as such , i know its lonely and frustrating at times .]]> Fri, 13 Jun 2008 21:46:14 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=412349&title=major-single-mum-vent#412349 <![CDATA[Major single mum vent. : Makes you a single mother when...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=412176&title=major-single-mum-vent#412176 Author: susieq
Subject: 18184
Posted: 13 June 2008 at 7:32pm

Makes you a single mother when you were in your flat and yes you were helping both ways and so were we with babysitting]]> Fri, 13 Jun 2008 19:32:03 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=412176&title=major-single-mum-vent#412176 <![CDATA[Major single mum vent. : I absolutely admire you for what...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=412126&title=major-single-mum-vent#412126 Author: BaAsKa
Subject: 18184
Posted: 13 June 2008 at 6:42pm

I absolutely admire you for what you are acomplishing with your wee girl Mel!

Even though im a stranger! lol im happy to help you out by having coffee or babysitting ]]> Fri, 13 Jun 2008 18:42:17 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=412126&title=major-single-mum-vent#412126 <![CDATA[Major single mum vent. : Sorry,forgot to mention that,...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=412072&title=major-single-mum-vent#412072 Author: caitlynsmygirl
Subject: 18184
Posted: 13 June 2008 at 5:33pm

Sorry,forgot to mention that, was living by myself for a year, then moved back with mum and dad ( which worked both ways thanks sue, i did help you pay rent as well a?!)
Does that make me not a single mother back then mother?

]]> Fri, 13 Jun 2008 17:33:28 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=412072&title=major-single-mum-vent#412072 <![CDATA[Major single mum vent. : Hey and Kelly actually lived with...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=411898&title=major-single-mum-vent#411898 Author: susieq
Subject: 18184
Posted: 13 June 2008 at 2:50pm

Hey and Kelly actually lived with Me and her dad ina four bedroom house from when Caitlyn was about fourteen months until this year so has always had us around for support]]> Fri, 13 Jun 2008 14:50:41 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=411898&title=major-single-mum-vent#411898 <![CDATA[Major single mum vent. : Yeah i am goind to study next...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=411760&title=major-single-mum-vent#411760 Author: MelanieAndBree
Subject: 18184
Posted: 13 June 2008 at 11:44am

Yeah i am goind to study next year so that will be really good.

 

The gym i go to is expensive and i cant really afford to pay for the childcare otherwise i so would!

 

Im sure ill think of something. My sisters ex who is stayng with us sometimes watches Briahna for me when i go to the gym anyways, ive just got to go! lol.

 

THanks

]]> Fri, 13 Jun 2008 11:44:28 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=411760&title=major-single-mum-vent#411760 <![CDATA[Major single mum vent. : Oh Mel! I know how you feel. I...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=411629&title=major-single-mum-vent#411629 Author: nikkitheknitter
Subject: 18184
Posted: 13 June 2008 at 9:14am

Oh Mel! I know how you feel.

I remember one night when I was sick as a freaking dog (tummy bug) and trying to breastfeed Hannah I was sooooooo super over being a single mum. Luckily the people who ran the student hall I was staying in came and rescued me but I don't know what the heck I would have done if they hadn't!

It does get easier! And harder! And then easier again. You are doing a great job... and your sister has no right to say that it is an easy life.

I have to say that studying made the world of difference to me. I was able to get out of the house and do something childless for a while. It was great.

What about going to the gym or pool or something? Usually they have childcare available for 2 hour blocks or whatever.

Otherwise just lots of single mama love coming your way ]]> Fri, 13 Jun 2008 09:14:22 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=411629&title=major-single-mum-vent#411629 <![CDATA[Major single mum vent. : THanks guys.. you made me cry.....]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=411562&title=major-single-mum-vent#411562 Author: MelanieAndBree
Subject: 18184
Posted: 12 June 2008 at 11:40pm

THanks guys..

you made me cry.. lol

Its like lately ive felt just so down... i really appreciate your kind words.

I had a fight with my sister today and she had me in tears. She just knows how to get to me! Saying that basically, i have it so easy cause i get to "sit at home and do nothing and get paid for it"

OMG. I just hated her guts for saying that! After all i have gone through with Briahnas dad and it was the hardest thing in my life to do you know? Being pregnant and alone and having to do it all not only without a partner but without my mum. It just made me so mad!!!!!!!! It felt like she was saying the whole last year or more of my life was easy!

I dont think anyone in my family actually understands how depressed i was (and still am really).

Everyone says to me "wow, you must be so strong to do this alone"

No matter what anyone thinks, im not strong, its just on the outside i may seem that i am. 

 

ahh im sorry. I will stop now or ill get myself into a state lol.

Ugh,. i dont know. haha.

 

But who cares, i have a beautiful baby girl. :) :)

Thats one good, no, great thing in my life :)



Edited by MelanieAndBree]]> Thu, 12 Jun 2008 23:40:08 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=411562&title=major-single-mum-vent#411562 <![CDATA[Major single mum vent. : Big hugs hun. Very hard sometimes...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=411478&title=major-single-mum-vent#411478 Author: Kels
Subject: 18184
Posted: 12 June 2008 at 9:28pm

 Big hugs hun. Very hard sometimes to be a single mum but as they grow it does get easier. Like JD said it is amazing how many people will think you are doing an awesome job from a far without not actually saying and Briahna will admire what you done for her alone when she gets older.

]]> Thu, 12 Jun 2008 21:28:29 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=411478&title=major-single-mum-vent#411478 <![CDATA[Major single mum vent. : I&#039;m not a single mum, but...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=411473&title=major-single-mum-vent#411473 Author: Jay_R
Subject: 18184
Posted: 12 June 2008 at 9:24pm

I'm not a single mum, but I was raised by one, so I can go some way to understanding what you must be going through.

First of all - big ups to you for doing such a wonderful job with your little girl. You must give yourself full credit for how happy, outgoing and super gorgeous she is. Its all down to you baby!

Unfortunately though, there are some people who see being a SAHM as a bit of a walk in the park. I mean hey, you stay home, play with your kid and do nothing much else. How hard can that be...?

Please note, author does not subscribe to that way of thinking.......

I think there will be not too many options for you given your mum is in Scotland, to get a lot of time out. But make the most of what you do get, and take comfort in the fact that you have a gorgeous, healthy and happy baby girl, who's development and well being is all down to what a great mum you really are.

]]> Thu, 12 Jun 2008 21:24:36 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=411473&title=major-single-mum-vent#411473 <![CDATA[Major single mum vent. : i too know how you feel, i have...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=411371&title=major-single-mum-vent#411371 Author: caitlynsmygirl
Subject: 18184
Posted: 12 June 2008 at 8:30pm

i too know how you feel, i have a partner now, but for the first 3 and a half years of Miss C's life, i was living by myself, single parenthood is not just a hard job (well parenting always is) but its a lonely job as well

I know its not much , but if you lived close to me (i dont think you live in Aucks anymore) i would seriously be happy to babysit Bree , us single mums (including former single mums) have to stick together ]]> Thu, 12 Jun 2008 20:30:54 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=411371&title=major-single-mum-vent#411371 <![CDATA[Major single mum vent. : I can totally understand how you...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=411311&title=major-single-mum-vent#411311 Author: mummy_becks
Subject: 18184
Posted: 12 June 2008 at 8:02pm

I can totally understand how you feel. I know i'm not a single mum as such as I am still married but I have been by myself since January and since then I have had 4 nights to myself to go out. My in-laws do take the boys every so often but usually only one over night at a time (only had them 4 times together).

Big  to you.

]]> Thu, 12 Jun 2008 20:02:18 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=411311&title=major-single-mum-vent#411311 <![CDATA[Major single mum vent. : A good rant is often needed! I...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=411298&title=major-single-mum-vent#411298 Author: JD
Subject: 18184
Posted: 12 June 2008 at 7:56pm

A good rant is often needed!

I was a single mum for 9 years (married now), and probably one of the biggest things I can say is 'don't compare'!!!!!! I mean that in a nice way. Its like a slippery slope down when you start comparing your own situation to others. I got really depressed sometimes when I started comparing my situation to others.
I had lots of dumb people say dumb things to me when I was single.......they just don't think before they open their mouths.
It wasn't until my older sister had a baby 7 years after I had my baby to say "wow, I am in awe of what you have been doing...alone".
You will be surprised at how many people are admiring you from a far for the good job you are doing...and all by yourself.

Unfortunatly there will be some harder times ahead....but remember that we only get delt what we are able to handle.....some of us are just tough cookies!

At the end of the day your daughter will look up to you and be really proud of what you did for her! And, there will be noone else to take the credit for her achievements but you.

Hugs to you...]]> Thu, 12 Jun 2008 19:56:51 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=411298&title=major-single-mum-vent#411298 <![CDATA[Major single mum vent. : Sounds like you need some of these!...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=411260&title=major-single-mum-vent#411260 Author: EmDee
Subject: 18184
Posted: 12 June 2008 at 7:35pm

Sounds like you need some of these!

Don't apologise for ranting, thats what we are here for, to listen when you need an ear. Sorry things aren't going so well at the moment, I hope they get easier for you.

and just a couple more ]]> Thu, 12 Jun 2008 19:35:52 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=411260&title=major-single-mum-vent#411260 <![CDATA[Major single mum vent. : Big hugs Mel! Being a single mum...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=411252&title=major-single-mum-vent#411252 Author: Maya
Subject: 18184
Posted: 12 June 2008 at 7:32pm

Big hugs Mel! Being a single mum is rewarding but it's also damn hard work! You are doing a great job!]]> Thu, 12 Jun 2008 19:32:31 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=411252&title=major-single-mum-vent#411252 <![CDATA[Major single mum vent. : :::Warning: lots of bad language::: Sometimes...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=411246&title=major-single-mum-vent#411246 Author: MelanieAndBree
Subject: 18184
Posted: 12 June 2008 at 7:25pm

:::Warning: lots of bad language:::

 

Sometimes i think f**k IT ALL. Being a single mother SUCKS MAJOR ASS.

I love my child, but f**k its hard doing it alone.

OKAY so this is what set it off. I went to see a friend, and her parents were over from Aussie cause it was her daughters 1st birthday, and she is all to her mum "i never get a break, i just want a break! you told me that you would help me out" complaining how its so hard and she hardly ever gets time out. Then some other time she was all "yeah i get the weekends pretty much, hardly any time off though" or something to that effect.

OMG I WAS LIKE ARE YOU f**kING SERIOUS?? YOU THINK YOU NEVER GET A BREAK? TRY DOING IT ALONE - I DONT GET A BREAK EVER!! I DONT GET WEEKENDS OFF, IF BRIAHNA WAKES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT I DONT HAVE SOMEONE TO TAKE TURNS AT CHANGING/FEEDING/SETTLING HER BACK TO SLEEP. YOU THINK YOU HAVE IT HARD YOU DONT KNOW sh*t. YOU COULDNT COPE IF YOU DIDNT HAVE HIM AROUND.

Okay so i didnt actually say that, but i wish i did. I mean seriously! I was fuming (inside). She thinks life is soooo hard.

Im not saying "oh pity me, feel sorry for poor me" cause i went into this knowing that it was going to be hard. But you know what? I WANT A BREAK. I do, and sometimes i feel like i cant do this anymore.


A little break.. just a little one.
But no


No one says "Oh Mel, god, it must be hard for you! Ill have her for the night so you can have some time out for yourself"

No, no one says that, not even my own sister who lives with me.

If Alexs mum didnt have her saturdays id probably go crazy.


I wish my mum and aunty were here. They would help me out for sure.
But no, they have to be in stupid Scotland.

God i really miss them...

 


I hope Alex gets hit by a bus. Its his fault for getting me pregnant! (Yeah i know, its not just his fault, but right now thats just how i feel ok?)

 

Sorry. Just had to vent. Im really hating life at the moment and this is the only way get it out.

 

]]> Thu, 12 Jun 2008 19:25:21 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18184&PID=411246&title=major-single-mum-vent#411246