OHbaby! Forums : Mother-In-Law Advice https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ Copyright (c) 2006-2013 Web Wiz Forums - All Rights Reserved. Wed, 06 May 2026 06:23:27 +0000 Mon, 14 Jul 2008 15:32:32 +0000 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Web Wiz Forums 12.05 360 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/RSS_post_feed.asp?TID=19044 <![CDATA[OHbaby! Forums]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_images/web_wiz_forums.png https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ <![CDATA[Mother-In-Law Advice : busymum wrote: arohanui wrote:-...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=439291&title=motherinlaw-advice#439291 Author: arohanui
Subject: 19044
Posted: 14 July 2008 at 3:32pm

Originally posted by busymum busymum wrote:

Originally posted by arohanui arohanui wrote:

- follows our ways of discipline and looking after the kids (this is mainly a safety thing, things are done differently these days)

I agree with this, but also I like a grandma who may remind the kids "Is that what mummy told you to do?" but not to take over any form of discipline as that is not her job.
I totally agree with the ringing before coming around comment! We have finally got my IL's trained on that one... I think... or do they just not come now at all?


Yup I think that's the best way to deal with it, rather than grandparents having to fully discipline their grandkids all the time. I guess it was a polite way of trying to put "we don't smack our kids and don't want anyone else to" lol. And things like what food he can eat, where he can go etc.]]> Mon, 14 Jul 2008 15:32:32 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=439291&title=motherinlaw-advice#439291 <![CDATA[Mother-In-Law Advice : I have the best mother-in-law......]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=439247&title=motherinlaw-advice#439247 Author: GuestGuest
Subject: 19044
Posted: 14 July 2008 at 2:51pm

I have the best mother-in-law... she lives in Scotland! ]]> Mon, 14 Jul 2008 14:51:00 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=439247&title=motherinlaw-advice#439247 <![CDATA[Mother-In-Law Advice : good mil=loving, respectful of...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=439196&title=motherinlaw-advice#439196 Author: Glow
Subject: 19044
Posted: 14 July 2008 at 2:13pm

good mil=loving, respectful of your ways/ ideas, there when you need help.
bad mil= forcing her own ideas onto you, telling you how to do it & you are doing it wrong etc, comparing your kids with her own kids & others, not buying presents.

I could go on & on about bad mils coz mine is a toad.
]]> Mon, 14 Jul 2008 14:13:03 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=439196&title=motherinlaw-advice#439196 <![CDATA[Mother-In-Law Advice : Sarahbetha - I hope your MIL...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=439169&title=motherinlaw-advice#439169 Author: DJ
Subject: 19044
Posted: 14 July 2008 at 1:50pm



Sarahbetha - I hope your MIL makes her own cups of tea! Mine sits there an gets all antsy, but won't help herself or ask! Arrggh - how am I supposed to realise she wants ANOTHER cup of tea ALREADY!.

She is English though, so I guess that explains the tea drinking...
]]> Mon, 14 Jul 2008 13:50:18 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=439169&title=motherinlaw-advice#439169 <![CDATA[Mother-In-Law Advice : fleury wrote:My MIL is lovely,...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=439161&title=motherinlaw-advice#439161 Author: Redbedrock
Subject: 19044
Posted: 14 July 2008 at 1:42pm

Originally posted by fleury fleury wrote:

My MIL is lovely, I really like her.
But then she never interferes, she's English and sometimes I think that may be a difference. As it seems NZ MILs think their sons are gods gifts.


Nope mines English and she drives me nuts and i'm english too, it's definitely not that ]]> Mon, 14 Jul 2008 13:42:26 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=439161&title=motherinlaw-advice#439161 <![CDATA[Mother-In-Law Advice : My MIL is lovely, I really like...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=438429&title=motherinlaw-advice#438429 Author: caliandjack
Subject: 19044
Posted: 13 July 2008 at 4:18pm

My MIL is lovely, I really like her.
But then she never interferes, she's English and sometimes I think that may be a difference. As it seems NZ MILs think their sons are gods gifts.

I know she will be invaluable when we have kids, but then I will be wanting her advice and help, she is a nurse and has been a kindy teacher so figure she probably knows more about babies/children than me.

My own mum died 4 years ago, and she would i've been the one to drive me mad, while I will miss not having her advice, it will be good she's not around to wind me up.]]> Sun, 13 Jul 2008 16:18:25 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=438429&title=motherinlaw-advice#438429 <![CDATA[Mother-In-Law Advice : Mine is pretty good. When me and...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=438393&title=motherinlaw-advice#438393 Author: mummy_becks
Subject: 19044
Posted: 13 July 2008 at 3:23pm

Mine is pretty good. When me and DH first got together she wasn't exactly nice to me, but me being me put her in her place.

She is really good when it comes to Andrew and when I say something it goes (food wise). She always happily takes the boys for me (when we were in Palmy) when I needed timeout, or wanted to be an adult (with no resposibilities) again. I know they spoil the boys big time - but Andrew is now old enough to know that gran can do that but don't ask for it at home.

]]> Sun, 13 Jul 2008 15:23:09 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=438393&title=motherinlaw-advice#438393 <![CDATA[Mother-In-Law Advice : gah don&#039;t get me started....]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=438380&title=motherinlaw-advice#438380 Author: BessieBear
Subject: 19044
Posted: 13 July 2008 at 2:58pm

gah don't get me started. they drive me starkers. who comes over to visit over a 6 hour period has 4-5 cups of coffee and uses a diff cup each time and leaves them in places for me to find day's ater. nlaws thats who.

 

]]> Sun, 13 Jul 2008 14:58:03 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=438380&title=motherinlaw-advice#438380 <![CDATA[Mother-In-Law Advice : I feel bad because we don&#039;t...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=438263&title=motherinlaw-advice#438263 Author: DJ
Subject: 19044
Posted: 13 July 2008 at 10:02am

I feel bad because we don't see her very often and we only live 2hrs away, but then she is a major pita - - mostly because she knows she is deaf but won't get a hearing aid and we have to yell at her (it's exhausting!)

She also had the cheek to say "you're not going to drink that are you" when I had one sip of wine at Xmas time and she smoked thru all her 3 pregnancies (I wasn't preg - just breastfeeding)

I thought it was nice that she wanted to take A for a walk, but her motivation was "being noticed" and so she could tell everyone she had taken A out for a walk.

But she totally loves A and gets v, excited getting photos etc. She was also very careful never to put any pressure on us about having her grandchild - unlike my parents.

Edited by DJ]]> Sun, 13 Jul 2008 10:02:17 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=438263&title=motherinlaw-advice#438263 <![CDATA[Mother-In-Law Advice : A 24 hour flight and 120000miles,...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=438077&title=motherinlaw-advice#438077 Author: Redbedrock
Subject: 19044
Posted: 12 July 2008 at 8:10pm

A 24 hour flight and 120000miles, other wise she would drive me up the wall ]]> Sat, 12 Jul 2008 20:10:43 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=438077&title=motherinlaw-advice#438077 <![CDATA[Mother-In-Law Advice : Ours don&#039;t ring before visiting,...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=437972&title=motherinlaw-advice#437972 Author: Andie
Subject: 19044
Posted: 12 July 2008 at 5:27pm

Ours don't ring before visiting, but that's alright... so long as they KNOCK first!!! (some of you have heard the 'FIL and SIL bust in on nakey Andie' stories). I really like my in-laws, and my MIL it turns out has always purposefully tried to leave us to it and not over-step the line. I ended up telling her that a little more involvement would be great! My IL's, and my mum have been pretty good at basically falling into line with how we're raising Ella and what we do and don't let her get away with. That's fantastic if you ask me!   ]]> Sat, 12 Jul 2008 17:27:38 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=437972&title=motherinlaw-advice#437972 <![CDATA[Mother-In-Law Advice : arohanui wrote:- follows our...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=437837&title=motherinlaw-advice#437837 Author: busymum
Subject: 19044
Posted: 12 July 2008 at 1:28pm

Originally posted by arohanui arohanui wrote:

- follows our ways of discipline and looking after the kids (this is mainly a safety thing, things are done differently these days)

I agree with this, but also I like a grandma who may remind the kids "Is that what mummy told you to do?" but not to take over any form of discipline as that is not her job.
I totally agree with the ringing before coming around comment! We have finally got my IL's trained on that one... I think... or do they just not come now at all? ]]> Sat, 12 Jul 2008 13:28:34 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=437837&title=motherinlaw-advice#437837 <![CDATA[Mother-In-Law Advice : I&#039;ve probably got a better...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=437780&title=motherinlaw-advice#437780 Author: MonicaMouse
Subject: 19044
Posted: 12 July 2008 at 11:23am

I've probably got a better relationship with my MIL now than I did 2 years ago, it was never bad, but I think announcing our pregnancy to her early (7ish weeks as opposed to her finding out about DSS at 7 months - neither did DH), and the fact we live in the same town and none of her other grandchildren /children do means that we see each other regularly and have something extra in common. She is always interested in what Blair is doing, and I think she loves it when she gets to spend time with him as FIL tends to get more time with cuddles and play (kinda traditional in the fact he watches TV while she cooks and preps dinner etc) and I get the idea she feels that he will become the favourite grandparent over her.

She's always supportive, yet gives us our our space and I know that she would do anything for us - yes she does some annoying things, but hey who doesn't]]> Sat, 12 Jul 2008 11:23:35 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=437780&title=motherinlaw-advice#437780 <![CDATA[Mother-In-Law Advice : My mother in law (and father in...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=437676&title=motherinlaw-advice#437676 Author: Paws
Subject: 19044
Posted: 12 July 2008 at 6:00am

My mother in law (and father in law for that mother) is amazing and I totally love them both. I can honestly say that nothing about them has annoyed me (other than FIL's channel surfing habit ).

My MIL is incredibly supportive, she always offers excellent advice and has made herself very approachable so I feel I can talk to her or ask her anything. She doesn't try to take over or interfere (like when we were planning our wedding, Miss M's birth etc) and she just offers unconditional support without being pushy. ]]> Sat, 12 Jul 2008 06:00:14 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=437676&title=motherinlaw-advice#437676 <![CDATA[Mother-In-Law Advice : bad MIL phones in the middle...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=437619&title=motherinlaw-advice#437619 Author: Candkids
Subject: 19044
Posted: 11 July 2008 at 10:34pm

bad MIL

phones in the middle of the night drunk, when they know the kids are assleep (everyone is asleep in the normal world) and tries to guilt you into paying for a return ticket for her to engalnd! (i said id do 1 way to timbucktoo)
then tells the family that she never did any such thing!
shed asked almost every family member that night, she was just too drunk to remember!

and a bad MIL tries to play you off with your DH's Ex!

i guess a good 1 would be supportive, and not interfearing, not to opinionated on how you were doing things.
definatly not rearange your house (i hate that)
and ring before they turned up :)]]> Fri, 11 Jul 2008 22:34:22 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=437619&title=motherinlaw-advice#437619 <![CDATA[Mother-In-Law Advice : Good MIL - loves her grandkids -...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=437608&title=motherinlaw-advice#437608 Author: arohanui
Subject: 19044
Posted: 11 July 2008 at 10:24pm

Good MIL
- loves her grandkids
- follows our ways of discipline and looking after the kids (this is mainly a safety thing, things are done differently these days)
- gives cool pressies, clothes etc
- cooks yummy meals and baking
- affirms us that we're doing a good job

Bad MIL
- doesn't listen when we ask her to do / not to do something, and does what she wants (eg wakes up sleeping baby, keeps them up late, feeds them inappropriate food etc).

I'm thankful I have a pretty good MIL ]]> Fri, 11 Jul 2008 22:24:49 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=437608&title=motherinlaw-advice#437608 <![CDATA[Mother-In-Law Advice : Well my MIL is an angel, quite...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=437559&title=motherinlaw-advice#437559 Author: Peace
Subject: 19044
Posted: 11 July 2008 at 10:00pm

Well my MIL is an angel, quite literally as she died when I was about 9 weeks pregnant which was really sad.

I think on my big things of "up there" with likes I would have to say.
1) Approval, I will never know if I will have her approval or not as to the way I am raising her child.
2) Love, HUGE one really. I think that it was just mega awesome that I got to tell my MIL that Olivia was around and growing, she got to have a little brag "I have 2.5 grand children!!" and that still touches me to this day. Olivia is also a really demonstrative child and loves giving kisses and hugs, I encourage her to seek both from her relatives no matter how obscure as it forms a wonderful bond.
3)History, I will never know if Olivia and Dale are much the same, no one can really remember and photo's are few and far between. I have a billion questions that will sit in my heart unanswered as they were only questions a mother knows.


Annoying me.
I think if anything would annoy me then it would have to be my big growl that is not for one specific family member. Being critical of my child and my parenting methods when you don't know us at all. And Ironically this is one of my own biggest crimes that I have committed (and amended) and it really rakes my teeth. You can only trial those that have done things to you, you can't make up your mind in heresay.
Lack of communication.]]> Fri, 11 Jul 2008 22:00:07 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=437559&title=motherinlaw-advice#437559 <![CDATA[Mother-In-Law Advice : My MIL and I get on ok but I have...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=437452&title=motherinlaw-advice#437452 Author: busymum
Subject: 19044
Posted: 11 July 2008 at 8:40pm

My MIL and I get on ok but I have more probs with my mum, as a grandmother of my kids. I like:
Someone who is happy to be called on for help with housework/sick kids/babysitting
Someone who will ask how DH and I are doing in our relationship
Someone who is supportive emotionally/financially, whatever is needed
Someone who likes to buy cool pressies for the kids and perhaps even ask us, as parents, for ideas
(That's basically what I don't have from M or MIL but I observed in my grandmother to my parents)]]> Fri, 11 Jul 2008 20:40:30 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=437452&title=motherinlaw-advice#437452 <![CDATA[Mother-In-Law Advice : I spent time with my mum, my step-mum...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=437443&title=motherinlaw-advice#437443 Author: lizzle
Subject: 19044
Posted: 11 July 2008 at 8:32pm

I spent time with my mum, my step-mum and my MIL when Jake was really new.

Here's what was great:
waiting to be asked for advice - not giving automatically
When stressing about bottle or breast, being told that whatever suits us as a family.
Taking baby off my hands for hours and just holding him while he cries
Taking baby hwile I'm eating

what doesn't work
I got really annoyed with MIL tidying my house - SHE REARRANGED THINGS. that pissed me off. If she had said "would you like me to..." i would have liked it much more.
When Jake was older, we decided not to smack him. In-laws smacked him, without asking us what our disciplining was - BTW we were there - not like we had left him with them and gone out.

]]> Fri, 11 Jul 2008 20:32:52 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=437443&title=motherinlaw-advice#437443 <![CDATA[Mother-In-Law Advice : When my baby was only a week old,...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=437347&title=motherinlaw-advice#437347 Author: Lulu
Subject: 19044
Posted: 11 July 2008 at 6:33pm

When my baby was only a week old, we took her to see my MIL, and I felt like everything I did was wrong. 'Is she warm enough', 'don't you use nappy cream', 'don't you warm your wet wipes before you clean her bottom'.... etc etc. Anyway, when we left I had a little cry to DH and said 'I'm not going to be happy leaving Jaymie with her if she wants to do everything totally differently to me!'.
So he says 'that is the special thing about Grandparents - they spoil their Grandchildren and let them get away with things that their parents never would'.
It got me to thinking. And you know what, he was absolutely right. So now the special treatment that my MIL gives my daughter is what I love about her. I know that my daughter is safe with her and loved absolutely. It doesn't have to be the same way I do things, as long as my daughter is cared for and safe with her. My MIL rocks because she loves her Granddaughter unconditionally, and that is all that matters.]]> Fri, 11 Jul 2008 18:33:58 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=437347&title=motherinlaw-advice#437347 <![CDATA[Mother-In-Law Advice : I guess to me its someone who...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=437338&title=motherinlaw-advice#437338 Author: Kelpa
Subject: 19044
Posted: 11 July 2008 at 6:22pm

I guess to me its someone who listens ...supports...helps when and where they see its needed (ie grabbing a load of washing in or PLAYING with the kids or taking them out for a trip).

Someone that is fair and lets us make decisions for our children as opposed to throwing their own judgments and opinions down our throats......

I dont mind listening to their ideas and what happened in their day but when its feeling like what I am doing is wrong and like I should be doing it their way..then I dont like it.

]]> Fri, 11 Jul 2008 18:22:33 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=437338&title=motherinlaw-advice#437338 <![CDATA[Mother-In-Law Advice : I haven&#039;t got a relationship...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=437318&title=motherinlaw-advice#437318 Author: ellen
Subject: 19044
Posted: 11 July 2008 at 6:01pm

I haven't got a relationship with my Mother-In-Law (not for lack of trying in earlier years) and my DH has disowned her. So our children have really only known my mum and dad.

I think grandparents are very important and really want to be part of my grandkids lives when I'm blessed with them (hopefully a few years away yet).

My question to you is - what makes a great mother-in-law and what really annoys you?]]> Fri, 11 Jul 2008 18:01:49 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19044&PID=437318&title=motherinlaw-advice#437318