haha funny, I worked at 018 here and we had a book filled with some classics.

Customer: I have the chicks first name and date of birth, can I get her number??
CSP: No sorry we need her surname.
Customer: But with her Date of Birth you can search her
CSP: No sorry we search by surname.
Customer: Well I don't have that but her name is "x" and her DOB is "X"
CSP: I'm sorry, but we need her surname.
Cusomer: Her mums last name is "X", but she doesn't have her last name.
CSP: well get her last name then we can try.
Customer: Ok I will try

Customer: I need the number for the guy down the road.
CSP: Ok whats he's surname?
Cusomer: I don't know he is black and we call him blackie

This coming from Austraila:
Customer: I need my friends number in Auckland.
CSP: Ok whats the surname?
Customer: Smith, shouldn't be too hard Auckland isn't as big as Sydney

If yes then you might have a few scenarios to add.

 Actual call centre conversations

Customer:     "I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get

Through to enquiries, can you help?".

Operator:     "Where did you get that number from, sir?".

Customer:     "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".

Operator:     "Sir, they are our opening hours".

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Samsung Electronics

Caller:          "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"

Operator:     "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking

about".

Caller:          "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly

States that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and

telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"

Operator:      "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".

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RAC Motoring Services

Caller:          "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am

travelling in Australia ?"

Operator:      " Doesn't the product name give you a clue?"

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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):

"If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel

to the other side of the car?"

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Directory Enquiries

Caller:             "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in

Cardiff please".

Operator:          "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling

correct?"

Caller:             "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but

the 'B' fell off".

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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.

Operator:         "Woven? Are you sure?"

Caller:             "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in

Scotland".

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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone

box told a worried operator:

"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number

on".

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Tech Support:      "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".

Customer:             "OK".

Tech Support:      "Did you get a pop-up menu?".

Customer:             "No".

Tech Support:      "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer:             "No".

Tech Support:      "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until

this

point?".

 Customer:            "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote

'click'".

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Tech Support:          "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen,

can

you see the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer:                 "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

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Caller:  "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised

that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my

file back again?".

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There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a

long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This

is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed

from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to

say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing

the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.

(Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator:         "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"

Caller:              "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

Operator:         "What sort of trouble??"

Caller:              "Well, I was just typing along and all of a sudden the words went away."

Operator:         "Went away?"

Caller:              "They disappeared."

Operator:         "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"

Caller:              "Nothing."

Operator:         "Nothing??"

Caller:              "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

Operator:         "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"

Caller:              "How do I tell?"

Operator:         "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"

Caller:              "What's a sea-prompt?"

Operator:         "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"

Caller:              "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

Operator:         "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"

Caller:              "What's a monitor?"

Operator:         "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.

Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"

Caller:               "I don't know."

Operator:          "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"

Caller:              "Yes, I think so."

Operator:         "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.

Caller:              "Yes, it is."

Operator:         "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"

Caller:               "No."

Operator:          "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

Caller:               "Okay, here it is."

Operator:          "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

Caller:               "I can't reach."

Operator:          "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"

Caller:               "No."

Operator:          "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"

Caller:               "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle, it's because it's dark."

Operator:          "Dark??"

Caller:               "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window"

Operator:          "Well, turn on the office light then."

Caller:               "I can't."

Operator:          "No? Why not??"

Caller:               "Because there's a power failure."

Operator:          "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.

Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"

Caller:               "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Operator:           "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

Caller:                "Really? Is it that bad?"

Operator:            "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

Caller:                 "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"

Operator:            "Tell them you're too f*%ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!"