Awesome that Alisons sleeping is back on track.

i went to my auntys house today and amelia had not had a nap and was a bit wired on sugar so really was not in a good mood . first she was into absolutly everything , throwing tantrums at everything , then she was quiet..... i walked into the kitchen at my auntys to find Amelia had lifted a very large and very heavy 10ltr container of water off the bench and ALL over the kitchen floor . I have no idea how she did it as it was bloody heavy even for me .... while my aunty and i were busy cleaning up that mess and i was flustered and embarassed at that Amelia climbed onto the kitchen table , grabbed my auntys keys and pressed the garage door button downwhich made the door go semi onto my auntys car which caused a massive scratch on her perfect paintwork! i was motified ! so completly embarassed and of course instantly stressed at how on earth i would pay for the damage (my auntys said its fine and i dont have to pay anything altho ill try do something to fix it as i feel very guilty  ) . talk about terrible twos! i think this child will be the death of me !

On a happier note Rich and i are back together . we are not living together , going to see how things go and i have my mate living here so a bit hard but we are spending heaps of time together and Amelias LOVES having him around al the time . Its already alot better and alot different , hes making a massive effort

Honestly aye!!! haha . there was like 2500 people at this event (roller dreby) at the big main cbs arena here in chch and i had to sit on my lonesome because i couldnt get tickets next to my mates , i walk down the isle , notice i have a isle seat then notice that right smack bam next to me is my ex and his wife!!! , i did a quick turn and thought about leaving but then i decided to just suck it up , i was pleasent , he was pleasent , we chatted a tiny bit but his wife just gleared at me hahaha , talk about uncomfortable!!! once everyone was seated i noticed some spare seats up a few rows so went up there and got my mates to join me . Out of 2500 people and many more seats i got seated right next to them ! what are the chances ??? haha . Ah well i looked better than her and had actually made an effort with a nice dress and make up , she had her glad rags on and looked a bit haggered so i took a little Joy in that hahaha . on a good note my mates team won all the games they played and were the champs! so the afterparty was great .

Amelias still having plenty of tantrums .

My dinner last friday was AMAZING! He made this thai red curry chicken laksa thing and he had gone out and bought all the fresh ingrediants from the asian food place , it was very very yummy and we had a good night . think he wants to see me again tomorrow

Oh No MTK , thats terrible , Sounds like you have had a awful time . has Your DP got a new Job yet ? Hope things get alot better for you . yea Rich had alot of troubles when he was in NZDF too (hes been out for 4 years ) , he was in for 6years and in the end was kicked out because of something he did when he was drunk , very minor and stupid really .

Well i have been living on my own for the past 6weeks or so and iv been loving it , my mate is moving in in about a week as Rich is still paying half the rent here because i cant afford it on my own and hes still on tennancy , i must admit he has been very good , with helping me out and still paying rent , plus he is still helping me out with Amelia on the nights i work and i have been helping with taking his dd to school in mornings sometimes, altho im sure this will all change when one of us gets in a new relationship.

I have men coming out my ears at the moment (i feel like every man or ex i have ever known is coming out of the woodwork) I have started seeing one of them (well only a couple of catch ups , nothing serious) Hes a friends brother that i had only met once back in january at my mates daughters 1st bday , then he decided to add me on facebok a few weeks ago and he said he had his eye on me that day (haha i hadnt noticed lol) and he had been talking to his sister about me and she told him that i was lovely and to go for it lol . I had annual leave yesterday and Amelia had preschool and hes a contractor and had a day off so we just spent the day hanging out and went for a big drive , was a good day , tomorrow night he wanted to take me out on a dinner date but i could not get a babysitter so instead he is going to come round with ingredients and cook me tea (after Amelias gone to sleep- she has not met him yet), he said we could have a night picnic which i thought was very sweet .

Oh and MTK- toilet training not going so well here altho i havent really been pushing it , She will go on the potty and do wees when she has knickers on but she doesnt take her knickers off haha . And as for the tantys.... arghhhhhh!!!! she has been throwing some real big ones lately . at the supermarket the other week in the trolly she was pointing at strangers and telling them to "Go away" in a horrible snotty , bratty voice . I was mortified.

Hows everyone going ?

amelia went absolutly mental at the mall the other day , she was throwing a massive tanty and whacked me really hard in the face forcing my eye to water hardout and bruise a little . i was so mad but i couldnt do anything in the mall . she got a good talking to in the car tho and fel asleep on the way home which doesnt ever happen these days so she was obviously tired . Her vocab is awesome , shes learning so much , recognises like every colour , counts heaps , can resite a good chucnk of the abc song and sings heaps of  wee songs really well . hows everybdy else wee ratbags going ?

My life is like an eposode of shortland street at the moment so i wont even go there lol .

me and rich not going good

i kicked him out on sunday . i need space , since we origianally broke up 2mths ago we have had no time apart pretty much at all and i really need some . I realised on fri/sat that it just wasnt going to work as richard had made absolutly no attempt to change anything that was upsetting me so yea i told him i couldnt do it and asked that he move to a friends at least for a week or so so i can get my head around everything , quite ironic that i am now the one rejecting him . I just got really angry , i know anger is part of the grieving process but i had been very meek and quiet this whole time and then on friday/sat something happened that just flicked a switch and i got angry at him , really really angry . on sunday night i ended up telling him exactly the things that were bugging me and i was not polite  but to be honest its been inside so long that it feels very good to finally have verbalised it all . He went very very quiet and didnt really have anything to say so now i am just relaxing in my big house all to myself and amelia and i am enjoying it . its nice . im giving myself a week or so of this then i will decided if my friend is going to move in .

Oh noe Elle- sorry to hear about the tummy bugs! not fun at all

good to do a clean up fattykat , its good to get some of old stuff and clear some space

fattykat- amelia has a pillow (shes in a big bed) but if Lily doesnt seem interested in one i wouldnt bother , im  pretty sure they dont use them at preschool so she would have to get used to having one at home but not at preschool , altho amelias grown out of her day time nap  she hasnt had one (apart from falling asleep in the car first) since she changed to a bed about a month or so ago .

So im going on a third date with the same guy this weekend   hes a very nice guy .

hehe i went on a date tonight  its been just over a mth since R and i broke up broke up . its far earlier than i ever anticipated but it was a AWESOME date . absolutley lovely guy , cute as , tall , very career driven , opened all the doors , paid , walked me to me car ... . then sent me the sweetest txt message on the way home . gosh its very weird dating again but it was so cool . we are going to see each other on the weekend :) hehe i have a big dumb grin on my face ,

nikki- amelias been having the odd tantrum like that too , so horrible when your out in publice aye .

i have found a flatmate :) one of my bestfriends ( the midwife one who delivered amelia) is going to come live with me in a month . yay im so happy . i need to get him out of the house , its too hard living with him . need my freedom back . im feeling alot better about being single . im actually feeling quite good

thats a tough one Cazz, amelia hast started to go through a bit of a stage where she doesnt want to sleep unless i rub her back but im really trying to stop that , it can be very hard tho . if you want me to email myou the ebook of the sleep sense programme that i did on Amelia when she was younger i can  just pm me ya email addresss . there are parts of the book aimed at children Alisons age .altho there is crying involved.

im all moved into the new house now which is nice

Amelias had a new house ,. a new preschool , a new big girl bed and of course me and richard breaking up to deal with but shes been really good! alot of changes for a little girl but im very proud of her and she seems to be coping great apart from shes been quite sick with a chesty cough and all snotty .

richard has moved into the new house and is meant to be moving into the sleepout until i can get soemone else in altho hes been sleeping in the lounge and hasnt moved his stuff out yet . im doing ok .  tonight will be my first night without sleeping pills since the split so that should be interesting . i dont really know whats going on in his head , he wont talk about his feelings or anything , just keeping it all in and acting normal . its all very confusing but ill get there .

got amelias party this weekend

hope everyone else is doing well

haha thats so funny about the pxts fattykat , mad me "lol" which i havent been doing much of lately .

thats a hard one on the names elle , i dont really have a suggestion ( a fat load of good i am lol ) would be pretty starange for him i imagine to chnage his name after all this time .

oooo a housebus jolene , hahah awesome ! wow azaria is getting so big too!

well its a week now since everything happened with me and rich and in 7 days iv eaten half a cheeseburger , 2 pieces of pizza, a cookie and a s**t load of v and coffee , terrible i know but i just cant bring myself to eat , everytime i eat i want to be sick , im fitting clothes i havent fit in a very long time and my ribs are sticking out and im only sleeping with the aid of sleeping pills . Amelia just came down with conjunctivits for the second time in a month and its her birthday on wesnesday and we are moving friday , richard and i are still no different from last week , he doesnt know what he wants and when i ask if we can try again he just keeps saying he has his doubts . his mother has gone absolutley mental at him , told him he has no idea how good hes got it with me and even his ex (his dd's mother) has had a go at him and told him he needs to sort his s**t out cos hes got a good thing with me . hes staying at his brother and sis in laws house but as he has phoenix on tuesdays and it amelias birthday on wedensday hes going to stay here tomorow night so we can open pressies in the morning and stuff . Its just all to hard , i just want things to go back to the way they were when we were happy. The day i changed my fb status to single i had one of my exes who i havent heard from in months txting me , then another i guy i had a fling with years ago from work started messaging me , and another lol ,god im single for a day and i get bombarded!  . but yea i dont want any of them , i dont want anyone but rich and it frigging hurts so bad .

yaya happy birthday to all our july bubbas ,

woe is me lol , god im depressing at the moment .

aghhh im so frigging confused . today he asked if we should give things another go , i just told him i needed space and i dont want to be with someone thats not in it 100% . i dont think he knows what he wants !

i told him today i didnt want him staying the night anymore as it was too awkward so i think hes staying with a friend . Maybe a week break will be the deciding factor as to weather we break up completly or try work things out .

thanks girls

we have had a big chat tonight and lots of tears from me today and we are breaking up!

im devasted but theres nothing i can do about it , if the feelings arent there then i cant make them be there . i just now have to work out how im going to continue working till 8pm and how im going to afford this place on my own ...probably have to try and get a border . ah life sure does suck sometimes .

Oh Nikki i hope Morgan doesnt come down with anything .

I was speaking to richard last night about the imunisation thing and it turns out his dd is not immunised because her mother is fully against it , Richard said he tried and tried to get her immunised but the ex just would not allow it! it pisses me off a bit actually, people like that . i immunise Amelia fully yet we have a child living with us half the time that is not , rich has shared and half custody of his dd and is made to pay all her medical bills , school uniforms/fees/stationary, clothes,gymnastics and any additional extras yet it seems his ex gets to make all the important decesions about her .

Fattykat- haha lily is a crack up- she does the funniest things.

Took Amelia to chipmunks yesterday with another friend and her child , was quite fun and amelia was pretty good apart from the 2 poor children she went up to for absoutely no reason and tried to gauge there faces ! . does anyone elses 2yr olds lash out at other children for no obvious reason ? god i have to watch that child 100% of the time, my friend i was with has a 18mh old boy and she just sat there the whole time as he happily plaed and ran around the whole place (not causing any trouble!) whereas i have to watch every single little thing amelia does and im up and down like a frigging yo-yo .