Babe wrote: Jake has to go to bed when I tell him and when I ask him to do something he has to obey, he has to use his manners and be polite. These are basic skills he'll need thorugh his life - respect for authority and respect for other people. Other than that though he can do what he wants. If its raining and he wants to go outside he just has to wear boots and a jacket, playing in the rain is fun and I can always chuck him in the shower. If hes playing with another kid and they do something like pull his hair then unless he gets upset and comes to me I figure he can handle it amd I don't interfere. I want Jake to know that while I'm always here if he needs me I also believe that he can cope, problem-solve, decide, etc for himself. Obviously he doesn't have many choices now but I treat him like an individual who knows what he wants and even when I can't give it to him I try to respect his feelings.

This is very much how I feel about the whole parenting thing Babe, you put it into words so well!! I also think the whole nauture/nurture thing is so interesting, we have parented all our 3 the same way and they are all so different!  Mr 8 is very outgoing and confident and makes himself at home in any situation.  My 3 year old is quite standoffish and reserved and likes to check things out and then will join in if he feels like it.  And the baby is just a cruiser lol!  The 8 year old has started with the whole "its not fair" and "you are being mean" kind of stuff, however he needs to learn that sometimes you have to do things in life you dont really want to do (eg:homework!!) and I would rather he learned that now than to go into adulthood thinking he can do whatever he likes and have no consequences, cause we all know life doesnt work like that!!

Interesting topic Bizzy!

mrsg1 wrote: it seems the kids that get all the freedom in the world are the ones that go off the rails.

I completely disagree with that, as I was given all the freedom in the world, as were my brothers and yes my brothers pushed the boundaries but they by no means went off the rails. When I say we had all the freedom in the world we knew we had limits these were not necessarily spoken but you knew they were there. We had no curfew, my parents figured that we could get up to as much trouble before 10pm as we could after etc.

Mum learnt through having 3boys that she couldn't molly coddle us and had to let the housework go as well they ripped the house apart.

My DP who was brought up in a strict island christian household went more off the rails then I did as by the age of 13 he was already sexually active and into class a drugs etc so as I said I completely disagree with just that one portion of your statement speaking from my personal experience.