OHbaby! Forums : Did I do the right thing? https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ Copyright (c) 2006-2013 Web Wiz Forums - All Rights Reserved. Thu, 30 Apr 2026 04:38:57 +0000 Tue, 10 Nov 2009 21:08:53 +0000 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Web Wiz Forums 12.05 360 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/RSS_post_feed.asp?TID=29814 <![CDATA[OHbaby! Forums]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_images/web_wiz_forums.png https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ <![CDATA[Did I do the right thing? : I don&#039;t have much to add...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=833831&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#833831 Author: caitlynsmygirl
Subject: 29814
Posted: 10 November 2009 at 9:08pm

I don't have much to add , the other ladies have said it already , but I do think that Sam , (and Jamie ) should be very proud of their mum , you're worth a zillion of your ex , and your kids are lucky to have you ]]> Tue, 10 Nov 2009 21:08:53 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=833831&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#833831 <![CDATA[Did I do the right thing? : I agree with everything the others...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=833680&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#833680 Author: peanut butter
Subject: 29814
Posted: 10 November 2009 at 8:06pm

I agree with everything the others said. Definitely leave it all outside and DONT be there when he collects it. DO take photos and document document document!! Getting him to sign he has collected it would be good too as that way he cant come up with any curve balls later on (when his new girlfriend has wisened up and kicked him to the curb).

I havent been in this situation but I have just been through a crappy tenanting situation and wish to god I had taken PHOTOS!!!

It would be even better if you could drop all the stuff off at a neutral location...totally worth the hireage of a trailer...that way you can have your house to yourself.

Wash your hands of the bastard......just a bummer you couldnt have set fire to it all....that would probably feel good, I imagine ]]> Tue, 10 Nov 2009 20:06:04 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=833680&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#833680 <![CDATA[Did I do the right thing? : i say dump it all on the footpath...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=833513&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#833513 Author: Candkids
Subject: 29814
Posted: 10 November 2009 at 6:18pm

i say dump it all on the footpath and tell him if he doesnt pick it up by 10am that day then itl be gone , i went thru all of this too it sux but the best thing was that once it was gone there is NO reason for him to contact you again other than about your son and youl probably feel alot better knowing that you dont have his stuff, i know i did i went to dtr and rented some stuff for a while till i could sort it myself

]]> Tue, 10 Nov 2009 18:18:58 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=833513&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#833513 <![CDATA[Did I do the right thing? : ha ha about the child support,...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=833103&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#833103 Author: jazzy
Subject: 29814
Posted: 10 November 2009 at 1:34pm

ha ha about the child support, now he is in the system he will be paying, if you are on a benefit you wont see it, but if you are not then get IRD to sort it out as they will take it from him & give it to you, so you won't miss out, get him where it hurts I say...right in the wallet...one way to get a new fridge etc, lol ]]> Tue, 10 Nov 2009 13:34:27 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=833103&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#833103 <![CDATA[Did I do the right thing? : I don&#039;t think the man has...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=833057&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#833057 Author: mamanee
Subject: 29814
Posted: 10 November 2009 at 1:00pm

I don't think the man has paid ANY child support, well as far as I know anyway.

A while ago he was expecting a huge tax rebate and was really excited about it only for them to take every cent of it towards child support back payments.   Good job I thought!

I'm waiting for the day he owes them thousands and thousands of dollars in child support payments because he hasn't paid and it really stings him!]]> Tue, 10 Nov 2009 13:00:15 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=833057&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#833057 <![CDATA[Did I do the right thing? : I would tell him he is more than...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=833043&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#833043 Author: jazzy
Subject: 29814
Posted: 10 November 2009 at 12:48pm

I would tell him he is more than welcome to came & get everything & tell him is will be ready for pick up so he might want to be on time in case it rains.

Also advise him that the IRD will sort out child support payments & that way he can make a clean break from you & he wont get behind in payments.....
]]> Tue, 10 Nov 2009 12:48:28 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=833043&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#833043 <![CDATA[Did I do the right thing? : Gawd he does sound like a creep...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=832940&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#832940 Author: Shezzey
Subject: 29814
Posted: 10 November 2009 at 11:29am

Gawd he does sound like a creep who is very very bitter and I feel sorry for the woman with him now.  I think you have made the right decision so that he doesnt have anything to hold against you and you can move on in your life. 

I think give him the toaster  too... as a snarky message to show him you dont give a sh*t about material possessions and you want him out of your life...

]]> Tue, 10 Nov 2009 11:29:21 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=832940&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#832940 <![CDATA[Did I do the right thing? : Signing for it is a really good...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=832215&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#832215 Author: MummyFreckle
Subject: 29814
Posted: 09 November 2009 at 8:08pm

Signing for it is a really good idea. Also take some pictures of it all before he collects it, so that you can prove what sort of condition it was in when you handed it over.

I think that you are doing the right thing - like you say, at the end of the day its only stuff!!!

]]> Mon, 09 Nov 2009 20:08:00 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=832215&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#832215 <![CDATA[Did I do the right thing? : That signing thing is a good idea...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=832132&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#832132 Author: Babe
Subject: 29814
Posted: 09 November 2009 at 7:28pm

That signing thing is a good idea Flutterby.

Well handled Renee I went through a similar thing when I left my ex and never regretted it. Glad your DP is being supportive coz that really helps ]]> Mon, 09 Nov 2009 19:28:48 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=832132&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#832132 <![CDATA[Did I do the right thing? : If I were in your shoes (and I...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=832006&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#832006 Author: FreeSpirit
Subject: 29814
Posted: 09 November 2009 at 6:42pm

If I were in your shoes (and I have been in the past) I'd do the same.

Pack up everything that belongs to him, and let him have them (I dumped everything in the rain in his "mates" driveway and left).

PLEASE make sure you keep your self safe - if you haven't given him your address, don't. Leave the stuff out the front of somebody else's house. If he does have your address, make sure you give him a day and a time, and go out ALL DAY, because if he's like the freaks I've known, turning up late or early so he can rock the boat would be just fun.

If you can ask a friend (not your DP) to spend the day at your place to witness him collecting the stuff (and get him to sign something saying it has collected and is in good condition) that would be a good idea.]]> Mon, 09 Nov 2009 18:42:40 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=832006&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#832006 <![CDATA[Did I do the right thing? : Go you! I completely agree with...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831999&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831999 Author: Twinboys2b
Subject: 29814
Posted: 09 November 2009 at 6:40pm

Go you!

I completely agree with your resoning. It's better to have the upper hand and be an adult about it all. He's wanting a fight with you and you're mature enough to not give in. I think it shows him that you're so over it all and you'd rather have him out of your life completely than have him lingering in the background if you took the legal route.

Not many people choose this route, they choose to be vindictive and 'play the game' because they're not quite over it yet so good on you!

Look, you could even go one step further and offer to help but that may mean you need to have 'civil' conversation with him and you never know what's running through his mind, he may be eager to fight with you.

Anyway, sounds like the right way to do things!]]> Mon, 09 Nov 2009 18:40:50 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831999&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831999 <![CDATA[Did I do the right thing? : heh vindictive maybe but I would...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831930&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831930 Author: ?Lolly?
Subject: 29814
Posted: 09 November 2009 at 6:07pm

heh vindictive maybe but I would brake it all first , the guy doesn't deserve for you to be so reasonable about it. But good on you for dealing with it so well. ]]> Mon, 09 Nov 2009 18:07:00 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831930&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831930 <![CDATA[Did I do the right thing? : Good call. You&#039;ve definately...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831838&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831838 Author: MamaT
Subject: 29814
Posted: 09 November 2009 at 5:13pm

Good call. You've definately made the right decision for you.

 

ETA - I bet your answer has really p!ssed him off though, he would have been expecting quite a different reaction I bet



Edited by Hope2Be]]> Mon, 09 Nov 2009 17:13:47 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831838&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831838 <![CDATA[Did I do the right thing? : Leave them out the front for him...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831792&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831792 Author: caliandjack
Subject: 29814
Posted: 09 November 2009 at 4:45pm

Leave them out the front for him to collect, and arrange a time when you aren't going to be there. As you've said its just stuff. ]]> Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:45:58 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831792&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831792 <![CDATA[Did I do the right thing? : Yep, it&#039;s really small price...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831789&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831789 Author: mamanee
Subject: 29814
Posted: 09 November 2009 at 4:43pm

Yep, it's really small price to pay to have that all out of the way for me.

I'm thankful that we haven't had any child access issues so far.   We arrange his visits a few weeks in advance and he has always brought him back at the right time and I've never stopped him having access so there is nothing for him to complain about in that regard.

I will be glad to be rid of his things!]]> Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:43:17 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831789&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831789 <![CDATA[Did I do the right thing? : As the others have said, leave...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831770&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831770 Author: Febgirl
Subject: 29814
Posted: 09 November 2009 at 4:33pm

As the others have said, leave them out the front for him, and that's that. Think of it this way, a washing machine, fridge freezer and a couch is a pretty small price to pay if it means you don't have to deal with his cr@p anymore (ignoring the child access issues)...]]> Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:33:19 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831770&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831770 <![CDATA[Did I do the right thing? : Yup leave them out the front....]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831751&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831751 Author: palomino
Subject: 29814
Posted: 09 November 2009 at 4:22pm

Yup leave them out the front. I think you have done the right thing. Hes probably gagging for you to get all angry etc. They are just things, and he probably knows the timings pretty sh*t, but you'll be fine. ]]> Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:22:13 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831751&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831751 <![CDATA[Did I do the right thing? : Absolutely! Let him do it all...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831735&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831735 Author: Treen
Subject: 29814
Posted: 09 November 2009 at 4:14pm

Absolutely! Let him do it all himself.

I think you've totally made the right decision. He's looking for a reaction from you and if you don't give him one, he might even feel a bit stink for being so petty in the first place.]]> Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:14:47 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831735&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831735 <![CDATA[Did I do the right thing? : i was going to say the same as...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831725&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831725 Author: Bizzy
Subject: 29814
Posted: 09 November 2009 at 4:09pm

i was going to say the same as treen. leave them out the front ...

hi there, by the way!!!   theres no waving emoticon!]]> Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:09:32 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831725&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831725 <![CDATA[Did I do the right thing? : Treen wrote:On the 15th, leave...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831722&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831722 Author: mamanee
Subject: 29814
Posted: 09 November 2009 at 4:09pm

Originally posted by Treen Treen wrote:

On the 15th, leave them out the front of the house. No contact, no ties. Like you say, it's just stuff and like Lemongirl says, he'll thrive on it if you kick up a stink.

Good riddance by the sounds of things.


That's a really good idea Treen, we were thinking of sticking it all in the carport and he can do it ALL himself.   We aren't going to offer him any help at all.   But god help him if he tries to ask for his toaster back because he might just get it flung in his face!!

Edited by neeandsam]]> Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:09:12 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831722&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831722 <![CDATA[Did I do the right thing? : What an a*** he is. I think you...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831718&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831718 Author: Turtle
Subject: 29814
Posted: 09 November 2009 at 4:06pm

What an a*** he is.
I think you made the right choice.   You could spend forever fighting over the items and end up costing yourself more than what they are worth.
Now you are clear of him in that respect and can restrict any conversations you have with him about custody each month.]]> Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:06:30 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831718&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831718 <![CDATA[Did I do the right thing? : On the 15th, leave them out the...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831713&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831713 Author: Treen
Subject: 29814
Posted: 09 November 2009 at 4:03pm

On the 15th, leave them out the front of the house. No contact, no ties. Like you say, it's just stuff and like Lemongirl says, he'll thrive on it if you kick up a stink.

Good riddance by the sounds of things.]]> Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:03:08 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831713&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831713 <![CDATA[Did I do the right thing? : Thanks lemongirl, I weighed up...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831711&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831711 Author: mamanee
Subject: 29814
Posted: 09 November 2009 at 4:01pm

Thanks lemongirl, I weighed up the pros and cons of really sticking it to him and him ending up with nothing and I guess I would have felt good to one up him, but in reality, aggravating him even if he's wrong just makes him worse.

He would have just found a bigger and better way to get at me another time and now he really has nothing to complain about (of course until next time when he finds something else)

And entrusting him with MY son for 5 days out of the month means I want as little tension as possible, and on my end of things, there isn't one tiny little thing he has against me.

I just hope he is so wrapped up in his new woman and destroying her whole world that all the focus is taken off finding ways to upset me. ]]> Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:01:26 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831711&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831711 <![CDATA[Did I do the right thing? : I think you answered your own...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831710&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831710 Author: weegee
Subject: 29814
Posted: 09 November 2009 at 4:00pm

I think you answered your own question:
Originally posted by neeandsam neeandsam wrote:

Because, to be honest, it's just stuff. I don't care about stuff.   MY sanity is worth SO much more than a washing machine.


Esp when you are so pregnant! Good on you for keeping a cool head about yourself and not letting him get to you

and I hope this means you see/hear much less of the creep.]]> Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:00:57 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831710&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831710 <![CDATA[Did I do the right thing? : I am a big believer in doing...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831703&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831703 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 29814
Posted: 09 November 2009 at 3:55pm



I am a big believer in doing what is right for you.

You know people with personality disorders thrive on conflict and you going down this road avoids your sanity being his drug of choice.

]]> Mon, 09 Nov 2009 15:55:45 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831703&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831703 <![CDATA[Did I do the right thing? : When Sam&#039;s dad left for Australia,...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831689&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831689 Author: mamanee
Subject: 29814
Posted: 09 November 2009 at 3:47pm

When Sam's dad left for Australia, he left in my posession his washing machine/dryer, fridge, freezer and a couch.

The washing machine and dryer were still being paid off.   He said I could use them if I paid them off, and then keep them afterwards. I agreed. I paid the amount each week, except for a few times where he said 'Oh I paid two months off the washing machine and dryer so that you don't have to pay them for a while, to help you out'.   As it turns out, this was a lie and they were repossessed because I thought he had paid a few times and he hadn't.     He then paid them off in full and they were returned to me a few days later.

Fast forward nearly a year later (a few weeks ago). He sent me an e-mail saying "I want a clean break, and to have no ties other than Sam".   Nevermind the fact that I am with somebody else, very happy and very pregnant and have wanted a clean break for years now.   HE has decided it's time to have a clean break because he has 'met someone else' (poor woman doesn't know what she's in for).   As you all probably know, he is a nasty, cruel, abusive sociopath/narcissist.     The e-mail then goes on to say 'I want all of my stuff back so that I can sell it, if you want to buy it all off me, it will cost you $1000'.     Stupidly, I said maybe we could pay it off, because I didn't really want to be without a washing machine or a fridge/freezer with a baby due. He agreed. No money was exchanged, as we were still arranging it.    Another e-mail came through, this one saying "I don't want to sell you my stuff, as I don't want you owing me money, so I will be picking it all up on the 15th of November."

So of course, EVERYBODY has been saying to me "restraining order, trespass order, posession laws, don't give in, stand up to him".    My DP is FUMING, understandably and really wants to let him have it.   But he has agreed to say nothing and do nothing because I don't want any tension or aggro between anybody.

I can't do it.    I want him to come and get his stuff and go away, I don't want to deal with the tantrum from his end and the fact that he would never ever ever in a million years forget about this and would do anything he could to wreak havoc and be a right PITA.

So, I am giving him the stuff back. Because, to be honest, it's just stuff. I don't care about stuff.   MY sanity is worth SO much more than a washing machine.   It really sucks that he has done this a few weeks before I am due, but I know how his mind works and doing it now would be the perfect moment to get me to break or to unsettle me.   He will not unsettle me, I have come too far and healed too much to let him take away my sense of peace.

I have a washing machine lined up as a loan until we can get our own and my mum has an old fridge freezer and the couch is no big deal, so we are ok ATM.

I know most people would have gone down the legal road and I know it is illegal for him to just come and get these things back but I'm thinking long term and being the kind of person that he is,   I know that he is desperate for me to 'make a scene', lose my nerve and stand up to him so that he can feel like he can get to me or control me somehow.   But the only way for me to deal with him is to show no emotion, no anger, no bitterness, nothing.   He gets nothing from me and therefore he goes and gets it from someone else or some other place.

Sorry that was rambled, but I feel like I have avoided a HUGE meltdown by just saying 'ok, have your stuff, I don't care'.]]> Mon, 09 Nov 2009 15:47:30 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29814&PID=831689&title=did-i-do-the-right-thing#831689