https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ Copyright (c) 2006-2013 Web Wiz Forums - All Rights Reserved. Sun, 19 Apr 2026 17:27:51 +0000 Fri, 22 Jan 2010 12:39:48 +0000 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Web Wiz Forums 12.05 360 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/RSS_post_feed.asp?TID=31091 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_images/web_wiz_forums.png https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905903&title=raising-a-child-alone#905903 Author: Jay_R
Subject: 31091
Posted: 22 January 2010 at 12:39pm

Hey there

First of all, huge huge hugs to you. Single parenting is a tough road, and to be completely honest its going to almost do you in at times. I left my son's father over a year ago now, and its been a hard slog, but you know what - it gets easier! And better. So much better!

The DPB is a total sh*tter. People who blather on about single mums on the DPB having it easy are talking out of a hole in their backside. Its barely enough to live on. And some weeks it wasn't enough to live on. But don't give up! Get out there and get some work - working for families is a godsend to me, plus there are accommodation supplements, help with childcare costs and study incentives (depending on what you are planning on studying). You may well find, as I have, that this is really the beginning of a fabulous new life.

Feel free to PM me if you need anything at all.]]> Fri, 22 Jan 2010 12:39:48 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905903&title=raising-a-child-alone#905903 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905845&title=raising-a-child-alone#905845 Author: Shelt
Subject: 31091
Posted: 22 January 2010 at 11:42am

Relationship Services website:

http://www.relate.org.nz/]]> Fri, 22 Jan 2010 11:42:38 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905845&title=raising-a-child-alone#905845 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905840&title=raising-a-child-alone#905840 Author: Shelt
Subject: 31091
Posted: 22 January 2010 at 11:39am

Hi AriannesMum
ex-DH and I separated back in mid November so I know what you are going through. I think Gabrielle might be almost the same age as Arianne too. If you want to talk just PM me.

I am lucky enough to be living with my parents but things are still pretty tough. I feel guilty asking them for much help and things sometimes seem pretty relentless day to day. When ex-DH and I were together he never did much with Gabrielle anyway but at least he was there if I needed to pop out to the supermarket or needed to go to the bank etc. Now I have to arrange a baby sitter or take Gabrielle with me. I think most people are willing to help if you ask for it. Lots of people didn't know what to say to me and whether to talk about it or not so they avoided me or didn't say anything. I had to be brave and tell people and then ask for help if I needed it.

Also, I don't know what your situation is but ex-DH and I had to have counselling mediation as we couldn't agree on custody arrangemets. It was free through the family court and we each got a session to talk to the counsellor alone. I found it really good to talk to someone neutral so I organised to go an see an EAP counsellor through work. I don't know if you work but if not and talking to a neutral person sounds like something you might want to do then it might be worth talking to relationship services and seeing if there is any free counselling you could get.

ETA: to improve the grammar and spelling

Edited by Shelt]]> Fri, 22 Jan 2010 11:39:36 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905840&title=raising-a-child-alone#905840 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905803&title=raising-a-child-alone#905803 Author: Natalie_G
Subject: 31091
Posted: 22 January 2010 at 11:08am

Hey Lana,

Thanks for the offer, I had to go to work today and my Brother and Dad are moving our stuff out this afternoon, so Arianne is at daycare.

I might take a Monday off and come to coffee group to catch up.]]> Fri, 22 Jan 2010 11:08:19 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905803&title=raising-a-child-alone#905803 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905506&title=raising-a-child-alone#905506 Author: noodle
Subject: 31091
Posted: 21 January 2010 at 11:02pm

aww Nat hugs hun! I'm here too if ya need anything, dont feel embarrased about moving back to your dads, you have to do what ya have to do hun and right now that is what is best for you and Arianne (and you have got a good wee set up there )
good luck with the car hunt and if you need Arianne looked after while you move I can have her for a bit if ya want.



Edited by noodle]]> Thu, 21 Jan 2010 23:02:56 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905506&title=raising-a-child-alone#905506 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905474&title=raising-a-child-alone#905474 Author: Natalie_G
Subject: 31091
Posted: 21 January 2010 at 10:23pm

Thanks so much for all your kind words and advice. I am lucky to be going back to my Dad's place I just feel kinda embarrassed about it.

I have looked at AUT on the North Shore and they have a creche so its looking more like that will be happening. Just have to get a car first which is happening next week.

Thanks for the meet up suggestions. Once I am feeling a little more like a sociable person I will get in contact and we should go to the beach and watch the kiddies play. While we still have summer. ]]> Thu, 21 Jan 2010 22:23:06 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905474&title=raising-a-child-alone#905474 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905371&title=raising-a-child-alone#905371 Author: Emmecat
Subject: 31091
Posted: 21 January 2010 at 9:10pm

Big hugs hun, so sorry to hear of your marriage break up  I may well be in the same boat as you in the not too distant future...not where I ever thought I would or want to be but that's life  I'm also at uni p/t so can help you with any questions if you want ]]> Thu, 21 Jan 2010 21:10:34 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905371&title=raising-a-child-alone#905371 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905355&title=raising-a-child-alone#905355 Author: Hopes
Subject: 31091
Posted: 21 January 2010 at 8:59pm

Oh, and like a couple of people have suggested, if you get desperate, do try church groups. Speaking from my experiance with ours, they're often more than happy to get genuine requests from people who are just caught a bit short, and would be happy to help. (As opposed to bludgers who make up a sob story and travel round every church in the district trying it on... grr!). If they don't do food packages, they'll probably be able to put you onto someone who does. ]]> Thu, 21 Jan 2010 20:59:05 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905355&title=raising-a-child-alone#905355 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905350&title=raising-a-child-alone#905350 Author: palomino
Subject: 31091
Posted: 21 January 2010 at 8:54pm

Nothing to add but just huge cyber hugs for you and Arianne. I hope tomorrow looks brighter]]> Thu, 21 Jan 2010 20:54:41 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905350&title=raising-a-child-alone#905350 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905341&title=raising-a-child-alone#905341 Author: High9
Subject: 31091
Posted: 21 January 2010 at 8:46pm

Sorry to hear about your separation.

If your family can help in any way then take it! My mum raised me as a single parent, she was at uni for about the first 3 and a half years of my life but she relied a lot on my grandparents to look after me so she was able to study!

I agree with ellabellame and winz and their damn seminars! I went along at 32 weeks to sign up for sickness benefit and was told I would need my doctor to sign a form saying I was pregnant and I should attend a seminar about all the benefits they offer before I could make an appointment to see someone! Thought it was a little funny as I sorta look PREGNANT!

Also there are lots of places that can help you out if you need food, etc, and don't be afraid to ask for help from family or friends.

All the best!]]> Thu, 21 Jan 2010 20:46:45 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905341&title=raising-a-child-alone#905341 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905304&title=raising-a-child-alone#905304 Author: kellie
Subject: 31091
Posted: 21 January 2010 at 8:26pm

Ditto as above. No advice here, but huge, huge hugs for you and Arianne. ]]> Thu, 21 Jan 2010 20:26:20 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905304&title=raising-a-child-alone#905304 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905280&title=raising-a-child-alone#905280 Author: kiwisj
Subject: 31091
Posted: 21 January 2010 at 8:03pm

I have no advice, only big big for you and Arianne. I'm so sorry to read about your separation hun.]]> Thu, 21 Jan 2010 20:03:18 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905280&title=raising-a-child-alone#905280 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905278&title=raising-a-child-alone#905278 Author: WestiesGirl
Subject: 31091
Posted: 21 January 2010 at 8:02pm

No advice hun just wanted to send you hugs and to say Im sorry to hear of your seperation ]]> Thu, 21 Jan 2010 20:02:24 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905278&title=raising-a-child-alone#905278 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905240&title=raising-a-child-alone#905240 Author: emz
Subject: 31091
Posted: 21 January 2010 at 7:35pm

So sorry

I don't know what your ex earnt or anything, but check out if you would be better off getting maintenance for him rather than the DPB (as you would get SFA of any child support, as it goes straight to the govt if you have the DPB).

Ex is liable for half of all costs, fight him tooth and nail to get it if you have to.

Sorry I don't really have much more advise, just thought I'd add that as that's what my lawyer told me when DH left.]]> Thu, 21 Jan 2010 19:35:15 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905240&title=raising-a-child-alone#905240 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905235&title=raising-a-child-alone#905235 Author: mummyofprinces
Subject: 31091
Posted: 21 January 2010 at 7:30pm

Aww hugs hun, same as Jess's offer.... every want to pop round for a moan and a coffee I am always here.

Anything to help you....]]> Thu, 21 Jan 2010 19:30:21 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905235&title=raising-a-child-alone#905235 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905228&title=raising-a-child-alone#905228 Author: jano1
Subject: 31091
Posted: 21 January 2010 at 7:26pm



Just wanted to say that my mum brought up 3 kids on her own and I remember she went to uni when I was little. I went to creche while she went to classes.

I'm so proud of her for going it alone and studying to get on with her life.

We are all here if you need to chat/ vent or whatever]]> Thu, 21 Jan 2010 19:26:12 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905228&title=raising-a-child-alone#905228 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905209&title=raising-a-child-alone#905209 Author: Hopes
Subject: 31091
Posted: 21 January 2010 at 7:08pm

RachandJack wrote: With study there is often a lot of scholarships available, especially if you are part Maori.

Totally agree that there are scholarships out there, not just based on ethnicity either. It can take some time to search for them, but if you put the work in you can pick up some awards that will really help you out. It's not all about how good your last marks were whenever you last studied, either.

If you do go down the study track, PM me sometime, I can give you heaps of scholarship info. (I won't really be able to point you in the direction of particular awards, since I won't know a lot about the institutions I imagine you'll be looking at studying at, but I can do general info pretty well, it's my job )]]> Thu, 21 Jan 2010 19:08:33 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905209&title=raising-a-child-alone#905209 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905184&title=raising-a-child-alone#905184 Author: Chex001
Subject: 31091
Posted: 21 January 2010 at 6:44pm

Hi AriannesMum, Im going to be a single mum too and I am quite freaked out about it. Im working at the moment but going to have to go on the benifit when baby is born. If you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me :)]]> Thu, 21 Jan 2010 18:44:43 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905184&title=raising-a-child-alone#905184 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905118&title=raising-a-child-alone#905118 Author: Rachael21
Subject: 31091
Posted: 21 January 2010 at 5:48pm

Hey I'm really sorry about your separation

I kinda agree with everyone else, don't be afraid to ask for help. I've been really lucky with my parents they have been awesome and have pretty much been the 'other parent' for me while studying.

Financially its all about budgeting, it might look scary now but once you start doing it it's actually quite easy. I am actually better off financially now than when I was with my ex so its kinda been the opposite for me lol Like Kelly said winz have all sorts of grants you just have to ask and do your research to what you are entilted to.

With study there is often a lot of scholarships available, especially if you are part Maori.

Man there seems to be a few single Mums popping up maybe we should start a single Mums support thread...]]> Thu, 21 Jan 2010 17:48:41 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905118&title=raising-a-child-alone#905118 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905087&title=raising-a-child-alone#905087 Author: ellabellame
Subject: 31091
Posted: 21 January 2010 at 5:29pm

i agree with all of the above.
also, when i was a single mum, i also found that i had to be really stroppy with winz sometimes to get them to get their A into G. i once had to take mikey into the winz office with a tea towel stuffed down his pants in place of a nappy because i had no money because they said i had to go to some sort of seminar before even making an appointment to go on the DPB.
If things are tough, don't be afraid to go and ask for a food grant to tide you over, that's what they're there for.
i also found that i became a mean budgeter while on the DPB. i would withdraw the whole amount on pay day and then divide it into rent, electricity, power and food. i had a little jar in my cupboard that i would put a certain amount in each week for power and phone and then if there was extra in the jar after those bills had been paid then that was my spending money.

I'm really sorry to hear about the break up of your marriage, these things are never easy, just don't be afraid to lean on people because you are definitely not alone.
good luck

Edited by ellabellame]]> Thu, 21 Jan 2010 17:29:16 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905087&title=raising-a-child-alone#905087 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905078&title=raising-a-child-alone#905078 Author: caitlynsmygirl
Subject: 31091
Posted: 21 January 2010 at 5:21pm

First , remember something important, no matter how much it can feel like it, you are not alone, there are lots of people who will be able to help you , even if that help is in the form of a much needed hug .

I was a single mum for the first 4 and a half years of Caitlyn's life, and its hard at times , you learn where to cut back , and where to make sacrifices, as time goes on it gets a lot easier .

First thing first, find out what else you are entitled to , you are entitled to dental treatment each year, and food grants,they can help with things like bond , also , on those tough weeks , church food baskets can be a god send .

It'll be tough for a while, but its definitly something you can do

good luck , im really sorry to hear about your marriage breakup ]]> Thu, 21 Jan 2010 17:21:36 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905078&title=raising-a-child-alone#905078 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905059&title=raising-a-child-alone#905059 Author: Mamma2N
Subject: 31091
Posted: 21 January 2010 at 5:06pm

Aww honey, I'm sorry I can't help you, but wanted to send you a great big ]]> Thu, 21 Jan 2010 17:06:09 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905059&title=raising-a-child-alone#905059 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905028&title=raising-a-child-alone#905028 Author: Natalie_G
Subject: 31091
Posted: 21 January 2010 at 4:41pm

How do you mums do it alone, with young children?

DH and I are now separated and I just have no idea what to do, my mind is rushing around and my stomach is just going round in circles with fear that I will never be able to get enough to live.

I am thinking about the DPB and using this time to go back to uni and get qualified and get off the DPB afterwards and into a job where Ill get paid enough not to worry.

Just the quotes I got from WINZ seem like I just can't do it. But I have know many people who have done it.

Help I am so confused. ]]> Thu, 21 Jan 2010 16:41:14 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31091&PID=905028&title=raising-a-child-alone#905028