OHbaby! Forums : Parenting conflicts with DH https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ Copyright (c) 2006-2013 Web Wiz Forums - All Rights Reserved. Mon, 06 Apr 2026 23:57:15 +0000 Thu, 04 Mar 2010 21:56:41 +0000 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Web Wiz Forums 12.05 360 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/RSS_post_feed.asp?TID=32058 <![CDATA[OHbaby! Forums]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_images/web_wiz_forums.png https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ <![CDATA[Parenting conflicts with DH : You sound like a fab mum, and...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=958219&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#958219 Author: countingdown
Subject: 32058
Posted: 04 March 2010 at 9:56pm

You sound like a fab mum, and I'm sure you are providing a lot of cushioning for her as my mum did.

What my dad ended up doing was getting my mum to deal with certain situations. So if my dad felt himself getting angry and about to overreact he would tell mum and she would deal with whatever I was doing 'wrong'. But it does take acknowledgement that his behaviour is over the top and a willingness to improve. Good luck, I'm sure that together you will work it out.]]> Thu, 04 Mar 2010 21:56:41 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=958219&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#958219 <![CDATA[Parenting conflicts with DH : There are some amazing &#039;parenting...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=958150&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#958150 Author: flakesitchyfeet
Subject: 32058
Posted: 04 March 2010 at 9:22pm

There are some amazing 'parenting toolbox' courses, that run one evening a week for six weeks.

If it was approached as a 'we' thing, to get 'us' on the same page, would he go for something like that?

They are all about recognising the child, mother and father in a unit, and ways of worthwhile communication/building one another up. ]]> Thu, 04 Mar 2010 21:22:13 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=958150&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#958150 <![CDATA[Parenting conflicts with DH : Wow, I am blown away by all these...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=958144&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#958144 Author: Squidsmum
Subject: 32058
Posted: 04 March 2010 at 9:18pm

Wow, I am blown away by all these replies - thanks everyone for your support and great ideas.

Countingdown, your dad sounds EXACTLY like my DH, I can totally relate to the moodiness and 1/2-hour lecture! I cringe to think our daughter has to endure that.

I did think about depression - he has quite a stressful job and tends to always see thenegative in things. I suggested he talk to our doctor but he hasn't followed this up.

The taping is a good idea, have thought about that too, but would probably have to do it secretly as I'm sure he is at least somewhat aware of how bad he is, because his behaviour improves around other people or for the camera.

I will definitely try sitting down with him and trying to write out some house rules and agree on consequences for breaking them. This could be a good "neutral" way to start a discussion about parenting styles.]]> Thu, 04 Mar 2010 21:18:26 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=958144&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#958144 <![CDATA[Parenting conflicts with DH : could also try get him to see...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=957891&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#957891 Author: MyLilSquishy
Subject: 32058
Posted: 04 March 2010 at 4:41pm

could also try get him to see a doc to see if he has depression? my dad was really bad and critical until it turned out he was diagnosed with severe clinical depression. its so bad that if he doesnt take his meds hes just about ready to put furniture through the walls or hes crying in bed and physically cant even get out of bed.



countingdown... actually that might work better than secretly taping lol. if you had a family event or some other reason to film something, then just focus on how DH interacts with DD, might be more of a shock that he treats her that way in front of other people as well (if he does treat her the same in public or behind closed doors that is...) .... IYGWIM]]> Thu, 04 Mar 2010 16:41:56 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=957891&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#957891 <![CDATA[Parenting conflicts with DH : That&#039;s a good idea Kahlia,...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=957884&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#957884 Author: countingdown
Subject: 32058
Posted: 04 March 2010 at 4:36pm

That's a good idea Kahlia, albeit controversial I'm sure! That's what made my dad change, for some reason there was a video of me showing everyone a new top I bought and was proud of. Dad was his critical self. When dad saw the video afterwards he was so shocked at seeing the way he spoke to me that he went to see a counsellor to sort himself out.

Maybe your DH doesn't realise how critical he is. Like my dad, maybe he's used to giving into his emotions and not maturely holding himself in check. I'm not sure that just talking to him is going to help, he needs to see how bad he is.]]> Thu, 04 Mar 2010 16:36:44 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=957884&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#957884 <![CDATA[Parenting conflicts with DH : if none of that works, maybe you...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=957879&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#957879 Author: MyLilSquishy
Subject: 32058
Posted: 04 March 2010 at 4:30pm

if none of that works, maybe you could set up a nanny cam and show him how he acts.... maybe he thinks that you are blowing everything out of proportion? he might be shouting at her but think that he is "merely" raising his voice to get his point across...? i know mentioning secretly filming him is prolly going to result in heaps of people jumping down my throat.... but he might just simply not believe you.... and wont until he can see for himself....?]]> Thu, 04 Mar 2010 16:30:29 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=957879&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#957879 <![CDATA[Parenting conflicts with DH : i had another idea, if talking...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=957870&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#957870 Author: Bizzy
Subject: 32058
Posted: 04 March 2010 at 4:22pm

i had another idea, if talking isnt his cup of tea maybe he would read a book... i hear that nigel latta has a new book about men raising girls and there are a few others specifically for that as well out there.

i know on occasion when my husband has told the kids off and handled something badly i will back him up if needed but tell him later that i think he was out of line or being OTT.]]> Thu, 04 Mar 2010 16:22:03 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=957870&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#957870 <![CDATA[Parenting conflicts with DH : Best thing I think is to just...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=957848&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#957848 Author: SMoody
Subject: 32058
Posted: 04 March 2010 at 4:11pm

Best thing I think is to just sit down and talk about it. Dont get defensive ect. See what rules both you guys think is very important in the household. Write that down and what is the consequences when the kids break those rules.

Then bring the kids in and let them be involved in the discussion. Then from there follow the rules and perhaps in the beginning sit down each week and see if it needs altering and after a while perhaps every month ect and take it from there. ]]> Thu, 04 Mar 2010 16:11:09 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=957848&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#957848 <![CDATA[Parenting conflicts with DH : I think that it is in our nature...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=957748&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#957748 Author: mumtooboys
Subject: 32058
Posted: 04 March 2010 at 2:44pm

I think that it is in our nature as men and women to treat kids differently; so something that doesn't bother one parent will bother the other, but having said that when the differences are polar opposites you can run into major issues. DP has a shorter fuse than I do, so if one of the boys does/doesn't do something they have been asked to do while I remain calm he usually blows his top. LOL This is part of his personality that I hate but he is trying to work on things.

I agree with the sit down idea....in fact need to do it myself because I am noticing some things that he does that I don't particularly agree with and I am sure he feels the same about some of the things I do and I want us on the same page.

What I think is that though parents want to set goals and expectations for their kids (and should) they tend to set them too high for their age or stage of development and thus set them up to fail and it frustrates not only the child but the parents too. It takes hard word to acquire the amount of patience and understanding I have now.   I think when a child behaves in a certain way the child HAS a problem not is a problem...figure out what the problem is and you are usually well on your way.]]> Thu, 04 Mar 2010 14:44:27 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=957748&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#957748 <![CDATA[Parenting conflicts with DH : Hi there, your husband sounds...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=957717&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#957717 Author: countingdown
Subject: 32058
Posted: 04 March 2010 at 2:09pm

Hi there, your husband sounds very much like my dad. I grew up with a lot of criticism and unrealistic expectations. I knew what my day was going to be like when I saw what mood dad was in in the morning. If he seemed grumpy I would quickly go into my room and check everything was tidy so that It wouldn't trigger him to go off at me. (He never abused me, but would criticise and and be moody). I still remember the 1/2 hour lecture and demonstration on how to unfold the ironing board properly because he saw me struggling with it and not doing it to his satisfaction.

I'm sure your DH isn't as bad as that, but I know that the criticism I received as a child affected the way I saw myself, and the way I perceived others saw me. I still have issues with perfectionism but now that I am an adult and have children of my own I have been able to move past a lot of it. The relationship between father and daughter is so important, and six year olds internalise everything. I really hope your husband is able to wake up, grow up, and embrace the important responsibility he has to be a role model in your daughter's life.]]> Thu, 04 Mar 2010 14:09:47 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=957717&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#957717 <![CDATA[Parenting conflicts with DH : My brother and ex-sil are like...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=957680&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#957680 Author: caliandjack
Subject: 32058
Posted: 04 March 2010 at 1:46pm

My brother and ex-sil are like that with my niece she's now 13, my brother has always been pretty tough on her, and thinks my sil is too laid back. They seperated when DN was 7 which probably hasn't helped as now Dad only gets her for the holidays.
I think you do need to present a united front, or there will be resentment.

I can see now that my niece is a teenager her relationship with her dad is pretty volatile at times. My sil has never interferred though, something for dad and daughter to work out between them is her thinking.  She feels piggy in the middle otherwise.

]]> Thu, 04 Mar 2010 13:46:29 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=957680&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#957680 <![CDATA[Parenting conflicts with DH : Bizzy makes a great point. Have...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=957652&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#957652 Author: kellie
Subject: 32058
Posted: 04 March 2010 at 1:25pm

Bizzy makes a great point. Have you sat down and discussed, adult to adult, exactly what is bad and what is good?

Hugs to you and your daughter though, I imagine it is extremely upsetting.]]> Thu, 04 Mar 2010 13:25:59 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=957652&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#957652 <![CDATA[Parenting conflicts with DH : sounds like you need to have rules...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=957648&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#957648 Author: Bizzy
Subject: 32058
Posted: 04 March 2010 at 1:23pm

sounds like you need to have rules about what is a behaviour that needs to be disciplined. but if counselling hasnt worked then i dont kow if talking will.    Maybe if he could see how hard he is on her? Or just maybe you are too soft?   ]]> Thu, 04 Mar 2010 13:23:33 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=957648&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#957648 <![CDATA[Parenting conflicts with DH : Don&#039;t know what to say but...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=957646&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#957646 Author: sunnyhoney
Subject: 32058
Posted: 04 March 2010 at 1:20pm

Don't know what to say but didn't want to read and run....Big hugs to you and your daughter. It sounds like he is being the "child" in counselling ]]> Thu, 04 Mar 2010 13:20:43 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=957646&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#957646 <![CDATA[Parenting conflicts with DH : I&#039;m hoping to hear your opinions...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=957600&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#957600 Author: Squidsmum
Subject: 32058
Posted: 04 March 2010 at 12:45pm

I'm hoping to hear your opinions and suggestions about a little problem I have with my DH - we seem to have totally different ideas about parenting and discipline. We've been together 13 years, have two children of our own, and he has two older children from a previous relationship (who don't live with us).

My problem is that I think he is often WAY over the top in disciplining our oldest daughter (6 yrs). He's cranky with her almost all the time, it's rare that she does anything right, and he picks on her for the stupidest little things. I want us to work as a team, but it's really hard to back him up when there's such constant criticism of our daughter and I disagree with most of it. He seems unable to see anything good that she does, and praise is extremely rare.

After two lots of counselling about this issue, (where he usually blames her or sits silently and won't participate) I'm almost at the end of my tether, I'm sick of crying and losing sleep over it, and considering leaving him.

Please help! Anyone else out there experienced something similar? I would love to hear your thoughts.]]> Thu, 04 Mar 2010 12:45:41 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32058&PID=957600&title=parenting-conflicts-with-dh#957600