https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ Copyright (c) 2006-2013 Web Wiz Forums - All Rights Reserved. Tue, 07 Apr 2026 13:05:28 +0000 Tue, 30 Mar 2010 11:13:26 +0000 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Web Wiz Forums 12.05 360 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/RSS_post_feed.asp?TID=32543 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_images/web_wiz_forums.png https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=983603&title=shared-care#983603 Author: Rachael21
Subject: 32543
Posted: 30 March 2010 at 11:13am

Hey Kandice Caprece is about the same age and she has one night a week with her Dad but I kinda feel like it's not enough as it's on a Thursday night and by the following Tuesday they ask when is it Daddy day again. So I think two nights would be ideal. I don't think I would like any more than that away from them and I don't think their Dad could cope with any longer than that. I think it's really great that Charles is keen to have her a lot and you can always adjust it if it doesn't work.

Good luck and I'm sorry you guys are heading down that road ]]> Tue, 30 Mar 2010 11:13:26 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=983603&title=shared-care#983603 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=983409&title=shared-care#983409 Author: MissCandice
Subject: 32543
Posted: 30 March 2010 at 7:59am

Thanks for all the info everyone. When it comes down to it, i am thinking 3 nights a week with daddy. Wednesday Thursday and Friday nights, home at 1pm on Saturday.



Edited by Kandice]]> Tue, 30 Mar 2010 07:59:23 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=983409&title=shared-care#983409 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=983406&title=shared-care#983406 Author: flakesitchyfeet
Subject: 32543
Posted: 30 March 2010 at 7:53am

Awwww Kandice, I am so sorry.

I'm a weekabouter that 'didn't seem to mind'. I think I pay for it now. I never had one real home in my mind the rules values etc differed between the two places as did the friends who lived locally etc. I was never settled, suer I saw both parents equally but that was stressful in itself. I would have much rather seen my father in weekends or at times my mother in weekends, and it would have felt like a mini break away from the other parent. It was confusing, and unsettling going between the strict parent and the cruisy parent, two different sets of rules and expectations etc.

Now, I was married as soon as I could, and purchased a house as soon as I could in the country. This is my home and my community, and I finally feel like I'm grounding my feet somewhere. I don't regret anything I've done 18+, but I wonder how much of it is because I just wanted to belong IYKWIM?

HOWEVER! I was 11 - 17/18ish, not 2.5. I was at that stage where I needed a home, and to feel super grounded, strong boundaries, reinforced rules etc. I think at this age it could be okay, although she would miss you a fair bit too. But as they get older, I know parents think 'week about' is the nicest way around it and kids don't seem to mind, but it leaves me feeling a bit queasy.

I'm not saying it can't work, but you need to be so ready to make the two environments as similar as each other as you can. Of course both of my parents would probably tell you they did that

Edited by Flake]]> Tue, 30 Mar 2010 07:53:14 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=983406&title=shared-care#983406 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=983316&title=shared-care#983316 Author: Shelt
Subject: 32543
Posted: 29 March 2010 at 10:01pm

I think as was mentioned above that generally the research suggests smaller amounts more often works best. My ex and I have an arrangement where he has DD one afternoon and one full day a week and that seems to work well. She sees enough of him to remember who he is and (when he is consistant) she seems to be ok with the routine.]]> Mon, 29 Mar 2010 22:01:13 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=983316&title=shared-care#983316 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=982913&title=shared-care#982913 Author: MamaT
Subject: 32543
Posted: 29 March 2010 at 3:43pm

When we were about that age Dad would have us for the weekend once a fortnight, as we got older (about 5 or 6 I think) this turned into being a week about arrangement, worked well for us at the time]]> Mon, 29 Mar 2010 15:43:23 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=982913&title=shared-care#982913 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=982772&title=shared-care#982772 Author: Bombshell
Subject: 32543
Posted: 29 March 2010 at 2:10pm

watch the free dvds from the family court...esp the kids talk about separation one....that will give you an insight into a future for your daughter....

also maybe do the relationship counselling via the court and use that forum to sort out care issues...

much of the research for kids at her age suggest short periods of time frequently (eg 2 days on three days off etc).... with each parent...and the courts often follow unless the parents agree other wise

also check IRD as "bed nights" reduce child support payments!

good luck - there is plenty of free advise and support out there....]]> Mon, 29 Mar 2010 14:10:00 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=982772&title=shared-care#982772 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=982673&title=shared-care#982673 Author: kiwisj
Subject: 32543
Posted: 29 March 2010 at 1:05pm

I'm sorry you're going through this Kandice.

My friend's kiddo is almost 4 now but she's been separated from the Dad since they were about 2.5yo. They stayed with their Dad one night a week in the beginning and then every second weekend I think. Now it's 2nights in a row in the week as well. ]]> Mon, 29 Mar 2010 13:05:41 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=982673&title=shared-care#982673 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=982651&title=shared-care#982651 Author: kebakat
Subject: 32543
Posted: 29 March 2010 at 12:54pm

No matter what you decide to do you will miss her like crazy at first.

Kids do get use to whatever arrangement. A friend in wellys has 2 kids week on week off and because both parents are happy and they know where they are gonna be when the kids are happy as with the arrangement (they are 9 and 10 I think).

Good luck]]> Mon, 29 Mar 2010 12:54:39 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=982651&title=shared-care#982651 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=982637&title=shared-care#982637 Author: MissCandice
Subject: 32543
Posted: 29 March 2010 at 12:48pm

I was thinking week about also, but i don't know if i would like this if it was me doing it. Having 2 of everything. Having to leave her for a week! I was thinking 2 nights on weekdays, and a weekend. But then i would miss her! I dont want to let her go. I have to be fair though, he is a fantastic dad to her and i want that to continue.]]> Mon, 29 Mar 2010 12:48:22 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=982637&title=shared-care#982637 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=982609&title=shared-care#982609 Author: kebakat
Subject: 32543
Posted: 29 March 2010 at 12:27pm

My cuz has shared care of his daughter. I don't think its anything formal but he seems to have her week on week off. And shes a couple of months younger than Daniel. She doesn't seem to mind. I think its a fairly new arrangement too as he didn't have her quite so often until recently.]]> Mon, 29 Mar 2010 12:27:25 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=982609&title=shared-care#982609 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=982602&title=shared-care#982602 Author: jaz
Subject: 32543
Posted: 29 March 2010 at 12:22pm

Personally I wouldn't go there with a 2.5 yo but would have short and regular bursts instead. Maybe a couple of hours a couple of evenings a week and either an overnight and day or full day in the weekend. I would hate to live between two houses and feel sorry for kids that have to live like this. But that is just my opinion.

You could try going to counselling with a family counsellor to see what they suggest for a child that age. I'm sure lots of other families have been through the same thing and you would be able to learn from other peoples experiences. ]]> Mon, 29 Mar 2010 12:22:02 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=982602&title=shared-care#982602 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=982368&title=shared-care#982368 Author: MissCandice
Subject: 32543
Posted: 29 March 2010 at 8:37am

nzpiper wrote: Kandice, sorry to hear this. I havent been on here for a while...have you split with DF? hugs!

Not yet Nikki, but it seems inevitable. ]]> Mon, 29 Mar 2010 08:37:30 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=982368&title=shared-care#982368 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=982351&title=shared-care#982351 Author: peanut butter
Subject: 32543
Posted: 29 March 2010 at 8:12am

Kandice, sorry to hear this. I havent been on here for a while...have you split with DF? hugs!]]> Mon, 29 Mar 2010 08:12:47 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=982351&title=shared-care#982351 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=982345&title=shared-care#982345 Author: FreeSpirit
Subject: 32543
Posted: 29 March 2010 at 7:58am

At 2.5 I'd be tempted to do a couple of days a week, so each week has the same routine. I know at 1.5, they prefer to have "little and often" visits (eg 2 hours a time, 3-4 days a week).]]> Mon, 29 Mar 2010 07:58:53 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=982345&title=shared-care#982345 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=982336&title=shared-care#982336 Author: MissCandice
Subject: 32543
Posted: 29 March 2010 at 7:39am

What is the best option for a 2.5 year old? Would you do week about or a couple days a week?

She loves her daddy soooo much and cries her heart out when he is not there

]]> Mon, 29 Mar 2010 07:39:45 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32543&PID=982336&title=shared-care#982336