https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ Copyright (c) 2006-2013 Web Wiz Forums - All Rights Reserved. Thu, 30 Apr 2026 16:46:00 +0000 Sat, 17 Apr 2010 15:54:27 +0000 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Web Wiz Forums 12.05 360 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/RSS_post_feed.asp?TID=32903 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_images/web_wiz_forums.png https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32903&PID=999075&title=preparing-for-children-take-these-tests#999075 Author: MyLilSquishy
Subject: 32903
Posted: 17 April 2010 at 3:54pm

lol brilliant]]> Sat, 17 Apr 2010 15:54:27 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32903&PID=999075&title=preparing-for-children-take-these-tests#999075 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32903&PID=999071&title=preparing-for-children-take-these-tests#999071 Author: julz85
Subject: 32903
Posted: 17 April 2010 at 3:47pm

bahahahaha that is awesome . i love the feeding the one year old part . i feel like this every day with my 9month old. ]]> Sat, 17 Apr 2010 15:47:01 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32903&PID=999071&title=preparing-for-children-take-these-tests#999071 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32903&PID=999060&title=preparing-for-children-take-these-tests#999060 Author: M.i.s.s.y
Subject: 32903
Posted: 17 April 2010 at 3:14pm

OMG this is awesum, i had tears streaming down my face, i had to keep wiping them away to keep reading it!

Classic & so true

Thanks for sharing. x ]]> Sat, 17 Apr 2010 15:14:36 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32903&PID=999060&title=preparing-for-children-take-these-tests#999060 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32903&PID=998948&title=preparing-for-children-take-these-tests#998948 Author: luvmylittlies
Subject: 32903
Posted: 17 April 2010 at 11:53am

Hysterical. I love it.]]> Sat, 17 Apr 2010 11:53:11 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32903&PID=998948&title=preparing-for-children-take-these-tests#998948 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32903&PID=998898&title=preparing-for-children-take-these-tests#998898 Author: caliandjack
Subject: 32903
Posted: 17 April 2010 at 10:22am

Ha ha - its all too late - baby no1 is on its way whether we're ready or not. ]]> Sat, 17 Apr 2010 10:22:39 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32903&PID=998898&title=preparing-for-children-take-these-tests#998898 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32903&PID=998817&title=preparing-for-children-take-these-tests#998817 Author: caraMel
Subject: 32903
Posted: 17 April 2010 at 8:14am

I've read this one a few times before, but it still makes me laugh every time I see it!]]> Sat, 17 Apr 2010 08:14:58 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32903&PID=998817&title=preparing-for-children-take-these-tests#998817 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32903&PID=998762&title=preparing-for-children-take-these-tests#998762 Author: Ella1
Subject: 32903
Posted: 16 April 2010 at 10:23pm

Tears in my eyes and a sore tummy. That is hilarious!]]> Fri, 16 Apr 2010 22:23:40 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32903&PID=998762&title=preparing-for-children-take-these-tests#998762 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32903&PID=998755&title=preparing-for-children-take-these-tests#998755 Author: High9
Subject: 32903
Posted: 16 April 2010 at 10:15pm

LOL I have never laughed so hard before, I have tears because it's that funny. ]]> Fri, 16 Apr 2010 22:15:50 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32903&PID=998755&title=preparing-for-children-take-these-tests#998755 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32903&PID=998749&title=preparing-for-children-take-these-tests#998749 Author: queenbean
Subject: 32903
Posted: 16 April 2010 at 10:09pm

Hahaha, and sadly so true!]]> Fri, 16 Apr 2010 22:09:04 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32903&PID=998749&title=preparing-for-children-take-these-tests#998749 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32903&PID=998741&title=preparing-for-children-take-these-tests#998741 Author: LouD
Subject: 32903
Posted: 16 April 2010 at 9:56pm

Classic..........funny....and yet i still love my children and want more]]> Fri, 16 Apr 2010 21:56:37 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32903&PID=998741&title=preparing-for-children-take-these-tests#998741 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32903&PID=998707&title=preparing-for-children-take-these-tests#998707 Author: Troods
Subject: 32903
Posted: 16 April 2010 at 9:25pm

Test 1 - Preparation

Women: To prepare for pregnancy:-

1. Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.

2. Leave it there.

3. After 9 months remove 5% of the beans.


Men: To prepare for children:-

1. go to a local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet onto the counter and tell the pharmacist to help himself

2. go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.

3. Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time.


Test 2 - Knowledge


Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels and how they have allowed their children to run wild. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behaviour.

Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.



Test 3 - Nights

To discover how the nights will feel:

1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 4 - 6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.

2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep.

3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am.

4. Set the alarm for 3am.

5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.

6. Go to bed at 2.45am.

7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.

8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.

9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.

10. Make breakfast.

Keep this up for 5 years. LOOK CHEERFUL.



Test 4 - Dressing Small Children

1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.

2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hang out.

Time Allowed: 5 minutes.




Test 5 - Cars

1. Forget the BMW. Buy a practical 5-door wagon.

2. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.

3. Get a coin. Insert it into the CD player.

4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat.

5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.



Test 6 - Going For a Walk

Wait
Go out the front door
Come back in again
Go out
Come back in again
Go out again
Walk down the front path
Walk back up it
Walk down it again
Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.
Stop, inspect minutely and ask at least 6 questions about every piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way.
Retrace your steps
Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbours come out and stare at you.
Give up and go back into the house.

You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.


Test 7

Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.


Test 8 - Grocery Shopping


1. Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child - a fully grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.

2. Buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your sight.

3. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.

Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.



Test 9 - Feeding a 1 year-old

1. Hollow out a melon

2. Make a small hole in the side

3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side

4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon while pretending to be an aeroplane.

5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.

6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor.


Test 10 - TV

1. Learn the names of every character from the Wiggles, Barney, Teletubbies and Disney.

2. Watch nothing else on television for at least 5 years.


Test 11 - Mess

Can you stand the mess children make? To find out:

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains

2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.

3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds and then rub them on clean walls. Cover the stains with crayon. How does that look?

4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor & leave it there.



Test 12 - Long Trips with Toddlers

1. Make a recording of someone shouting 'Mummy' repeatedly. Important Notes: No more than a 4 second delay between each Mummy. Include occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet.

2. Play this tape in your car, everywhere you go for the next 4 years.

You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.


Test 13 - Conversations

1. Start talking to an adult of your choice.

2. Have someone else continually tug on your shirt hem or shirt sleeve while playing the Mummy tape listed above.

You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.



Test 14 - Getting ready for work

1. Pick a day on which you have an important meeting.

2. Put on your finest work attire.

3. Take a cup of cream and put 1 cup of lemon juice in it

4. Stir

5. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt

6. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture

7. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel

8. Do not change (you have no time).

9. Go directly to work


You are now ready to have children. ENJOY!!




]]> Fri, 16 Apr 2010 21:25:48 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32903&PID=998707&title=preparing-for-children-take-these-tests#998707