OHbaby! Forums : Antony, my son https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ Copyright (c) 2006-2013 Web Wiz Forums - All Rights Reserved. Thu, 30 Apr 2026 16:21:23 +0000 Wed, 09 Jan 2013 21:44:52 +0000 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Web Wiz Forums 12.05 360 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/RSS_post_feed.asp?TID=33078 <![CDATA[OHbaby! Forums]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_images/web_wiz_forums.png https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Wow, I just read this, there...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=5823327&title=antony-my-son#5823327 Author: Inkedpixie
Subject: 33078
Posted: 09 January 2013 at 9:44pm

Wow, I just read this, there really are no words. I just... I am so sorry for your loss xx]]> Wed, 09 Jan 2013 21:44:52 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=5823327&title=antony-my-son#5823327 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Awwwwwwww I just read this :(...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1377300&title=antony-my-son#1377300 Author: amalyse
Subject: 33078
Posted: 17 August 2011 at 11:42pm

Awwwwwwww I just read this :( I never knew what happened with Antony. Now my little lady shares the same birthday as Antony's little bro. I bet he's looking down over Seth and looking out for him always xxx]]> Wed, 17 Aug 2011 23:42:50 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1377300&title=antony-my-son#1377300 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Hey Lisa I just wanted to stop...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1207290&title=antony-my-son#1207290 Author: rachndean
Subject: 33078
Posted: 24 November 2010 at 8:54pm

Hey Lisa
I just wanted to stop in and send you a big , and say that you're blog is great! You are so clever with words!!
I hope you are getting through this week ok, you are amazing woman!!
Arohanui xo]]> Wed, 24 Nov 2010 20:54:01 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1207290&title=antony-my-son#1207290 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Thank you Zaylah. This week has...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1205082&title=antony-my-son#1205082 Author: lil_lease
Subject: 33078
Posted: 21 November 2010 at 11:43pm

Thank you Zaylah. This week has been a hard week for me and mine, but we're getting through it one day at a time. I've been ultra paranoid about every little twitch and twinge, or lack thereof but everything is going well and my midwife is quite happy with everything so I'm happy.

I have a blog where I have been writing about my pregnancy and everything that goes with it. Blog

Thanks everyone for your support, well wishes and sympathy over the past several months. It has meant a LOT to me. ]]> Sun, 21 Nov 2010 23:43:50 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1205082&title=antony-my-son#1205082 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Lisa - I&#039;ve been thinking...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1204779&title=antony-my-son#1204779 Author: Zaylah
Subject: 33078
Posted: 21 November 2010 at 1:56pm

Lisa - I've been thinking about you a lot the last couple of days and debating whether or not two write anything. 2 days ago would have been a huge day for you and I just wanted you to know that I, and a lot of the OB ladies still think of you and your son and family. Take care xxx]]> Sun, 21 Nov 2010 13:56:45 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1204779&title=antony-my-son#1204779 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : I cant remember if I ever replied...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1184413&title=antony-my-son#1184413 Author: Raspberryjam
Subject: 33078
Posted: 24 October 2010 at 10:08pm

I cant remember if I ever replied as your story was so raw for me. I have a heart child, and only for the grace of god is she still with us.
I think the fear of loosing a child is the closest thing I have ever known to desperation, In no way do I understand what its like for you I just wanted to say I am so sad for you and hope each day brings you closer to smiling when you think of your precious boy
Congratulations on your pregnancy, I can imagine its a nerve wracking time for you as much as a celebration, that bit I can almost relate to.
All the best and much much love and strength to you xx

]]> Sun, 24 Oct 2010 22:08:14 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1184413&title=antony-my-son#1184413 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Thankyou MacKat. Sorry for you...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1183765&title=antony-my-son#1183765 Author: lil_lease
Subject: 33078
Posted: 23 October 2010 at 3:25pm

Thankyou MacKat. Sorry for you losing your precious twins.
Boys being buys they probably are up there making lots of mischeif

We dont actually have a Sands group in my town, but this forum has helped me greatly.]]> Sat, 23 Oct 2010 15:25:46 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1183765&title=antony-my-son#1183765 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : I know your pain. We lost our...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1182261&title=antony-my-son#1182261 Author: MacKat
Subject: 33078
Posted: 21 October 2010 at 2:32pm

I know your pain. We lost our twin boys on April 3 so I hope they are playing with Antony up there and looking after each other. And being the wee rascals that boys are! Take care. I have found my Sands group to be wonderful.]]> Thu, 21 Oct 2010 14:32:39 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1182261&title=antony-my-son#1182261 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Lil_lease, I am so sorry about...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1177300&title=antony-my-son#1177300 Author: Hibiscus
Subject: 33078
Posted: 14 October 2010 at 2:50pm

Lil_lease, I am so sorry about your loss. It's been a few months now and you are pregnant again - which is wonderful, congratulations! But I'm sure you'll never forget Antony. So my heart goes out to you and the other mums who have lost a baby as it must be the hardest thing ever that can happen to a mum. All the best for your pregnancy!]]> Thu, 14 Oct 2010 14:50:48 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1177300&title=antony-my-son#1177300 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Go you for standing up for yourself,...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1170272&title=antony-my-son#1170272 Author: shadowfeet
Subject: 33078
Posted: 06 October 2010 at 12:09am

Go you for standing up for yourself, especially if it stops that doctor saying something similar in future to another woman

Good luck for the rest of your pregnancy, I hope it goes quickly and healthily for you

]]> Wed, 06 Oct 2010 00:09:07 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1170272&title=antony-my-son#1170272 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Thanks Limochick ]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1163285&title=antony-my-son#1163285 Author: lil_lease
Subject: 33078
Posted: 27 September 2010 at 5:32pm

Thanks Limochick ]]> Mon, 27 Sep 2010 17:32:29 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1163285&title=antony-my-son#1163285 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : I&#039;m so pleased that you recieved...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1163244&title=antony-my-son#1163244 Author: Limochick
Subject: 33078
Posted: 27 September 2010 at 4:39pm

I'm so pleased that you recieved a letter of apology and that you stood up for yourself

Also I just want to say congrats on your pregnancy and wishing you a very happy and healthy 9months ahead ]]> Mon, 27 Sep 2010 16:39:34 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1163244&title=antony-my-son#1163244 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : I dont know if anyone is going...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1163230&title=antony-my-son#1163230 Author: lil_lease
Subject: 33078
Posted: 27 September 2010 at 4:31pm

I dont know if anyone is going to read this but I thought I'd share it here anyway.
I have been notified that I am to expect a letter of apology from the doctor who made the hurtful comment towards me.
I laid a complaint with the Health and Disability Commissioner over several things which I wasnt happy with concerning my care during such a difficult time and I recieved the official reply today. My head is spinning because it's so much for me to take in.
I'm glad that's over but I'm also happy that I did stand up and say I wasnt happy with the care I recieved.]]> Mon, 27 Sep 2010 16:31:41 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1163230&title=antony-my-son#1163230 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Like many others I am sitting...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1113632&title=antony-my-son#1113632 Author: Roses are Red
Subject: 33078
Posted: 30 July 2010 at 10:52am

Like many others I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face and a huge lump in my throat, what a heart wrenching time you had to go through , Thank you so much for sharing.

Congrats on your pregnancy ]]> Fri, 30 Jul 2010 10:52:28 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1113632&title=antony-my-son#1113632 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : that story has really touched...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1105748&title=antony-my-son#1105748 Author: Kazper
Subject: 33078
Posted: 21 July 2010 at 8:55pm

that story has really touched me. Thank you for sharing it!]]> Wed, 21 Jul 2010 20:55:25 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1105748&title=antony-my-son#1105748 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : I am so very sorry for your loss....]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1093815&title=antony-my-son#1093815 Author: CarrieMum
Subject: 33078
Posted: 10 July 2010 at 10:46am

I am so very sorry for your loss. I cried reading about your beautiful boy. Life just isn't fair and Im so sorry that he couldn't stay.
Take care of yourself and all the best for the future.]]> Sat, 10 Jul 2010 10:46:31 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1093815&title=antony-my-son#1093815 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : My heart goes out to you. I too...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1093100&title=antony-my-son#1093100 Author: WeeOne
Subject: 33078
Posted: 09 July 2010 at 2:20pm

My heart goes out to you.

I too lost my son, at 30 weeks. My waters broke at 27 and I tried desperately to hold on as long as possible for him. Sadly when he decided it was time to arrive, his little heart couldn't take it. It's been just over 2 years and I can tell you that time is a great healer. You never forget, but it does get easier. Life isn't always how we plan, but you sound like a strong person and I'm certain you will come through the other side.

Hopefully when the time is right you will able to try again.

Chin up - keep smiling ]]> Fri, 09 Jul 2010 14:20:21 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1093100&title=antony-my-son#1093100 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : You brave brave lady. Thank you...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1085840&title=antony-my-son#1085840 Author: Richie
Subject: 33078
Posted: 02 July 2010 at 10:56pm

You brave brave lady. Thank you so much for sharing this heartwrenching story with us. I have a lump in my throat and tears streaming down my face as I write this. I am just so glad that you were able to spend time with your dear wee boy before he passed. I hope you are doing OK considering the circumstances. Huge hugs to you and your family, and I'm so, so sorry for your loss I can't even begin to imagine what you are going thru xxx take care]]> Fri, 02 Jul 2010 22:56:57 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1085840&title=antony-my-son#1085840 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Jace1 wrote:reading you heartfelt...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1069442&title=antony-my-son#1069442 Author: lil_lease
Subject: 33078
Posted: 19 June 2010 at 10:47pm

Originally posted by Jace1 Jace1 wrote:

reading you heartfelt story gave me the courage to write about the loss of my son. I thank you for that because for some reason I feel like a small part of the weight has finally been lifted. Isnt it odd that sharing with strangers can sometimes be easier than talking to friends about it.

I was wondering if you still get insomnia? My husband and I both seem to have it constantly since Jaydens death.

Keep strong
Jace


Wow, I was not expecting to see new messages in here.

Somehow sharing with strangers IS easier.

Yes, I do still get insomnia. Some nights I dont get to sleep until about 5am. I'm quite glad that I dont have to get up in the mornings to go to work.
I've tried all sorts to get myself to sleep and nothing seems to work for me. Meditation, natural sleep aids, sleep teas, sleeping pills. I'm naturally a night owl which doesnt help.

Sharing my story helped me immensely. It hasnt quite been 3 months since we lost Antony, and we are hoping to try for another baby very soon.
]]> Sat, 19 Jun 2010 22:47:21 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1069442&title=antony-my-son#1069442 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Jessica - I love the graphic you...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1069422&title=antony-my-son#1069422 Author: TansNiss
Subject: 33078
Posted: 19 June 2010 at 10:09pm

Jessica - I love the graphic you have on your posts. What software do you use to create these?]]> Sat, 19 Jun 2010 22:09:46 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1069422&title=antony-my-son#1069422 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Am crying for you, lots of hugs....]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1069374&title=antony-my-son#1069374 Author: Jessica
Subject: 33078
Posted: 19 June 2010 at 9:42pm

Am crying for you, lots of hugs. It does leave you empty but it does get a little easier each day, keep thinking of Antony and keep talking about him - he will always be a special part of you. Hopefully you will be preg with a little brother or sister soon, when the time is right. Also not easy but you just have to keep telling yourself it is a different pregnancy and Antony will be watching over you with your grandfather
Sending lots of hugs and thoughts your way]]> Sat, 19 Jun 2010 21:42:09 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1069374&title=antony-my-son#1069374 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : My heart goes out to you and your...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1068636&title=antony-my-son#1068636 Author: Juzzo
Subject: 33078
Posted: 18 June 2010 at 10:01pm

My heart goes out to you and your family. What a difficult time you have been through, thank you so much for sharing it with us. ]]> Fri, 18 Jun 2010 22:01:55 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1068636&title=antony-my-son#1068636 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Thank you so much for sharing...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1066954&title=antony-my-son#1066954 Author: TansNiss
Subject: 33078
Posted: 17 June 2010 at 4:44pm

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It was beautiful yet heartbreaking and I really feel for you, having lost our wee man at 16 days. Take care]]> Thu, 17 Jun 2010 16:44:24 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1066954&title=antony-my-son#1066954 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : reading you heartfelt story gave...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1065976&title=antony-my-son#1065976 Author: Jace1
Subject: 33078
Posted: 16 June 2010 at 8:19pm

reading you heartfelt story gave me the courage to write about the loss of my son. I thank you for that because for some reason I feel like a small part of the weight has finally been lifted. Isnt it odd that sharing with strangers can sometimes be easier than talking to friends about it.

I was wondering if you still get insomnia? My husband and I both seem to have it constantly since Jaydens death.

Keep strong
Jace]]> Wed, 16 Jun 2010 20:19:30 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1065976&title=antony-my-son#1065976 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : My heart goes out to you and to...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1039765&title=antony-my-son#1039765 Author: Princess_Bubs
Subject: 33078
Posted: 24 May 2010 at 2:08pm

My heart goes out to you and to your Precious Anthony. I am so sorry you went through this, and I hope that you continue to heal as the days pass.

I can tell from your posts that you are an incredibly strong woman and I wish you all the best for TTC next month.

I like the analogy about life and the feeling of it being a giant hole. Sometimes it feels like a never ending black hole, but you're right, We can learn to build around the hole again.

I look forward to seeing you a in due thread



]]> Mon, 24 May 2010 14:08:42 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1039765&title=antony-my-son#1039765 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Time does help heal the pain....]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1034353&title=antony-my-son#1034353 Author: lil_lease
Subject: 33078
Posted: 20 May 2010 at 6:21am

Time does help heal the pain. I can think of Antony now and not start bawling my eyes out.

I can read the story I wrote without wanting to curl into a little ball.

I keep on going out of sheer stubborness I think. ]]> Thu, 20 May 2010 06:21:26 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1034353&title=antony-my-son#1034353 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : I only just read this post last...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1034220&title=antony-my-son#1034220 Author: Smiles
Subject: 33078
Posted: 19 May 2010 at 9:15pm

I only just read this post last night and I've read a lot of heart-wrenching posts on OB, but this was the first that made me cry

I can't even begin to say how sad and sorry I feel for your loss. I thank you for sharing your story. I lost a baby at 13 weeks but was nothing compared to what you must of had to endure emotionally and physically at 21 weeks.

I hope time is starting to heal the pain, although I know it will never truely go away. I think you're so strong for having gone through this and come out the other end being able to share your story and keep on going.

My thoughts are with you.

x]]> Wed, 19 May 2010 21:15:32 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1034220&title=antony-my-son#1034220 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : So sorry to read your story. ...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1020452&title=antony-my-son#1020452 Author: Blondes_Away
Subject: 33078
Posted: 09 May 2010 at 4:45am

So sorry to read your story.



Wishing you all the best to get through this terrible time.

]]> Sun, 09 May 2010 04:45:15 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1020452&title=antony-my-son#1020452 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : I think sharing Antonys story...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1018365&title=antony-my-son#1018365 Author: lil_lease
Subject: 33078
Posted: 06 May 2010 at 4:35pm

I think sharing Antonys story with all of you has helped me feel that yes it really did happen, and it's made it easier on my head because I dont have to panic about remembering everything. It's all there on paper (kind of)

I'm taking each day as it comes and not worrying too much if I feel like being an ostrich for the day and burying my head under the pillows. My insomnia is back though.

The days are getting easier to handle and I'm not crying all the time. I still feel empty, but I cant let that emptiness consume me.

I had some very good advice from a family friend who lost her son. When you lose a child there becomes a hole in your life and for a while all you can see is the hole, all you can feel is the hole and it seems your whole life IS the hole. Slowly you learn to ease yourself out of the hole and back into the world around you. It takes a while and the hole never fills in, but you learn to build your life and live your life around that hole.
It's always there and you'll never forget it but you learn to live with it, not in it.]]> Thu, 06 May 2010 16:35:51 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1018365&title=antony-my-son#1018365 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : I am so sorry for your loss....]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1018015&title=antony-my-son#1018015 Author: kiwisj
Subject: 33078
Posted: 06 May 2010 at 12:38pm



I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing Antony's story xxx]]> Thu, 06 May 2010 12:38:36 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1018015&title=antony-my-son#1018015 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Like all the others, I am very,...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1017354&title=antony-my-son#1017354 Author: X
Subject: 33078
Posted: 05 May 2010 at 7:21pm

Like all the others, I am very, very sorry for your loss. Antony was very lucky to be surrounded by people who loved him for his very short time here on earth. I hope that in time your pain becomes more bearable. RIP little angel ]]> Wed, 05 May 2010 19:21:34 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1017354&title=antony-my-son#1017354 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : So sorry about your loss and thank...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1016191&title=antony-my-son#1016191 Author: Natalie_G
Subject: 33078
Posted: 04 May 2010 at 7:57pm

So sorry about your loss and thank you for sharing your story it must not have been easy.

Hang in there. ]]> Tue, 04 May 2010 19:57:54 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1016191&title=antony-my-son#1016191 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : I am so sorry for the loss of...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1013787&title=antony-my-son#1013787 Author: Rachael21
Subject: 33078
Posted: 02 May 2010 at 7:44pm

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby thank you for shring your story with all of us I am shocked and disgusted with what the Dr said. xxx]]> Sun, 02 May 2010 19:44:00 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1013787&title=antony-my-son#1013787 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : I also hav tears streaming down...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1012667&title=antony-my-son#1012667 Author: M.i.s.s.y
Subject: 33078
Posted: 01 May 2010 at 12:06pm

I also hav tears streaming down my face, im so sorry 4 ur loss hun, i cant imagine wot u, ur dh & families must be going thru, my heart goes out 2 u all. u all deserve such big hugs & so much more. thank you so much 4 sharing ur story. im so pleased that u still got sum precious tym with ur beautiful wee man before his passing.

May Antony Rest in Peace.
xxxxxxxx]]> Sat, 01 May 2010 12:06:08 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1012667&title=antony-my-son#1012667 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : As i sit here with tears streaming...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1012343&title=antony-my-son#1012343 Author: julz85
Subject: 33078
Posted: 30 April 2010 at 9:58pm

As i sit here with tears streaming down i can not begin to imagine what you are going through . I find it difficult to say anything that will comfort you as i have never been through anything like this so i couldnt possibly understand the imense loss you will be feeling right now , i have however like most other woman on this site felt my baby kick within my belly, and felt that amazing bond you get when carrying your child, it is like nothing you can ever explain, to loose that in the way you have is tragic and heart wrenching . You sound like a very strong woman to have been through this and you will come out the other side .  My thoughts are with you and your family. Your wee boy is very lucky to have a mummy and daddy that loved him so much. Thank you for sharing your story . ]]> Fri, 30 Apr 2010 21:58:32 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1012343&title=antony-my-son#1012343 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Wow you are amazing to share this...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1012340&title=antony-my-son#1012340 Author: Limochick
Subject: 33078
Posted: 30 April 2010 at 9:55pm

Wow you are amazing to share this with us all. I can't imagine how you feel but as I read your story I sat here crying cos it must be so hard for you. Sending you and your partner lots of love and support ]]> Fri, 30 Apr 2010 21:55:20 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1012340&title=antony-my-son#1012340 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Thanks eveyone. Some days are...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1011400&title=antony-my-son#1011400 Author: lil_lease
Subject: 33078
Posted: 30 April 2010 at 12:01pm

Thanks eveyone. Some days are easier than others but every day I remember and feel a little sad.]]> Fri, 30 Apr 2010 12:01:50 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1011400&title=antony-my-son#1011400 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Im so sorry for ur loss ]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1011258&title=antony-my-son#1011258 Author: jacobsmummy
Subject: 33078
Posted: 30 April 2010 at 10:48am

Im so sorry for ur loss ]]> Fri, 30 Apr 2010 10:48:25 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1011258&title=antony-my-son#1011258 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : To share your story and your wee...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1011123&title=antony-my-son#1011123 Author: Katte
Subject: 33078
Posted: 29 April 2010 at 9:00pm

To share your story and your wee boy with us takes amazing strength and my heartbreaks that you and your husband and families have had to go through such a tragic loss. My thoughts are with you.]]> Thu, 29 Apr 2010 21:00:01 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1011123&title=antony-my-son#1011123 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : I&#039;m so sorry for your loss...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1010408&title=antony-my-son#1010408 Author: tiptoes
Subject: 33078
Posted: 28 April 2010 at 9:16pm

I'm so sorry for your loss ]]> Wed, 28 Apr 2010 21:16:49 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1010408&title=antony-my-son#1010408 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : I&#039;m so sorry for your loss...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1010196&title=antony-my-son#1010196 Author: EmDee
Subject: 33078
Posted: 28 April 2010 at 6:59pm

I'm so sorry for your loss My thoughts are with you, your family and your wee angel Antony ]]> Wed, 28 Apr 2010 18:59:42 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1010196&title=antony-my-son#1010196 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : I too am so sorry for your loss,...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1010085&title=antony-my-son#1010085 Author: Emmi_
Subject: 33078
Posted: 28 April 2010 at 5:51pm

I too am so sorry for your loss, Antony was lucky he was loved so much by so many.
I cant imagine what you are going through but shed tears for you, your DP and Antony.
Thank you so much for sharing your story]]> Wed, 28 Apr 2010 17:51:29 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1010085&title=antony-my-son#1010085 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Im so sorry for your loss......]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1009976&title=antony-my-son#1009976 Author: Happy lady
Subject: 33078
Posted: 28 April 2010 at 5:00pm


Im so sorry for your loss... It breaks my heart. Your strength is truely inspiring. I pray that over time your hearts heal.... XXXXXXX

]]> Wed, 28 Apr 2010 17:00:46 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1009976&title=antony-my-son#1009976 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : I am so very sorry for your loss. I...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1009908&title=antony-my-son#1009908 Author: mummyofprinces
Subject: 33078
Posted: 28 April 2010 at 4:37pm

I am so very sorry for your loss.

I am honoured that you have shared your story with us.

]]> Wed, 28 Apr 2010 16:37:38 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1009908&title=antony-my-son#1009908 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Im so sorry ]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1009829&title=antony-my-son#1009829 Author: Raspberryjam
Subject: 33078
Posted: 28 April 2010 at 4:05pm

Im so sorry ]]> Wed, 28 Apr 2010 16:05:53 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1009829&title=antony-my-son#1009829 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : OMG, that is the most heartbreaking...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1009784&title=antony-my-son#1009784 Author: clover
Subject: 33078
Posted: 28 April 2010 at 3:43pm

OMG, that is the most heartbreaking but beautiful story. Fly free sweet one.]]> Wed, 28 Apr 2010 15:43:55 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1009784&title=antony-my-son#1009784 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : i am so sorry for your loss my...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1009706&title=antony-my-son#1009706 Author: Lisa1986
Subject: 33078
Posted: 28 April 2010 at 3:10pm

i am so sorry for your loss
my thoughts are with you and your partner at this time]]> Wed, 28 Apr 2010 15:10:08 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1009706&title=antony-my-son#1009706 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Oh god, that is so heartbraking....]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1009427&title=antony-my-son#1009427 Author: MamaT
Subject: 33078
Posted: 28 April 2010 at 12:02pm

Oh god, that is so heartbraking. My thoughts are with you and your partner at this difficult time. ]]> Wed, 28 Apr 2010 12:02:12 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1009427&title=antony-my-son#1009427 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : I am so sorry for your Loss. I...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1008634&title=antony-my-son#1008634 Author: Aimz6
Subject: 33078
Posted: 27 April 2010 at 5:12pm

I am so sorry for your Loss.

I also Lost my Baby . 8 months ago. It gets easier but I will ever forget.

My thoughts go out to you and your partner!

]]> Tue, 27 Apr 2010 17:12:09 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1008634&title=antony-my-son#1008634 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Edited by MonicaMouse ]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1008596&title=antony-my-son#1008596 Author: MonicaMouse
Subject: 33078
Posted: 27 April 2010 at 4:47pm



Edited by MonicaMouse]]> Tue, 27 Apr 2010 16:47:40 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1008596&title=antony-my-son#1008596 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Oh wow, that brought tears to...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1008455&title=antony-my-son#1008455 Author: emz
Subject: 33078
Posted: 27 April 2010 at 3:10pm

Oh wow, that brought tears to my eyes I am so, so sorry for your loss and for the (lack of) care your received from certain professionals. My thoughts are with you ]]> Tue, 27 Apr 2010 15:10:07 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1008455&title=antony-my-son#1008455 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : I&#039;m so sorry for your loss...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1008409&title=antony-my-son#1008409 Author: shadowfeet
Subject: 33078
Posted: 27 April 2010 at 2:39pm

I'm so sorry for your loss

]]> Tue, 27 Apr 2010 14:39:49 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1008409&title=antony-my-son#1008409 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : What an amazing story and journey....]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1007904&title=antony-my-son#1007904 Author: WestiesGirl
Subject: 33078
Posted: 26 April 2010 at 10:20pm

What an amazing story and journey. Stay strong. Im so sorry for your loss Rest in peace little one ]]> Mon, 26 Apr 2010 22:20:14 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1007904&title=antony-my-son#1007904 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : I&#039;m so, so sorry, and I really...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1007797&title=antony-my-son#1007797 Author: queenbean
Subject: 33078
Posted: 26 April 2010 at 8:57pm

I'm so, so sorry, and I really understand your pain ]]> Mon, 26 Apr 2010 20:57:02 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1007797&title=antony-my-son#1007797 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : xxxx ]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1007722&title=antony-my-son#1007722 Author: fattartsrock
Subject: 33078
Posted: 26 April 2010 at 8:11pm

xxxx]]> Mon, 26 Apr 2010 20:11:50 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1007722&title=antony-my-son#1007722 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : oh wow - I don&#039;t have words...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1007369&title=antony-my-son#1007369 Author: Chickaboo
Subject: 33078
Posted: 26 April 2010 at 4:09pm

oh wow - I don't have words to express how this made me feel and also how you must of felt.. all I can say is Thank you for sharing your story it really touched me and here I am holding back the tears.

All I can think of is Your son Anthony would of looked at you when he had all those cuddles and thought how beautiful you both are. He will always remember you

Bless you

Edited by Chickaboo]]> Mon, 26 Apr 2010 16:09:07 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1007369&title=antony-my-son#1007369 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Such a beautiful and touching...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006537&title=antony-my-son#1006537 Author: BeLoved
Subject: 33078
Posted: 25 April 2010 at 9:56pm

Such a beautiful and touching story, thank you for sharing. My heart goes out to you and your DP! May your beautiful son rest in peace and watch over you from above. ]]> Sun, 25 Apr 2010 21:56:30 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006537&title=antony-my-son#1006537 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : What a beautiful story. Thank...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006485&title=antony-my-son#1006485 Author: Manda08
Subject: 33078
Posted: 25 April 2010 at 9:27pm

What a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing, I hope you and your DP continue to have the support you need and have your lil boy that was too good for this world watching over you. ]]> Sun, 25 Apr 2010 21:27:36 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006485&title=antony-my-son#1006485 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Thank you for sharing your story....]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006468&title=antony-my-son#1006468 Author: MummyFreckle
Subject: 33078
Posted: 25 April 2010 at 9:15pm

 Thank you for sharing your story. I hope that you can find comfort knowing that Antony was so loved and at peace when he passed. ]]> Sun, 25 Apr 2010 21:15:24 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006468&title=antony-my-son#1006468 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Thanks everyone for your replies...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006248&title=antony-my-son#1006248 Author: lil_lease
Subject: 33078
Posted: 25 April 2010 at 6:56pm

Thanks everyone for your replies and your hugs.

It's been three weeks and it feels like a lifetime has passed. Yet it feels like no time at all. At least I know my grandfather is taking care of my little boy. (My grandfather passed away 8/10/2009)]]> Sun, 25 Apr 2010 18:56:11 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006248&title=antony-my-son#1006248 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Thank you for sharing your story....]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006221&title=antony-my-son#1006221 Author: NikkiB
Subject: 33078
Posted: 25 April 2010 at 6:30pm

Thank you for sharing your story. I can't begin to understand how hard it must be for you, your DP and your family.

I hope you find comfort knowing that your beautiful son knew what it was to be truely loved.

]]> Sun, 25 Apr 2010 18:30:52 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006221&title=antony-my-son#1006221 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : So sorry to hear about the recent...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006205&title=antony-my-son#1006205 Author: kabe
Subject: 33078
Posted: 25 April 2010 at 6:11pm

So sorry to hear about the recent loss of your beautiful baby boy ]]> Sun, 25 Apr 2010 18:11:56 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006205&title=antony-my-son#1006205 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : and a big slap to that thoughtless...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006190&title=antony-my-son#1006190 Author: ElfsMum
Subject: 33078
Posted: 25 April 2010 at 5:49pm

and a big slap to that thoughtless doctor...people like that should not be allowed to care for others:( ]]> Sun, 25 Apr 2010 17:49:34 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006190&title=antony-my-son#1006190 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : oh my goodness I am so sorry ......]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006189&title=antony-my-son#1006189 Author: ElfsMum
Subject: 33078
Posted: 25 April 2010 at 5:49pm

oh my goodness I am so sorry ...

I am glad you got to spend some time together with him letting him know how much you loved and cared for him and he will forever know that:(

Thinking of you both at this hard time. ]]> Sun, 25 Apr 2010 17:49:00 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006189&title=antony-my-son#1006189 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : I&#039;m so very sorry. I hope...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006181&title=antony-my-son#1006181 Author: caraMel
Subject: 33078
Posted: 25 April 2010 at 5:37pm


I'm so very sorry.
I hope you and your partner can find comfort in each other's arms as you mourn the loss of your son.

]]> Sun, 25 Apr 2010 17:37:06 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006181&title=antony-my-son#1006181 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : I am so sorry for your loss, thank...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006161&title=antony-my-son#1006161 Author: High9
Subject: 33078
Posted: 25 April 2010 at 5:04pm

I am so sorry for your loss, thank you for sharing.

It must have been a hard decision to make, but it makes me happy that you got to spend some time with him before he passed. ]]> Sun, 25 Apr 2010 17:04:39 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006161&title=antony-my-son#1006161 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : &#034;remember my little boy who...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006153&title=antony-my-son#1006153 Author: AandCsmum
Subject: 33078
Posted: 25 April 2010 at 4:51pm

"remember my little boy who was too good for this world"

I am so so sorry for you loss as well. So difficult a decision to make. Hugs to you & your family. I can only imagine your pain. ]]> Sun, 25 Apr 2010 16:51:47 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006153&title=antony-my-son#1006153 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : Thank you for sharing your story,...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006140&title=antony-my-son#1006140 Author: Jam08
Subject: 33078
Posted: 25 April 2010 at 4:34pm

Thank you for sharing your story, it can't be an easy thing to do. I am so sorry for you loss. There are no words that will ease the heartache you are feeling, however I am thinking of you at this difficult time. May your partner and you become closer as you cope wih this together.

RIP Antony]]> Sun, 25 Apr 2010 16:34:19 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006140&title=antony-my-son#1006140 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : My husband and I just read this...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006138&title=antony-my-son#1006138 Author: Shezamumof3
Subject: 33078
Posted: 25 April 2010 at 4:24pm



My husband and I just read this and we are so so sorry for your loss *hugs*
]]> Sun, 25 Apr 2010 16:24:39 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006138&title=antony-my-son#1006138 <![CDATA[Antony, my son : The day I found out I was pregnant...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006122&title=antony-my-son#1006122 Author: lil_lease
Subject: 33078
Posted: 25 April 2010 at 3:56pm

The day I found out I was pregnant was one of the best days of my life. My partner and I had decided that we wanted to try for a baby and so we stopped using contraception. Two months later and we had the positive pregnancy test we were hoping for.

I didn't get very bad pregnancy symptoms. I had no morning sickness, just a vague feeling of nausea. The only real symptom I had was feeling tired all the time and needing a nap in the afternoons. The pregnancy was beautiful.

At 13 weeks I saw my baby for the first time. He looked so beautiful.
At 16 weeks I had a small amount of bleeding but even though my midwife warned me that I had a higher chance of miscarriage, I didn't worry too much. Things would be all right.
Later that week I sneezed and felt the first kick. I was awed by it. It was the most amazing feeling I had ever had in my life. There was a baby growing inside of me and I could really feel it!

Everything was going really well until I had the 20-week scan. My baby was fine, great development and a perfect heart. The problem was with me. My cervix was funnelling. The doctor doing the scan said that wasn't a very good thing, but the good news was that my cervix wasn't dilated at all. It was still tightly closed.

My midwife talked to me after the scan. She said she had talked to an OB at the hospital and the OB had recommended against a stitch in my cervix as it could cause me to go into premature labour. My midwife gave me a list of things to watch out for and wished us the best.

That was on the Monday.

For the next 3 days I was consumed by worry, but tried not to let it overwhelm me. I knew my baby was fine, was healthy and there were no problems with him, I just prayed that I could hold him in long enough.

Thursday 1st April I woke up, and walking to the toilet I felt something run down my leg. Sitting on the toilet I saw it was blood and I burst into tears. I knew I was going to lose my baby.
I woke my partner and told him, sobbing. He was instantly awake and hugging me. He drove me to the hospital and we spent the agonising wait in the ED together, holding hands.

After an hour and a half of waiting, testing and scanning, the doctor told us that our baby was fine, still had a heartbeat and there didn't seem to be anything wrong except the bleeding, which can be quite normal in healthy pregnancies. The only thing the doctor didn't do was an internal exam and if he had, he wouldn't have sent me home.

I was discharged and went home feeling slightly relieved. Everything was all right, right? A cup of hot chocolate later and I felt the need to pee. In the toilet I could feel something not right and feeling around, I found the amniotic sac starting to bulge out of me. Back up the hospital we went, half an hour after being discharged.

At the hospital I was seen by an OB/GYN and when she examined me she saw instantly that there was no hope. I was too far dilated and the sac was bulging out too far. She told me how sorry she was and I burst out crying. It was too much for me to take.

I was admitted to a ward and, thinking back on it, I could quite possibly have pushed my baby out then without much trouble. I certainly felt like pushing a few times.
By the time I was transferred to the ward I had contacted most of my family and let them know what was going on.

Early afternoon I was finally transferred up to the ward and settled into my room. At this point I was barely getting mild cramps, without induction.
The hours passed and the cramps grew stronger and I sat and cried, and lay there with my partner and we talked, and we held each other and we coped. Every once in a while my baby would give a kick and remind me that he was still there, still alive.

I felt so drained by the whole day I had had, and yet I felt I couldn't go to sleep for fear of something happening without me being awake enough to notice. I finally got some sleep from 5pm to 6:30 pm and I slept again from 10pm until 1am.

At about 3am the cramps were getting hard for me to handle so I finally accepted pain relief. The Severadol helped with the pain and calmed down the contractions some so I was more comfortable. Unable to sleep, my partner and I talked. We both decided that rather than delaying the inevitable, we should try and get things moving a little faster, because the longer I spent in the hospital, the harder it was for me to cope.

6am my partner and I dozed off again and at 8am we awoke. I asked my nurse if there was anything I could be given to speed things up so she talked to a doctor, who talked to her superior, who came and visited. I had only one question for the doctor. Because overnight there had been no change except for a slight increase in pain, I asked the doctor if there was any chance that I could remain in exactly the same condition for another 5 weeks until my baby would be viable. The doctor would not answer the question, so I asked it several more times and he eventually came out with "Miscarriage is just natures quality control"
That comment really hurt me, as I knew there was nothing wrong with my baby, my cervix just wasn't up to the job of holding my baby in.

The other doctor examined me and agreed with the doctor in ED, there was nothing that could be done to prevent my baby from coming. I asked what my options were and I was told I could either wait for things to happen naturally, or I could be given a medication to help my uterus expel the baby.

The decision was hard, my baby was still alive and I had to decide whether to possibly take days longer to deliver naturally, or have the medication and speed things up so I could go home and be comforted by my family sooner. The decision was complicated by my nana asking me not to give up hope.

I knew that if I spent too much longer waiting for things to happen by themselves I would hurt myself more than if I concluded things quickly so I could begin the grieving process.

At 12:30pm on the 2nd of April 2010, I requested that I have the medication to speed up the birth of my son. At 1pm I was given the first dose of the medication. At 3:30pm I was given a second dose of the medication and at 4:30pm I gave birth to my son. I watched his head emerge, still with the membranes intact. I looked down and saw his face and started crying. I was sobbing out my loss. The first thing I said was "I feel so empty"

My partner cut the umbilical cord and we held our son in our hands and shared a moment of absolute loss. My mum and my nana arrived while I was holding my baby in my hands silently weeping, tears dripping onto my sons tiny, beautifully defined legs. Slowly I bathed my son and examined his little body. His heart was still beating, so it makes me happy that in his last minutes he knew that he was loved and cared for.

We named our son Antony James. He was 408 grams and 28cm long. We dressed him in a tiny little gown, booties and a little woollen hat. He was perfect in every way.

Approximately an hour after he was born, my son, Antony James, died, surrounded by loving family.

We didn't have a formal funeral. Antony was cremated and on the day my partner and I picked up his ashes, we mourned his passing with family, placed him in his wooden ashes box and set him on the shelf. Every day I look at his box, and the picture of him beside it and remember my little boy who was too good for this world.
]]> Sun, 25 Apr 2010 15:56:06 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33078&PID=1006122&title=antony-my-son#1006122