Thanks all for everything that has been said.

Damn councillor had to change the appointment to Tuesday due to a funeral in Tauranga . I know I have made such a hard decsision and everyday I feel much better about things.

I have made friends with a person overseas who went through this 18 months ago so she has been a great help to talk to during the day time, once I start work I will feel better I think.

I am keeping off the computer quite a lot now but I will pop in at least once a day to see what is happening. Just till I sort myself out.

Becks - I ran away rather than actually walked. I'm staying with a friend at the mo but moving into my own place with Mac on the weekend.

I have found CYFS a HUGE help to me. So if you're upto it, get in contact with them. They should be able to provide support and direct you to more of it. Most people think of CYFS in the sense of child abuse, etc, but they're about so much more.

Make an appointment with WINZ straight away, they'll be able to help financially, even if you are working.

And I would also look into getting a Parenting Agreement set up and legalised through the courts.
Everything might be fine now, but somewhere down the line things could get bumpy (like if/when you get a new partner, etc) and you don't want a battle on your hands over the kids. If something is in place straight off then the kids can never be "used as a pawn" in anyones game IYKWIM.

I don't know what your relationship with your parents is like. I have personally found that despite me trying to talk and explain things to them, they ended up just getting a massive hate on towards my babies Dad and it wasn't helpful or productive at all so I have just refrained from talking to them about it all.

Find a counsellor for yourself, just you, one separate from the one you're going to with your DH and utilise them. You can get free Community counsellors. They're great venting places if nothing else.

Got to Plunket and/or your local PAFT organiser and find as many support groups as you can. Playcentre is a good place to go.

Also, accept any and all help offered. It's not a sign of weakness, it's just being sensible and not allowing yourself to be overloaded.
One thing I found was I thought that I'd had such little support from Mac's Dad that I thought it'd be a peice of piss on my own...I figured it'd be no different. But it is harder. So be prepared to learn a lot about yourself and your own ability to cope.

Sorry if any of this is irrelevant to you, just disregard it. But it really is about you getting motivated and not allowing yourself to be on your own and not allowing yourself to have to struggle. The help and support is out there, you just got to find it.

And if all else fails...you got OhBaby

 to you becks, the counsellor will be able to help you with what you need if seperating is what you decide to do.

There are a few here that know I have had issues with my marriage over the past few years.

Sunday I finally got the guts to tell him I was over it and didn't want to be married to him anymore. It came as a shock to him, as it did to my parents who didn't know anything that had happened to us in our marriage.

We have a councilloring session next week to see what i want to do is the right thing to do.

So advice of what I can get and what worked for you when you had to walk away would help. I have only one friend who has walked away with kids so others would help.