OHbaby! Forums : Am I being selfish? https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ Copyright (c) 2006-2013 Web Wiz Forums - All Rights Reserved. Sun, 12 Apr 2026 05:19:15 +0000 Sat, 05 Feb 2011 20:17:19 +0000 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Web Wiz Forums 12.05 360 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/RSS_post_feed.asp?TID=37864 <![CDATA[OHbaby! Forums]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_images/web_wiz_forums.png https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ <![CDATA[Am I being selfish? : From what the midwife told me,...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1260006&title=am-i-being-selfish#1260006 Author: Babykatnz
Subject: 37864
Posted: 05 February 2011 at 8:17pm

From what the midwife told me, a TL is actually a lot easier to reverse than a vas, a vas reversal requires surgery to reattach the tubes, and remove scar tissue etc, whereas a TL reversal is keyhole surgery to remove clamps??

I wasnt offered one with DD, but during my 28w appt was asked by hospital midwife if I'd like to have a TL with this one as it is cs #3 (I'm only 27)]]> Sat, 05 Feb 2011 20:17:19 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1260006&title=am-i-being-selfish#1260006 <![CDATA[Am I being selfish? : I don&#039;t think you are being...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259977&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259977 Author: Limochick
Subject: 37864
Posted: 05 February 2011 at 7:29pm

I don't think you are being selfish at all you need to be 100% sure of your decision!!

I've just had a TL when I had my daughter who is now 2wks old. It added on an extra 5mins to the op!! I'm only 30 and my dh is 25 (yip another one with a toyboy ). I was offered it with my 3rd son who is 1yr but I said no then even though we thought he would be the last, then I ended up pregnant when he was 9wks old . I am sure (have to be now anyway lol) that this is it for me!!

Good luck with your decision!!]]> Sat, 05 Feb 2011 19:29:37 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259977&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259977 <![CDATA[Am I being selfish? : you know, it has all got me thinking...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259926&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259926 Author: peanut butter
Subject: 37864
Posted: 05 February 2011 at 5:37pm

you know, it has all got me thinking that maybe that is something I do need to consider as I know I dont want anymore..as in I will be to old for me to have anymore....I'd hate to accidentally fall pregnant at 42 or so. 3 is definitely it. And I guess TL is more reliable than vasectomy. We could always say if its a CS do it, if not he has to

Has anyone had it done during a CS? Is it much more to the operation?]]> Sat, 05 Feb 2011 17:37:01 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259926&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259926 <![CDATA[Am I being selfish? : nzpiper wrote:My second was...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259881&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259881 Author: cuppatea
Subject: 37864
Posted: 05 February 2011 at 3:43pm

Originally posted by nzpiper nzpiper wrote:

My second was an emergency c-section so I am not planning a c-section for this one either. hoping like hell for a VBAC! so then it isnt an option at all. I am under an OB so I could always say to her "if it happens to be a CS please do TL"


I've been thinking about the same thing, would make going to the OB appointment worth while I suppose as well. Will need to talk to DH about it. It is very very final though isn't it? Weird cos i'm all for chopping at his bits he's not keen on that though.
They never offered or mentioned it when I saw them prior to my VBAC last time maybe the age thing as I was only 29 then.]]> Sat, 05 Feb 2011 15:43:47 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259881&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259881 <![CDATA[Am I being selfish? : I don&#039;t think you are being...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259863&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259863 Author: Buttersmum
Subject: 37864
Posted: 05 February 2011 at 3:12pm

I don't think you are being selfish at all.  You are just feeling how you feel.

I have decided 2 children is enough for me so if we are blessed to get preggers with another child I will have to have another c section.  Therefore I have decided to have my tubes done at the time.  That is my decision though as for me it will be easier to have it done at the time.  I'm 35 and like you have a DH who is 25 (yay for toyboys) and I don't expect him to have a vasectomy.  Not only the fact that he has a terrible needle phobia he is also young and well I know from experience anything can happen to the best of relationships and I guess if it did happen that he ended up with someone else I wouldn't want to deprive him of having another child.

I can see how the finality of it too would affect some people.  My friend has to have a hysterectomy when she's finished having children and she hates the thought of it.  Even though she knows she wont' need her uterus anymore its just that its "hers" so to speak. 

 

One of the main reasons I want to get my tubes tied is I'm sick of any form of contraception and the effect the pill etc has had on my body.

]]> Sat, 05 Feb 2011 15:12:31 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259863&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259863 <![CDATA[Am I being selfish? : nzpiper wrote:My second was...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259857&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259857 Author: busymum
Subject: 37864
Posted: 05 February 2011 at 2:56pm

Originally posted by nzpiper nzpiper wrote:

My second was an emergency c-section so I am not planning a c-section for this one either. hoping like hell for a VBAC! so then it isnt an option at all. I am under an OB so I could always say to her "if it happens to be a CS please do TL"


I was given that option (if it happens to be CS, please do TL) so I'd say that's pretty common. And I was only 22yrs, pg with #2!]]> Sat, 05 Feb 2011 14:56:36 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259857&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259857 <![CDATA[Am I being selfish? : Ouch calling you selfish is pretty...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259843&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259843 Author: QTMum
Subject: 37864
Posted: 05 February 2011 at 2:12pm

Ouch calling you selfish is pretty harsh. Even if you are 100% sure you don't want to have anymore kids under any circumstance you still don't have to do anything to your body that you are not comfortable with. ]]> Sat, 05 Feb 2011 14:12:44 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259843&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259843 <![CDATA[Am I being selfish? : No i don&#039;t think you&#039;re...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259842&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259842 Author: _Deb_
Subject: 37864
Posted: 05 February 2011 at 2:12pm

No i don't think you're being selfish. I don't think you should get it done if you're not 100% comfortable with the decision, which obviously you aren't. I understand what you're saying, that you aren't planning on having anymore but would still like the option to be there.]]> Sat, 05 Feb 2011 14:12:43 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259842&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259842 <![CDATA[Am I being selfish? : My second was an emergency c-section...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259770&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259770 Author: peanut butter
Subject: 37864
Posted: 05 February 2011 at 11:22am

My second was an emergency c-section so I am not planning a c-section for this one either. hoping like hell for a VBAC! so then it isnt an option at all. I am under an OB so I could always say to her "if it happens to be a CS please do TL"]]> Sat, 05 Feb 2011 11:22:32 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259770&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259770 <![CDATA[Am I being selfish? : NZPiper, have your other births...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259655&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259655 Author: fallen
Subject: 37864
Posted: 05 February 2011 at 8:25am

NZPiper, have your other births been c/s? If they have it sounds like its common practice for you to be offered one. I've always said no more babies after 40 too.

I wonder if the doctors would do it if someone requested one during an emergency c/s. Or if someone suddenly decided yes say the day of an elective. And if there is some sort of councilling you have to go though before hand. Just random thoughts.]]> Sat, 05 Feb 2011 08:25:56 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259655&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259655 <![CDATA[Am I being selfish? : Interesting debate. This is our...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259646&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259646 Author: peanut butter
Subject: 37864
Posted: 05 February 2011 at 7:59am

Interesting debate. This is our last child. I will be 39 when this one is born (assuming like the others it goes over...currently due days before my birthday) and I dont want to have any more after 40 but I still dont know about TL....I have wondered if I do that if this turns into a C/S. We kind of talked about DH getting a vasectomy. he is not keen but I have told him he needs to man up   We could try an IUD...but I am a bit scared of them. I dont really know what we will do. If its like the others we probably just wont have sex ever again LOL but I hope that doesnt happen.]]> Sat, 05 Feb 2011 07:59:49 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259646&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259646 <![CDATA[Am I being selfish? : Thank you for your wise words,...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259643&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259643 Author: fallen
Subject: 37864
Posted: 05 February 2011 at 7:56am

Thank you for your wise words, ladies.

You've all pretty much put into words what I am thinking. DF hasn't pushed the subject but I don't think he sees it as such a big deal. So if he does bring it up again we're going to have to discuss it further.

Thank you.]]> Sat, 05 Feb 2011 07:56:20 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259643&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259643 <![CDATA[Am I being selfish? : MuppetsMama wrote:Not selfish!...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259518&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259518 Author: busymum
Subject: 37864
Posted: 04 February 2011 at 9:31pm

Originally posted by MuppetsMama MuppetsMama wrote:

Not selfish! It's such a hard and final decision to make, and TL are harder to reverse than Vsec's, I believe (someone correct me if I'm wrong!)


Yep that's correct]]> Fri, 04 Feb 2011 21:31:35 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259518&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259518 <![CDATA[Am I being selfish? : Linzy wrote:I don&#039;t think...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259506&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259506 Author: High9
Subject: 37864
Posted: 04 February 2011 at 9:24pm

Originally posted by Linzy Linzy wrote:

I don't think you are selfish. A TL or a vasectomy is so final IMO, no going back and changing your mind. There are so many unknowns about the future and I just wouldn't want to make a decision now that affects the furture with so much finality. Personally I wouldn't get a TL and would prefer DH not to get a vasectomy just in case. Anyway thats my 2cents


Agree! ]]> Fri, 04 Feb 2011 21:24:38 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259506&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259506 <![CDATA[Am I being selfish? : Not selfish! It&#039;s such a...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259417&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259417 Author: MuppetsMama
Subject: 37864
Posted: 04 February 2011 at 8:24pm

Not selfish! It's such a hard and final decision to make, and TL are harder to reverse than Vsec's, I believe (someone correct me if I'm wrong!)

I just had a Mirena put in and so far - only a couple of weeks as yet - I love it! My vote's for the Mirena :-)]]> Fri, 04 Feb 2011 20:24:25 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259417&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259417 <![CDATA[Am I being selfish? : Not at all. I have 5 kids but...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259412&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259412 Author: busymum
Subject: 37864
Posted: 04 February 2011 at 8:22pm

Not at all. I have 5 kids but I'm against us doing anything permanent at this stage because I'm not totally sure that we're done. We're just hitting our 30's.]]> Fri, 04 Feb 2011 20:22:41 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259412&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259412 <![CDATA[Am I being selfish? : Another vote for not selfish....]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259368&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259368 Author: cuppatea
Subject: 37864
Posted: 04 February 2011 at 7:53pm

Another vote for not selfish. If you are worried about it being too final then it's not the right thing to do. Maybe you could suggest to your DF that you get the IUD and then after the 5 years is up if he is still sure he could have vasectomy then. 24 is pretty young to decide you don't want anymore and like others have said you just don't know what's around the corner.]]> Fri, 04 Feb 2011 19:53:45 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259368&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259368 <![CDATA[Am I being selfish? : I don&#039;t think its selfish,...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259319&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259319 Author: TheKelly
Subject: 37864
Posted: 04 February 2011 at 7:06pm

I don't think its selfish, I have said this is our last baby....but I dont want to rule out never having another one, in 5 years if we find ourselves in a position where we want to extend our family I dont want to have that decision taken away from us.
And also for the reasons,as morbid as they are , that BK said

]]> Fri, 04 Feb 2011 19:06:00 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259319&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259319 <![CDATA[Am I being selfish? : Help, one of those operations...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259289&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259289 Author: Hopes
Subject: 37864
Posted: 04 February 2011 at 6:21pm

Help, one of those operations is pretty permanant - there's no way I'd get it done unless I was 100% confident, with no doubts at all, that I didn't want more kids. It doesn't sound at all like you're there yet - so even if you don't end up having any more, I'd say nows not the time to make that call. I think you made the right decision ]]> Fri, 04 Feb 2011 18:21:37 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259289&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259289 <![CDATA[Am I being selfish? : I don&#039;t think you are selfish....]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259270&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259270 Author: myfullhouse
Subject: 37864
Posted: 04 February 2011 at 5:55pm

I don't think you are selfish. A TL or a vasectomy is so final IMO, no going back and changing your mind. There are so many unknowns about the future and I just wouldn't want to make a decision now that affects the furture with so much finality. Personally I wouldn't get a TL and would prefer DH not to get a vasectomy just in case. Anyway thats my 2cents]]> Fri, 04 Feb 2011 17:55:00 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259270&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259270 <![CDATA[Am I being selfish? : The other thing to think about...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259250&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259250 Author: Babykatnz
Subject: 37864
Posted: 04 February 2011 at 5:21pm

The other thing to think about is if (god forbid, but it can and has happened before) something happened to one or more of your children, or you met someone new, and you changed your mind about not having more? I'm the same, #3 for me, #2 for DP on the way, and have been offered a TL due to caesar #3, and have yet to say yes/no as I'm just not sure. At the end of the day I probably will have it done as I know I wouldnt be able to cope with more than 3, emotionally or physically.

At least with an IUD it gives you up to 5 years to decide whether 3 really is enough as well.]]> Fri, 04 Feb 2011 17:21:38 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259250&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259250 <![CDATA[Am I being selfish? : I don&#039;t think you are being...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259239&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259239 Author: BriAndOlisMum
Subject: 37864
Posted: 04 February 2011 at 5:11pm

I don't think you are being selfish at all. What happens if you have this baby and then in a year you still don't feel like your family is complete?]]> Fri, 04 Feb 2011 17:11:59 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259239&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259239 <![CDATA[Am I being selfish? : I am 25 weeks pregnant with baby...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259202&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259202 Author: fallen
Subject: 37864
Posted: 04 February 2011 at 4:25pm

I am 25 weeks pregnant with baby number 3 for me and number 2 for DF. We decided that three was it and are both happy with that. I'm 38 now whilst DF is alot younger at 24.

I had my first appointment with the hospital obs last week. Because this will be c/s number 3 I was offered a tubal ligation which I turned down. Afterwards I mentioned it to DF and he wanted to know why I didn't say yes. Whilst this is my last baby I don't like the finality of getting it done. DF has a good point that it would be easier for them to just do it whilst they are in there rather than at a later date.

Hes not keen on getting a vasectomy at the moment which I wouldn't want him to do anyway for the same reason I don't want to get it done. Plus at his age I'm not sure doctors would agree to do it.

What we were/are planning to do is for me to get an IUD when baby is 6 weeks. But all this has got me thinking... am I being selfish?]]> Fri, 04 Feb 2011 16:25:25 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37864&PID=1259202&title=am-i-being-selfish#1259202