https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ Copyright (c) 2006-2013 Web Wiz Forums - All Rights Reserved. Thu, 09 Apr 2026 03:44:43 +0000 Fri, 09 Sep 2005 14:42:56 +0000 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Web Wiz Forums 12.05 360 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/RSS_post_feed.asp?TID=823 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_images/web_wiz_forums.png https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=15016&title=a-laugh-a-day#15016 Author: nikkitheknitter
Subject: 823
Posted: 09 September 2005 at 2:42pm

hehehehehe I love the John Cleese letter. he is hilarious]]> Fri, 09 Sep 2005 14:42:56 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=15016&title=a-laugh-a-day#15016 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=14940&title=a-laugh-a-day#14940 Author: newmum
Subject: 823
Posted: 08 September 2005 at 10:00am

Actually Janine, that sounds a bit like me too. hehehehehe ]]> Thu, 08 Sep 2005 10:00:03 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=14940&title=a-laugh-a-day#14940 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=14906&title=a-laugh-a-day#14906 Author: mum2paris
Subject: 823
Posted: 07 September 2005 at 9:20pm

TODDLER PROPERTY LAWS:

If i like it, It's mine!
If it's in my hand, it's mine!
If i had it a little while ago, it's mine!
If it's mine, it must NEVER appear to be your in ANY way!
If i am doing or building something, all the pieces are mine!
If it looks just like mine, it's mine!
If i think it's mine, IT'S MINE!!!!!


oh so true.....]]> Wed, 07 Sep 2005 21:20:50 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=14906&title=a-laugh-a-day#14906 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=14898&title=a-laugh-a-day#14898 Author: Xander&Harmony
Subject: 823
Posted: 07 September 2005 at 7:02pm

hehehehehahahahahehehahahe]]> Wed, 07 Sep 2005 19:02:17 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=14898&title=a-laugh-a-day#14898 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=14888&title=a-laugh-a-day#14888 Author: Angelme
Subject: 823
Posted: 07 September 2005 at 4:00pm

Once Upon a Time ..... joke

Once upon a time there lived a king
The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess. But there was a problem.
Everything the princess touched would melt.
No matter what; metal, wood, stone,
anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her.
Nobody would dare marry her.
The king despaired.
What could he do to help his daughter?
He consulted his wizards and magicians.
One wizard told the king,
"If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.

The next day,he held a competition.
Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.

Three young princes took up the challenge.

The first prince brought a sword of the finest steel.

But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted.
The prince went away sadly.
.........................................

The second prince brought diamonds. He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt.

But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted.
He too was sent away disappointed.

.........................................

The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She felt something hard.

She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!!

The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.
And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was in the prince's pants?


M&M's of course.
They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

What were you thinking?
]]> Wed, 07 Sep 2005 16:00:05 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=14888&title=a-laugh-a-day#14888 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=14887&title=a-laugh-a-day#14887 Author: Angelme
Subject: 823
Posted: 07 September 2005 at 3:43pm

The Single Guy

A guy walks into a supermarket and buys the following:

1 bar of soap

1 toothbrush

1 tube of toothpaste

1 loaf of bread

1 pint of milk

1 apple

1 banana

1 orange

1 peach

1 plum

1 tomato

1 lettuce

1 cabbage

1 potato

1 museli bar

1 pie

1 box of cereal

1 frozen dinner

1 single frozen pizza

The checkout girl looks at him, smiles, and says "single huh?"

The guy smiles sheepishly and replies, "How did you guess?"

She says, "'cause you're ugly" ]]> Wed, 07 Sep 2005 15:43:15 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=14887&title=a-laugh-a-day#14887 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=14885&title=a-laugh-a-day#14885 Author: mummyness
Subject: 823
Posted: 07 September 2005 at 2:26pm

These are bloody brilliant!! Keep them coming!! ]]> Wed, 07 Sep 2005 14:26:42 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=14885&title=a-laugh-a-day#14885 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=14854&title=a-laugh-a-day#14854 Author: newmum
Subject: 823
Posted: 07 September 2005 at 11:11am

THIS IS EXCELLENT!!!

A Message from John Cleese To the citizens of the United States of
>America:
>
>
>In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and
>thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of
>your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen
>Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states,
>commonwealths, and territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not
>fancy).
>
>Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America
>without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be
>disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine
>whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown
>Dependency,the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
>
>You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then
>look up aluminum, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed
>at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be
>reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will
>learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the
>suffix ize will be replaced by the suffix ise. Generally, you will be
>expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up
>vocabulary).
>
>Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such
>as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
>communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let
>Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be
>adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the
>elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original national anthem, God
>Save The Queen.
>
>July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
>
>You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers,
>or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists
>shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only
>be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out
>without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown
>up enough to handle a gun.
>Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more
>dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish
>to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
>
>All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your
>own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we
>mean. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
>start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you
>will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of
>conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you
>understand the British sense of humour.
>
>The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
>calling gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.
>
>You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries
>are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips
>are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal
>fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
>
>The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer
>at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as
>beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be
>referred to as Lager. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen
>Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
>
>Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good
>guys.
>Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English
>characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in Four
>Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears
>removed with a cheese grater.
>
>You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of
>proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in
>time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
>football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds
>or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
>
>Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an
>event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of
>America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond
>your borders, your error is understandable.
>
>You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
>
>An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
>Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all
>monies due (backdated to 1776).
>
>Thank you for your co-operation.
]]> Wed, 07 Sep 2005 11:11:02 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=14854&title=a-laugh-a-day#14854 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=14597&title=a-laugh-a-day#14597 Author: aimeejoy
Subject: 823
Posted: 03 September 2005 at 11:26am

What a laugh! Ana, your one especially cracked me up - so true!!]]> Sat, 03 Sep 2005 11:26:45 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=14597&title=a-laugh-a-day#14597 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=14515&title=a-laugh-a-day#14515 Author: Gwyn_n_Pete
Subject: 823
Posted: 01 September 2005 at 9:43pm

A woman who is an avid golf player goes into her local pro shop to look at some new golf balls as she is unhappy with the performance of the womens balls she is currently playing with. After looking around for a while she is approache4d by the attractive male shop assistant who ask if she needs help. Without thinking she turns and says "I like playing with mens balls!" she then smartly turns and leaves the shop and never returns.

Edited by Gwyn_n_Pete]]> Thu, 01 Sep 2005 21:43:10 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=14515&title=a-laugh-a-day#14515 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=14514&title=a-laugh-a-day#14514 Author: Gwyn_n_Pete
Subject: 823
Posted: 01 September 2005 at 9:41pm

A woman and her 2 children, Sam 3 and Amy 3 months, were sitting in a busy restraunt when she got a whiff of something a bit nasty. Think it was Amy's nappy she bent down and had a sniff. It wasn't the baby. Then she recalled that Sam, who she was having difficulty potty training, hadn't asked to go to the toilet in a while, so she said "Sam , honey, have you had an accident in your pants?" Sam came back quickly with a definate "No". A few minutes later she smelled the nasty scent again, "Sam, are you suuuure you havn't had an accident?" NO, mummy!" Sam retorted. Another few minutes passed and the woman was sure that Sam had had an accident and once again asked "Sam, it's ok if you've had an accident, but mummy needs to know so she can help you." Furious, Sam stands up on his seat, pulls down his short and underpants, spreads his cheeks, and yells "See mum it's just farts!!!"]]> Thu, 01 Sep 2005 21:41:02 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=14514&title=a-laugh-a-day#14514 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=13796&title=a-laugh-a-day#13796 Author: k&jsmum
Subject: 823
Posted: 19 August 2005 at 8:53pm

absolutely hilarious!!!! Neede a laugh thanks guys ]]> Fri, 19 Aug 2005 20:53:18 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=13796&title=a-laugh-a-day#13796 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=13113&title=a-laugh-a-day#13113 Author: newmum
Subject: 823
Posted: 08 August 2005 at 5:12pm

So much to teach my bub!!! :)

I OWE MY MOTHER!!
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
   
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4.My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.       
"Put your sweater on. Don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
   
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.       
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
   
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.       
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.      
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"     ]]> Mon, 08 Aug 2005 17:12:15 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=13113&title=a-laugh-a-day#13113 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=12776&title=a-laugh-a-day#12776 Author: Donna.I
Subject: 823
Posted: 03 August 2005 at 11:59am

A kindergaten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "how do u know that the cat was dead?" she asked him. "Becasue I p*ss*d in it's ear and it didn'tmove" the child replied innocently. "you did WHAT???!!!" the teacher exclaimed in suprise. "you know", explained the boy, "I leaned over and said 'pssst' and it didn't move"

A small boy is sent o bed by his father. Five minutes later:
"Daaaaad"
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring mea drink of water?"
"No, you had your chance. Lights out"
Five minutes later
"daaaad"
"WHAT?!"
"I'm THIRSTY! Can I have a drink of water?"
"I told you NO! Now if you ask again I'll have to spank you!"
Five minutes later:
"Daa-aaaad... When you come to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

An exasperated mother, whose son was always gettinginto mischief, finally asked him "how do you expect to get into heaven?" The boy thought about it and said "Well I'll run in and out in and out in and out and keep slamming the door untill finally St Peter says 'For heaen's sake Dylan, Come in or stay out!'"

One summer evening a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice "Mummy, will u sleep with me tonight?" The mother gave a big smile and a reassuring hug. "Ican't dear I have to sleep in daddy's room" A long silence was broken finally by his shakey little voice, "The big sissy"

One day the first grade teacher was reading her class the story of Chicken Little. She came to the part where Chicken Little warns the farmer. She read"...and Chicken Littel went up to the farmer and said 'The sky is falling!" The teacher then asked the class "and what do you think the farmer said?" One littel girl raised her hand and said "Holy Sh*t!!! A talking chicken!!!" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10mins.

]]> Wed, 03 Aug 2005 11:59:58 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=12776&title=a-laugh-a-day#12776 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=12604&title=a-laugh-a-day#12604 Author: Xander&Harmony
Subject: 823
Posted: 01 August 2005 at 4:59pm

rofl thats quite an embarrasing position lol]]> Mon, 01 Aug 2005 16:59:32 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=12604&title=a-laugh-a-day#12604 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=12526&title=a-laugh-a-day#12526 Author: Donna.I
Subject: 823
Posted: 01 August 2005 at 10:50am

"A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about Commerce, thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry, but mostly just to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinals.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding onto their "wee wees" to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the 5th grade, huh?" "No ma'am," he replied, "I'm the jockey riding Silver Arrow in the seventh!"

]]> Mon, 01 Aug 2005 10:50:26 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=12526&title=a-laugh-a-day#12526 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=12525&title=a-laugh-a-day#12525 Author: Donna.I
Subject: 823
Posted: 01 August 2005 at 10:49am

Well I get quite a few jokes, and other bits and pieces through my email, what about you. How about we share, helps to brighten up those not so good says.]]> Mon, 01 Aug 2005 10:49:31 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=823&PID=12525&title=a-laugh-a-day#12525