dating

Bahaha Newme thats what i was going to say. I'm a chef so know many chef-men and they're all nasty. Do you really want to date a guy who puts cornflour on his balls to absorb the sweat

Ewwwww

I had a lovely time on my date (date #2) however he is 9mths out of a marriage (same as me) and not ready for anything serious and said he wasn't sure about the whole thing of dating a woman with a child. So I said I'd be happy to just be friends so I guess we'll see whether he's interested in that or not.

I'm not really ready for anything serious yet. I'd much prefer to get to know someone and take things very slowly but I definitely don't want to waste my time or get hurt again and I quite liked him - he is a lovely guy!!! So I'm glad I made that decision. My son comes first.

It is definitely a brave thing to do. But I have to say that I am enjoying it.

I still like my guy (above) but he probably "isn't that into me" and so I'm not going to waste my time or get myself hurt again.

I have another date on Friday night. Probably not my type but I'll give it a go. For me after my marriage, it's nice just having a social time out with someone who treats me well, is genuinely interested in me and attracted to me. It's as simple as that. And some adult company where I'm forced to think about who *I* am rather than me as a mummy - I have to stop myself rambling on about Nathan!!

Yeah it is. Very different I must say...

nathansmummy - out of interest sake, where are you meeting these men? I just don't know where to start. I had a look on the internet but don't know if it is my thing.

Thats um...unbelieveably uncool. I'd tell him to go screw himself and hire a babysitter. I know they don't grow on trees and arent cheap but bet you can find someone who is happy to sit in your lounge and watch your TV and eat your cakes while Nathan is asleep. Are you in a uni town, perchance? When i was at uni we'd do babysitting for free for the chance to do our study in a warm house without our dickhead flatmates playing bad metal at full volume in the next room!

NM - I know you must still care deeply about your ex, especially if you are spending time with him as he needs it etc, but it sounds a bit like he may be using his anxiety condition to control you.
I know it is hard as you have a child together, but you should try and distance yourself emotionally if you can. You shouldn't be the one he turns to for this support anymore, and you shouldn't offer, especially as he isn't giving you the support (ie helping to look after his own child) that you need.

My husband (sort of in the process of becoming ex) also has an anxiety problem. So I know some of your struggles.

You could be right James. I think the ones that are left have "issues" maybe

Yes, well now that he has his medication and help from his work for counselling and from his doctor - I'm not going to be supporting him anymore. He has been horrible to me every time he comes over so I'm reverting back to the drop off/pick up thing because he was looking after N. for me while I was having a rest and was so horrible to me - telling me to shut up for instance, that I had to ask him to leave!!!

In terms of still having feelings for him. It's weird but since I started dating I feel like it's helped me to emotionally move on - and because he's been acting like such an a$$hole since then he's only made it easier for me to walk away and to know I've made the right decision. Of course I care about him - I don't want him to commit suicide or be admitted to hospital and that's why I stayed with him on Friday night but I do agree with you.

Hopefully I will soon have an Au Pair again and won't have to rely on him for babysitting - I know it sounds crazy but I only work one day a week (on DPB) and so it's really impossible to afford a babysitter. I'm just not ready to go back to fulltime work either - when DS is 2yo I might look at 20hrs/wk or something. Just the cost of childcare just about takes all your earnings anyway and you have to wonder whether it's worth being off the DPB!!! Anyway a whole other topic!

I'm actually going back to working 32 hours a week from September and by my calculations, the childcare won't be too bad - about $100 a week for both girls, after my childcare subsidy is taken into account? So for me, that's worth it. At the moment I work between 19-28 hours a week, take the hit on my DPB and also pay secondary tax on my earnings. The increase in income, after childcare comes out, will be around $200 a week - a very very much needed $200 I can tell you that!!! I am going to be doing 9am-4pm Mon-Fri, but I can drop back to 9-3 if required. It's just become a necessity in order to maintain a decent standard of living (clothes for ever growing children, food to feed children with seemingly endless stomachs!!, clothes for me as required which has been a lot recently, as I have lost over 20kg, plus other incidental costs like doctor's visits etc).

And there are really good guys out there My ex (guy I was seeing after my marriage broke up) is a really really lovely guy - just the timing wasn't right and I wasn't ready for the whole hog, and he was.

How do you get organised in the morning CM?? That's one thing I am freaking about a little...getting the girls up, bottle (they still have a bottle in the morning), breakfast, me showered, all of us packed up and them dropped off at daycare by 8.30am, so I can be at work by 9am.