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Kim105772 View Drop Down
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    Posted: 12 February 2013 at 9:41pm
Hello everyone.
Well after a long time of living life, and study (in that order) DH and I are finally ready to start our family. We are I guess slightly odd family in the sense that I am the breadwinner - having spend the last 3 years completing a degree and have now got a well paid job, while DH has part time work from home.
Basically what this means is that I wont be able to take more than the 14 weeks paid parental leave, and will probably be going back to work and leaving DH as the stay home dad.

I am just wondering if there are many families out there that have done this, or do this? I guess its becoming more common, but I also guess its still pretty strange! So far my family don't entirely understand this concept and think DH should be doing more to get more work, but he is unlikely to ever find work that pays as well as my job. I also work for a pretty good employer who may let me bring baby to work on occasion - not entirely sure as this has not yet been discussed, but I know other ladies do. Also my job is not entirely suitable to have a baby with me.

Any tips on how to manage this? I'm really after any thoughts, feedback, advice that anyone has to offer.
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Mez83 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Mez83 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 February 2013 at 7:12am
Not quite the same but I stayed home for the 14 weeks and then went back part time (1.5 hours in the evenings and 4 hours on a Saturday) then at 6 months went back to work full time. DH left his job and was a stay home dad for 1.5 years. Worked for us! I also earn a lot more than DH so the decision wasn't hard in our eyes.
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thmprs View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote thmprs Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 February 2013 at 4:18pm
The situation you are talking about is totally how my family works. I have a 2 yr old son & 38 weeks pregnant with my 2nd at moment.
My Hubby is self employed & I was employed full time. So for us with a mortgage it made sense to do the reverse to most families. Our son was born
In feb so I only took off the paid maternity leave of 14 weeks then I came back to work full time & Hubby was stay home dad for 3 months full time. Once our son
Was about 6 months old he started daycare part time for 2 ½ days a week which DH worked then was home the other days.   As he got older we did increase it to 3 days a week
Which is what he currently does.

With this next baby we are doing exactly the same I having 14 weeks then DH for 3 months fulltime with bub then we have also booked this one into daycare with DS for the same times.

At the start often it was sort of mentioned also about DH should be earning more etc. But we never let this bother us. It was how we both were happy for it to work out & I can defiantly say
my Son is no worse off cause dad was home & not mum.   I am lucky in I live in a small town that often DH would bring him in to see me as a baby for an occasional feed or I got good at expressing lol.

My hubby reckons he has the dream life of staying home looking after the kids. He loves it & I love working So it works for us. It is totally about what works in your situation & not what others reckon..   Guess because it is out of the norm people sort of don’t quite understand it. At first I remember his dad saying oh guys cant look after babies etc. That old school thoughts but now they see DH with our son he is always commenting on how great a dad he is.   

When I went back to work DH even use to go to my coffee groups during the day. Must say that sometimes I got jealous that he could & I couldn’t go.. lol but all the girls in our group weren’t bothered that he was there & he even hosted one at our house which I thought was a laugh.


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote T_Rex Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 February 2013 at 8:29pm
I work fulltime and hubby stays home too. That said, there is no way I'd be ready to go back to work at 14 weeks. I breastfeed and won't change that, but I hate expressing, and more importantly, but babies have both had severe reflux and I haven't had anything remotely like sleep until they were 6 months, and then sleep has stayed pretty scarce until 1.

So we have gone hard out cutting expenses and saving so that I don't have to go back right away. With bub number2, I went back 2 days a week (1 in the office, 1 at home) at 6 months, and 4 days a week from 9 months until she was 15 months when i went back fulltime. The 4 days started out being 2 at work and 2 at home and as bub became less dependent on feeds during the day I increased the days in the office.

I am very lucky to have such a flexible job, I know, but it is very important to us to have the financial flexibility to allow it too. What will happen if you finish work at 38 weeks, go 2 weeks overdue (I do!) and are heartbroken at the idea of going back when baby is 10 weeks old? It can work, and now I LOVE being the working parent, but i do think having some flexibility so that you don't HAVE to rush it is a very good thing if you can possibly scrimp and save to allow it.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote tyrbear2 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 February 2013 at 9:28pm
Hey that's what my family is doing. Both myself and DH went on leave when I got to 40 weeks withDS so all three of us were at home for the first 9 1/2 weeks. I went back full time.

I had DD 22 months later and just took 10 weeks off. DH loves being at home and DS is now going to daycare 2 days a week which gives DD some one no one time with DH.

Good luck I'm sure you'll find something that works for you
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Nicky25 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 September 2013 at 11:00pm
Kim- I am doing the exact same thing.

I got my degree literally a month before I found out I was pregnant with our first. I was lucky - I applied for and got a really good, but demanding job. I wasn't there for 6 months before I had to go on maternity leave so had to take unpaid leave to have the baby which really limited how long I could take off.
I went back to work full-time when bubs was 5 weeks old. (He is now almost 9 weeks)

Having Dad at home with bubs is great, I feel that its better than him going into care at such a young age and Dad really seems to love it!

I guess the biggest problem I discovered was 'disconnecting' with my son. Whilst I was pregnant it played on my mind so much - I knew I was going to have to leave him early on. Now I feel the bond between mother and son is at its weakest and I feel terrible. I barely get chance to see him and Im so tired from working that I'm glad to climb into bed at night and know that Daddy will cover any night feeds (but now he's now sleeping all night!). Daddy has set the routine and at the weekends I feel so out of sync that I just make a mess! Now being at work is easier, cos at least I know what I'm doing.

I don't know how men go back to work and deal with all of these feelings or is it due to the way they bond? I mean, we spend 9 months growing and nurturing the baby so leaving them at home everyday feels like abandoning them.
I'm really struggling, and off to see my GP next week cos I'm pretty sure I'm suffering with PND now.

I also struggle to talk to my man about it which makes it so much harder. Make sure you guys really talk about how you feel about the role change and how you are going to support each other. Make sure you also set up ways to get 'special' time with your bubba to make the most of the time you aren't at work to maintain a healthy relationship with bubs.

It's not been the way I had planned but I know that it is the best situation for my family.
The most important thing is that our little one is loved, healthy and with his family and that I a doing everything I can to maintain that.

Hope you guys work it out!
Be great to hear your experience!


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