Termination for medical reasons

We cross posted there Anthea. But it really is sweet. Bitter sweet.

Thanks BC. That's the sort of kind words I needed to hear today. You are so right about it being different if it was your husband. That's exactly how I felt, I really felt like the levity of my loss was not really taken on board.
I might just be straight up with my boss and say I'm not coping and that I need a bit more time.
I feel a little better now, I've realised that home is my safe place, as soon as I got here I felt better and have ticked off another job on my list.
I have to say a little prayer and send some love to your Paige. While I wish you never had to go through this, I'm so grateful to have your guidance BC.

Omg rd your boss makes my blood boil - you don't ever have to face it if you don't want to! Grief is a terrible thing it's very consuming and being around people who know but don't say anything or people who avoid you because of it is exhausting and depressing! I found in my experience you find out who your true Friends are and I honestly was left with very few! Look after yourself honey - don't worry about the other things!

Thanks ladies.
Boobs have calmed down heaps. Haven't had any lumps or further leakage
Going in this morning. Surely it won't be as hard as yesterday? But if Im not coping I'll leave.
I feel so raw & exposed out in public. Everyone was so chirpy (i can hear most things in the offices around me) two ladies were talking about pregnancy. It hurt so much when others came in and just said "I'm not going to say anything"
I hate that phrase. Was my daughter's life worth so little that you wouldn't acknowledge her?
I'm not going to try to hide anything or hold back tears it's too e exhausting.

I hope your morning has gone better today RD.
There is nothing worse than the person who will not acknowledge your precious one. I have a friend who I live near and have been mates with for at least 11 years. She has not said a thing to me. Not one thing to me. She's talked to me several times and it's like the whole thing never happened. It has really hurt me. I know it's hard and I don't know how I'd cope if the shoe was on the other foot BUT I do know I would've at least sent an email or message to her with something....anything. It's even enough for someone to just say they don't know what to say. At least they've acknowledged it.

Thinking about taking tomorrow off and going in over the weekend to catch up when no-one is there.
Don't think I mentioned on here that we got Micah's pics of her casts as well as the professional photos yesterday. They were amazing.
I prepared to ball throughout looking at the photos. I got a big lump in my throat but didn't cry. I even smiled, they were so perfect. They captured all the details that I clearly remember during the time we had our girl in our arms.
I started talking to hubby about looking forward to having my body back again, no more aches and pains etc etc and that was so upsetting because it felt wrong to be saying it. I would take all of that back and then some if only I was caryying a healthy baby girl.
The mixed emotions are doing my head in. But it's so good to get them down on a screen and out of my head.

Im so glad that although today was difficult it was also in some ways better! Those very special memories will be so treasured for always. On our first mother's day after loss we brought a special soft toy for our next child from our wee angel. McKenna sleeps with it every night. There are also new memories you can make in Micahs memory which bring you warmth in the future is what Im trying to say.

Geo I love what you've done on Mother's Day., Making memories are important.
I got a necklace made with her foot prints - it's great because it's a visual reminder that she existed as sharing photos of her is hard for me and something I don't do.
Also building her a garden as was given some tulips and roses to plant in her memory.

Wow such beautiful memories BC and Anthea. Sounds like you have a great traditions started. RD dont feel bad for not being super excited for her, she will understand and over time that is something that comes back. Thats one vivid thing I remembered about following that every thing is less bright and things that usually brought me joy didn't. It comes back happiness for yourself and for others

It's so hard isn't it? I'm actually happy for my friends, it just makes me sad for us.
I know it will get easier, it's just a bit hard to see through the fog.
I'm so glad I've taken today off. DH has the day off too so we can have some time together. When I told my boss I wasn't coping she asked if I was getting professional help. I have been looking into it. Because I think I need it. Surely it won't makes things worse anyway!!!
I got some lovely yellow and pink tulips given to us that I planted in the garden and I figure if we move I'll just take the plants/bulbs with me.
I wore a heart shaped green stone (that was given to me for my bday a couple of years ago) during my labour and birth with Micah. I've attached the little silver heart with stamped footprints (not Micah's, it came in the SANDS box we got given) as well and wear it all the time. It's heavy enough to feel the weight of it close to my heart. Which is what I remember about Micah, she was heavy enough to feel the weight of her. I'll be celebrating/commemorating her birthday every year in some way.   

Thank you ladies, all this discussion is really helpful.

We've started a 3 day detox so that will be a good distraction. And it's got to help because I have been gorging myself on lots of junk food and it doesn't make me feel good about myself. Going to the movies with DH as well making the most of the day while DS is at daycare.

Edited by LP pka Rainyday - 20 May 2016 at 8:43am