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escadachic View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote escadachic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 August 2012 at 11:00am
ScaredyKat. Have you done any reading online about Anxiety?

I find, understanding anxiety completely, helps at least a little. I know this is a good site: Anxiety help

Just another thing, anxiety is actually a very normal feeling and it's totally natural and everyone experiences. It's just that those of us who experience it more intensely have a heightened awareness and we get overwhelmed by it. If this strategy helps try reminding yourself, you are not in danger, the past dictates that you have never come of harm or worse while having these attacks of anxiety and the past is also proof you do come out of it and do cope and can cope. If you can try and remember these things and remind yourself of these facts, it may help. It's kind of practicing CBT(cognative behaviour therapy) on yourself using these techniques.

Hope that helps. I'm always here to listen if you ever want to message me privately too.

Edited by escadachic

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mummyslittlewhirlwind View Drop Down
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Originally posted by escadachic escadachic wrote:

Good on you for sharing Mummyslittlewhilrwind

It is nice to get it off your chest. And yeah I know what you mean about hiding these feelings from everyone. I usually only admit to those feeling after I have calmed down. Never when they are happening. It's like I just can't bring myself to admit it or share it, because I'm so emotionally fragile.

I hope they can find a more suitable medication for you. I don't even bother with anti-depressants anymore. As I got sick of not being offered other options. Got really annoyed with doctors always offering my one's I had been on before and that didn't gel well with me. It's like, man, do you not read your patient notes?!

It is hard not having an anti-depressant to suit. So I just have to deal with the depressive periods and hope like hell they hurry up and pass. I only take 30 Plus tablets. Which at least for me is better then nothing at all.

It's really good that you reached out to your counsellor at least. That is something to be proud of.

Yeah stress for sure does make things spiral out of control. Over time, you will improve. But I can't tell you when. But it does get easier to cope, with practise and learning new strategies. And yes, even when you are significantly better, you will likely still have periods of depression, but you will be able to get through them faster.

I used to think, there was a fix for depression and that it could be cured. But I have come to realize, that it will come and go, but that is normal. As, even people who are not suffering from mental health issues, have periods of depression.

Do whatever you can to look after yourself. Even if that's just a nice bath or reading. And if you can have some time away from your child, do when it's possible. As being a Mum is a 24/7 job and it never ends. But when you get somewhat of a break, it is refreshing. It's called self-care and it's essential.


Thanks so much. Just to say, the CRISIS team got involved and were an amazing support. I got to see a Psychiatrist, changed medication which is much better though still not as good as it should be I don't think (probably need to up the dose or wait the full 4wks to see how effective it is). I think it had a lot to do with the new medication they'd put me on (was an old one). I felt better within days of coming off it. Hard to believe now that I got that low but my circumstances have recently improved and not as stressful.

I still haven't been invited to the FB group!
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escadachic View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote escadachic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 August 2012 at 9:36am
Originally posted by mummyslittlewhirlwind mummyslittlewhirlwind wrote:

I still haven't been invited to the FB group!


Oh I didn't realize your actual name, til I looked on your profile on here. Have added you now

Edited by escadachic

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escadachic View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote escadachic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 August 2012 at 9:40am
Glad things are going a bit better for you now mummyslittlewhirlwind

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote escadachic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 August 2012 at 9:48am
Our FB group

It has now been changed so you can find it. So feel free to request to be added. It's still private though, so our posts can't be read by others.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote confused??? Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 November 2012 at 1:42pm
Today I am not coping well at all. Everything sets me off today. First of all, had a fantastic day yesterday. Woke up with a migraine today and it went downhill from there. My sil had her baby last night and I got sent a pic today and had a melt down because there were no details like name etc with it, she is coming out of hosp today which set me off cos she had a vb that took 3 hours and I have never had a baby the natural way, I can't stand my kids crying today and I ended up dropping the kids off late to school and my boy's teacher made a snide comment about that. I feel like I am going crazy! Everything makes me upset esp anything baby,pregnancy or parenting related! Everything makes me feel guilty and I feel like no one understands!
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escadachic View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote escadachic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 November 2012 at 4:09pm
Hey we understand

Migraines, they are not fun at the best of times and I feel they can easily tip us over the edge. It's like, everything is too much when you've got a major migraine and kids, they are so much harder to tolerate when you are feeling in pain like that.

Why do you feel guilty? Is it feeling guilty for feeling so low?

As it's ok to not cope. It's ok to have a bad day or even a bad week. It's absolutely normal. Well in my world it is.

You're not going crazy I assure you. But I know that feeling, of feeling like you are going crazy. I've been in that places a few times in the last few months. And with the guilt too.

Snide comments when you are already not feeling so great, I find they easily push you over the edge(not you, I mean people in general who get down)

I've just been dealing with some horrible comments about myself in the last day. Not good.

It's easy to envy what others have. That's human nature too. And try not to feel like less, because you didn't have that natural birth. Most of my friends have had c-sections or assisted delivery, so you are not alone in not having your desired birth.

Good that you have reached out for help at least here.

I'm not sure where in NZ you are, but there are some great crisis and helplines you can call when you are feeling so over it all. I know, I have called them a few times in the last few months.

Kids. I have 2 of them and yup I can so relate to not being able to stand them and just not coping.

I'm here if you need to vent anyway. You are welcome to P.M through my profile if you like.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote confused??? Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 November 2012 at 8:47am
Thanks escadachic for your post. Yesterday started off ok but my dad came round to visit and he seems to have a knack for saying the wrong thing.He tells me I am lucky I haven't had a baby the natural way and that longer hospital stays make it easier on mum and baby. I don't feel lucky having had 4 cs. I am lucky to have my 4 kids yes but I have had a lot of problems with having had 4 cs and I can no longer get pregnant because of this. It could be worse but still hard to take when I really wanted an even larger family. Because I have 4 kids however I'm supposedly wrong for feeling down about my birth experiences/ loss of fertility. (I know the same thing can be true though too with vb. I know there are plenty who have had a hard time having been down that road) I had a hard time in hospital too. I missed my family and it was so hard to sleep with people coming in to check blood pressure etc. My husband also really struggled last time round. He was in tears with not having me home so I felt terrible being away from him when he was so stressed.I don't necessarily want someone to agree with me but I want certain family members/ friends to accept that not everyone's experience is the same for the same thing if you get what I mean? It's almost like people think I am incapable of vb due to some flaw in my character, pain tolerance etc etc. Couldn't be more far from the truth! I didn't think there was a pain free way to have a baby whether the pain be before, during or after. Cs is also major abdominal surgery is it not? Things just went downhill from there. Was cooking dinner for my bro and his family and I get a text saying they wouldn't be home as the baby was back in hospital. I then texted back asking if everything was ok and get a cryptic text back which upset me. Am I being to nosy asking if everything is ok? Am I too crazy to handle certain information? I hate it when people withhold information from me because they are scared of the consequences. Makes me feel like I am badly flawed once again. I then got angry at DH for nothing, smashed a plate then went for a 2 hour walk. He told his sister about everything which embarrassed me. I hate people knowing I have pnd and that I am on medication. They also went looking for me because they thought I had done something serious if you know what I mean. I don't need to give people any more reason to think I am flawed. That is the other thing. can a sufferer of pnd simply just pull their socks up? I think not. Is it something they have done that has caused them to get pnd? Oh how wrong people can be.
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escadachic View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote escadachic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 November 2012 at 11:31am
Family, they are good at being pretty insensitive and upsetting. I have had my fair share of that from my family.

Oh that sucks you are unable to have anymore. That must be hard.

Yeah it's a bit insensitive for your DH to share that info. I'd feel embarrassed too.

So many people don't get PND or else totally take it the wrong way. Thinking people with PND do crazy things, like try killing their kids, due to news overseas blaming PND in some women for such tragedies.

Nothing wrong with asking how your brothers baby is.

People can be very indifferent I find, when they know you are PND.

But PND doesn't mean we are not right or nutty or anything. It just means our hormones went a bit nuts due to pregnancy and childbirth and it takes a while to get back to ourselves.

It's really common. Just a lot of people have too much pride and don't admit to it.

Just make sure you are seeking as much help and support as you can now.

I lack support and help big time after having my 2nd and still lack support and help to some degree. This being why I have bouts of severe depression. Though at the moment I'm doing well.

I let pride get in my way A LOT and that's not good aye.


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote confused??? Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 November 2012 at 4:01pm
I didn't want people knowing because it seems like what I feared would happen is happening with my family etc as in anything I say now isn't true, has no credibility, my feelings don't matter cos I'm sick in the head etc. I'm not sure my family etc know what pnd is or how it is caused. So frustrating. I have a lot of pride myself. I think I have had pnd issues since after my first child was born but have just masked it or put it down to other things such as low iron. I also went through a stage of not so much no support but very little support or the wrong kinda support. My sil who came back from England has been good. I used to find her so judgemental but after I told her if people knew how their comments really affected me they wouldn't say them. I almost said I wanted to adopt my kids because people's comments had made me feel like such a bad mother. She changed the way she speaks to me after that. Families can be the worst sometimes I reckon. Sometimes they just put their feet in their mouths constantly.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote escadachic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 November 2012 at 4:46pm
Yup! Family put their feet in their mouths a lot. Don't think before the speak or necessarily apply this thing called tact.

Do you have any mental health sector support?

I had 'some' when my youngest was an infant, but that didn't help a lot.

I need some desperately and have done for over a year.

And finally after months of hounding the doctors I have an appointment tomorrow.


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote confused??? Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 November 2012 at 5:01pm
I'm trying to get support. Still waiting to get an appointment with a councilor (however you spell it). I have been waiting sort of on and off for about 9 months to a year. Yay for you finally getting an appointment. It's so frustrating having to fight to get help. My plunket nurse is great.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Holly105406 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 February 2013 at 9:38pm
Hi everyone. I wasn't diagnosed with pnd with my first but I'm now 100% sure I was. I recovered over about three years but I'm now in my first trimester of my second pregnancy and worried it'll happen again. I think last time I felt so ashamed of myself, like I couldn't admit such a thing to even my husband, so didn't tell anyone what I was feeling. I had terrible thoughts especially in the first 18months, it really effected my relationship with my son. Any advise?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote escadachic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 February 2013 at 8:37am
If you feel like you are going downhill with your mental health, definitely let the midwife know if you are under a midwife and if you're not yet, let your GP know. As if it's pregnancy related, doctor's visits should be free.

I know how you feel aye. I had antenatal depression with my first(which is during pregnancy), but no PND. I got severe PND with my 2nd and now I'm pregnant with #3, I am worried about the possibility of developing it again.

I have at least been referred to MMH(maternal mental health) already, as I've been struggling with my depression during this pregnancy.

The only advice I can offer if be prepared for the possibility and look out for the warning signs and make sure you tell your midwife if you feel you might be developing it again.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sarah108331 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 March 2013 at 12:14pm
Hi Ladies & Gents (if there are any here),
Im not quite sure that I have PND but I thought that by coming here and writing things down and possibly hearing what some of you guys have to say I may get some answers.
Im a long time lurker of the forum - first time poster.
Ok so here goes - forgive me if I end up on a long winded tangent!

I had my beautiful daughter in October 2012. She was a surprise and although initially I was shocked I soon realised how much I wanted a baby. I soon got excited and when the 12 wk scan came back clear I shouted from the rooftops about being pregnant. Except it didnt last. By about 20 weeks I was feeling sad all the time, fighting with my partner and not really coping too well with all the changes that were going on in my body.
I spoke to my LMC (who was amazing) about these feelings and my partner spoke to her also about it. At the time we put it down to homesickness as Im from overseas and we have no family here in CHCH. Things got a wee bit better after I spoke to my LMC and I started to feel happy again. I got sad again at about the 30 week mark and my gp took note and told me to contact her if I continued to stay that way. The problem is that I was going from High to Low in a matter of days and decided that it must be hormones.
My daughter was born via emergency c-section - it was scary and traumatic and my partner and i were totally not prepared for that to happen. Again my midwife was amazing and spoke to us both about why on many occasions over the following 6 weeks.
I definately had the blues in the days following the birth - my mum and dad came to visit from overseas and I thought that I was getting through it with their support.
Its now 5 months on and every weekend without fail I have a fight with my partner. We both cry and we both feel bad and guilty and I have twice now gotten in the car and driven away...leaving him with our beautiful girl and no notion of where ive sped to or when Im coming back.
He works so hard at being a dad and works so hard at being a partner. If it wasnt for him Im sure we'd live in a pigsty and be starving. He is amazing but I dont give him half enough credit as I feel so hard done by myself but for reasons I dont know.
I feel sad all the time these days. I cry on a daily basis but try to keep it private as I dont want to scare him or make him feel bad. He tip toes around me sometimes and that drives me even more mad. I just want him to be my partner again...I want to be me again....not just someones mum and not just his stay at home help.
I dont really have anyone to talk to about it. All the other mums I know seem to be doing fine and while we talk about things...no-one has really mentioned the dreaded D word and I feel sometimes like I just have to "keep up with the joneses".
Anyway, Im not even sure if this post is still going or if I should even be posting here.
I hope all of you fabulous mums are doing well. My girl is screaming again so its time to put back on the mummy hat!
S
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote escadachic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 March 2013 at 1:00pm
Hi Sarah

Yeah this thread is totally still going. Just because people don't post much doesn't mean they aren't following it.

Like you were saying, no-one mentions the D word and many mum's wouldn't openly admit to having PND. Yet I found when I did tell people I was suffering from it, after having my 2nd child, people on occasion did just quietly admit to having gone through it too.

It's the whole pride thing. As it's always put across by some many mum's that all is good and they are coping and like they wouldn't ever being feeling they way we do.

I can so relate to what you are saying about the hormones and ups and downs you experienced while you were pregnant. I went through that with my 1st and at times go through that with #3, which I'm pregnant with now.

And yeah, caused issue with my partner and I as well. We are still together thankfully. But yeah, I can relate to the wanting to run away or just getting in the car and driving off. I did that a fair few times after having my 2nd.

I too try and hide my depression and cry in private. I don't always like to admit I'm not happy or coping. As I get sick of going back to that feeling.

If you want, you can have a read of my blog. You just click on my name and there should be a link in there somewhere. I started the blog to share my experience of PND.

We do have a secret FB group if you'd like to join. So that means no-one in your friends or family can see you are in the group or posts, because it's secret. Which is great, as you can share honestly in there.

Good on you for posting how you are feeling, that is a big step. As I can guarantee their are others feeling exactly the same, but just not wanting to share with others. The whole pride thing. I guess sometimes we just don't want to admit we feel this way, as sometimes when we do, we don't get the understanding and acceptance we need.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SimplySal Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 March 2013 at 1:59pm
Hi Escadachic,
Sorry for the slow response. Its been a full on weekend with a sick baby and more rows and arguments. I think however we've had a bit of a breakthrough and I think Im finally being listened to.
I also need to make an appt with the doc and try to talk about it out loud with someone and see what they say.
Thank you so much for responding to me though. I have read through your blog so thank you for that. It has made me feel less alone and today Im having a really good day...despite the baby still being ill and cabin fever setting in. :-D
Im not quite sure Im ready for the FB group just yet...I will keep it in mind however. Its taken me 5 months to get this far!
Thank you again for understanding. It is much appreciated.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote escadachic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 March 2013 at 4:31pm
Oh I'm so glad to hear you have having a better day

The FB group is pretty small, only 4 of us. But yeah, it's there if ever you want to join.

Glad to hear my blog made you feel less alone.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MalibuBarbie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 October 2013 at 5:52pm
Hi everyone. I haven't been on here for quite some time. I really thought I was finally happy. It turns out I still seem to get so worked up over the smallest things. My husband and I got invited to a wedding. He's in the bridal party, I am not. That is not the problem. It's for a couple who I feel have never really liked me. Some things have happened in the past which sort of destroyed my friendship with them. My husband doesn't like what they have done to me but befriends them anyway. I feel like they only invited me because I am the wife of their friend. I feel a duty to go because my dh is going but I really don't want to as I feel like I will be isolated and made to feel ugly as usual. I feel like I shouldn't have to be put through that. I also can't understand why dh would be friends with people who treat his wife so badly. This has started off ww3 at home. Things just keep going round and round in my head. It has really stressed me out to the point where I can't stop thinking about it! Please help me to put things in perspective. What can/ should I do? Is my way of thinking distorted or what?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote escadachic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 October 2013 at 2:00pm
I think you should not attend, as you don't want any reason to make you feel worse.

Yeah it would be ideal if your husband chose not to continue being friends. But men see the world differently to us.

No, your thinking isn't distorted at all.

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