what made you decide to have #2?
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=10024
Printed Date: 23 December 2025 at 2:55pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: what made you decide to have #2?
Posted By: Two Blondinis
Subject: what made you decide to have #2?
Date Posted: 19 August 2007 at 11:30pm
|
I'm sitting here with the worst AF cramps I've ever had, dosed up to the eye balls on Neurophen+ so I'm not exactly of sound mind LOL
I kinda, sort of, decided a couple of months ago that I didn't want to have another baby for a couple of years, at least! But since I made that "decision" I've been having second, thired, fourth, fifth etc thoughts! We went to the park today and it seemed to be "newborns big day out" they were everywhere, I swear it! So naturally, I got super clucky and I didn't think it was possible for grown men to "coo" so loudly! 
Anyways - yadda yadda..... What were your reasons for having #2? other than you wanted more than 1 child ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
 
|
Replies:
Posted By: mum2emj
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 6:43am
i didnt choose to have my second baby- had no thoughts of wanting another one, but she chose me  it wasnt until she was born that i was happy though.... long story but it all worked out perfect
|
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 7:27am
|
i found out i was 17 weeks preggersd and thought "what the hell"
i don't think us people answering are really the ones with the best advice - no offence mum2emj!! |
Posted By: Kazzle
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 7:29am
|
i have always wanted to have loads of kids, as has Kent, so there was never any thought of only having one, and we wanted them close together so we werent too old to grow with them ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 7:59am
| Two was always the plan here. and due to age the sooner we got going on the second the better. i dont really think there is another reason for having a second other than wanting more kids, just diff reasons as to when. |
Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 8:15am
|
We always wanted 2 as well.
Also had reached the point where I was getting a bit antsy being at home all the time and decided I either had to go back to work and put Ella in care part time, or have another baby. I was also insanely clucky. Even before we'd decided to try again, I wondered every month if perhaps I was pregnant despite being on the pill. I really missed being pregnant and feeling baby moving. I think my hormones were conspiring against me! (They're doing it again now, damnit!) ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
|
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 8:30am
|
Just being clucky, feeling like I was in a good place emotionally (not too drained, tired, etc), and figuring that I can't predict what's going to happen this pregnancy or in 9mos' time either for that matter... and coming to the conclusion that I was probably as ready as I would ever be! We just TTC "casually" though, I think each time I have got clucky around when the older bubba was just past 6mos. (When Briona was 6mos was when I had a surprise early m/c and I got clucky just from the "what if" thoughts. Even though I was initially like, "but Briona's still a baby!", I couldn't shake the cluckiness for #3.) -------------  |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 9:11am
|
I didn't really want a second baby, but Rod did. After I had Jake, although we had decided we would have a second, I was more convinced, cos he was just so sweet. Anyhow, the main reasonings for us were Jake would have someone to play with when young and grow up with and share lives with when older and R didn't want J to be an only like his 1st son and end up a bit "sopilt" or lonley, self centred, whatever. HAveing said that, though , If I *really* didn't want #2, we wouldn't have. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: MILF
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 9:16am
|
i guess it was just *the urge* for me, following the natural progression after having #1. we did wait till after our wedding, so xanthe was 2 1/2 before we started trying. and knowing that we would be trying then gave me lots of time to get clucky and be happy about it.
maybe i just wanted a *planned* baby!!! ------------- Lyla - mum to Xanthe - my big 4 year old 
and Jordis - 1 year old 
|
Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 9:57am
We have decided on 3 babies for us (or more if the last one is twins  ) and have figured the sooner the better so the gap is as small as possible. I'm also 30 already so don't think we have much time ie I want to be done by the time I'm 35. We are also in a position to be able to afford this and my work is really flexible which is really nice. And I also miss having a little newborn (I know - crazy!  ) - I miss how Gina used to fall asleep on my chest and just snuggle there - she doesn't do that anymore ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: mum2emj
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 10:00am
nah no offence- just thought i'd say that i didnt chose to have another, she was a suprise that took a long time to get used to  and that things worked out perfect in the end i agree it comes down to each person, each family... and that we cant give her an answer, toni will have to decide on her own (with her hubby) but i think its ok to share how we all felt and why we had our second babies
all the best, toni xxoo |
lizzle wrote:Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 10:16am
|
we always wanted 2 kids with a 2yr gap between them, for the same reasons as most have already mentioned.
so they wouldn't be too far apart and could grow up together. there's 5yrs between DH and his older bro and they didn't really have much to do with each other while growing up because they were into different things. also, we didn't want to be too old to grow with the kids, if that makes sense? i didn't want jack to be an only child too. having said that.....i'm thinking maybe 3 kids? DH is set on the idea that our family is complete though and i guess it is just my hormones playing with me anyway ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 11:31am
| ah, this is one thing i do regret about being a single mum, i would love to have another baby,tomorrow if i could, but next time i want to be in a proper relationship (which i am now, but he wants to get married first)but yeah, it would have been nice to have had caitlyn while i was in a proper relationship, and then when the time was ready , try for number 2, instead of having to wait for the right guy to come along as well lol, as it is miss C will probably be 7 or 8 by the time her next sibling is born...hopefully thats still young enough to enjoy it ? |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 11:58am
|
Kelly - I was from a big family and the sister of mine who is 10 years younger than me is one of my favourites. I got to help cuddle, feed (solids), carry around, etc when I was younger and it has created something special. Our playing together was more like aunty/niece than sister/sister. ------------- |
Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 12:31pm
|
Thanks for your thoughts. It's interesting to see that most of the reasons were to have a playmate for #1, which is along the lines DH is thinking, and that whole "only children are spoilt" thing (which I don't agree with).
When we were planning to TTC #2 we said January 08, and there's still a few months to go so I can still change my mind a million times before then LOL ------------- http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 1:04pm
My DF is an only child and he can be a bit self-centered at times, impatient and doesn't like sharing. Reason we will have 2. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 2:00pm
| i wanted two children and i wanted them to be reasonably close in age. My sister has two and they are 5 years apart and can be a nightmare and I knew i didnt want my children to have that sort of relationship. After Kobe i thought maybe i dont actually want anymore because i had the whole, how can i love another as much as kobe, how will kobe feel guilt thing happening but Im so happy i did go for number 2 because they are becoming great playmates already. |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 2:22pm
|
Caprece was a surpise but pretty much as soon as he was born I knew I wanted another. This time around I don't think I want any more but time will tell I guess.
I think whatever you guys decide it will work out for your family. |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 2:26pm
yep thats me right now ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 2:27pm
|
oh and all of us eg-4 kids 3 years apart are alll very close even me and my sis who are 9 years apart ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 2:54pm
|
caitlynsmygirl, friend of mine has done this. Her girl is Caitlyn too will be 8yrs this month, she was on her own with her after her husband left when she was 6 months old, she and has since met a lovely guy been together 5 years and now have a 6 month old daughter. The girls get on really well, with the older one being a wonderful nurse maid for mum. Don't give up it will happen.
------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: Leish
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 3:36pm
Christopher was 10 when he finally got a sibling and he is so totally besotted with his little brother. He really has a blast playing with him and being able to look after him. It's great that Christopher can look after Noah in his room on their own and Christopher talks to him about "big brother" stuff. They are gorgeous together. And I don't think that only children are neccesarily going to turn out spoilt. It depends on how you parent them. Christopher was an only child for 10 years and is a lovely and caring kid who is also great friends with us, I think because we were a three person family for such a long time. We know children who are siblings who behave like the most spoilt little toads. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 4:27pm
|
thanks guys, that helps, I really want caitlyn to have a brother or sister (well she'd prefer sister lol) one day, and wasnt sure if it was mean that shed be so much older, cos people always go on (not you guys) about small gaps etc.
Man i want another baby tho, should push DP into an engagement lol, sigh,dont think he'll be proposing for quite some time tho.... |
Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 4:51pm
I'm an only child too - and I too (sometimes) fit the criteria above. Surely there's nothing wrong with being a (little) self-centered, impatient and not sharing We are going for 3 though - I kind of miss not having a brother/sister------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: My3Sons
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 4:52pm
|
Just wanted to give a different perspective on this Best of luck with your decision Toni!! ------------- Mum to Mr 10, Mr 6 and Mr 4
 
|
Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 8:40pm
|
What if you have always wanted 3 kids but after having 1 don't think you can go through it all again? I'm still exhausted + have insomnia problems and haven't got over the first 10mths of constant grizzling.
How do you cope with the sleepless nights etc all over again? I still want 3 kids but the reality of having a baby is different from the dreams...I thought it would be wonderful but it was the hardest thing I've ever done. Do you just assume & hope number 2 will be easier? ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 8:52pm
|
Fiona I still have my moments of doubt, especially when I'm in my third trimester. My first baby actually was really easy, it's my second baby that's been tough (silent reflux AND strong personality). I find I don't get clucky until the exhaustion lifts - exhaustion is no fun How much support have you got? Do you know any friends with (slightly) older kids who can come around and offer some advice for Elle?
Being pg is exhausting on it's own so it's hard to be pg and have a toddler care for - although it is nice that they are usually still having day sleeps. I dunno, I kinda think that Elle needs to somehow learn that she can't always have what she wants or your attention, on account of grizzling, before another baby enters the scene. Not that she may ever fully 'get' that, but if that kind of training doesn't start until after the next baby comes along (and IMO it will have to by then) then there could be some big rivalry/dethronement issues.
It's never an easy decision to make. My DH and I have often talked about having 6 but in reality it comes down to "okay I think we're ready for one more" and if exhaustion gets the better of me, I'll gladly stop before 6. On the other hand, if cluckiness gets the better of me, I have no idea how many we'll have ------------- |
Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 8:57pm
|
Elle is good now...she is stroppy but is generally healthy and easy to care for. We have lots of fun. I'm certainly not stressed out or worried about her anymore...she is just a normal kid now.
The insomnia (frequent waking) is a funny one as apparently there is nothing that can be done...i've tried everything and nothing works. Evn though we've come out the other side with Elle the thought of another baby and possibily another year of exhaustion scares me...can't be good for the health! So do you think cluckiness returns once the exhaustion goes? Not an ounce of cluckiness here at the moment! ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 8:58pm
| Fiona concentrate on the most wonderful part and remember that by #2 you have a bit more knowledge under your belt and can prepare a bit better. |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 9:11pm
|
Han has only just started sleeping through now and I'm scared to say that I am getting more clucky by the day. (If you search back to my posts after I have birth then you'll know I swore that my other children would be adopted. Time does funny things to your memory!!!)
|
Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 9:17pm
|
As you know we were only thinking of having one, but I grew up by myself (my bro and sis are 11 and 13 years older than me). I dont remember them living at home with us, so feel like an only child and dont have a close relationship with my siblings, like they do. Deep down I knew I wanted another one and in lots of ways I think it will be good for Hannah to have a sibling. Two is it tho as I really dont want to be pregnant again, and DH (eldest of 4) tells such heartbreaking stories of having not much money when they were growing up, we have decided to just have two and financially have them grow up better off than he did (not in a spoilt way tho!).
Good luck with your decisions again Toni. TBH it sounds like you both really do want another, but on the other hand only children dont necessarily turn out spoilt, self-centred etc. ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 20 August 2007 at 9:36pm
|
Aimee - although on the financial point, Working for Families is a lot better nowadays than it used to be (even 4 years ago). ------------- |
Posted By: lou
Date Posted: 21 August 2007 at 7:42am
|
We never wanted to have two kids, but with having PND after Sophie we decided to have at least a 2 year gap as we had heard this was best. We are not going to have any more but this has been deterimed by circumstance rather than choice. ------------- Mother to two beautiful children - Sophie age 6 and Ephraim age 4 |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 21 August 2007 at 9:18am
|
Fiona Jack was a nightmare as well and he only started to sleep thru every now and then when he was about 9-10 months and still doesn't now. With number 2 its like you know whats coming and are a bit more relaxed so its nowhere near as hard. Also I think you adjust to the lack of sleep a lot quicker.
|
Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 21 August 2007 at 1:01pm
|
For us we have always said we would like 2. Right now as you know I could not have another, both for my sake but also for Tyrell. I always said 2 years would be a nice gap, but now I feel another year is in order to get our wee man happy. I feel everyone is different and every pregnancy and every child is different. Your time will come when you are ready. |
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 21 August 2007 at 1:47pm
|
It kind of just happened, we'd had a discussion about it briefly, and next minute we are expecting... weren't even trying, it was just her time to come. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
|
Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 21 August 2007 at 7:14pm
Ummm... Well, I have 2 brothers and am the youngest and only girl. I too can be self-centred, impatient and not sharing at times so there goes that theory of it being just only children
|