Well it’s over.
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=10116
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Topic: Well it’s over.
Posted By: mamanee
Subject: Well it’s over.
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 1:36am
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That's it.
After a huge fight, I am moving out and taking Sam with me. We just can't be together anymore. I am very upset that it didn't work out, but I just can't keep going on walking on eggshells and being so tense that I can't be myself because I don't want to make him angry. He says he never wants to be with anyone, he never wanted kids or to settle down and that he just wants to be alone. I want to get married and have more kids and I should have known it would never be with him, now I have to start all over again. I don't know what to do. I have no furniture, no house to live in, no nothing. I need to find a place to live, find stuff to put in it, find someway of paying rent and buying food and keeping Sam fed and clean and happy and I just don't know where to start. He has gone out now and I am sitting here crying because I am so devastated. I still love him and he says he loves me too but it isn't enough to make it work anymore. 
Wish me luck. I'll be fine. At least I have a beautiful son. |
Replies:
Posted By: nictoddie
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 6:25am
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awwww my heart goes out to you, I have been where you are although he moved out, we did however reconcile due to the fact we just can't be without each other.
You need to ring Winz and get in there asap, if you have no where to go ring Housing NZ as it is much cheaper to rent through them, contact the sallies they may be able to assist you with furniture or the Womens refuge most centres have their own furniture supplys. Do you have family live nearby? It's such a huge thing and you just want the earth to swallow you up but you will get there in time, and you have the beautiful boy to focus on also he is just adorable. Big hugs there is light at the end of the tunnel.  ------------- 
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 6:53am
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sorry to hear that. I know it must be pretty scary at the moment but you do need to start planning your future. I have a friend who has recently seperated and I know she gets lots of money from the government, in fact more than me and hubby put together (which is kind of annoying but anyway....)
Is it his house? Do you have to move? Will he not give you some furniture or is it all his? Good luck |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 7:10am
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how long have you guys been together? It's just i would think you would be able to take some of the furniture./ Don't be a matyr and say no, would love to help out somehow, but we have only just got stuff for ourselves!
i do have boys clothes though! just gave the majority to women's refuge but can put aside the next lot of grown out stuff for you guys if you want. won't be anything flash, but at least it's one less thing to have to spend your money on. Ring winz ASAP and get that appointment! Sorry to hear about your tough time Renee! where are you BTW? |
Posted By: hailstones
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 7:30am
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Oh Renee , You poor thing!
I agree with everyone else - Ring WINZ, housing NZ, Sallies etc, try and get all the help you need! And what lizzle said about taking some of the funiture the house - I completly agree - surely he will let you have some stuff, after all Sam is his son as well! And also make sure you look after yourself as well! You will be in a very emotional place ATM, I hope that you have some Friends or Family close that you can turn to and get some much needed hugs!! I know all the ladies here will be thinking of you and that we will all be sending some (cyber) hugs your way. Wish we were closer and could help you out. BIG HUGS ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Bubbaloo
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 7:41am
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Renee I also agree with what other has said ring WINZ today and ask for an emergency appointment they normally have free appointments for emergencies actually if you can it would probably be best to just turn up there if it's not that far from you. Also ring the sallies etc I'm sure they would be more than happy to help you out same as the Womens Refuge. Good luck with everything I'm sure everything will work out fine look after yourself. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  Was danni-chick Mum to James My Angel 28/07/08 |
Posted By: Mama2two
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 7:41am
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Renee, I am so sorry it hasn't worked out for you guys. Definitely ring WINZ this morning and get your money/housing situation sorted out asap. And why can't he move and you stay? It would certainly be an easier move for him.
If you need someone to talk to please PM me and I can give you my number .
Thinking of you chick. Big hugs to you and Sam. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 8:12am
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dont know what to say really, except if you need anything let me know...i'd love to help in any way i can. and if you decide to get out of hamilton we have a spare room here in auckland. oh and i agree contact WINZ asap. |
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 8:12am
oh renee i'm so sorry hun!! i've been where you are (minus a child though) and it really is hard. have you got friends and family near to give you some emotional support? you know you have plenty on here anyway and we are all here for you when you need us
as the other ladies have said, take some of the stuff from the house, you will need it! go see winz asap and they will be able to help you out with lots of things and then go from there. i think you are a brave lady and i really admire you for making the decision to leave. it's never an easy one but you have to do whats best for sam and yourself! take care hun, and yes, you do have a beautiful son!!! he's adorable
------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 8:29am
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That's terrible, I agree with everything that the girls have said. Make you and Sam the priority.
Can you go and stay with your mum for awhile until you get everything sorted? I've got a few bits and bobs that I can give you, high chair, clothes etc. Hubbie comes down to Hamilton every fortnight for work, so he could drop it off to you. Hugs to you and Sam. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 8:29am
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So sorry to hear this babe.
I think everyone else has summed it up with ringing WINZ etc. Hopefully too you have family and friends nearby who can help you out. I'd also be checking out the legal obligations of the father. Just because he didn't want it doesn't mean he's not now responsible! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 8:55am
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Renee I am so sorry to hear about this. I dont know what to say. I am here if you just want to chat or need help with anything. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: MILF
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 9:03am
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Oh renee i am so sorry to read this news. big hugs to you and sam and i hope things work out for you. ------------- Lyla - mum to Xanthe -  my big 4 year old
and Jordis - 1 year old 
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Posted By: JD
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 9:05am
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Sorry to hear you are so upset! I second the other girls....contact winz, they are there to help in these exact situations.
------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 9:05am
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I dont know what to add either, but if there is any way we can help, let us know. ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: susieq
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 9:10am
| Big hugs and you do have a beautiful boy. |
Posted By: KH25
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 9:15am
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Renne! I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I'm just down the road so please let me know if there is anything I can do for you xx ------------- Kelly, mum to DD, 19Jun06 (26wks 1lb15oz) DS1, 24Oct10 (32wks 4lb11oz) and DS2, 31Dec11 (32wks, 4lb11) http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Mazzy
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 9:16am
| Oh Renee, my heart goes out to you and Sam. So sorry to hear this news. Please don't hesitate to let me know if you need help in any way. |
Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 9:16am
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Thank you guys for everything, I am so shattered this morning after having next to no sleep.
I've got my mum and my two nanas and my dad close by so I have heaps of family support. I am definitely going to ring Winz and see what I can do. I can't really afford to live here as the rent is just too much. I will be taking the little furniture that is mine, and as I look around, quite a lot of it is mine and he is willing to give me most of the rest. He came home last night and we agreed that it would be really hard for me to go right now as Sam is so little and we have just bought a business so things need to be sorted before I can go. It will be a couple of months at the least before anything can go ahead. He has said he will be very good and help us out as much as he can finding us a place and buying groceries and looking after Sam. He confessed that he is deeply troubled and that he cannot feel anything, and he doesn't know how to be emotional and he just can't be a happy person. I am a happy person and I want someone who is equally happy. My sister is having her baby today so I will be up at the hospital trying not to fall asleep I think. He says he loves Sam very very much and he loves me too and he is so glad that I am his mother because he thinks I am doing a wonderful job and he will always love me for being the mother of his child. I actually got some meaningful talking done with him last night but I am definitely moving out. Thank you everyone for your thoughts and well wishes. I just don't know what to say right now.
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Posted By: Faraway
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 9:26am
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Oh Renee . Let me know if there's anything I can help you out with - I'm sure I could find someway of getting stuff down to Hamilton to you.
Big and good on you for putting you and Sam first.------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Rackhell
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 9:44am
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I don't know how long you two have been together, but Bombshell might be able to advise on legal aspects if you pm her and explain the situation.
DH and I are in hamilton and when you need a hand shifting please let us know, we would like to help. Very sorry Renee, that it's come to this. You have one cute bubba, and your new neice/nephew to be is very lucky to have such a strong aunty. x Cath is 25 days old. |
Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 9:53am
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No advice, but lots of ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 10:01am
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No more to add than what has been said. Definately contact WINZ. We have given away all of Tyrell's stuff, but I can offer some sheets and towels for you not sure what else we have that could help. But if there is anything just let me know.
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 10:14am
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Will you stay in Hamilton Renee?
Big . I am in Hamilton during the day so let me know if you want to meet up for a coffee, or need some company after work.
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 10:21am
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Renee big hugs. Def make sure that you put yourself and Sam first. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: My3Sons
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 11:06am
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Big for you, I hope you are doing ok!! ------------- Mum to Mr 10, Mr 6 and Mr 4
 
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 11:26am
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Huge and lots of love from me too hun!
I wish I was down there to offer some real support! I hope you're doing ok today. ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 12:15pm
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Oh no!!! Sorry to hear about the breakdown, but it's good that you have made a decision.
I hope it all works out for you... wish I was a bit closer so I could help. I'll be home next week in Rotorua if you need to get away from Hamilton. |
Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 1:33pm
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Just a big hug from me too. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: EllenMumof2
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 1:52pm
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-------------  
 
Kalem 6! |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 2:03pm
Oh Renee,  to you and Sam. You strike me as a strong woman, and you can get through this, even though it's mighty hard. Glad you've got family around, and you know we're all always here for ya. You're an amazing parent and you're doing such a great job (under tough circumstances too)! ------------- Andie |
Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 3:11pm
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Renee, I am so sorry to hear your news. It is awesome that you managed to talk last night and maybe he will be able to look at counselling in the future as at least he knows he has a problem (lets face it, after what we have heard about his mother it would be hard not to have a problem!) For now, look after yourself and know that you will be fine because you love Sam and have friends, family and Oh baby behind you. -------------  
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 3:13pm
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For you and Sam
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Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 3:25pm
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------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 4:41pm
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That's great that he's willing to help you to move on, with finanical support. Since you're not moving out so soon, maybe you could start to collect furniture & bits n pieces before you go.
It must be a very emotional time for you hun, but you're very brave in doing what's best for you & Sam. It would be better for Sam to have a happy solo mummy, than an unhappy mum with a partner. BIG HUGS TO YOU HUN!!! It's a lot to think about I'm sure, so glad to hear you have family support. ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 5:25pm
| renee - just realised I have a TON of sheets and towels - old but usuable. my nana cleaned out her linen closet for me when we moved to gisborne, but we don't use everything - mostly single sheets and pillowcases. Some of it is in our linen closet but a huge lot is in suitcases casue i can't fit it in. if you want it - yell out and PM me an address. |
Posted By: Leish
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 8:56pm
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Renee. Thinking of you and little Sam ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: lil_miss
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 9:19pm
| Sorry to hear this.. :( Although it sounds like he realises there is an issue - perhaps counselling could help him to find his feelings.. it doesnt sound all lost from my perspective, but I dont the full story.. all the best |
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 9:40pm
at least he realises he has some problems and that's a great first step! as miss said...we've heard what his mum is like so it's no wonder!!!
who knows renee, maybe this time apart will do wonders DP within himself and also your relationship with each other. ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Carmel
Date Posted: 24 August 2007 at 10:13pm
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