Pretty mad right now!
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Life After Miscarriage
Forum Description: Up to one in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage, yet for many the loss of a pregnancy is isolating and lonely. Share your thoughts and feelings here with others who have experienced loss.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=10131
Printed Date: 08 June 2024 at 2:33pm
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Topic: Pretty mad right now!
Posted By: Esselle
Subject: Pretty mad right now!
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 1:56pm
I'm still waiting to MC so my hormone levels wont be helping me and I do apologize! I put my my angel on the DD list on the pregnancy board, I didn't remove it at all as I think that it would be nice to remember when the time comes around. But someone has wiped it off! I have already had someone basically say "Oh well, you'll get over it" and that really hurt but this feels like another prod about how unimportant or shushed it should be.
I am happy for the name to be wiped with all the others at the end of March 2008. Sorry ------------- 
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Replies:
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 2:32pm
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Awww Esselle you're right it is a very emotional time (I've had one too.) Everyone deals with m/c differently so you can be sure that no one has meant offence or more grief for you. If you want it back on, just go back into the list and get it put back on, but you may want to reconsider: at your due date, you could get a lot of new/uninformed people asking whether you've had your baby yet and that could be even harder to take.
What about an "in rememberance" thread? Would that be a nicer way to have your baby remembered? -------------  |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 3:07pm
| Sorry about your lose but Im sure it wasnt done to hurt you, probably more to save you the pain of doing it again. Maybe explain in the thread that you would like it left there and put it back on but I tend to agree with busymum, when your due date time comes around its pretty hard and you might not need the added questions you will get. |
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 7:50pm
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I was relieved to have mine taken off there, sad, but releived that i didn't have to ask to have it taken away which is probably what they were trying to save you from doing. Soo hear you about the darn hormones and waiting to miscarryy.. i waited a couple of weeks before going to have D&C.
I left my due date on my profile for the longest time before taking it off as it was actuallyupsetting me aftera while to know how far i should be. although when ihave a bad day, to log on and see something saying "you have 2 children" when i feel that i have 3, sucks just a little. Teresa a rememberance thread was something that I had been thinking about starting up actually, funny you should mention it, I know Emma told me about another site she goes to where they have something similar, maybe the idea should be run past her? i think it's a nice way for some to remember, even if they want to forget sometimes it's nice to have other's remember too ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 8:15pm
We could just start one  And anyone can just add their baby's due date or loss date or whatever date you choose to remember your m/c baby by.
I remember getting a bit antsy (is that a word? lol) when people started introducing me as "mother of 2, soon to be mother of 3" (when I was pg with Kryssi but only a couple of months after the m/c) because I was a mum of 3 already! You just couldn't see #3! Thankfully my emotions have settled down a lot since then. I really have had a lot of healing in time, it's now been 1 1/2 years for me. ------------- |
Posted By: Esselle
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 8:15pm
Have emailed the person in question and they have told me "That's fine you can be offended"  and I have to wait for Emma to have her say I don't really see why it is a problem for me to remain on the list. I can understand why people would choose not to be on there but my grieving will be just as different as everyone else's.
Maybe it would have helped if I had been asked first? I am sure people dislike it when I am presumptuous by assuming that this was done in ignorance and thoughtlessness. Surely being notified would of not been too much of a hardship?
I should have changed the title of this topic to I am so sad/ let down right now, because I am not really angry, just sad. -------------
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 8:20pm
eselle - no one can tell you what to post or not post so if you want it on there you go right ahead and put it back...if they want to give you schtick tell them to come see me... 
actually just saw you have put it back - good on you. If you ask me it should never have been taken off at all considering you put "my angel in heaven" next to the due date. |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 8:43pm
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Good on you, that's exactly what I was about to suggest. ------------- |
Posted By: Kazzle
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 8:49pm
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oh hunny i am so sorry you are feeling like this, i know its hard, and im sorry your name got taken off the dd list, what you are going through is a rough journey but i just wanted to let u know that i am here if you want to chat as are all the other girls
(((hugs))) ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 23 August 2007 at 10:33pm
well that is just down right rude and plain ignorant of your feelings!! that makes me mad  no one 'owns' the dd list so it's open to who ever. good on you for putting your name back up....and big  to you------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Esselle wrote:Posted By: emmaohara
Date Posted: 24 August 2007 at 11:08am
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Esselle huge hugs to you, we are all here for you in the March thread so please don't go away!!!
It still hurts me when I open up the pregnancy page and its say January babies started by emmaohara, everytime a little something in me goes ouch, I never even went back into the thread once I miscarried it was too painful, so I know how hard it is for you right now Big hugs and positive healing thoughts coming your way girl x ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 24 August 2007 at 3:52pm
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OK, I'm getting splinters in my butt (again) from being perched up on this fence, so I'll say this: I can understand *why* your due date was taken off, but I do think it could have been handled in a more sensitive way.
For me personally, I wouldn't have WANTED to see my due date stay on the list as a constant reminder of my loss, and of everyone else who hadn't lost their babies. But I accept that everyone deals with grief in different ways, and maybe this is cathartic for you. Janine is right that there is a site http://www.thelostones.co.nz - The Lost Ones that has a Candle page for remembering lost angels. Both of mine are there, and I still shed a tear or two when I go and 'visit' them. Bottom line: I don't think that the Due Date list is an appropriate place to remember our angels, I think that isn't fair to us to have to remember our angels alongside everyone else's growing babies, and I think it's not fair on those who haven't miscarried, the Due Date list has become a special place for them. I am happy to sticky the Rememberence thread that Teresa started, and to format it the same as the Due Date list so that it is a special place where we can remember the little ones who briefly touched our lives and left such a lasting pain. That said, I am not about to remove anybody's due dates from the Due Date list, miscarried or otherwise, I think that is a decision that you individually need to make. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 25 August 2007 at 8:15pm
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Aww the candle room is so sweet, I have added our Angel there :) ------------- |
Posted By: Esselle
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 8:42pm
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Well there has been no time to wait around for the D&C to be booked. I got the fright of my life as I miscarried this afternoon.
I pray to God that I never have to go through this again. -------------
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 8:53pm
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Awww natural m/c is the best way but it's difficult and lengthy and very hormonal. Take it easy for the next couple of weeks and take iron supplements if you need to ------------- |