When RL friends/family are on OB
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=10433
Printed Date: 12 October 2025 at 9:24pm
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Topic: When RL friends/family are on OB
Posted By: ginger
Subject: When RL friends/family are on OB
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 11:26am
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It's hard when there are things you want to talk about but feel like you can't ... does anyone else with people from their RL on OB find this?
Sucky. ------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |
Replies:
Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 11:37am
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Have often thought about that so don't often tell really close friends about OB for that reason.
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 11:38am
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Yup! Now that I know people (family) in real life could be reading I really feel like I have to hold back on what I say.
The anonymity I had here before was great because I could write about things that I was struggling with or that were bothering me and know that I wouldn't have to talk about them (be interrogated regularly about them) in real life. So frustrating! What's creepy, is that they never actually told me they had been reading, and it took me a while to figure out the only place they could have found it was on here! Of course I know they have every right to be on here and I know when I write that it is there for the whole world to see, it just feels a little invasive anyway for some reason! Now I wonder what the reaction to this post will be? LOL ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 11:45am
eek! I have only a couple of friends who know about me on OB and I don't mind them reading what I have to say. But I haven't told my family that I'm on OB - well except for Mr Chovy, cause I kept reading the giggles outloud until he got hooked too  Just means I won't be coming on here and doing a great big rant about him LOL. But actually, I don't mind cause I wasn't ranting about him before he joined anyway. Managed to sort things out properly first.
We've been stuck on a couple of issues and just worded posts (questions) carefully on those topics hehe. I know from a reliable, but anonymous, source that it is hard to talk about ILs on here when your DH is lurking... fortunately I haven't had any telling offs about my venting of them hehe -------------  |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 11:56am
if my husband joined i would leave...
and having RL friends on here does make it hard. for instance when i announced i was pregnant on here i then realised i had to tell RL friends too in case they heard from the people on here that we both knew... and one RL "friend" had a hard time accepting that i had - in her words - told a bunch of strangers first. i have other borads that i use for that very reason. i love the anonymity of a board too. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 11:59am
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I havent told any of my friends or family about it.....its my little secret!! But they know I belong to an "online coffee group" as we call it in our house! I dont really think that any of my ILs or friends would be into it, but dont want to take the risk. Thats one of the things that I love - I can be myself and not worry about offending anyone I know with concerns or grizzles. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 12:13pm
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yeah i would hate it, thats the reason Im a bit vague about it for that reason. I always just say 'a forum i go on sometimes'
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 12:14pm
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Funny cause I often refer to ob as 'someone was saying' when talking to RL friends. I don't tell them the source of my info is from an online forum. I'm curious though do you not think of people on here as your friends?
I guess I always remember than anyone can read what you are posting - so try to keep things polite - even if i'm saying something negative. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: Peace
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 12:47pm
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I am constantly followed around online by family and friends (Hi BTW!!!) and I am very conscious of the fact that there is a only a limited amount of things I can say and do. For this reason alone I have other identities on my forums so I can ask the hard questions or look for answers even have a down to earth conversation. Admittedly I am not the best person in the world when it comes to discretion of my own life and I am sure there are a few people that have connected the dots. I am impressed to say the least that no one has ratted me out, makes me really proud that my friends and family if they do know my alternate nicks have some respect and I appreciate that.
I really appreciate my offline support though, if it wasn't for the large group of people that are cheering me on in all my pursuits whether it be offline, online or to their tastings. I don't think I would be much of a person at all. Love for my lurkers xxxxx ------------- DD1 May 2006 DD2 March 2011 DD3 August 2012 |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 1:00pm
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No I don't have any issues at (Hi Red! Hi Deb!!) but I tend to go the opposite way, I've talked to them about stuff that I haven't talked about on here. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: jaz
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 1:11pm
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I'm lucky that the RL friends that have young kids are also the friends I can vent to about other stuff. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 1:29pm
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I don't have any RL friends
JK! Most of my RL friends know of OB mainly as "the place I work" but most of them don't have young kids so it's not really their thing. But there are a couple of people here that I've known since way before OB (gandt and jaz) and quite a few that I've met thru here but consider friends IRL as we see each other regularly, text/phone each other etc. I must admit I'm really glad that Willie is techologically illiterate coz I'd feel a bit weird him reading some of the stuff on here. Not that there's anything I haven't told him, more that I think everyone needs somewhere outside their relationship to vent, for him it's the boys at work, for me it's OB. One thing I do find a wee bit sticky is that because I know a lot of people here fairly well now either online or IRL, when I have to make moderating decisions sometimes I think "am I just doing this because I know so-and-so" etc. or when I know more of the background behind a situation but can't say. That's where Katherine is marvellous, she keeps that cheeky Gandt in line ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 1:35pm
lol Emma!  Well I have had issues with this (long story short, appparently someone reading stuff on here and threatening to tell my ILs and DH that I moaned about them!) and it totally freaked me out at the time, but now it doesnt really bother me. Who doesnt moan about there ILs and there husband doing no housework! ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 1:50pm
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That is a bit rude Aimee, its like evesdropping on a telephone conversation. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 3:20pm
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Oooh I remember that Aimee, that was a shocker of a situation (but you handled it with such style!). I tell my real-life friends about this site... some of them have babies too and were bound to stumble across me here anyway, so I just told them about my little habit - I don't say stuff on here that I wouldn't talk to my friends about anyway. There's stuff I talk to IRL friends about that I'd never mention here as well - like women's problems, etc, and nothing is sacred with my mates, but I sure as hell don't want to say it here because I don't want any men reading it - that weirds me out. But occasionally I'd love to have a massive rant about my family and I hold myself back, because you never know who might be lurking (and before you say - Andie, we've heard you rant plenty already you liar!... that's been me holding back still!). I like that some of the people I know IRL are on here - makes my geekiness less geeky, and there's people on here who started off as faceless nameless nick-names with tickers and opinions and advice, who I now consider friends, so I don't want to draw a line between IRL mates and ones on here ------------- Andie |
Posted By: Glow
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 3:20pm
if you are you then it wouldn't matter, would it? 
its called technology & hi people i know!!  
------------- Mummy of Two Boys B: 2004 K: 2007 |
Posted By: Aprilfools
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 3:26pm
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Do people really follow others around online? How weird. Like you said Fleury it's like eavesdropping on a conversation or being stalked. That's so creepy. The way I look at these forums is that it's kind of like group therapy and what is said in the walls of the forum stays there. Not that I know any of you personally anyway.
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 3:36pm
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I do sometimes feel like a stalker, as I follow the ladies I've met on NZWP with their preggy/baby journeys.
There are a lot of ex and current NZWP members on here. And us 08 brides to be, talk about a lot more than just weddings. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: Glow
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 3:46pm
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just like the real world aye
jealousy, lies, clicky-ness, negativity, love, freedom, happiness- "EMO's like elmos" atleast you cant see expressions so they shouldn't hurt eh!! sticks & stones WILL break your bones BUT names/words shall NEVER hurt you!! ------------- Mummy of Two Boys B: 2004 K: 2007 |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 3:54pm
I haven't found any of these things on here or the other forum I participate in. Everyone seems really lovely and friendly. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Glow wrote:Posted By: Glow
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 4:00pm
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neither- but do read between lines
technology these days aye you can pic up signals & soon we will all be "chipped" for global positioning & goodness knows what else!! Cell phones are scary- phones can be bugged etc etc Hey now there is cure for the dreaded C ------------- Mummy of Two Boys B: 2004 K: 2007 |
Posted By: Peace
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 4:12pm
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I don't think reading peoples online conversations is even slightly like listening into a telephone call. I think if you are silly enough to address your personal problems or grievances in a public arena under the impression that it should be private then maybe it should be taken up in PM. But then again this is from someone who takes measures to remain anonymous when airing private business, so I would be cynical LOL! ------------- DD1 May 2006 DD2 March 2011 DD3 August 2012 |
Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 4:57pm
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Well as I said earlier, even though I know it is available to all and anyone when I write it on the internet, it still seems wrong to me in some weird way.
If you know someone, and read what they've written to other people online, and don't identify yourself in that setting, and then bring it up out of the blue IRL without saying anything about having joined the forum, it just seems a little odd! ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and:
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Posted By: gemsmum
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 6:40pm
Hi back at ya!!
Just my opinion, but posting on a public forum is more like having a conversation in a busy room - if someone overhears and it bothers you you probably shouldn't be talking about it there! 
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 6:55pm
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Yea I agree... but in saying that, if someone "overheard" you ranting about someone else they knew, they should take it up with you directly instead of spreading the word... IMO ------------- |
Posted By: Chovynz
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 7:11pm
Probably cuz im starting to realise most of it is true.  And it's not really any of my business, nor does it faze me when you talk about them.
Yeah. That weirds me out on the other side of the fence too. I'm like..."careful, Nat...you don't really want to know too much...."  ------------- Defending the male species since 1980
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Posted By: meow
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 7:18pm
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I have another forum where I post my hard q's..
My mum sometimes looks at the forums I go (hi mum! if you're here..) if I use her computer.. so I'm always concious of what I type. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 7:28pm
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I never pay any attention, but sometimes when i met someone IRL, i think "oh dear lord, what have i been saying online again" - and think they are thnking "oh SHES the one who had...(insert something gross here)"
Of course, usually am the sole of discretion! BTW when Taine was born I wouldn't let Lewis announce his birth here, cause i didn't want to pass on my password! |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 8:25pm
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Ha i was the same when the kids were born, had to wait till i was home from hospital or text someone to post it.
I do consider certain people I have meet in here IRL friends. Those I have meet a few time I would say a friend of mine...... and sometimes i do forget we have lurkers and probably say more than I should but there are only a couple of people I wouldnt want to know about this site only because i think they will judge me on what i say and be shocked at what Im really thinking. |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 8:28pm
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The sad thing is that just recently I had to delete a member at their request because some members of their family had been lurking and caused a huge drama about some of the things she had posted, so she felt the need to remove all of her details etc. I can't believe some people can be so awful as to invade a place where someone feels 'safe' and use it against them. The stuff wasn't anything juicy or confidential, just day to day stuff. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 8:28pm
| sounds familiar! |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 8:41pm
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*light goes on* I wondered what had happened.
I generally don't say anyhthing on here I wouldn't say in real life, however, if I do think i have said *too* much, I go back and edit it out. Sometimes I think oh shiz, did I tell them that before I posted? I'm pretty much an open book with my TMI. I do sometimes think about lurkers, though. Someone who has only posted once requested I empty my inbox a few weeks ago, then never PM'd me and I had NO idea who it was, and that made me feel a bit weird... ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 8:53pm
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Hmmmm Annie, maybe you have a stalker... ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: MILF
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 8:59pm
i felt violated when someone on here told some of my family that i was pregnant... never did find out who that was. and i am a bit more restrained than i might normally be because of it. but i would hope that it wont happen again, and said person will realise that a forum is a place to whinge, and gain different perspectives, and offload, and celebrate. and it is not something to be discussed elsewhere.
thats a hard one though ginger, do you say things here that you dont talk about on your blog? (of course you do, silly question ) i would hope that the person would have the decency to be discreet about whatever you chat about on here.------------- Lyla - mum to Xanthe - my big 4 year old 
and Jordis - 1 year old 
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Posted By: Mazzy
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 9:10pm
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I sometimes worry about things I have posted on here. It is easy to forget this is open to the public and as far as I know there isn't anyone I know IRL reading, but how would I know really? I don't talk about anything I wouldn't say to some of my friends - just not all of them! ------------- Mum to two gorgeous girls! |
Posted By: Brenna
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 9:20pm
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I know that I don't say everything I am thinking cause U don't know who could be 'looking'... I also don't tell some of my friends (ones with babies) that I go on here cause I like it to be just for 'me' ------------- My beautiful 2 girls...nearly 4 and 13 months
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Posted By: Katherine
Date Posted: 03 September 2007 at 9:24pm
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I worry when I'm posting about my Evil SIL, as I don't know what baby/parenting websites she frequents -- although, judging by her parenting skills, the answer to that question is "None." (evil laugh) She knows I work for OHbaby!, although she never asks about it and has never said that she's even looked at the site. Oh, well... I definitely don't feel comfortable posting about issues I might be having with friends or family members whom I *know* are on here, because I wouldn't want them to read the post and recognise themselves, and be upset that I didn't talk to them. I do have another forum as well where I'm anonymous and can get advice about the really hard things, but I only post there when I'm really having a problem and have no one to talk to, because those chicks are really, truly, scarily honest. But I'd never use real names or identifying details when talking about people I know, because I want to protect their privacy as well. I think that kind of discretion is a good thing. |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 12:17pm
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I'm starting to get a bit more wary about stuff like this but ah well... I don't think I rant too much about stuff! (Just Jute, but we are sister's and that's what we do best!)
I would worry if Tobin went trawling through the older posts... but that's more because he gets a bit jealous at times! I'm a bit more censored on my blog though as I know my mum and Dad (and other family) read it, so don't want to bag them too much! hehe |
Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 12:49pm
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I do worry now cause it turned out so many people I knew IRL were on here un be known to them or me(hey to you all you know who you are) I am not worried about any of them knowing what I write I am pretty open with most people, but it did get me thinking about how easy it is to run into someone and not know there is a connection. If Andie never introduced herself via email i would have never known and that sort of thing would be too weird specially if we had meet IRL later on. So i think if you do discover you know someone IRL it is importaint ot let that other person know.
------------- Deborah Mum to:   
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 1:37pm
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It does worry me at times - the internet is such a freely available resource now, and you never know who is reading. In saying that, I can possibly give TMI at times. Obviously having been on national TV also reduces the amount of "privacy" that I have a right to, but that's cool. I feel that I can't do the rants etc. that sometimes I need to do because it's unknown who is reading.
In the past, not long after DF and I got together, someone was contacting him by txt with info that would have only come from another MB I post on - things like going to a meet up, and when the meet up was on, texting DF and insinuating that I wasn't actually at the lunch but was having extracurricular activities - funny thing was I was actually at home with DF at the time and hadn't gone to the meet up. We still have no idea who it was or how they even got DF's mobile number. That was a little scary. It went on for around 4 months, then just stopped dead and the number is no longer in use (a Vodafone prepay number). There were a couple of other things as well that have happened, but overall I'm pretty easygoing about it. With OB, I find I may give TMI at times because of advice that I'm after, and maybe I feel more secure here than what I really should? Either way, I'm happy. |
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 1:49pm
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I must admit I think out loud on here rather than with my friends. I do know ppl IRL who know I come on here and others who know I come here (hi Carmel) and I don't know if they have come in for a looky. I guess if i wanted to rant about something I didn't want ppl I knew to know I have another place i can go and be anon. But for the most of it say it here - god I am such an open book You can see by me having my name as my sign on and all my kids names that it wouldn't take someone i knew 2 seconds to know it was me anyway.
I could see though how anonying it would be if someone you knew was following you around the messages to be noisy rather than generally interested. What would bother me is if someone was reading all my replies etc... and not join in but just reading in case they miss something. But I am pretty sure I don't have a stalker and if I do - so! what can I do?? Just remember this is a 'public' forum so something you don't want getting out I would say don't put it in here. ------------- Ann 
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: Glow
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 2:06pm
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yep yep why hide?
Dont see, dont like, its your problem eh? ------------- Mummy of Two Boys B: 2004 K: 2007 |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 2:24pm
Do you introduce yourself to OB people you meet IRL? My IRL friends live in different parts of the country to me, but I do see OB people here (Palmy isn't v-big aftera ll) IRL - mostly I recognise the kids, I'm too shy to go up and introduce myself incase they think i'm weirdo/stalker, instead they probably think she's being a snobby cow and not saying hello. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 3:46pm
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i met roksana that way - i was in the warehouse and she recognised the kids and said hi and i was like "what?" then she said oh baby and i was like "oh yeah, hi."
(reverted to teenager speak there sorry). ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 4:34pm
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LOL GandT. Fleury why don't you just say HI.. in saying that I sometimes keep quiet too incase they think I am a stalker or something.. I use to see people I went to school with and not say Hi incase they didn't know who I was, but most of them did and so I would of looked like a snob instead (I get the guts with some dutch courage you see LOL) ------------- Ann
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 8:18pm
lol, and then you were like OH MY GOD??, like then you all hugged and like laughed really loud. Oh my god, it was *so* embarrassing. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 8:19pm
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I meant it was Like *so* embarrassing? ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 8:24pm
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------------- |
Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 8:29pm
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I do, but then I am far from shy. Hey if you new to Palmy and recognise any of the lovely plamy ladies you can't go wrong they are all very lovely ladies. ( I know some of the IRL Hi ladies). Great people to get to know so next time just say hi you never know. ------------- Deborah Mum to:
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Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 8:34pm
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I guess the only problem will online is that people are more likely to misunderstand what you say. They only see a small snippet of who you are / what you think and can make rash judgements. When chatting online it's important to remember that you don't know the whole picture. Same applies when you meet someone...you can't judge them based on one or two meetings. ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 8:52pm
LOL! cheeky...------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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