Smokers handling Babies?
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=10466
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Topic: Smokers handling Babies?
Posted By: MummyFreckle
Subject: Smokers handling Babies?
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 11:13am
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Hi - there is probably an element of first time mummy paranoia here, but I am wondering how to manage smokers around the baby once he arrives. We are strictly a non-smoking household, but my step-father, brother and SIL all smoke - they are always very considerate and sit outside on the deck, but I am worried about them cuddling and handling the baby after they have been smoking. I know that the chemicals linger on their clothes for a long time after they have had their cigarettes.....but dont want to come across as being too paranoid or bolshy about it. I have also had a "talk" with my mum about the baby travelling in their car as my step-father smokes in the car, and I just dont want to expose his little lungs to all those nasties. I have asthma so am also extra vigilant about him developing this at some stage!! Has anyone else had to deal with a similar situation - and how did you manage the conversations?
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Replies:
Posted By: kabe
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 11:20am
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Good question SimSam. I'll be keen to hear peoples responses to this one too. ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Glow
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 11:30am
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I deal with it everyday & get over it- just wash my hands & brush my teeth. I know its on my clothes & hair & dont do it in my home or car
People should respect your opinions & ideas tho  ------------- Mummy of Two Boys B: 2004 K: 2007 |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 11:37am
| My dad smokes, he always does it outside and when he cuddles Daniel he takes off his jacket/sweatshirt so at least the clothes underneath have been less exposed to all the smoke. |
Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 11:46am
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kebakat - did you ask him to do that or is it something he has just done himself?
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 11:48am
| Actually mum told him to lol. If we had of asked him he would have though as I had asthma quite bad as a kid |
Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 11:53am
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I am kind of hoping that my mum will be the same......but its hard...my step-father is in his 70's and kind of stuck in his ways a bit, so I feel uncomfortable having those sorts of conversations with him. Also he smokes in their house, but not when I am there, but the smell lingers a far bit - should I be worried about that do you think? am i just being too paranoid?
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 11:55am
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Maybe have a chat with your mum and get her to work on him without letting him know that you have discussed it with her??
I wouldn't worry too much about their house, it's not like you are living in the house and if he doesn't smoke inside when you are there at least she won't be breathing in lots of smoke. |
Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 12:03pm
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I dont think you are too paranoid. And I know I am going to step on some parents toes here right now but this is my opinion and you dont have to have the same one and this is what I did with my child.
My mother is a heavy smoker so I grew up totally anti smoking. I never smoked before. Hubby tried once and is seriously anti smoking as well. If we go to someone elses home that smoke while I was pregnant I just left the house if they were smoking and usually didnt stay too long. Their house their rules. In my own home they knew to go smoke outside and not to come back until they are totally finished. Once baby arrived everyone knew that while she was that small if you are a smoker dont even come close to her or hold her at all. It stays in the clothes. They breath it in and there has been studies that link this to cot deaths. So didnt care if it was fact or not. I wasnt taking the chance. My mother only found out about my daughter at 9 months of age (a long story) and I told her straight out if she smokes she smokes outside (in my dads house) and when she comes in to change all her clothes and wash her hands. I got her so far as to wash her hands ect but she soon realise I was keeping McKayla away from her and started making other changes. Now that she is a bit bigger I keep her away from people that smoke. Wont let her drive at all with someone that smokes. Smokers are welcome in my house but they smoke outside and generally people dont try and pick her up as she isnt that small anymore. I dont ask people outright if they are smokers but if I smell it then I just put McKayla in the bath afterwards. Just make rules simple for everyone. And I dont think that you are paranoid. You are entitled to your own opinion. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Tricia
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 12:17pm
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Good on ya for sticking to your rules SMoody. My MIL smokes a bit and we don't get on well enough for me to be able to have a good chat about it. DH has hinted for her to stop or it will limit how much of her grandson she sees. She's getting better and only smoked in the garage of her home but it would be great if she would just stop.
It might mean that she is around for longer to appreciate her grandchildren too ! |
Posted By: Leish
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 12:47pm
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My dad smokes. We don't let him hold Noah after having a smoke - my mum was the one that told him that though. We go over there most Sundays for lunch so dad makes sure that he hasn't had a smoke and is freshly showered just before our arrival and has his cuddles with Noah then. It works pretty well. I wouldn't let anyone hold him if I could smell cigarettes on them though but luckily we don't really know many smokers. Good luck. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 1:01pm
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I'm more relaxed about it. My dad smokes (quite a bit) and mum smokes (very little) and there is no way I'm stopping them from holding Gina. They will always wash their hands beforehand and, when they smoke while visiting us, they go outside but that's how far my rules go. She never rides in their car so that's not a problem.
If you let them have a short cuddle, surely that will be OK. I mean how much of the 'fumes' would stick to the clothes really? Plus I find it a struggle to get dad & FIL to actually hold her - they almost seem afraid they'll break her! I'd say when you talk to them just be honest and lay your facts/feelings straight - just explain how you feel and why; and what you would like them to do. I'm sure (if they are reasonable) they'll be OK with it. Good luck! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Peace
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 1:15pm
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Me and Hubby have a background in asthma and bronchitis so I have stayed a non-smoker in fear that Olivia will flare up with something awful.
My bestest mummy friend is a smoker and she is always giving Olivia cuddles, she is what I would call a contentious smoker and takes it outside and refuses to smoke around her own child. I must admit that as a smoker I do know that by being a non-smoker and having a smoke free home, that I am offering O the absolute best possible scenario. And that if issues come from outside my jurisdiction (e.g great Aunty Mariel who smokes cigars everywhere but in my house) then I have done all I can to ensure she is safe. Maybe her own defenses that I have been helping build by not doing the smoking thin,g will win over all of the bad stuff that she could ever be exposed to. As for traveling in the car I would put my foot down if it meant that much to me. Alas I am sure anyone I know would understand that I would be full of wrath and life endangering rage, if they ever enclosed my child in their smoke ridden car and lit up (so no one does). HTH ------------- DD1 May 2006 DD2 March 2011 DD3 August 2012 |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 1:22pm
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my mum smokes and lots of our friends too. I remember when gabriel was a baby telling someone they couldnt hold if they had a smoke first, cuddles before thank you. My mum wont smoke in the house when me or the kids are there (her house i mean) or her car if she has the kids. she knows how i feel. Now they are older i am not so grrr about it all tho. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: arohanui
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 1:36pm
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Wow SimSam, I could have written your post - I have the same concerns about our wee one and smokers.. and I have asthma too.
It's interesting to read everyone's responses so far and I'm be interested to read more thoughts as well.. how would smokers feel about being spoken to about concerns? ------------- Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and... http://alterna-tickers.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 1:42pm
well see that is tough what they think - IMO. They choose to smoke and i dont know any smoker who isnt aware of how bad it is so they couldnt object to a tiny baby with no choices not being subjected to smoke. i think you just have to lay down some rules. I have some friends and the mums rules were everybody washed their hands before handling the baby and so everyone did... and if people dont want to follow your rules then they miss out. If they think you are paranoid or being a "silly mummy" then tought for them. YOU ARE THE MUM! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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arohanui wrote:Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 1:54pm
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Surely if they smoke and are visiting you in your own home, they can go without for that whole visit and then have one when they are leaving? Seems like common courtesy to me.
I think you definitely have to make it very clear that your home is non smoking, and if they are that desparate for one, they have to outside, and won't be able to handle baby afterwards. Your house your rules. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: ohtristan
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 4:38pm
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Im a smoker myself and so is my partner, i practically cut out all smoke during my pregnancy and when my son was born everyone knew the rule! If I smelt smoke on someone or knew that they smoked I would politly ask them to wash thier hands before touching him. At my house we had a special smoking jumper... a really dense ski polar fleece jumper....not much got through that and it was xtra large so if anyone who came over didnt have an extra layer of clothing to put on and take of then I would give them that! My partner and I were extreemly strict about the way we smoked, used the jumper...ALWAYS. Never smoked near open doors of the house, always brushed our teeth, washed our hands and face before handeling our own child. In the end we ended up smoking considerably less because it was such a hassle to do so! But as you can see that you are definatly NOT too paranoid! THe choices we make should never be pushed onto our children! ------------- Tristans mummy |
Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 4:45pm
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Im an ex-smoker. my best friends sister visited her while i was there and my friend explained that smoking at all before picking up the baby was a big no-no and she told me the rules before i got my hands on the baby. I never for one minute thought she was being over-protective, and plus, id have a heck of an arguement if i tried to defend myself and tell her that smoking is harmless :)
There is also nothing worse than picking up a baby and the baby smelling of smoke. Its just horrible and wrong. stick to your guns :) |
Posted By: AlyAyde
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 4:47pm
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When we had our kids my Dh spoke to his family and told them that if they wanted to come visit they had to have a wash and put on clean clothes before they came to visit, if they wanted a cuddle. ------------- Jayde 25/12/04 Alyssa 08/04/03 http://Alyayde.bebo.com |
Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 4:52pm
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Thanks for all the advise - its fantastic to know that I am not the only one that feels like this!! I think I will just talk to my mum and lay down some ground rules with her and my brother / SIL - they will all be cool with it, and then my mum can communicate it to my step-father!
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 04 September 2007 at 7:49pm
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Haven't read all the posts but we were and still are the same, neither of us have ever smoked, but all my sisters do. It was made very clear to everyone that if they wished to hold my babies then they would have to refrain from smoking before they came round, or make sure they changed their clothes. They all know how strongly i HATE the smell of smoke, that and it sets off my asthma something terrible.
I have actually found i think my girls act very differently around people when those people have been smoking, they hate the smell too, which is good, Paris used to be very cuddly with my older sister until she began smoking again and after that Paris wouldn't go to her, even if she had changed her clothes and brushed teeth. Paris is now at the age where she constantly tells my sisters that smoking makes their lungs and heart bad (lol, true daughter of a nurse), and she is really dumbfounded by the fact that they would do such a thing when they know it can make them sick. "but it will make you get sick aunty!" She tells them they smell yucky and won't go near them. And well, I don't think that's rude of her, if she doesn't want to cuddle them cos they reek of smoke, then i'm not going to make her. We have a trickyish situation when visiting grandparent-in-laws though as both chain smoke, ie, light the next one with the other before it goes out. They live in a house truck so very very confined quarters. We tend to only visit them in good weather so we can all sit outside, otherwise it's just too much. I didn't know how to approach it when we first visited when Paris was 6 weeks old. It was cold, they had the door closed and grandfather just smoked the whole time we were there. We got home and everything, including my poor girl, smelt like it had been dippe3d int he ash-tray, even her hair stunk of it. And that was it, after that i thought too bad, stuff it, if they don't care enough to protect my kid from this then they just have no idea. good luck ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 05 September 2007 at 12:26am
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Reading this post has just made me realise that not one single person in my family or close friends smokes! Not sure how I would handle it if they did to be honest- hope you come up with a solution. I don't think you're being paranoid at all. ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3 
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Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 05 September 2007 at 9:40am
I saw the most disturbing thing the other day. We were stuck in traffic in Pakuranga, and beside us was a car with a woman, mebbe in her late 30's driving. She was smoking, and had the window up. Beside her was a young girl, perhaps 11 or 12, looking grumpily out the window and waving her hand round a bit (I assume she was fanning the smoke away). In the back was a guy, looked about 30 ish, and he was smoking. He was sitting in the middle. So anyways, after about 2 or 3 minutes I saw a little hand come into view in the back seat. I leant forward and saw a perhaps 8 month old in a car seat right next to the man  I was so angry I couldn't believe, after all that we have learnt about babies being around cigarette smoke, that these "grown ups" would subject their baby to their filthy smoke.
My view is, regardless of whether you are a smoker or a non-smoker, it is your duty to keep your babies completely smoke free. No two ways about it. |
Posted By: BabyOnBoard
Date Posted: 05 September 2007 at 10:55am
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Wow I am so glad I read this post!! I thought I was the only one.
I used to smoke before I was pregnant but stopped as soon as I knew. DF smoked too but i gave him a few choices: He can keep smoking and me and bubs will leave or everytime he wants to come around bubs he has to have a shower, wash his hair, brush his teeth, change into 'smoke free' clothes. Needless to say DF has decided to quit smoking and is trying really hard. Most of his family smoke and I have decided that bubs wont be going in there house or car and have to wash their hands etc. before holding bubs. So scared about enforcing this tho because they can be quite vicious people. . ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 05 September 2007 at 12:52pm
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You think thats bad, my DHs cousin smoked all through 3 of her pregnancys, smokes in the house, in the car, while they are on her lap. She says that they had smoke through them while she was pregnant so they can have smoke in them now.
Some people should need a licence to have children!! |
Posted By: peachy
Date Posted: 05 September 2007 at 1:14pm
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Each to their own I guess, but a few weeks ago I was on a flight with a girl who was about the same size as me preggie wise. As she was walking down the stairs to get off the plane she lit up a cigarette! It made me want to cry simply because the flight was only 40 minutes long and she needed a cigarette obviously that badly. I assumed she was a chain smoker.....the poor baby, she looked like she didn't give a s**t either.
Anyway, a bit off topic but it really upset me! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 05 September 2007 at 2:00pm
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It scares me actually that so many people don't get it. They don't get the connection between the cot death risks etc and smoking.
Ie: your baby gets used to having lower oxygen circulating due to having less oxygen during preg, or because they are constantly ina smoky environment. Hello.. the risk then is, that if baby does stop breathing at any time during sleep, their body isn't going to go "hey i'm getting low on oxygen and carbon dioxide is building up i better breate" cos it's used to it, so they don't, they don't have that drive to kick them back into breathing. Why would you do that? ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 05 September 2007 at 3:11pm
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You know what. I am getting used to be labelled the freak mom and the totally paranoid one. Hell I think I label myself that way sometimes.
But my honest opinion on this is would you let your baby smoke? If no then why allow them near smoke then. You must see the shock faces when one mother told me I am too protective and she smokes around her child and hasnt seen any sighns of distress and her kid is so healthy ect. I told her straight out do you allow him to smoke your sigarettes? And she told me no off course not. So I asked her why not? Her answer because it is bad for him? Mmmm yeah she didnt see the point in my question. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Glow
Date Posted: 05 September 2007 at 7:40pm
Its harder than you think & some people are not as strong as others- I dont think people need a licence to have kids, we aint all perfect are we? But what i will say is im a young Maori women- its what we do & the stuff that we have been surrounded with, i do the best with what i know & it takes more than once to really knock something you have lived with & seen your whole life  ------------- Mummy of Two Boys B: 2004 K: 2007 |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 05 September 2007 at 7:51pm
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I have to agree with Glow a little too, I gave up smoking when I found out I was growing a Maya bump, but Willie had been a pack a day smoker for 30+ years and couldn't give up. What am I supposed to say to him, "sorry, you can't hold your kid coz you smoke?" He moved to smoking outside as his own choice when I was pregnant (prior to that we smoked inside), and kept it up after Maya was born, but he did handle her after he'd been smoking on occasion.
He gave up last January finally (go Nicobrevin!) which is great, but I remember the Plunket nurse who came to do the gremlins first home visit telling me that he should have a "smokers coat" to wear when he's smoking, that was he could take it off after he finished and the smoke wouldn't be on his clothes as strongly. I think it's a great idea (altho just quietly I took great offence at the time at being told how to look after my own family!). -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 05 September 2007 at 8:07pm
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Okay maybe what I wrote came out totally wrong to some. What I meant was (let me try a second time around)I dont know why I must get judged really harsly about my strict rules specially around newborns with smoking by the parent (that I was talking too). She kept on telling me that smoking cant harm a child at all. Second hand smoke is literally nothing and she cant see why I wont let a family member hold and cuddle my child for as long as they want due to this as she is smoking. Her parents smoked. No one has had asthma and is pretty healthy ect. So therefor she has never taken precaution around her child ect.
BTW I wasnt the one that brought it up in conversation with this woman. Now I am seriously not judging anyone what they do ect. And I have a few friends that said that it is difficult to give up and they wish they never started. But we do have risk in our own family with SIDS (my sister was almost dead). So I wasnt about to take any chances so took a hard stand on this. And I knew I would step on a lot of toes with this, specially with family. But you know what except for one family member in Grants family and my mother everone was actually on with the plan and didnt minded at all. Once again Glow and Emma, I am sorry if it came through that I might be judging you guys. It wasnt what I meant at all. Okay hope this makes sense at all. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Leish
Date Posted: 05 September 2007 at 8:42pm
When I was living in the Islands a few years back, women would be breastfeeding their babies with a cigarette hanging out of their mouths  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 06 September 2007 at 1:54am
Just wanted to say that I am also a young maori woman and don't really appreciate being tainted with that brush. I have never and will never smoke- you may choose to but its not right to assume that others like you will make those same choices. ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 06 September 2007 at 8:04am
not sure why you think you didnt come across well. Think you have made it pretty clear your stance, and i couldnt see anyone judging you at all.! unless you are refering to people IRL. I can see glows point too tho jennz, i dont know if she meant to paint you all with the same brush but there is a higher incidence of (esp) young maori women smoking. It can be a hard habit to break free from if the majority of your peers and their families do it and it is all you have known around you. Some people just manage to not to tho. In our family growing up both our parents smoked and grandparents etc and both my borother and i grew up to be smokers, but not my sister, she just married a smoker..LOL Just to clarify tho i am not maori but do understand. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 06 September 2007 at 8:18am
i,m with glow on this one i am also a maori woman and i smoke i have given up twice and strated twice smoking is a addection it is harder to g9ive up then most hard drugs i was brought up around smokers i smoke and so does my little sister we are both trying to give up its not as easy as some would belive ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: Glow
Date Posted: 06 September 2007 at 8:20am
No offence taken 
Its something im working on & am proud of my past There are many other pollutants out there that are worse in my eyes & air... ------------- Mummy of Two Boys B: 2004 K: 2007 |
Posted By: Rackhell
Date Posted: 06 September 2007 at 12:34pm
| I have asked one smoker to put a 'special' folded flat nappy over their shoulder before they had a cuddle of catherine, ostenisbly so that they don't get any breastmilk puke on their clothes ... it has a spray or two of eucalyptus on it which also helps to dilute the smell of smoke to her nose. |
Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 06 September 2007 at 9:53pm
Apologies Gloria! I honestly thought you were exaggerating with your statement- I thought the rate of Maori woman smokers was around 30%. I just did a google search though and apparently the rate of Maori woman of a child bearing age who smoke is around 60%!!!! Seems I am in the minority. How sad  ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3
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