Anxious.
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Living with Post Natal Depression
Forum Description: Around one in ten NZ mothers will be diagnosed with PND in the first year of their babies life. Find support and encouragement and share ideas for coping here.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=10652
Printed Date: 02 May 2024 at 2:37am
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Topic: Anxious.
Posted By: Maya
Subject: Anxious.
Date Posted: 11 September 2007 at 8:18pm
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I don't know how else to describe it. Just Anxious. This knawing ominous feeling in the pit of my stomach that makes me feel tight in the chest and really irritable. I've been like this all afternoon and I can't for the life of me put my finger on what triggered it.
I've had my meds changed once and upped twice in the past 6 months to try and combat the anxiety and after the last increase a couple of weeks ago I thought I had it nailed but today it's back with a vengeance. I guess I have this scepticism about the meds from the start coz I can't stop thinking that the anxiety is a conscious state and because of my negative trains of thought, in which case how can medication fix that? It can't stop me thinking 
The OCD thing is kind of under control, I have my moments and I still have certain things I *have* to do in a certain order or a certain way but I have relaxed a little and it doesn't spin me out as much as it used to when little things happen like the microwave reminder beeps. As for the PTSD thing, it's still there lurking under the surface somewhere, my psychiatrist is 'gently nudging' me towards seeing a psychologist to try and work thru some of the issues associated with that but at the moment I'm not ready. I'm still having flashbacks and certain smells trigger me to feel almost nauseous. Not sure what it is about today that is making me feel particularly bad. AF is here, and I've had some nasty and rather bad clotting that makes me think I should probably have a scan or a smear or both. Mum and Dad are having money troubles. Dad's latest business venture is teetering precariously between securing a new investor and flopping completely which will mean they've lost $2.5mil, and they won't know till the end of the month, and another guy my Dad was in business with owes him $150k so things are tight there and I feel awful, and they pay Maya's preschool and my medical insurance so I feel like I'm contributing to their problems in a way, altho compared to my brother and sister who live their and constantly have their hands out I'm at the bottom of the responsibility pile. Mercedes is having grommets put in tomorrow. More worried about having to get up at 6am than the actual surgery, it's so minor and should make a huge difference to her mood having the pain gone. Blah. Big long ramble vent. Just needed to get all that down in one place so I can compartmentalise it and make it go away. Should ring the psychiatrist, he's going to want to know that the meds aren't working so well. But he wants me to do a blood test to check the levels of drugs in my system and I haven't done that yet
Don't really expect anyone to read this, let alone make sense of it, just processing all this stuff for myself. -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Replies:
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 11 September 2007 at 8:25pm
Gee Emma, you put "don't expect anyone to read this" at the end! 
That is a lot of things on your mind though. I have an idea how you feel, not as much as you but a lot of things have come crashing to a halt for us in the last month too. I guess with the money/parents thing it mightn't be a bad time to just check with them what they want to do. I mean, if the business goes downhill what will happen next and do they want to continue paying those things etc? I'm sure getting a blood test would help out a lot especially with meds etc, so they know what's working and what's not - go on, get it done tomorrow while you're feeling "low". Then they have a strong image of what's happening inside ya. Is your clotting also flashing you back to m/cs? It always does for me. Anyways, big hugs! You probably didn't need any more talking but hey, it's all there now Take care------------- |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 11 September 2007 at 8:28pm
Well I made it to the end of your book Sorry these feeling have surfaced again.  . You have so many things going on at the mo,..not matter how u try and down grade how they effect you (like the sugery not being a big deal), they will all be taking their toll.
Make a list,...prioritise! ( Yeah I can hear you saying "listen to your own advise women!"). You need to look after yourself! Can u go have your blood test while Mercedes is in surgery tomorrow? and make the ph call to your white coat while she is in there too! ( Yes Mum!LOL!) You know that u need help with the PTSD stuff,...so make the physch appt!!! You will feel relief just knowing u will get help with it soon,...it wont happen if u dont start somewhere! Remember,..thoughts are not facts! 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 11 September 2007 at 8:28pm
Good point. I had't thought of that. I was just thinking of Mum having endo and how I should get it checked. But you could be right. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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busymum wrote:Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 11 September 2007 at 8:30pm
Ha ha, I might have known all my good advice would come back to bite me in the ass  Good idea about the blood test tho, I probably can get it done at the hospital while I wait for Mercedes, and I really do need to get it done.------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 11 September 2007 at 8:30pm
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Ha ha hahaha! Man we make a great pair! Bring on next week!
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 11 September 2007 at 8:37pm
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Just don't get sick of each other next week LOL! ------------- |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 11 September 2007 at 8:43pm
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Lol! Nah we wont! We as nuts as each other! Have spent a week together before, so we know we can do it Anyways we have loads of you Palmy Mums to annoy too! Fun Fun!!
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 11 September 2007 at 8:44pm
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Teehee, look out Palmy, the crazy ladies are coming ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 11 September 2007 at 8:53pm
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Just join in with us, i'll call myself a crazy lady at the moment. Long story i'll let you know when you are here for dinner - you'll work it out then anyway. But I have been reading up on Depression and Anxiety goes hand in hand with it. That feeling in your stomach is a big trigger sign. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 11 September 2007 at 8:54pm
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Not to mention the 4 girls too!!
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Posted By: Glow
Date Posted: 11 September 2007 at 9:10pm
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's Emma, get some rest & i hope things go well in the morning & the op make an improvement on Mercedes ears
Hope ewes Palmy girls have got shot guns, 308 or a.22 would do the job ------------- Mummy of Two Boys B: 2004 K: 2007 |
Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 11 September 2007 at 9:24pm
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------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 11 September 2007 at 10:36pm
Oh I really like that. I should put that on a sticky all around my house. Hope you get on top of things soon Emma. |
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 11 September 2007 at 11:56pm
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I agree with Becks, Those horrible thoughts in your gut, i know them too well, it usually co-incides/pre-ceeds with a major burn-out happening. Hope things get sorted with the bloods and the meds and the surgery.
And i'm sure us palmy ladies can handle you both. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 1:04am
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Lots of big 's from me too. Love and prayers for you and Mercedes tomorrow xx ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 7:17am
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1.04am Mel?!
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Posted By: Kazzle
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 8:30am
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Thinking of you ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:57pm
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i'm no good at advice but i do give great hugs!  ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 1:07pm
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Hope you got your blood test this morning Emma! And that Mercedes is feeling ok. That is heaps going on at the moment - maybe getting away for a holiday next week may help de-stress things a bit as well. Hope today is a better day ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 6:58pm
Hehehe, yeah another nutty anxious insomniac mama here! ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and:
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 7:31pm
| hey emms. Am looking forward to seeing you guys next week. No advice, well none better than what everyone else has said, so just adding my two cents to let you know I;m thinking of you. |
Posted By: Peace
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 7:46pm
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Hey Emma, I just want to add that I get horrible anxiety around AF as well it is usually a drop in hormones. After my next pregnancy (which hopefully should be soon) I will be investigating into it further, I do have a prescription from the Dr but it is on an "If it's needed before pregnancy" (pregnancy safe drugs). I am actually looking into some homeopathic or hormone relief at some stage too.
It effing sucks, doesn't it? ------------- DD1 May 2006 DD2 March 2011 DD3 August 2012 |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 8:41pm
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Thanks everyone for your support.
Feeling less anxious now, more just completely drained and energyless, Mum reckons I've been subconsciously worrying about Mercedes' op, and I was up at 4.30am coz she woke grumping with sore ears, but she's much happier this afternoon. Hoping for a good nights sleep tonight and looking forward to escaping to Palmy next week. Oh and the lovely Toni cooked dinner for us tonight, we are all totally grateful coz otherwise it would have been cheese on toast with the way I'm feeling. I lay on the couch for an hour this afternoon while the girls ran chaos around me coz I felt so blah. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 10:39pm
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big hugs emma hope you get a good slee[ tonight and feel better tomorrow ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |