After reading a post of Glow's and my general feeling at the moment I am going back to get some med's (I think I need to do it with meds this time) and some councilling.

PND- the warning signs & symptoms
*Feeling numb, empty sad & tearful a lot of the time
*Losing interest in the things you used to enjoy
*Difficulty bonding with your baby
*Finding yourself utterly exhausted yet unable to sleep or sleeping to much
*Having no appetite or interest in food. Or overeating
*Being unable to cope: feeling that you have to little time, are doing nothing well are unable to establish a routine
*Extreme mood swings, irritable & angry usually at the father of the baby
*Acute anxiety & feeling "driven", unable to rest while the baby is
*Panic attacks (racing heart, perspiring, feeling of terror)which may come on without warning
*Loosing interest in sex & general loss of confidence & self esteem
*Becoming forgetful & loss of concentration
*A fear of being alone or fear of being with others
*Feeling life is meaningless & having obsessive, negative or morbid thoughts
*Fears of harming others or your baby

All the blues are me at the moment. It doesn't help that the father of my children has also been diagnosed with depression as well.

I am sure mine is more that just PND this time. I have bonded really well with Josh (so much better than Andrew) but I think that some of the things my children's father has recently done have hurt me a lot and some things that he has told me I need to work on (abuse from my childhood is one of them). I tried to get a dr's appointment for today with dr I trust but they were fully booked so tomorrow I am heading there hopefully to get some meds and some councilling and in general some help.

ETA: opps missed coloured one of them.

I'm going to look at getting some together, but he has to be willing to do that first.

I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that my parents have just moved overseas and I don't have that big support anymore - even thou my dad keeps telling me its only a 4 hour plane trip to see them. And my boy's grandparents aren't exactly the most helpful people.

Aw hun, huge hugs to you.  It's not your fault, it's another case of bad things happening to a good person.  And you ARE a good person and a wonderful mother (and treasured member of our coffee group).  Good on you for being brave and heading off to the Doc.  I hope the appointment goes well and you feel like you've been heard. 

The appointment went really well. He totally understood and gave me a script for Fluox (green and purple pills - and all I had going through my head was D12's purple pills song ). He also told me giving up studying at the moment is a good idea so he wrote a letter for Massey so I can submit a fee appeal for my fees. And then sent me away to get a blood test so we can sort out a Mirena for me.

AndysMummy wrote: mirena?

IUD its a hormone one costs a fortune but is wonderful.

I forgot to add, thatnks to Laura for watching Josh while I went in and saw the dr.

I almost burst into tears when I got the script and they told me that they didn't have the full amount for me (only 5 I had to go back and get the other 85).

Well I went back to my dr and he thinks my Iron levels aren't helping the cause. He used real words with me (including when you feel like sh*t ) which was great and so i'm taking so super strong iron tablets (which I hate) and i'm on Iron jabs (which aren't that bad, my butt just hurts a little) and that will hopefully help me out as well. I've been on the meds for 10 days now and they are starting to work (which is great).

Well 4 weeks on and I feel a lot better, but still not 100%. I have just finished my iron jabs and they didn't such a good job with helping me up my iron levels. Only problem with them is that the more often you have them the more sensitive you become to them.

Last week was a mission but hey I got through it and it shows me that I can cope I just need to find my way of coping - usually by ways of not doing any washing for a few days and then doing it all at once .

There is still a long way to go but i'm getting there.

I'm headig back again today. Something just doesn't feel right and me seeing every single hour on the clock over the past 2 nights hasn't helped. I'm hoping I can go back on the iron jabs as they were doing such a wonderful job. I need to get sorted by the end of this year or else next year is going to be a big mission.

Holy cow that's a lot of sleep-deprivation!  Can they prescribe something with the ever so lovely side-effect of knocking you out in the evenings?  That sounds rough for you, Becks. 

Yep my lovely dr gave me some wonderful stuff. He is wonderful. We had a good chat about trying to get me better before DH goes away but realisticly(sp?) it probably won't happen so we are doing the best we can. the only down side to the new drugs I have been given is that I can't drink , I was so looking forward to drinking my expensive bottle of wine for my birthday - can't do that now. And I may have to increase my dosage the next time I see him.

We had a good talk about my weight loss and why it may not be going the best at the moment (i'm only losing a few 100 grams a week). My body is shutting down and going into survival mode (for some unknown reason) and is wanting to store extra fat on me (just wonderful). So the next time I see him and I am still having issues with my weight then I may take something to help. I'm thinking that if I lose some weight then my other problems may go away (wishful thinking).