Would you bother?
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=10965
Printed Date: 07 October 2025 at 2:46pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Would you bother?
Posted By: MissCandice
Subject: Would you bother?
Date Posted: 24 September 2007 at 11:16am
|
Ok so Kylah is 6 weeks old this week, and has never met her grandad on my side. He never even knew i was pregnant. He walked out on us when i was 4 and i havnt seen him since i was 14..
I just feel bad that shes not going to know who her grandfather was.. Or would you not bother? He is a real loser too.. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Replies:
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 24 September 2007 at 11:22am
|
Hmmm, thats a toughie. On the one hand your baby girl is entitled to know her grandfather, and have a relationship with him. On the other hand, why would you want to encourage that when he is your FATHER and you clearly don't have a relationship with him?
Personally, I haven't a clue what I'd do. My father passed away when I was just 6 years old, and at the risk of sounding like a cliche, I would give anything to have been able to know him as a person, rather than a photograph and a collection of other people's memories. If you're not interested in having a relationship with him, then maybe there's no point trying to forge one between him and Kylah? You'll know what to do when the time comes. 
|
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 24 September 2007 at 11:22am
|
Just to add some more.. i know how and where to contact him, but im not sure i want him in my life.. let alone hers. Not like he would stick round anyway..
Now im talking myself out of contacting him. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 24 September 2007 at 11:23am
|
Unless its something important to you, why bother.
You don't have to have a relatonship with someone just cause their a relative. As for Kylah, in my experience kids don't miss what they never had. I met my birth mother when I was 20, (14 years ago) and while it was nice to fill in some of the blanks, I don't have a relatonship with her and probably never will. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 24 September 2007 at 11:24am
|
Hes a very bad role model, i wouldnt trust her alone with him.. He was drinking while driving with his 3 yea old in the car.. hes just generally not a nice person.. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 24 September 2007 at 11:25am
| Short answer: no |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 24 September 2007 at 11:26am
|
If you're trying to talk yourself out of doing it then it sounds like you probably shouldn't bother. It doesn't sound like you think your Dad has anything positive or constructive to contribute to Kylah's life (and yours) so wouldn't it just be setting both of you up for more disappointment? -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
|
Posted By: SuziE
Date Posted: 24 September 2007 at 11:29am
And I agree with the fact that you dont have to have a relationship with someone just because you are related. Who needs the stress?  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
|
kebakat wrote:Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 24 September 2007 at 11:30am
|
Emma, your so right. I dont think he has anything at all to contribute, and i know he would just dissapoint me..
All i remember of him was how much alcohol he drank, and how he was always to 'smashed' He had another daughter a few years back.. she'd be 7 or 8.. id like to see her but dont want to see him.. Decisions aye ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 24 September 2007 at 11:32am
|
Do you know who your half-sisters mother is? Maybe you could arrange to see her thru her mum and not your dad so you don't have to contact him? ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
|
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 24 September 2007 at 11:37am
|
Yeah i know who she is and where she lives.. i just dont have a contact number for her and dont want to risk turning up and hes there.. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 24 September 2007 at 11:40am
|
I don't know my real grandfather on my mum's side. He walked out on my nana when my mum was 6 and it has been no great loss. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 24 September 2007 at 11:40am
|
Have you got an address for your half-sister? Maybe send her a letter, via her mum and arrange something thru her. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 24 September 2007 at 12:22pm
|
i went through this with my daughter. DHs mum didnt raise him but flew in and out of his life as she pleased. We've tried to get along with her twice now but all she does is cause us grief.
she told people that our daughter smelt and that i must not be taking care of her. That was it for me! we gave her one more chance last year but she blew it. Wished we had never started as janaya is always pointing out at her grans house to ask if she can go there now..... |
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 24 September 2007 at 12:32pm
|
DH dad hasn't seen rhyley - nor wil he probably ever (Theres issues there and so rightly so) and so i don't think its a big thing. IF rhyley choses to want to see him in years to come thats his choice.
It sounds like you feel guilty about it cause you think she might ask in years to come how come and blame you or soemthing - it won't happen. You do whats right and just when the time comes answer questions as to why not as honestly (without name calling) as you can. ------------- Ann 
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 24 September 2007 at 12:48pm
|
It's going to take a lot of time and visits etc to build that relationship so you can really only do it if you yourself are keen to rebuild the relationship between you and your dad. Cause you're gonna be there whenever she visits.
Give yourself some time, babies don't recognise people from month to month until they are past 1yo. ------------- |
Posted By: Anna
Date Posted: 24 September 2007 at 1:12pm
|
I have the exact same situation, and my answer is nope. My father has not ever met my children, he knows I have two but doesn't even know their names. They are not missing out on anything. ------------- Anna http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 24 September 2007 at 1:43pm
|
i say no james has never seen his dad and hes not missing outt on much and when the time comes james can contact him when hes ready ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 24 September 2007 at 3:17pm
|
Surround your child with people who love her, they dont need to be related at all to feel that, and be great positive role models!
She doesnt need to meet someone just beacuse they are related by blood when you clearly dont think he has anything to offer her, or yourself. |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 24 September 2007 at 6:04pm
|
Thank you guys.. you opinions have really helped ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |