support for dads
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=11037
Printed Date: 01 October 2025 at 11:31am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: support for dads
Posted By: lizzle
Subject: support for dads
Date Posted: 26 September 2007 at 2:10pm
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My friend and his wife had twins recently and some of the things he's saying basicalloy have made me think that dads really don't have a lot of support when it coimes to becoming a father for the first time.
I'm not saying us mums have a got a hell of a lot, but we seems to find it easier to talk about things than men - I mean plunket. la leche and even forums like this are a lot more "women friendly" even if they aren't at anti-men My friend said a few days ago "how much did lew help when jake and taine were small - at night" I said" well, not too much as I was breastfeeding and I said earlier that if he stayed asleep that was okay with me". he said "Oh,it's just I am "doing the shift" from 12-5am and all A does is feed them. I'm really tired" I said "of course you are, you're a dad now" and he honeslt didn't realise that with parenting comes tiredness. I think this generation of dads especially had a lot of stay at home mums and working dads that maybe didn't have a lot of hands on parenting themsleves, so new dads are struggling withj their role. Then again, my other way of thinking is if new dads DID have more support - would they use it? i mean, how many dads compared to mums are on this site chatting about problems? |
Replies:
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 26 September 2007 at 2:13pm
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There is a website for new dad's that was launched on Father's Day. I"ll have ahunt around and see if I can find it. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 26 September 2007 at 2:15pm
| My DH does.. he finds this site is lacking lots when it comes to dad stuff which is partly why he did the diary of a dad to be thing. But he's part of an expected and new dads group, which is aimed at the guys obviously.. he always says the only downside to his group is that it doesn't have many kiwi dads. |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 26 September 2007 at 2:15pm
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I must admit I'm so in love with Willie at the moment, he usually never helps with the kids during the night which is fair enough as he has to go to work at 4am, but the last two nights in a row Sienna has been a monkey (she's not well) and he's gotten up without being asked, in fact last night I didn't even know he'd done it until this morning when I got up and found the bottle on the bench.
I agree tho Liz, I don't know how many men would *admit* to needing support, they seem to have this superman complex that they have to just cope with everything (a bit like us mums!  )-------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: buzimumto3boys
Date Posted: 26 September 2007 at 3:10pm
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I also noticed there wasnt much support for new dads. My DH had no clue about anything! He hated the antinatal classes so we only went to like 3 of them... and then he had to learn as we went along but I think he has done great!!
My DH doesnt have a very good role model of a father as his dad was in the Navy and was always away when he was younger and has never been very involved with him - especially after his parents divorced. I think that also makes it harder for men who didnt have a very good male role model. Though often it means they try harder - like my DH. Gosh I hope that made sense... the afternoon sun is making me sleepy!! 
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Posted By: Chovynz
Date Posted: 26 September 2007 at 6:31pm
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I think theres not much support for dads full stop. Theres a few things which contribute to it, but i think you gals said it well. Up until recently it has been a "woman's role." So theres not much support for guys because its still a new aspect that guys haven't pick up on yet.
That and us guys dont generally like to ask for help, so you're getting the 'support lack' from both sides. i dunno where else i want to go with this. Got a headache and blocked up nose. I guess I'll find out first hand how much suppot there is but then i've already made a 'nest' here. ------------- Defending the male species since 1980 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 26 September 2007 at 6:36pm
We find it incredibly hard to get Dad's involved with sharing their stories and their perspectives on parenting, so we really appreciate the input that Richard's Diary of a Dad to be and Adam's Dad's Diary provides. We do put out a call two or three times a year in our monthly email for Dad's to share their thoughts but we never get much response. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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kebakat wrote:Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 26 September 2007 at 7:06pm
I think guys often feeling overwhelmed but all the women's groups, and perhaps that also leads to weird topics like body image, breastfeeding, labour & birth  etc. I think a lot of dads do try to get involved, often at a music or other preschool group you will see dads poke their nose in from time to time. But they often don't come back when they see they are the only dads there. Then the next week some other dad tries - so they all miss each other lol.
It's always hard getting into a new group, perhaps us women make it look easy to a guy so he finds it easier to stay away? ------------- |