Tanty throwing at 14mths!!!!!
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Forum Name: Toddler Times
Forum Description: Is bubs growing up and getting into everything? How do you train them to use the potty? When do you start feeding solids? Share your tips and advice here!
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Topic: Tanty throwing at 14mths!!!!!
Posted By: Two Blondinis
Subject: Tanty throwing at 14mths!!!!!
Date Posted: 03 October 2007 at 7:10pm
*takes a deep breath*
I know Caitlin hasn't been very well these past few days but I'm about to start throwing tanties of my own!
This all started about 2 weeks ago. When she doesn't get her own way, or has something she shouldn't have taken off her she throws herself on the floor (sitting position) and sceams like I've tried to kill her!!! (NB: I've never hit her, I'm totally against it)
We've used time out twice in her life and both was after being told not to do something a million times and she still did it whilst giving us the "yeh, come and stop me" face So she knew what she was doing was not allowed - I would have thought she was too young to have that level of comprehension?
I hate punishing her as she's still my lil' baby but I also don't want her to turn into a tanty-throwing brat!
I've spoken to my Mum and she said she's too young to be left and ignored as the tanty will just get worse as she gets more angry etc which then turns into fear of her own emotions. So we've been picking her up and hugging her until she calms down. Is this the best way to deal with the situation?
I'm so totally worn out tonight after a day of this constant tanty throwing! At least she still goes to bed without a fight! *sigh*
------------- http://lilypie.com">

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Replies:
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 03 October 2007 at 7:21pm
Between 1-2 yrs is exactly when tanties really start, so be assured (haha) that Caitlin is spot on for her development!
The first step to conquer most tantruming, and you're probably already doing it, is to make sure that you understand what she's asking for, and let her know that you understand. Quite often a small child will get worked up because things aren't going according to (their) plan but they don't have the words to express - especially in the heat of the moment. So getting down on her level, repeating or using in her place some words ("yes I know you want a biscuit...") and then saying no clearly ("...but you can't have one right now") (or "no, don't touch").
Then I'm sorry to say that your Mum's method is not actually that helpful. If Caitlin throws a tantrum because she didn't get her way, and then gets cuddles and soothing in response, then that's only going to encourage her!! I'd put her in the hallway or on the opposite side of the room and go on with something else you're doing. That way all the attention and purpose of the tanty is completely gone. Even though you'll be keeping your eyes and ears peeled, she'll hopefully not notice. Then she'll get bored of tantying without an audience and she'll come over to you. Either she'll decide to throw another tanty where you can see it LOL or she'll want to come cuddle or something and be a bit more calm. And you may need to remind her that she still can't have whatever it was.
Hope that helps and that you don't have the need to tanty tomorrow
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Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 03 October 2007 at 7:52pm
I highly recommend reading toddler taming. I read it first time when Han was about Caitlins age, and re-reding bits now. I guess you need to understand why she is tantruming (like Teresa said) and then sorting it out. When Hannah does it, I tell her why she cant do/have whatever (and dont back down on it cos then they win!) and if she keeps going either ignore her, or if I am feeling strung out I will go put her on her bed/in her room so both of us can calm down. They stop without any attention, and then big cuddles and talk about what happened.
Good luck!
------------- Aimee
Hannah 22/10/05
Greer 11/02/08
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Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 03 October 2007 at 7:55pm
Just wanted to add, that a lot of people dont like putting their kids in their room for time out - either cos they think they should have nothing to do so putting them with their toys defeats the purpose, or they dont want the kid to think their room is an area of punishment. But, I think (from toddler taming!) that you arent punishing them putting them in their room, its just to allow them a safe place to cool down.
------------- Aimee
Hannah 22/10/05
Greer 11/02/08
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 03 October 2007 at 8:55pm
Addi throws tantys too, she has started hitting me when she doesnt get her own way, she is a real attitude on her. She looks at me as if to say how dare you tell me Im not allowed.... and smacks me and she has also started biting Kobe. I just tell her we dont hit/bite and walk away. I also agree that cuddling her wouldnt be the best option as its rewarding for bad behaviour.
Bit worried though if its started at this young age what are they gonna be like when they are going through the terrible twos!
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Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 03 October 2007 at 9:06pm
busymum wrote:
Between 1-2 yrs is exactly when tanties really start, so be assured (haha) that Caitlin is spot on for her development!  |
oh my Rhyley starting early then.. he doesn't do it often but if he has to do something (normally get changed) and particuallery when hes tired he'll throw his hands up, arch his back and shake his arms while yelling. LOL it lasts all of 10 seconds and quite funny to watch but it is the start of tantie throwing.
------------- Ann
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10)
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 03 October 2007 at 9:08pm
maybe cuddling her might not be the best way to deal with them, cause that just means to her that throwing a tantie means hugs with mummy. i find distraction to be better so that you can hopefully avoid the tantie in the first place. so removing her from the situation or giving her something she is allowed instead of telling off - i think too that letting her know that screaming and throwing herself on the floor isnt acceptable and if she wants to continue that behaviour she can do it in her room. Not as a punishment but more like making it her space and place to vent in.
not early to start tho... good luck.
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 03 October 2007 at 9:44pm
Benjy does it too!
He throws himself on the floor and howls like the world is coming to an end.
Usually I walk away and start doing something I know he likes, like playing with a fav toy or blowing bubbles.
8 times out of 10 he forgets what it was he was hollering about.
------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and:
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 03 October 2007 at 10:08pm
I agree with what Aimme and Teresa said.. firstly.. if it's a tanty cos she can't get her own way.. then nooooo cuddling and soothing.. won't stop it happening again. If it's testing the boundaries, it might not necessarily need time out - which in our house we reserve for nasty things like mega mega tantys involving ayja getting WAAAYYY crazy outta control or any form of hitting/nasty behaviours deliberately to one another, alot of the time if they are not listening, we will use the thing Teresa said, (we did this from early on.. about 14 mths) down to their level, repeat what you said, tell them something else they could go and do, or suggest something else that might be a better idea "you know what, it's not ok to touch that/ mummy told you we aren't allowed to play with that/ that's not nice behaviour to hit/ how about instead we go and play with..../how about instead of hitting, we use gentle hands, hugs and kisses..." that way you are reaffirming what you don't want to happen, and telling them what they SHOULD be doing. If our girls really get silly, mostly we will suggest that if they cannot listen to us, it might be best to hop away from the source of the temptation/silly behaviour (which in our case is usually one another), so they go separately to their rooms to have quiet time to play and cool down, gives them something to do instead of trying to strangle one another (figuratively speaking..) or instead of getting into something they were told not to.
oooh and the right words help too, phasing makes things sound like it was their idea, or sounds much better. ie "if you don't put that away then you can't have a bickie" sounds better to them if you use the "wow, guess what, once you've put that away, lets get a bickie, quick lets see how fast we can go!" he he, powers of the mind
------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 03 October 2007 at 10:15pm
I haven't read all these posts but I'll just let you know how I deal with tantrums. Well, first of all, I laugh. A lot. But try and keep it under my breath so Hannah doesn't know. I just can't help it!!
Anywayyy... constructive advice... hrmmmm... I usually just leave her to deal with her tantrum, standing close by or sitting on the floor watching, and then try and talk to her when she's a bit more coherent to figure out the problem. I don't think I've ever put her in time out for a tantrum as usually it is the result of tiredness and hunger. No really something to punish IMO.
The good thing is, they do get over it!
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Posted By: Peace
Date Posted: 04 October 2007 at 2:09pm
Olivia has tanty's when she is misunderstood or when she misunderstands actions, from my reading around I see it is a perfectly normal way to express themselves as they become physically and equatiously involved in our world.
For example.
Olivia wants freshly made cookie dough and wants it NOW!
*hungry-starving-gimme-gimme-or-i-will-die-with-lots-of-wailing-and-nashing-of-teeth*
I have to start remembering to use my words and use words that fit in with her as well.
"Olivia, hungry? Honey sandwich?"
*oooo-honey-sammie-yummy!* or *boo-gimme-that-now!*
Olivia either gets the honey sammie and the other thing that is desperately wanted is put down:
"Olivia NOO *yuck* it's yuck, let's go play toys".
Fortunately she is pretty easy to disway in her arguments, I am probably doing something wrong but for now it seems ok!
------------- DD1 May 2006
DD2 March 2011
DD3 August 2012
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Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 04 October 2007 at 3:11pm
The only thing I want to add is that sometimes being in the same room as the tantrumee ( understand?) is counter-productive. Josiah used to like to tantrum on us - particularly on Nat. So we'd try to ignore him and he'd get up, climb onto Nat's knee and keep tantruming! He also could be quite violent in his tantruming, throwing his head back to deliberately hit us in the chest or whatever he could get, or headbutting.
Personally, although we didn't like getting hurt it was kinda preferable to his other mode of tantrum - from standing, straight backwards onto the floor, then rolling onto his stomach and repeatedly headbutting the floor. Not nice to see on concrete!
We usually would deal with it by ignoring him when possible after moving him to somewhere safe. If he kept tantruming on us, we'd put our knuckles in the way so that when he threw his head back he'd hit that instead of us.
------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys
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Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 04 October 2007 at 4:51pm
so far so good - no tanties at all today. She's feeling heaps better (because she's given the bug to me ) She's been a little angel all day, lots of cuddles and kisses for mummy. It's like she's making up for being evil yesterday LOL
I'm glad she's not at that violent stage of tanty throwing, that sounds scary Becca!
I re-read my Toddler Taming book last night, thanks Aimee
I never thought about the hugs meaning that the tanty was rewarded, but can see how she would think that way. I just thought it was the best way to calm her down.
Game plan for the next tanty is to either ignore/walk away or distract. Wish us luck!
------------- http://lilypie.com">

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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 04 October 2007 at 6:25pm
We've already had a few tanties of monster proportions and we use the time out method (for lack of a better thing to call it). We already have a time out spot in the hallway (so she doesn't associate going to her room with being naughty) and we place her there, we leave her and walk into the next room for 1 min and then go back to check on her and ask her if she has calmed down yet. if not we leave her for another minute.
Even though we started using this before she was a year old it has still been effective (much to my shock and others!!!) and 9 times out of 10 she will calm down after the first minute and give us a big cuddle when we then pick her up.
That's just what has worked for us.
------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 04 October 2007 at 7:06pm
I'd rather use the naughty step technique than time out but have no idea how I could get Caitlin to be still for a whole 60 seconds! LOL
------------- http://lilypie.com">

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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 04 October 2007 at 8:00pm
maybe you wouldnt need to but if the chair/step was away from everything it might still have some effect. I know if addison is being naughty i will sit her in a chair by the door, she doesnt stay there but she knows she has been naughty enough that she isnt allowed to play anymore.
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Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 04 October 2007 at 9:03pm
The thing that amazes me is where do they get the hitting from? We've never hit Caitlin (neither has anyone else who has looked after her) and she's never seen anyone be hit! So where has she picked it up from?
It's quite sad that a natural defence for our babies is to be violent
------------- http://lilypie.com">

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Posted By: Bumble
Date Posted: 04 October 2007 at 9:06pm
All I can say is...
"Of Course I Love You, Now Go To Your Room!" Dianne Levy....
Absolute Godsend...
And to get DH/DP on board, she also does seminars about her book. DH and I did that and we haven't looked back....
I did have a copy, but I loaned it to someone...they never gave it back....
------------- formerly known as "Bee"
Ethan ~ March 2003 Big 6 year old school boy!
Micah ~ Aug 2008 ~ Smiley pants who loves telephones!
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 05 October 2007 at 8:32am
Check out the public library for that book
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Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 05 October 2007 at 10:17pm
Had to laugh tonight - Miss Tanty-Pants (her new name, I think she was going for a record today! ) threw an almight tanty to end all tanties right in front of DH. I've never seen him look so panicked!!! " what do I do?!?!? "
*snigger*
Welcome to my world buddy!
------------- http://lilypie.com">

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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 06 October 2007 at 9:57am
Two Blondinis wrote:
I'd rather use the naughty step technique than time out but have no idea how I could get Caitlin to be still for a whole 60 seconds! LOL |
I should have clarified...our time out spot is a naughty mat in the hallway....but yeah getting her to stay there for 60seconds is a mission! that's why we would just leave her alone for 60 seconds....figured it was better than nothing.
we'll probably change it to a step or chair once she is a little older and can really understand the consequences.
------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 06 October 2007 at 9:01pm
Im glad Addison isnt the only one like this, everyone in my coffee group thinks its so funny that addison has such a strong mind and throws tanties cos thier kids of the same age dont.
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 06 October 2007 at 9:06pm
james has been throwing tattys since he was 8 months old and its only gotton wrose i have found a wraning then time out wroks for him or sometimes its just cuddles and being soothed as hes to upset and will make himself wrose. lol at your hubby toni
------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a>
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