This is so hard to say, but
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Topic: This is so hard to say, but
Posted By: ginger
Subject: This is so hard to say, but
Date Posted: 09 October 2007 at 10:58am
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It's been 3 months on October 11 since we went on the waiting list for IVF, which, in theory, means our wait is now down to around 6-9 months.
I don't want to do it. IVF. Perhaps it's just the downtime between the specialist's advice that this is the way it is for us, or perhaps it's the fear of what is to come and how bad it may be. Or, if it doesn't work. I suppose I feel as though I have come to terms with infertility, and I've built my life and I feel like I've moved on. I've come so far from those dark days where it was all almost unbearable. I almost feel like I've lost my desire to have children, and yet I adore my nieces and nephews and wish I could take them home in my handbag every time I see them. I can't understand why I don't want to do this. And yet, last weekend, DH was doing something highly embarrassing (can't remember what) and I said that our children are going to be so ashamed of us being so uncool, and he just gave me a hug and said "Cool. We're going to have kids". A friend said to me that it's just normal upheaval, and I'm just reminding myself of that. She said to think back to when I first came off the pill, and it's just that anxiety all over, slightly skewed because of the circumstances. I hope she's right. Maybe I can just steal a kid (that hasn't had too much sugar, obviously) at the gremlins birthday on Sunday and then I won't have to worry about it 
Thanks for listening. ------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |
Replies:
Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 09 October 2007 at 11:13am
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Aaah Ginger. You know what. I am reading a lot of feelings I had in your message. I was petrified of even having sex and what if I fall pregnant again and it was just not meant to be once again. I was scared of going adoption route and what if I hold that tiny baby and then the mother decide or a court decide it isnt meant to be.
But you have to ask yourself one question. In a few years time. Say ten or twenty years are you going to regret not trying at all (no matter what the outcome is) or will you not top over it at all. If you do try and say worst case scenario it isnt meant to be. At least then you can try and move on totally from it and not have the what if this and what if that. You can look at adoptions options or surragocy or something else then. But you wont know if you dont try honey. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 09 October 2007 at 12:10pm
I have 2 free to a good home!!! not hyped on sugar but one has an attitude and the other has reflux so take away!!!  and yes we will be at the gremlins birthday for free grabbing if you want!! lol
on another note - im sure most people who are faced with IVF have the same worries and mind changing i think its just normal nerves  I wish you lots of luck for the months ahead and IVF
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ginger wrote:Posted By: ginger
Date Posted: 09 October 2007 at 12:43pm
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Ooo - it'll be good to meet you! No need to worry about wearing carnations ... I'll be the one wiht ginger hair ------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 09 October 2007 at 2:01pm
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ginger i like what smoody said...
i think that we all go through stages like that when it comes to life changing things like babies, marriage, major upheaval in living situations etc... so in that respect what you are feeling is normal. I dont understand anything about IVF however but do know that age is on your side with respects to that and there is the possibility of success or failure, same as doing it the old fashioned way... i think the unpredictability of things like this doesnt help as it will always leave you wondering "what if"? I dont think that you should make any decisions about the future of IVF at this present time but it might be a good time to check out the other options too. Ok thats my deep and meaningful... now i have two boys so i possilby might not miss one if you accidentally put him in the car on sunday...
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Posted By: KateW
Date Posted: 09 October 2007 at 3:35pm
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ginger
I went through IVF and I know how you a feeling, take some time to your self and relax, Its alot to go through, the fare that once you fall preg you still might loss it. There isso many different emotions your going/ about to go through. If you ever need to talk just flick me a pm, Im moer them happy to listen. Big hugs babe! ------------- ~Our miracle IVF babies~ http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 09 October 2007 at 4:04pm
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Bug Hugs!
One thing is for sure...fertility issues and treatments are very emotional. We had unexplained fertility isseus and had to use clomiphene to conceive Elle. I remember having exactly the same feelings as you. In our case, my feelings were a self-protective mechanism, i.e. I was so scared that the treatment wouldn't work so I convinced myself I didn't want it and that I didn't want kids. I think a full gamut of emotions are totally normal when going through something like this. If I may make a suggestion...allow yourself to feel all these emotions and work through them patiently. It could be that IVF isn't for you, or it could be that you are just trying to protect yourself from hurt by not wanting to try it. Hang in there and feel free to post / pm anytime if you want to talk through all these thoughts and feelings. ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: Helen21
Date Posted: 09 October 2007 at 4:13pm
I'm not too sure what to say as I haven't really experienced what your going through but in saying that I just wanted you to know that my heart goes out to you and your DH
The only thing I can think of is that even if your having second thoughts about IVF staying on the list would be a good idea just incase you change your mind in the next 6-9mths. My situation is very different to your however sometimes I will lie in bed and secretly wondering if ttc number 3 is really what I want and maybe I could just forget about that feeling deep inside making me feel the need to share our family with another little person. I start to worry about getting pg then having a m/c or getting post natal depression again and being in that dark place again or the 100's of other things that could go wrong. On the other hand the thought of having another child in our family to love and care for would be such a blessing, one that I feel I would have a lot of trouble trying to forget about and move on without it. When it comes down to it it's whatever feels right for your family, and if whatever you decide now will still feel right in 10 or 20 years time. Maybe if you take a break from ttc and just take some time to yourself to relax it might help make things seem a bit clearer. Sorry to ramble a bit, it's just my 2 cents worth. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Chloe 12/7/03 Miya 5/11/05 |
Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 09 October 2007 at 4:22pm
hehe il be hunting you out now for a babysitter
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Posted By: stefaansie
Date Posted: 09 October 2007 at 5:30pm
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Hi there Ginger. We went the IVF route also. Took us 13 months to conceive DD and three years of trying with 0 results for #2.
I so didn't want IVF, but desperately wanted a sibling for DD. In the end I bit the bullet and went for IVF. I will be 40 next year and new time was runnign out for public funding and we could never afford private treatment. Yes you have emotions going all over the place. Tears, hopes, frustration,anger... My biggest advice is take one day at a time. It is a slow, invasive process, BUT, if you don't do it, you will never know what could be....if after having IVF and is didn't work, then you can make peace that you tried your best and if it does work, then you and your DH can compare who's habits the baby will inherit
If I were you, I would stop actively TTC [checking ovulation, temps etc].Just enjoy time with you DH and relax. |
Posted By: katie1
Date Posted: 09 October 2007 at 5:57pm
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HUGS!
From everything I have read that you have ever written on here I just think you are amazing. Hang in there and take care. |
Posted By: ginger
Date Posted: 09 October 2007 at 6:07pm
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Well, now that I know that you're all just giving them away, I don't need to bring my big handbag
Thanks for all your support everyone - we are definitely making the most of our time, and haven't been actively TTC for quite a while. That's one blessing at least - leave that particular little stress behind us! So, it's not all bad
Here's hoping Stefaansie that baby inherits all MY habits - some (slash most!) of DH's are absolutely abominable (sp?)!!
And now, I am going to eat chocolate brownies 
------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |
Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 09 October 2007 at 8:13pm
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You are more than welcome to have my grumbly little pumpkin hun, and she does have a wee soft spot for her Aunty Ginger
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Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 09 October 2007 at 8:14pm
aaawww YUM!!!! share!!! 
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 09 October 2007 at 8:24pm
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Yum Ginger, I've just been eating chocolate pudding!!
Big hugs, I'm sure this emotional upheaval is very normal, like what most of the others said, and I've had it in the same way as Helen said. I think most people get the same thing after the BFP strikes as well - oh wow what have we done, are we really ready, well too late if we're not, etc... It must be so hard to prepare yourself for the possibilities of IVF and yet still try to protect yourself and all that. -------------  |
Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 09 October 2007 at 8:26pm
awww Ginger! 
I've always thought with you that there hasn't been a special little person found for you yet, so when you are all put together it will be extra special!
From my experience (not that I have had to go through half of what you have!) every single second that you wait for them to arrive is worth it and you will never regret being a Mummy
*note to self: listen to your own advice when child is throwing the mother of all tanties outside the bathroom door whilst am trying to take a pee in private!   *------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
 
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 09 October 2007 at 8:43pm
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i relly dont what to say sooo heres a big hug oh and if you are so inclined you can come down south and steal james for a while (sorry for the spelling mistakes lol) ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 09 October 2007 at 9:25pm
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oh ginger - start weight liftin cause there are some BBS cuddles coming your way on sunday!!!
I know your scared...it is the unknown...Truth is i felt a little terrified and didnt want to go thru it all when i first got PG - even after TTC and then it was OMG when we had our scare at 7 weeks and knew i couldnt live without that baby!!! You will be the same... Honestly maybe when time comes dont tell us you are up for IVF...tell us after the fact - and then just rejoice BIG time when it is all positive....cause it will be one day soon....youre too nice to miss out on being sent your own angel from heaven to cuddle in your arms on earth! G and T - come on like you wont lose a kid on sunday anyways!! (**ducks**)
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Posted By: ginger
Date Posted: 10 October 2007 at 9:20am
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Oh no, my poor arms BBS is a bit of a lump these days! I'll just have to remember the thing about the lines on the bottle this time so I don't drown her (I suppose though, it's vaguely progress from trying to suffocate her - at least she's got a fighting chance with bottle-related drowning!)
Two Blondinis - Quite right! I imagine that when I am up at 2am with a cholicky (sp?) screaming monster, and I haven't slept for five days, I won't be moaning about the time I had to wait ... I'll be wishing it'd taken even longer!! (oh, and I don't get to pee in private now anyway - usually a dog busts down the door and rests its head on my knees for an ear scratch TMI, I know!)------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |
Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 10 October 2007 at 2:19pm
LMAO!!! See! you're already in training
With us it's either a tanty on the other side of the door because her evil mummy locked her out, or she smacks me on the thigh as if to say "lose some weight lady!", or walks in, laughs, then walks out again (my personal fav for my self image LOL) or she does what your dogs do and puts her head on my lap, goes "awww muma" and kisses my leg ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Lulu
Date Posted: 10 October 2007 at 4:27pm
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Ginger everyone is different, so you aren't necessarily experiencing the same thing as I did, but I just thought I'd share. I totally went through the feeling of not wanting to have children when I was going through our fertility issues. When I look back, I really feel that it was my brain's way of protecting me, in case we never did end up having children. The mind is a wonderful and intricate thing, and I think for our sanity it creates feelings to let us deal with what we are going through, or what we may end up with. I think you will perservere with the IVF waiting list and treatment and I pray that you have the outcome that you want. Hugs. ------------- Lou http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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