Some Friend..
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=11807
Printed Date: 10 October 2025 at 2:35am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Some Friend..
Posted By: MissCandice
Subject: Some Friend..
Date Posted: 26 October 2007 at 11:39am
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I was recently talking to a so called 'friend' theother day, she is due in january with her first.. She made me feel like utter crap!
Firstly when i told her i was formula feeding, she goes 'oh thats no good, your supposed to breastfeed till 6 months' Also everytime i see her shes like 'how are your stretch marks' like i dont feel down enough about them without her making it worse! How can she be a friend if she can say those things. She goes on bout how shes gunna b/f till hes a year old, everythings so easy, my aunty is a M/W so il get all the help in the world, also i told her we going to Oz next year for 5 days for my birthday, to make up for being preggers on my 21st.. and she piped up and says how she could never leave her baby, she would take him becuae its shallow and mean and blah blah blah Now im sitting here in tears feeling like a useless mother because we were plannin on going to Oz alone, just me and DF, and i stopped b/fding at 6 weeks.. Am i just over reacting..? ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Replies:
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 26 October 2007 at 11:50am
Just wait till her baby comes! Just give her those all knowing smiles that mothers can do to mothers to be
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Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 26 October 2007 at 11:52am
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Thats exactly what DF said to me.. That she will change her its so easy tune when he arrives.. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 26 October 2007 at 11:53am
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I agree, she has no idea what she is in for... so for now let her snide comments go... and feel secure in the knowledge that you actually know more than she does..
------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 26 October 2007 at 11:55am
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For a start your friend doesn't actually have the baby yet and when she does she might realise that things aren't as easy as she thinks.
I wanted to breastfeed until 12 months but ended up stopping at 3 months. You shouldn't feel bad about giving your baby formula you are doing what is right for your baby, if breastfeeding didn't work but bottle feeding does that is all that matters. The most important thing is for you and your baby to both be happy and heathly and i've met kylah and she is a beautiful healthy little girl and you are obviously doing a wonderful job. As for wanting to go on holiday next year just you and DF I don't see as A its any of her business or B that your are in any neglecting Kylah, she is going to be well looked after why you are gone, I'm sure you will miss her like crazy but you are entitled to a break. Don't allow anyone else to knock you down, especially someone who doesn't actually know what its like to have a child yet. ------------- 
 
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 26 October 2007 at 11:57am
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All I can say is Karma I wanted to feed Josh till he was 1 but he weaned himself. Don't feel bad about going oversea without bub. We've been away a few times without Andrew and it was great to have a small break. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 26 October 2007 at 11:58am
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Shes just so 'up on her high horse' thats it really frustrates me! It makes me not want to even see her.. not that she has even met kylah!! ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: CuriousG
Date Posted: 26 October 2007 at 1:00pm
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I agree with other posts here, she is about to have a hard and fast understanding of what having a baby is really like.
I bet a few months down the track she will be gagging for a holiday in Australia without her kid! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: susieq
Date Posted: 26 October 2007 at 1:07pm
| I agree with all the others |
Posted By: Aprilfools
Date Posted: 26 October 2007 at 1:07pm
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I don't even have a child yet so can't really comment but from what I have learnt from other people isn't it usually the ones that have those attitudes that have the worst time after the baby is born?? I would imagine it's because they had dreamt up a perfect harmonious fairy tale in their head and then as soon as a poop or a sound turns up at a less than convenient moment the universe is obviously against them and all must be destroyed.
I say go on your holiday. My cousin went to Dubai for 12 days and left her 8 month old son with her younger sister. Is he traumatised? No. Was he starving or under nourished when she got back? No. Was he left home alone to cook, clean and bath himself? No. You're not leaving your child to be looked after by the family pet or anything like that are you coz if you are you will need to explain to the pet that babies actually like to wear their food on their face and they are not to lick it off? By all means go on your holiday and have a fabulous time. You're only 22 once!! You're not a hopeless mother, if you were I'm sure you wouldn't be feeling so hurt by someone elses comments. And BTW, I have stretch marks and I don't even have a baby yet!! |
Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 26 October 2007 at 1:20pm
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How annoying!
I agree with all the others, karma is going to kick your friend up the butt big time! Even if she has the most perfect blissful baby in the world she'll still be fantasising about a holiday away from him/her after a few months! Good on you for taking the trip, you deserve it chick! Breastfeeding is hard, she'll find that out soon enough and hopefully she'll regret her nasty comments to you when she's sitting up at 3am watching DP snore, wishing he could be the one to get up and feed just once! (I used to promise myself every night when I was up feeding that I'd go out and buy formula the next day  )
My non-baby friends ask my about my stretch marks too, its really hard not to let it get to you huh? They do fade though, have hope hun! Lots of big  to you.------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 26 October 2007 at 1:27pm
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Snap - she'll get whats coming to her and come january you can be the first to say 'I told you so' or words to that effect. Everyone seems to be blimmin expert when it comes to babies, easy when its not theirs.
The best solution offered to me by a friend with 2 littlies is just to nod your head and agree, then go do what you intended on doing in the first place. Whats wrong with stretch marks any ways, everyone has them and apart from DP who gets to see them anyway. IMO Stretch Marks are the difference between being a woman and a girl. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: floss
Date Posted: 26 October 2007 at 1:43pm
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Don't worry karma will come and bite her in the butt, you are a wonderful mummy, and I think its great you are going to go on holiday by yourselves we left my daughter for the first time over night when she was only 3 weeks old so just think what your friend would say about that and I stopped B/F at 3 weeks as well so if anyone was going to be the crap mum its me.
As long as your little one is happy and healthy who cares she will soon find out its not all roses when she has her own bubba |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 26 October 2007 at 2:18pm
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Re the b/f thing, she can't anticipate that she WILL bf for 12 months, she may want to, but it doesn't always work out that way. My sis was only formula at 12 weeks, and me at about 5, as mum just couldn't bf, and she felt better (and so did we apparently) getting a proper feed even if it isn't 'what you're supposed to do'.
Maybe just tell her that at least you won't have to deal with aching breasts, milk leaking, whipping your boob out in public etc! Turn it around on her! She obviously has no idea. You're doing a fantastic job! |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 26 October 2007 at 2:38pm
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Personally Kandice, when it all comes crashing down around your friends ears I would be the bigger person and be there to offer her help and support. Making her feel bad as payback won't make you feel any better and i'm sure once she realises how hard having a baby is she will feel bad enough about her comments anyway. -------------
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Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 26 October 2007 at 3:12pm
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Thanks guys.. your words of support really help.
Tho i would like to say i told ya so, il do it in a more inconspicious(sp) way, and offer her what advice i can instead of being a judging cow!! Shes not the type to say sorry and she definatky doesnt think of anyone but herself! ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 26 October 2007 at 3:14pm
hahaha she is in for a big shcok then once this babys arrived hehehehe big hugs hunn dont listen to her she has o idae what shes talking about ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 26 October 2007 at 4:22pm
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Yep I think she'll be in for a shock as well. Try to not let her words get to you. Only you can decide the best thing for you and your family and she's entitled to her own decisions but they don't have to be copied over to you. -------------  |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 26 October 2007 at 9:08pm
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when my SIL was pregnant, she too was full of what "real" mothers do, and appartenly I didn't quite live up to it. I was really upset and came on here and blubbed a bit. well, she had her baby and couldn't breastfeed, he screamed constantly and she had HEAPS of trouble and then her mum kinda had to go back and help her out. and i didn;t say a WORD, but did come here and gloat and say haha. but not vindicatively or anything.
we all have ideas about what kinda mother we are going to (I was never going to allow my children to watch tv!!!! hahaha), and I must say that sometimes i judged people prekids (look at that woman giving hewr child a lolly - terrible), but then youhave kids and realise it ain;t so easy luv. so I would try as much as you can to ignore al the "advice" she is giving you. and remeber it for when she has baby (at laest to say in your head) her: my baby is now on formula cause i can';t breastfeed you: (actual), don't worry, formula feeding is no big deal, whatever your baby needs (in your head) NOT SO BLOODY EASY IT IS B*TCH Something like that |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 26 October 2007 at 9:13pm
LOL -------------
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lizzle wrote:Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 26 October 2007 at 9:47pm
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haha she is gonna have a big shock when the baby is born, unfortunatley for her babies dont actually come with a manual, and things can pop up that she hasnt even thought of, ie, she might not be able to breastfeed, she might have a child that cries all the time and cant wait to leave him, who knows?
As for you thinking your a bad mum cos your going to oz, meh, cr*p, if you are then so am i , but possibly worse, cos i had my daughter stay at her dads house from about 4 weeks, youre no more a cr*p mum than i am a tomato. From what ive read of your posts, you adore your daughter and would do anything for her, thats the mark of a good mum sweets. As for your (im sorry ) idiot friend, just smile knowingly, and say "we'll see then " like you couldnt care less about her stupid opinion, cos thats just what it is, until youve walked the walk...dont talk the talk, she'll discover the truth soon enough
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Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 27 October 2007 at 12:36am
I have one of these 'friends' too. We had met up for lunch and I pulled out a (organic, no added sugar, no preservatives etc) muesli bar for Charlotte and she pipes up that her baby won't be having any prepackaged food when they are little. Being 7 months pregnant and exhausted I had no energy to tell her where to stick it but it did make me feel a bit crappy at the time. Then she went on to say that she wasn't going to breastfeed because the thought of it was (and I quote) icky. Hmmmm?  Said friend is now 4 months pregnant- scary stuff.
I must admit alot of us are guilty of 'perfect mother' syndrome before we have children- its very easy to be a perfect mother before you have children! ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3 
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Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 27 October 2007 at 8:14am
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lol lizzle that was funny, thanks guys.. i just wishthere was a manual then i could know i was doing ok! My plunket nurse thought kylah had a urine infection so i took her to the doc, she told me kylah was way to happy and healthy looking to have an infection but checked anyway so that made me smile :) Sometimes i wish she would just keep her comments to herself!
She lives with her mum and her boyfriend.. hes on home detention.. hmmmm enough aid. I dont feel shes much of a friend anyway! i seen her 3 times while i was pregnnt, and i havent see her since! Shes only texting me cos shewants me to sell her my breast pump.. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 27 October 2007 at 10:09am
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well, something else i did, and it depends it you want to be this petty
make up claims and statistics to support whatever you are doing. for instance her: oMG, your baby has a dummy? thats so gross I would never let my baby have one? you: really? they are actually recommended as statistically babies who use dummies are less likely to die from cot death (actually did read that in the newspaper some point) and it doesn't have to be true at all. If she looks at you funny, just say it is recommended by leading pediatricians in the UK. i did this to my SIL her: Look at the mess taine is making. he should put away his toys before he brings out new ones (taine was under 1 at the time) me: actually messy play has been shown to increase co-ordination and gross motor skills (all i could do on a time limit). her: huffs away. MIL: Oh I read that too (suck up) |
Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 27 October 2007 at 10:23am
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Haha- reminds me of this: Did you know that 93% of all statistics are made up on the spot? ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 27 October 2007 at 3:44pm
*snort* ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 27 October 2007 at 9:00pm
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If you want to get a dig in with her but be descreet when her bubs is born - for a present you should give her a sachet of formula and a bottle of bio oil! with a little note saying "these things just happen but these will help"
i had all the intentions in the world and all the help i could possibly get when i was "trying" to B/feed my first boy but still failed miserably!! so she shouldnt count her chickens (or working boobies!  ) before they hatch!
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Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 27 October 2007 at 9:03pm
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oh i forgot to say - YOU LUCKY DEVIL!!!!!!! i would LOVE to go to OZ kidless!!! but alas we have to take our boys!.
Have LOADS of fun!!! and dont feel the least bit guilty!! which im sure your friend will be feeling when shes dying for a break from her bubs!!
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Posted By: Rackhell
Date Posted: 27 October 2007 at 9:05pm
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Your 'friends' comments are not worth being upset about, and like everybody else has said - karma. It sounds like you already know what value to give to her opinions too - percisely nothing.
Kylah sounds like she's doing so well! so you're definitely a great sounding mum to my way of thinking. |
Posted By: ooEvaoo
Date Posted: 27 October 2007 at 11:04pm
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Gosh your friend has got a shock ahead of her!. Its all very well thinking your pregnancy, childbirth and looking after baby will go smoothly but for 99.9% of us it is never smooth sailing.As for her remarks, just brush them off. You could always make comments about how puffy her face looks now that she's pregnant, and that she's developed cankles Ahhhhhhh get her back I say!!.
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