It’s sodding hard being a working mum!
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Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=11854
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Topic: It’s sodding hard being a working mum!
Posted By: Paws
Subject: It’s sodding hard being a working mum!
Date Posted: 28 October 2007 at 4:31pm
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Not sure were to post this really.
Well almost 6 weeks in and cracks are starting to show with this whole going-back-to-work lark. Work itself is good but Maddie is having a few issues with it I think. I've hardly seen her this week and it's been really hard. She's got really clingy with B and this morning didn't want a bar of me! She was only happy when dad had her. It's not the first time it's happened recently and it really had me in tears. I have to work but we're looking at options. I'm a shift worker and really there are 3 choices: 1. Stay as is and hope it all works out. 2. permanent late shifts - starting between 1.00pm-3.30pm. With that then I could at least look at only having Maddie in day care half days and getting more time with her. 3. Moving to the graveyard team. Lots of parents on there rave about it and it would be pretty awesome especially considering the extra pay. B is more keen on option number 2 and I'm just plain confused and still more than a little upset. Guess I just needed to get this all off my chest to other mums and kinda hoping someone else has been through similar and can reassure me all will be fine!\ PS: Starting to think we really could do with a working mums support forum!!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: Sarah Beth
Date Posted: 28 October 2007 at 4:42pm
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I can offer any advice, but will send your virtual hugs.
Agree a working mums support would be good. The lead up to me going back was awful, thankfully so far Jack has taken to it like a duck to water. I personally would go with option 2, but try to get weekend time off to spend with B ------------- "> 
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Posted By: Mama2two
Date Posted: 28 October 2007 at 4:56pm
No advice for obvious reasons -but big  to you and Maddie.------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: buzimumto3boys
Date Posted: 28 October 2007 at 5:02pm
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I gree with the working mums support!
I am going back to work on wed and I worry about my son rejecting me too... he sometimes gets annoyed at me and turns his back on me already! (14 months) I think you have to go with what you are most happy with... I am doing 9-3 which means I get the avo with the kids. (and the job is only til xmas to see how I go) It is hard when you are stuck wanting/needing to earn some money and the kids who are so dependant on us! graveyard shifts sound good but what about time for sleep? and does it take time away from your DH? |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 28 October 2007 at 5:04pm
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If you went with option 2, when would you finish?
Is cutting hours an option? Does Maddie have anything to take from place to place for security, security blanket or doll or teddy etc? It may help her settle easier. What are you currently doing with Maddie while you're working? Some kids go through a I-love-daddy stage in the 2nd year, they seem to swing from mum 1 year to dad the next year and then more of a balance after about 3 years. I can't remember why it happens. -------------  |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 28 October 2007 at 5:11pm
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Well Maddie is currently in day care full time and loves it!! That part hasn't been an issue, she just adores is.
If I do late shifts it means I finish any time in between 9.30 and midnight. If I do graveyards it's 4 10 hour shifts per week, starting between 7.30-8.30 so I'd finish around what...5.30-6.30 ish I think. Maddie would have to stay in full time care so that I could sleep but then if she is sick then I'm home during the day so it wouldn't impact sick leave which would be a bonus. I'd also be home mornings and nights when she is. And yeah the other appeal of it is that it's worth around another $10k per year before tax just with the penal rates and not including weekend rates! Cutting back on hours with shift work aren't really an option, means I'd lose most of my pay to child care and we wouldn't be getting anywhere finacially which is our aim before number 2. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 28 October 2007 at 5:12pm
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i was working full time when jake was 3 months to a year. i left the house at 7 and got home at6:30. it was pretty rough, but we did lots of "fuin" things during the weekends - as a family - cause i missed out on time with DH too. but at one point we decided to go to thailand for 10 days. i had no holidays so did shift swaps and worked three weeks traight. jake didn't want anything to do with me most of that time. it was really upsetting.
i would talk to your boss about trialling option a or b. but also 6 weeks isn't that long a time in terms of kids adjusting. I've been working part-time wfor about that, and jake is only now adjusting to going to his daycare without tears. |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 28 October 2007 at 5:41pm
Why don't you give #2 a go for a while then? Also make sure that DH is helping out with the housework etc cause fair's fair when you're both working  ------------- |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 28 October 2007 at 5:46pm
Thankfully he is a total angel on the housework front!! Yeah I think we're leaning towards number 2...of course knowing my luck then Maddie will be annoyed at me for spending less time in day care!!  ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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busymum wrote:Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 28 October 2007 at 6:18pm
yeah i put in idea about working mums forum ages ago...EMMA????? 
I am struggling with lack of time...no time to do ALL that work that piles up, then no time to do housework, then time to spend with Ella but sometimes rushed...dont get me wrong I personally am NOT cut out to be a stay at home - and all who have met me know that....but wish there was just a little more time...best thing this past week was DH taking Ella to DC two mornings and letting me get to the office by 630am...OMG i got sooo much done and felt better for it.... my option for you therefore would be the nighttime one...you could still spend a few hours with her in morning...and if DHs work times allow then pick her up around 330 spend a few hours with her, hand her over to DH or bed and off you go....6 hours sleep is awesome but will take some getting used to - worst impact will be with you and DH but i think you guys seem like you could handle it having met you both! |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 28 October 2007 at 6:29pm
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So BS you reakon the Graveyard??
So many mums to seem to rave about it, I know B isn't as keen and it would be a lifestyle change but yeah we would get used to it. The downside we have thought of with permanent evening shifts is if B can't pick her up neither can I!!  ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: buzimumto3boys
Date Posted: 28 October 2007 at 6:40pm
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Can you find someone who can pick her up the odd time B cant?
If it were me I think I would go for night shift but I know it can be hard to adjust to and some people cant! |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 28 October 2007 at 6:44pm
Possibly her Aunt K but it does depend on what her schedule is like...if she can't then we would be about stuffed (unless any other aunts lurking around here were game????  )...but it's certainly something we'll look into.
Maybe as we bribe her over dinner.... ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 28 October 2007 at 8:29pm
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Hey there Paws..
Fistly, stick at it, returning back to work is hard - and actually i think it's far harder on everyone when you go back when baby is actually old enough to remember that you aren't there - sounds mean but so true. I went through the same thing alot back when i was studying - firstly Paris went through it - only wanting daddy, then when ayja went through it it still hurt but at least i knew (hoped like hell) it would pass. practicalities of family life with shift work - lol can't speak for your own circumstances but i know that for me - daycare during the day for the girls, means that morning shifts are great for me - it takes them a while to settle when they first start going (am unsure if your girl has jsut started of has been going for a while) I found especially that Paris when she started at 11 months, was terrible having been used to having just mummy and her for alot of the time during her 1st year. that and they've just learnt the idea of mummy going away, they just have to remember at the end that mummy does come back. As with anything it takes a bit for some kids to adjust, Paris doesn't do so well, Ayja does really quite well comparitively. Back to shifts.... CAn again only speak for myself, however, being on a rostered rotating shifts between mornings afternoons and graveyard shifts, no set pattern either and sometimes different shifts in a week period...... i must say stick with what you're doing. Morning shift, might mean earlier starts, but at the end of the day you get to have a night with your child, do the bathtimes, bedtimes, dinner times. And yes she's little now, but very soon, as she gets older - even within a few months as things change, night times and such become that special time for stories etc..bonding and it's nice to be able to tuck your little one in at night... That is one thing i miss most. Afternoon shifts for me start at 2.45 and end somewhere around 11.30pm most nights.. being on them in long stretches. it sucks. because well, realistically, i thought yes i'd be able to keep em home more too, but you get way overtired, you need to catch up on sleep from working so late, the time you have isn't quality time as you're tired and you know the days' going to get cut short. It also means for us, since then, that the kids still go to daycare, so i see em in the mornings, and that's all, i get home close to midnight some nights. afternoons aren't nice. The main thing there also, is yes you want time with your girl, but afternoon shifts are really very very crappy for the relationship side of things, trust me, lol, you never see DH and when you do they're either rushing to work, or grumpy cos they're tired from waiting up for you, or tired cos they had to do the dinner/bath/bed routine themselves, that and it leaves precious little time for any hint of intelligent conversation, romance goes out the nearest window.. you get the picture, it's not great, it's like ships passing in the night. Overnights, again, really does not mean you would get more time with your girl, plus it buggers your system big time, i am unfortunate enough to have my night shifts rostered usually (in the last 2 months anyway) around when AF is due, and those times it had thrown out my cycle, last time was 9 days overdue i think. Night shifts are, however, great once kiddies are at school, so you can still take em to school, go home, sleep, then be there to pick em up and do dinner etc - they don't notice you're gone cos you're at work while they sleep - but with a toddler - you need that sleep, and theonly way to get it is during the day.. again - it's a different quality of sleep too - not good long term unless you plan to do it, loooong term and adjust your whole life to fit in with your vampire-like lifestyle, lol. Hope that helps a little. It's not all bad, just giving a few realities of how i have found different shifts have impacted on our family-life and those i know (my nursing colleagues with young kiddies) tend to have the same opinions, it's hard not being there during the day, but as our kids get older, the stuff they miss themost is having a family meal, and having mummy there to tuck them in at night.  ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 28 October 2007 at 8:38pm
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OMG thank you so much for posting that!!! That really does help a lot acutally. I'm going to print it out and give it to hubby!!!!! You rock!!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 28 October 2007 at 9:03pm
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i know i dont work but wanted to say that i think graveyard shift would prob be more suitable when maddy is older, ie school age... and i agree that pretty soon night time and tucking in and reading stories will play a bigger part
Also try not to take it personally when she seems to prefer daddy to mummy... remember all those times when daddy wasnt good enough and only mummy would do...its just turned about is all...and i think that all kids go thru a similar stage too. Its good that she is enjoying daycare and you may be setting yourself unrealistic expectations if you think that 6 weeks is long enough to know if its right or not. After all its a lot longer than that of you being a SAHM and i bet you needed more than 6 weeks to get used to that! |
Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 28 October 2007 at 9:59pm
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i think you will find a happy medium somewhere....and she will be ok with whatever you choose....just make sure your off time is spent with her and DH as a family!!!
now.... that working mums forum is where?????
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 28 October 2007 at 10:24pm
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Thanks Deb! I think I totally needed to hear that. You're right...I should give it longer...it is hard not to take to it personally but you're right...there are times when Daddy is not good enough either!
We have decided to make sure that we set time aside as a family each week which will be family time for us to all do something special together. BS - you're right....EMMA!!!! Where is that working mum's forum??? Pwetty Pwease!!!!????? ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 28 October 2007 at 10:25pm
PS: Big thank you to everyone for your advice!! I know I don't post on here much lately but it's great to know you girls are all here with an ear to listen! You rock! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 28 October 2007 at 11:45pm
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always around to talk to YOU!!!
BTW i grew up with mum doing weird shifts etc (nurse)...and we coped....and she was a single mum so altho we missed out we didnt if you get that..... |
Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 29 October 2007 at 9:03am
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I haven't read all of the other posts (no time, being a working mum too! )
My advice is to sort work around what you can afford and what you can manage time wise. I would prefer to work 3 days (8 to 4) but the home loan says no  , DH and my boss wanted me to come back to 5 days full time, I'm compromising with 4 days and make sure I spend my Friday doing stuff with Caitlin. You just need to make sure that the time you spend with Maddie is quality time.
As for work, do you HAVE to do what you're doing now? Perhaps a new career where you can have hours that suit better? We'll all have to PM Emma and get her to set us up a Working Mums Support section. I've been back at work for just on a year now and still find it hard to juggle Caitlin, work, housework etc. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
 
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 29 October 2007 at 10:22am
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No I don't have to be doing what I'm doing now but to be honest there are only 2 career tracks that I am passionate about and this is one of them. The other is not currently an option.
The only other option would be if a job became available at Milford Holidays again and return there doing standard hours. OF course to wedge someone out of the Holidays store generally requires a crow bar and a lot of determination! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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