Kids at weddings - your thoughts
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Topic: Kids at weddings - your thoughts
Posted By: CuriousG
Subject: Kids at weddings - your thoughts
Date Posted: 09 November 2007 at 3:08pm
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I am just interested to know how others feel about this.
My BIL is getting married next weekend and they have stipulated that they do not want kids at their wedding. This is absolutely fine with me, no children at the ceremony or eating the food at the reception. HOWEVER, we politely asked if we could collect Charlotte from my parents after dinner was finished and bring her back to the wedding to meet the Beasley side of the family (as she has literally met none of her Great Aunties/Uncles). We were told that under no circumstances were we to do this. I am going to respect their wishes but I feel really disappointed that she isn't allowed. She is the first child of the next generation and its not as though she is going to be there the whole time. I feel very sad that a member of the family isn't allowed to come to such a special day and be a part of it. Even my MIL is mortified that she isn't allowed but there really isn't anything we can do. Am I being a silly mummy here and should I get over it? What does everyone else think?  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 09 November 2007 at 3:12pm
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I can understand not wanting children at the ceremony and sit down meal but I think it is a bit mean to not allow her to come along after. How much damage is one little girl gonna do?
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 09 November 2007 at 3:14pm
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I don't see a problem with children at the ceremony, I had children at mine and we took Andrew to a ceremony (his name was on the invite) and he was fine. Talked a bit but there were heaps of kids there at the time so no one packed a hissy. As far as the reception I don't like younger kids there. It is an adult function so its not really the right place for them (as we worked out even with Andrew being there - he told my dad to "shut up" during his speech However with what I can gather from what you have said is you are going to bring her in to meet the family after the "important" things have happened and then take her away again?? That is fine I wouldn't get hissy over that. I think they are being a bit of a pain there. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: CuriousG
Date Posted: 09 November 2007 at 3:14pm
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I have a feeling and my MIL also said it that the bride, who is a bit funny at the best of times, doesn't want the limelight taken away from her.
She was extremely jealous when Josh and I got married, got a house and had children before she did (and she has been on the family scene longer than I have). And yes, it would be after everything was done and dusted and people were just socialising. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 09 November 2007 at 3:19pm
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That bride has issues. My sister tried to take the limelight away from me by wearing cream but she never did. Andrew was at the wedding and ran up to us and tried to get DH to pick him up during the vows (got a laugh but it was all over with in 2 minutes and the focus was back on us). Talk to you BIL alone or even try the MIL as I din't think Charlotte will take the whole limelight away from the bride ; if she does it'll be after the important stuff and she will be talking with other people. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 09 November 2007 at 3:22pm
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its their wedding and even if it is a weird decision you can only respect their wishes. perhaps you should organise a get together before or the next day so that charlotte can meet the rest of the family. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 09 November 2007 at 3:26pm
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I would be hoping that they are working on the theroy that if other guests see your little girl there they might wonder why they were not allowed to bring thier children after dinner?
It does seem a bit mean and I'm certain I would be disappointed but I guess in the end it is what they want for thier day. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: emmapea
Date Posted: 09 November 2007 at 3:37pm
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Its a hard one... I was offended that my cousin didnt want my baby at her baby shower, but then I think a wedding is a little different. But I wouldnt have a problem with a baby there... maybe just talk to your BIL about it quietly? ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Sarah Beth
Date Posted: 09 November 2007 at 3:37pm
I agree Deb, the decision should be respected and agree with Paws' theory. If you say no children and then others see one there it can cause very big issues. My SIL and BIL are still not talking 7 years on!!! ------------- "> 
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 09 November 2007 at 3:49pm
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To be honest I disagree that it would be the limelight. I'm sorry to say but some people just do not want to have a child around who could end up yelling and screaming. I know as parents we are used to it and barely bat an eyelid but for some people it really is an issue.
I like Deb's suggestion of a get together the next day. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 09 November 2007 at 3:56pm
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Yeah paws I think you might be right about the not wanting to upset other parents. I know I would be miffed if I was asked not to bring my kid and then others did. I also think meeting up the day before or after might be the way round it and that way Charlotte can be the centre of attention as well without anyone getting upset about it. -------------
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 09 November 2007 at 3:59pm
If you do it the next day or before then you don't have to worry about upsetting anyone for whatever reason, plus no one (hopefully!) will be drunk  ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 09 November 2007 at 4:08pm
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Well to be honest...and I know that some parents will disagree...but even if it is what she is like, it's her wedding day and to my mind it is the one day she has every right to have what she wants how she wants it. That's just my thoughts though.
Yes it is a shame but it is her day. End of story. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Sarah Beth
Date Posted: 09 November 2007 at 4:10pm
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Agreed Paws!!! Everyone wants to feel like a princess on their wedding day, and if they don't want children there as part of it, their call ------------- ">
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 09 November 2007 at 4:32pm
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Hopefully everyone will still be around the next day.
From my own POV, we didn't invite any kids to our reception and would have been peeved if others wanted us to make an exception for them. I in no way wanted the limelight, I just didn't feel that it was an appropriate scene for a child (especially since dinner usually goes to 8.30/9ish). I understand you want her to meet the family, but maybe it would be a great opportunity to schedule a time with them for a future meetup? Plus it means you're not coming and going from the wedding, which I know would be distracting for me as a guest or the bride. I think you need to respect her decision and just leave it at that. |
Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 09 November 2007 at 4:47pm
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Iagree arange a meet up the next day if one is not alreay and make it clear to people that they will get to meet bubs...
Respect the bride - it is her decision for HER day! We were invited to take ella to a wedding...I think she was like 2 weks from memory- and she was a HUGE distraction (slept but had mega cuddles and passed around...I didnt see her for two courses!) BUT the bride asked us to bring her (we had not asked) so quite a different scenario. Had she played up we would have left...I was amazed we were able to stay so late (she was a model bubba that night!) 
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Posted By: AlyAyde
Date Posted: 09 November 2007 at 5:44pm
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Yep its their wedding and if they dont want kids at all then thats their choice. Its THEIR big day after all..... Sounds like your making a big deal about it discussing it with other family members etc. Surely everyone will be around the day before or day after the ceremony? ------------- Jayde 25/12/04 Alyssa 08/04/03 http://Alyayde.bebo.com |
Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 09 November 2007 at 7:07pm
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I didn't want any kids at our wedding either. At the time we didn't have one and neither did any of our close friends so I was ready to make my feeling clear if anyone dared asked. We had all invites with the names clearly spelled out and thankfully no one asked.
I too think it's the bride's BIG day - even if it feels mean you should resepct her wishes. ETA: Is anyone organising like a BBQ the day after the wedding? Or a get toghether of sorts? You could take Charlotte to something like that no probs  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 09 November 2007 at 9:29pm
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In the end its their decision, and I think you should respect it, and make time the next day to introduce her.
I was at wedding reception where there was a young baby and it cried thru out the speeches, the bride didn't notice but the rest of the guests did, I felt it was a bit thoughtless of the parent. It may be a limelight issue, and if it is, would be unfair to take that away from the bride, she's going to be you SIL wouldn't it be better to get off to a good start with her? ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 09 November 2007 at 9:39pm
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I just got married a few weeks ago, and had a few of these dramas with my guests. I absolutley, under no circumstances wanted no children at my wedding full stop. I relented to allow some at the ceremony but they left immediately after, before fotos even.
Lots of guests, well, mainly family, moaned behined my back about it, but none of them actually asked me about my reasoning. Main reason was it is MY princess day, and, yes, I wanted to be centre of attention. Didn't want to have to pay for children Didn't want children running around Wanted everyone to have a good time and not be worrying about what their kids were doing and who they were annoying Wanted everyone to feel like they could drink as much as they wanted to and stay as late as they wanted to and, mainly, it was my (sorry, OUR) day and we spent around $15,000 enjoying it with our friends, and not their children. Or even my children. Kids came to the day after thing, and ran around and were naughty, but I didn't really care too much. At the end of the day, it is their wedding and they are inviting who they chose, and they choose not to have children. Some people might get upset you take C along afterwards that they weren't allowed to take their kids. Why don't you just ask her? I was gutted that my brothers and their "wives" ran me down one side and up the other about my decision to anyone who would listen but neither of them actually asked me why I hadn't invited thier kids. i'm sure the next day will be more enjoyable for you all anyway, more relaxed! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: CuriousG
Date Posted: 10 November 2007 at 6:41pm
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1. I am not running down my BIL or his wife to be about their decision behind their back to family members. Yes, my MIL has commented after I spoke to her because she asked if we were taking Charlotte along! Thats when the topic came up.
2. I agree, it is mainly limelight and I have already said that I will respect their decision so Char isn't coming. However, it doesn't stop me feeling the way I feel about her having to miss out. I didn't want her there for the whole thing, just half an hour to meet family after everything formal was over as we have to collect her from Newlands then drive past the venue on the way home again. 3. There is nothing happening the next day as they are all heading home (most are from out of town and are driving) so its not an option for us. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 10 November 2007 at 7:26pm
Why dont you see if you can organise something then. If they want to meet charlotte then i am sure they wont mind having a brekkie meet up... (edited to fix really bad spelling!) ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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GeorgiaB wrote:Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 10 November 2007 at 10:14pm
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Sorry, I didn't mean for my post to sound as bitchy as it does! Just a subject that gets me all hot and bothered after my wedding! Also the guests asking why wasn't such and such invited and blah blah.
Your lil Char is so cute, i'm sure you could drag em all round for late brekky before they all leave, or even a brekky on the day maybe? ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Bazilb
Date Posted: 10 November 2007 at 10:17pm
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I didnt want kids at my wedding reception, and it was really because of the noise and cost, no other reason. I had a couple of people bring their little babies (still breastfeeding) but they took them home early and if they made any noise they took them straight out.
Definitely respect the brides wishes. My in-laws made a huge drama out of it and almost didnt come to the wedding (which didnt worry me, but my DH was pretty upset about it). At the end of the day its about the bride and groom not anyone else. There are plenty of other occasions where you can have family get togethers that will be fun for the kids too. |
Posted By: AlyAyde
Date Posted: 10 November 2007 at 10:39pm
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Sounds like you may be upset with some of our comments yet you asked for opinions on a subject that actually seems pretty cut and dry. ------------- Jayde 25/12/04 Alyssa 08/04/03 http://Alyayde.bebo.com |
Posted By: Leelee
Date Posted: 10 November 2007 at 11:08pm
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I am getting married in feb and I am getting these questions and its starting to bother me, I dont want to come across as a b***h to people by saying no, but I want to be able to enjoy our special day without worrying too much about the kids.
I can see why you may be upset, but in the end I dont think the bride or groom are trying to offend anyone, o try not to take it to heart. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 11 November 2007 at 9:13am
| well then I dont know the set up etc but perhaps could you suggest going to a cafe or something while the party are having photos - or invite them back to your place OR bring bubba along for 30 mins while bridal party not there and ensure she is gone before they get back ??? I know our wedding our photos took 2.5 hours and some had drinkies etc at a cafe, others went out to venue, others got together at an apartment etc until the evening dinner so poss option there???? |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 11 November 2007 at 12:31pm
To be honest, I agree...you asked for our thoughts, I'm sorry if any of my comments sounded horrible but you did ask for people's thoughts. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 11 November 2007 at 3:41pm
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I can see why you would feel a bit bummed about not getting to take charlotte, but i guess as others have said you'll just have to respect her wishes since its her day.
Myself, when (ha, if!) i get married i want kids there, i love kids and i dont want to be the centre of attention anyway seriously, the thought freaks me out, all those people watching me walk down the aisle, if kids are there then they could distract them haha , and besides im not into the whole formal side of weddings, id rather get married on a beach and then have a bbq, like a big get together with all the people i love and since i only have a few friends with kids they can leave when they want, of course caitlyn will still be there, especially since the man i marry will in effect be marrying into her life too |
Posted By: kabe
Date Posted: 11 November 2007 at 5:53pm
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At our wedding we allowed kids at the ceremony but not at the reception. The only exception was two newborn babies (who were being breast fed). Everyone was fine with this and I was amazed at the number of kids that came to the ceremony and then went off with sitters. Quite a few parents said it was nice to have an evening out without their kids!
Basically I think it's up to the bride & groom and I'd try not to take offence. She may feel that if she makes an exception for you, other's will be put out. ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 11 November 2007 at 6:29pm
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while we are on the subject of weddings can i ask a quick question? why do the photos take so long? is it just photos or is there a lot more to it involved?
dont mind me, im just being nosey ....and sorry about the thread jacking
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 11 November 2007 at 6:35pm
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the photos for us took so long because we had them taken from every angle..smiling here, smiling there, etc then with everyone in the family, both sides, groomsmen,..etc..i was soooooooooooo over smiling by the end:)
as for children we had the two that were in the bridal party and 3 others (7,8,10,12,14) but we also had a small wedding so not much chance of the kids running riot or causing problems..I can see it from both sides. :) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 11 November 2007 at 8:46pm
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I definately agree there - and from even just looking and participating in the conversations on NZWP (Nz wedding planner) many many brides go through complete and utter agony over this very issue and feel sooooo bad about it, worried about what people will think, and always end up, not matter how politely and clearly the invites etc are worded about the "no kids please" thing - always have people wanting to add more to the guestlist, bring partners who you don't know and bring their kids "oh, just ours, surely it won't be that bad if it's just little so and so, why won't you make that exception, how mean are you, how rude is that that you don't want them included, they're part of the family.. blah blah blah" it's never ending. - but in the end, it does come down to firstly money, secondly, if you make 1 exception you get all the others getting pissed at you who didn't bring theirs - better to have 1 person annoyed cos you reminded them.. AGAIN at what your invite clearly said, than have goodness knows how many. Most of all though it comes down to making sure that their day is, well.... their day. And why not - mostly people only plan to get married once, it's the day lots of little girls dream of and to have it finally as a reality - why the heck shouldn't they have what they want.
I wouldn't take her, i wouldn't try and sneak her in while they're getting pics - doesn't matter if the bride's not there she'll find out and be just as pissed at you. It's one day/evening.. better to save your wee girl the distress of having to stay good and quiet through the whole thing, or of being picked up from the sitters introduced to heaps of people she doesn't know (scary for a 1 yr old) for half an hour then going through the separation anxiety of going back to sitters and you leaving again, or of being picked up at a time when she's tired and again.. being introduced to peoiple who at that point are not only strangers but probably very drunk strangers at that. Not great for her side of things either. Just something to think on ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Posted By: Mazzy
Date Posted: 11 November 2007 at 8:54pm
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Take lots of photos of your girl, if anyone asks about her you can have a proud mummy moment and show them off
I agree you need to respect the bride's wishes, which it sounds like you are planning to do. I can also see how you feel, it's hard not to be able to include our kids in stuff when they're such a big part of our lives. We specifically requested no kids at our wedding and my cousin still brought her three year old to the ceremony because their babysitter fell through. I didn't care in the end and actually had a nice photo taken with her. Looking back I wish I had invited all the kids, it would have been nice to have them there. Hindsight is a wonderful thing! I am sometimes a bit embarrassed about how caught up I got in the whole wedding circus for our 'big day' and actually think a wedding isn't just about the bride and groom at all, it's about family and friends and sharing a special day together. It's just as important to the parents of the happy couple and the rest of the family, they all play their part and will be a part of your married life together. I think this whole 'big day' pressure we put on weddings causes so much unneccesary stress. Try telling me that a few years ago though!
Sorry for the threadjack! ------------- Mum to two gorgeous girls! |
Posted By: Peace
Date Posted: 12 November 2007 at 1:16pm
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I stipulated for my wedding that no kids to the reception but the ceremony was just fine.
I would never go against anyones wishes on their day, now that I have a child of my own as well as being married. I can understand the anal and unrealistic tension on both sides and a lot of it is compromise. As for your DD not being allowed to meet family, I would think it might be better for another day (30 mins will still piss her off and ruin their day because they are mad and it is their day). People are coming to see a wedding and see the bride and lavish attention on them, let her have a day of her own with them! Maybe you should ring these people (or even talk to them at the reception) that you want to meet Charlotte and tell them that they are welcome to drop by on the way home to visit her or even put on a BBQ breakfast the next day and invite those extra special people. Put the ball in their court because if they really wanted to see her then they would make the effort. ------------- DD1 May 2006 DD2 March 2011 DD3 August 2012 |