cheating husband???
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Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12214
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Topic: cheating husband???
Posted By: kellverona
Subject: cheating husband???
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 1:30am
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What a night.... Im so upset I dont know what to think.... I suspect my husband is cheating and its so fricken hard...
Just found pics and msgs on his phone that suggest he may be but he swears on his sons life he isnt.... Ive got a headache, I feel sick in the gut and just cant believe this is happening...
Gees I hope I am wrong!!
------------- http://pregnancyplanet.net/tickers/"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 1:47am
Firstly big hugs 
It's possible he says he's not cheating because he hasn't done the actual deed - it's funny how guys think. Maybe try and have a chat to him once you are calm and ask him exactly what is going on. Can't think of much else at this time so just big hugs really
ETA: fixing spelling errors. Big hugs again ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Freesia
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 6:11am
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Oh hugs from me too I agree with yummymummy, try and have a talk to him about exactly who the messages are from and what they seem to indicate. Once that thought is in your head, it's hard to shake it unless he is absolutely honest with you. All the best -------------  
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Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 6:40am
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------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: AlyAyde
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 6:52am
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Dont know what to say. I hope you managed to get some sleep. And i hope he is totally honest about the pix and text today. ------------- Jayde 25/12/04 Alyssa 08/04/03 http://Alyayde.bebo.com |
Posted By: susieq
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 7:27am
| Big hugs and I too hope he is totally honest about it when you talk about it |
Posted By: kellverona
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 7:38am
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Hi everyone... I got about an hours sleep last night.... Feel like crap today thats for sure... My friend is coming around this morning Im a mess. Hubby still denys everything and says its totally innocent.. He broke the phone last night trying to retrieve off me so cant read al the msgs.. he reckons hes going to try get them today via bluetooth or something.. The sim card has been bent too... Ive asked for the girls number also... he reckons I can have it if he cant get the numbers... I guess I will see what happens after today.. I so cant imagine life without him in it.. Thought we had the perfect family... I cant stop thinking about poor wee Jaxon if this is all true... Anyway I am getting all worked up and overthinking it and making it worse... Thanks for all your support.. xox
------------- http://pregnancyplanet.net/tickers/">
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Posted By: nictoddie
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 7:47am
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Hunny big hugs to you, glad you have got a friend coming over today to see you , It's hard when your world comes crashing down aye! You'll get through this one way or the other whatever the outcome you have your precious wee boy to think about, If you are going to stay together then maybe some counselling through the family courts would be good you get 6 free. ------------- 
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Posted By: Mama2two
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 7:49am
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Big hugs to you Kellie. I have been in the same position that you are in and I know it totally sucks!!!
My advice is to sit down and talk to your husband and explain to him that he doesn't necessarily have to have done the deed (so to speak) for this to effect you. You may find that things are not as bad as you first thought. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 8:35am
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No matter what the outcome I hope you're ok.
This is my honest outlook on the whole thing, but it's not to say I know for sure about your own situation....I hope for your sake it's not true... One thing I have learned about this kind of thing is that your gut instincts are usually right..Usually there are more signs around cheating than just the texts, and if you have other suspicious things happen which come to mind it will probably all fit into place. I was in the same situation too with my ex...He always tried to hide his mobile and would fight tooth and nail for me not to get it off him. He also denied denied denied!! The other girl also denied at first but couldn't deny it when I caught him at her house!!! (Yes I did lots of digging!). But I had to know for sure and not just end an 8 year relationship on a theory.. |
Posted By: Lissy
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 8:37am
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Men Men Men - Cellphones are so dangerous - Just remember you are a good mum and a good wife. ------------- Harlan Drew DOB: 06.12.06 & Stepmum to Ethan & Christian, DOB: 25.02.99 |
Posted By: ginger
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 8:39am
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For me, I would ask DH to sit down and discuss what's happened. Even if he feels it's nothing, YOU don't and because of that, he should want to address it. Explain to him how you feel, and you want to know what has happened.
I'm really sorry, but if he managed to break his phone getting it off you, then it can't be as innocent as all that, and he obviously knows it, or he'd have just let you see for yourself. Sometimes, the reality of what someone is doing and where it could lead, and the associated huge fright in the face of possible consequences is enough to get life back on track forever. I'm thinking of you, and desperately hope that there is a resolution for you. I'm so sorry you're going through something so awful.------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |
Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 8:47am
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I really hope things get sorted out quickly Kellie and I'm so sorry you're going through this. ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 9:01am
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You will come out this at the other side still in one piece and we will all be here for you no matter how the tunnel looks or the path you have to take.
I hope that you are able to have a sit down with hubby and chat to him and perhaps come to the bottom of this. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Glow
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 9:18am
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Hold your head up high hun- YOU are a beautiful person  ------------- Mummy of Two Boys B: 2004 K: 2007 |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 11:13am
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Awm hun, that completely sux. Whether he has cheated or not, that's a helluva lot for you to go through trying to get to the bottom of it. ...how much effort does it take to break a cellphone?!? Was it the kind of thing that could have easily happened accidentally, or did he put in an effort to bend the SIM card? Cause if he did, ruining his phone must have seemed the better option than having his wife read what was on it. Hugs to you, girl, because whether he has been unfaithful or not, it's not fair on you to have to question it. ------------- Andie |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 11:46am
| big hugs. Ive recently been in a similar situation, its not easy is it. |
Posted By: kellverona
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 12:08pm
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Thanks everyone... You are all so supportive. It helps.. Hubby at work today but wehave talked and he has admitted that he has crossed the line but has not even met this lady as yet. Im still waiting for proof in which he is trying his best to get right at this moment. If its not good I will look at that path if that happens and if it is just the texting etc then we will look at trying with counselling etc and see if we can get over this hurdle but will be the last time. I still cant sleep!!! Need some sleeping tablets... Hoping he comes home this arvo from work to sort this out... Im a bit worried cos part of the text i did read was telling thsi lady he cant wait till the afternoon meaning today and keep up the energy. he says he has a training session on which he cant get out of but Ive asked him to come home . Took a bit of persuading but I think hes going to now since I told him I was feeling a bit insecure about the lady on phone. I dont believe he is actually having an affair , well not in person anyway.. MY hubby just does not seem that type of guy.. We have had a great relationship apart from the sex life since Jaxon arrived, lol but other than that we are happy and he says hes not concerned. I dunno Im starting to look into it a bit more I think... I better wait and see if he can get these texts or give me her number...
------------- http://pregnancyplanet.net/tickers/">
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Posted By: Sarah Beth
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 12:21pm
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sending you big hugs!!!
It is really hard for me to offer any type of advice as I have my own man issues that I have had to deal with. I will say though, my Dad cheated on my mum and I would never have thought he was capable of it (he left my mum for the other women as well), I still can't quite believe it now, and it was 15 years ago. It impacted on me in a very big way and I wont tollerate any sort of infedility and M knows this. I do hope that no matter what happens that you end up happy. Something to help you sleep is a great idea as a tired brain can sometimes be a bit irrational!!! (speaking from experience here to). ------------- "> 
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 12:37pm
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I'm sorry to hear what has happened.. i hope it all works out..but if he was planning on meeting her without telling you 'he cant wait till the afternoon meaning today'
or does that say meaning today? either way he has betrayed your trust and the counselling sounds like a good idea.. as others have said personally I would trust my gut feeling but breaking the phone and 'trying to get the info back' sounds very suspect:( ' i hope it works out for you and your family though..! ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Bubbaloo
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 12:42pm
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Kellie I hope you guys work it out and remember we are here to support no matter what happens. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  Was danni-chick Mum to James My Angel 28/07/08 |
Posted By: Bubbaloo
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 12:43pm
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Kellie I hope you guys work it out and remember we are here to support no matter what happens. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> Was danni-chick Mum to James My Angel 28/07/08 |
Posted By: Bubbaloo
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 12:44pm
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Kellie I hope you guys work it out and remember we are here to support no matter what happens. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> Was danni-chick Mum to James My Angel 28/07/08 |
Posted By: TaylasMum
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 1:12pm
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Big hugs hope everything works out ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Aprilfools
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 1:26pm
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Hugs hugs and more hugs
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Posted By: Bumble
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 1:46pm
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Hugest to you and your son. No matter what decision you make, we will lways be here for ya.
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Posted By: EllenMumof2
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 2:01pm
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-------------  
 
Kalem 6! |
Posted By: kellverona
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 2:08pm
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He just came clean!! Dont know what to do... He just emailed me and told me he is coming clean... and that she is a lady that got his mobile number off his works website and started texting flirty to him and told him he was cute... He text back but reckons he had no intentions on meeting her. he didnt ask for photos apparently and sent them on her own accord. he says he still loves Jaxon and I and doesn not want to lose us. he said he was just curious... Im scared now that it will go further one day if he ever gets that opportunity again.. I dont know what to do... Hes never met her. ------------- http://pregnancyplanet.net/tickers/">
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 2:13pm
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Did you ask him about the can't wait for afternoon bit?
Mate, it sucks. Big hugs to you. I'm glad he has told you what's going on. My red flags would have been risen all the way up with the breaking the cell ph thing. Stay strong chick, I hope things become a bit clearer for you. xxx ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 2:34pm
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yeah its a hard one.. do you believe him?I've been in a similar situation with an ex and I believed him but when we broke up i found out it wasn't true..and really after that i had trouble trusting him.. if it was all true why did he have to be caught out before he told you?:(
as opposed to my husband who got sent a text from a 'friend' a very flirty one..and the first thing he did when he got home was show me the text she sent.. i truly hope he is telling the truth though! ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: MelanieAndBree
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 2:51pm
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Im sorry to hear that aye. All i can say is at least he hasnt even met her and wasnt actually doing anything with this sl*g.
This is why i dont trust males fullstop. ------------- Melanie. Mum to Briahna Robyn, 3yrs |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 2:53pm
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it's not all men! :( there are lots of good ones and there are lots of women who do this stuff too:( ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 2:59pm
| thats a pretty random thing to do though, just start txting someone you see on a website. Why was she on his works website and why would she just start txting him? Seems a bit strange to me but it could just be my suspicious mind. |
Posted By: MelanieAndBree
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 3:04pm
I cant find one. Im not saying woman dont do it too, but im not into chicks am i  ------------- Melanie. Mum to Briahna Robyn, 3yrs |
kawwww wrote:Posted By: Leish
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 3:05pm
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I hope you get to the bottom of all of this. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 3:06pm
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mel..yeah fair enough:) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 3:24pm
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hmmmmmmmm, sorry still sounds suspect to me. Is easy to say he didn't do anything when he has destroyed the evidence.
Sorry but I would be checking everything now, his bank accounts, his wallet for reciepts, his e-mails the whole lot. I would actually demand his wallet off him the minute he gets in. If he has nothing to hide he won't mind. I would also get his phone and take it to a tech to retrieve the messages. If he refuses to allow you to check anything then I think that is a good indication that there is more to it than he is letting on. I also think either way you now need couples counselling to rebuild the trust but to also deal with why he was feeling the need to return someone elses flirtacious texts just to see what would happen. I'm not making excuses for him but he obviously can't be happy to be going down that avenue. ------------- 
 
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Posted By: Sarah Beth
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 3:32pm
I feel teh same, something doesn't sit right with me about the whole thing (but then I have issues, as is evident in my previous post). Also what was he/she looking forward to this afternoon. Was today the day he was going to meet up with her? ------------- ">
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Posted By: Sarah Beth
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 3:35pm
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deleting double post ------------- ">
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Posted By: Sarah Beth
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 3:39pm
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deleting triple post ------------- ">
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Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 3:42pm
Hate to say it but I agree with cuppatea. This 'coming clean' story doesn't seem to sit right. Maybe it is the truth but you need to confirm this either way. I caught my DH in a lie (not cheating thank goodness) and he had a couple of goes of 'coming clean' before I got to the bottom of it. That was hurtful enough so I can't begin to think about what it must be like for you -------------  
 
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 5:08pm
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ok so i am a suspicious person (according to BSDH!!!) so I would do this -
demand he show you the last months cell phone bill (believe me I just saw someones whose DH was cheating for sure and it was up over $500!!!) see if there is repeat pattern to the numbers on it being called! Check out the counselling one way or another I would never put up with a cheat and DH knows he doesnt dareeven think about it....and having been through it himself he knows how bad it would feel! PLUS i would cut off all his bits and feed them to the dogs...do you have dogs??? Ill lend you a couple! 
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 7:03pm
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i agree..i didn't want to say that in case it upset you but he's come clean twice now with different stories..and although you would love to believe him i think he isn't telling the truth..because of the different stories..and because he fought you for the phone and needs to retrieve the msgs which means that he needs time to figure out what to say to you :(
as everyone says we are all here for you !! ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 7:26pm
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I actually disagree with most of the other people on here. I think he is trying to put things right and I know it is possible to get random flirty txts like that. So what I'd be wanting to do is spend some time together (if Jaxon doesn't sleep through, get a babysitter for a night perhaps) discussing what you guys are going to do to get out of the mess etc. Let him come up with suggestions as to breaking off contact, accountability, etc. I reckon any couple that can get through to the other side of this would be far stronger.
Didn't Lizzle recently post a similar kind of story? You might want to PM her for ideas. -------------  |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 8:17pm
| i have pmed her already Teresa!!! hehe |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 8:55pm
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Or me I went through this a few months ago and Liz helped me out. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 13 November 2007 at 9:05pm
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OMG!!! you poor ladies!!!
Personally, If there was nothing in it, why didn't he tell you about it from when she first text you? Rod gets hit on in his job (and he's sooo not brad pitt) and he always tells me straight away, and I can (and do) look at his phone any time I want (I am very suspicious person by nature, been screwed over too many times). Just the fact he went to so much trouble to "break" the phone, then tell you "he" would retrive the texts for you. I personally would be wanting to do that myself and if there is nothing to hide or to have to "explain away" then there will be no problem. We are probably not helping saying this, it's probably what is already going through your head already. Hugs to you ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 14 November 2007 at 10:31am
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Kellie, at the end of the day you'll have to weed through all the stuff he's told you and decide what you think is the most likely scenario. If his story keeps changing, that's a huge red flag though. And if one of them 'couldn't wait till this afternoon', either they had something really exciting happening that they'd told the other person about and needed lots of energy for ------------- Andie |
, or it could be just what it sounds like when you first read it. At the end of the day, no-one will judge you for staying or leaving, regardless of what you do or don't find out when (if) you get to the bottom of the story, 'cause a marriage can be a complicated thing. But remember that you don't deserve to be cheated on or have to worry that it might happen - you've been a loving and devoted wife and a fantastic mum to his son. He might have his reasons for getting flirty with another woman, but that doesn't excuse it in my books.