How to cope?
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12330
Printed Date: 03 October 2025 at 9:20pm
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Topic: How to cope?
Posted By: mum2paris
Subject: How to cope?
Date Posted: 17 November 2007 at 8:27pm
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As having a little bit of a hard time lately, have had it coming up to the EDD this coming wednesday and having a few off days in the past week. I had planned on wednesday to have a day at home, to myself to have a bit of a cry, sort out our special place for baby and in the afternoon we were going to take girls and let them pick a special coloured balloon to be filled with helium, we were going to have 1 each, take them up to a lookout over palmy at the end of the day and let them fly away "to go up to heaven for baby" Paris told me.
It was also going to be a way to try and release and let all the sadness fly away so we can begin to heal. It was going to be a day for us. Sadly, the last week has also been hard as my mums'd dad was dmitted to hospital in wellington, we were dealing with this when on thursday the call came that my other grandad (my dad's dad) had been in new plymouth hospital for a month, was worsening and they were calling the family in. I went, with my sister, after having gone to work yesterday on morning shift (so woke at5.30ish) had been halfway through shift when mike rung to say he was worse.. we had been planning to go thru today however dropped everything, and went. We got there last night late (after my sister tried to drive us to waiouru and we got to hunterville, i realised that this was NOT the way to NP!) We were there for hours, he was briefly talking to us, remembered names and asked about kids etc but then went to sleep. We went back to nanas and got the call at 2 to say it was time but he had passed by the time we got back to NP hosp. We left to come home at 7 am this morning, with no sleep. by the time i managed to get to have a sleep at home i had been up for 30 hours nonstop as none of us could sleep. I am so very sad for my grandad, and for my nana - 60 years of marriage - it so hard to see her realising she's alone. We got a message this arvo telling us they have set the funeral day as.. this Wednesday, which is already going to be so so very hard for me, and was supposed to be a day of healing for our family. How do i cope, when i now know that this day will be a reminder of the sadness of our grandad's funeral as well. And how do we still have that time for ourselves and for our family to heal. I have a feeling that I'm just not going to be able to cope.  ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Replies:
Posted By: Brenna
Date Posted: 17 November 2007 at 8:36pm
So sorry to hear all of this Janine, and I don't know what to say apart from that I'm thinking of you and your family -------------  My beautiful 2 girls...nearly 4 and 13 months
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 17 November 2007 at 8:38pm
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i cant begin to understand how you are feeling...
...so will offer my thoughts/opinions anyway and hope they dont offend in any way... babies dont always arrive on their due date anyway so there would have been no guarantee that sage would have either...so maybe you could set aside a different day to commemorate and you could do your balloon release then ....and surely what better way to release grief than at a funeral. i know for me funerals make me sad and cry for many other reasons and people not just the recently passed. You know you will cope, we always do for our kids, and if you shed a few extra tears no one will think any the less of you, especially your girls. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Bubbaloo
Date Posted: 17 November 2007 at 8:51pm
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Janine sorry don't really know just wanted you to know were thinking of you.
Take care ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  Was danni-chick Mum to James My Angel 28/07/08 |
Posted By: nictoddie
Date Posted: 17 November 2007 at 9:09pm
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I was gonna say the same thing as gandt about sage not coming on the due date and could you make it another day?? So hard tho hun I so know what you are feeling I felt very flat on my due date and did not really know what to say, I think it is just hitting me big time this past week as I have been very short with the kids and really teary plus loads of other stuff going on etc, but this is about you, big hugs you'll get there we always do you might go around the block/mountain a few times but you will get there. Will be thinking about you on Wednesday....... ------------- 
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 17 November 2007 at 9:12pm
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mmm i do hear what you guys are saying and i did think about that fact that i tend to go at 37/38 weeks .. making me realise right now i'd have had a newbie and still be dealing with my grandad's loss and wouldn't have been able to have dropped everything and gone to say goodbye. I had been working up to this date though, as an absolute end day, the end of things. I couldn't do it another day, it's not right, it's something i've been working up to for the past 7mths ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: Brenna
Date Posted: 17 November 2007 at 9:17pm
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I'd be the same way Janine. Could you take the girls to choose the balloons the day before then possibly let them go first thing in the morning or later in the day? I hope there's someway you can fit both things in ------------- My beautiful 2 girls...nearly 4 and 13 months
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 17 November 2007 at 9:21pm
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well then maybe if you want to make it an end you could do something special in the morning before you go...or if you have to travel to get to the funeral could you do something on the way?
and maybe the fact that your EDD and grandads funeral is on the same day has some significance?! You do know tho dont you that there is never going to be "an end". sage will always be with you and a part of you and not something you can ever finish with. and the healing will take place when each individual is ready not when you decide.(sorry that may come across as sounding harsh but its not meant to). and even if you had decided that that day would be the day it might not work out that way... ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 17 November 2007 at 9:28pm
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yep totally get what you mean.. didn't mean it as end of thinking about it again.. just, as a hopeful turning point in getting on and getting over. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 17 November 2007 at 9:33pm
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I was really close to my grandfather and when he died my heart broke, so I can understand how you feel about that. Hopefully we can help somehow. I know you said that baby Sage is in heaven and you wanted to release the balloons to commemorate baby - but you can also think that now Sage also has a great-grandfather up there to look after him/her.
hugs to you and your family! |
Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 17 November 2007 at 10:55pm
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------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: meow
Date Posted: 18 November 2007 at 6:57am
This is my feeling too. That there is some significance about the funeral being on the day you chose. Hugs and thinking of you at this difficult time. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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lizzle wrote:Posted By: Glow
Date Posted: 18 November 2007 at 8:27am
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Sorry to hear of your loss ------------- Mummy of Two Boys B: 2004 K: 2007 |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 18 November 2007 at 9:23am
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Aw that is really really sad timing for you, Janine. I'm guessing that the funeral isn't in Palmy so you'll be travelling on or before the day? Hmmmm... still seems do-able to do at least the balloons, but I get what you mean about this not being a special day for you and your family to heal now... far out I feel for you! You're a strong person, and even if you do just need to go and lose the plot for a moment or 2 on the day, it's all part of grieving, and it's still 'coping'. Big hugs to you... ------------- Andie |
Posted By: mum2emj
Date Posted: 18 November 2007 at 9:29am
what you had planned for wednesday is sooo beautiful and my extra sensitive emotions made me all teary then reading on and im a right mess! hugest cyber hugs to you. im so sorry to hear about your grandads passing 
thoughts are with you |
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 18 November 2007 at 9:41am
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oh janine!
i hope you get some time to yourselves on wednesday and release the balloons, i'll definately be thinking of you! i agree, sage and your granddad are together now so that's got to be a comforting thought take care hun.....and as andie said, if you do lose it for a while, does it really matter? we are all entitled to greive however way we need to ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 18 November 2007 at 12:55pm
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To you Janine! ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: Faraway
Date Posted: 18 November 2007 at 4:09pm
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Aww Janine I'm sorry to hear about your Grandad. Hopefully you'll take some comfort to know Sage has her great-grandad with her...
I'm sorry I can't offer you any further help with coping but know that you will find a way. Big ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 22 November 2007 at 7:28pm
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big hugs Janine! How did everything go yesterday? Hope you are doing ok... ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |