Could it get any worse..
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Topic: Could it get any worse..
Posted By: MissCandice
Subject: Could it get any worse..
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 11:51am
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. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Replies:
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 12:01pm
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Don't be scared Kandice. I've had a bit of experience with CYFS from several different angles, I was in CYFS care for a while as a kid, have been involved with them from a parents perspective with my DSD and also making a notification about a child I was concerned about a few years ago (altho in that case the child's school had already made a notification).
They won't take Kylah away from you without good reason, their main objective is to support you and your family to make it the best possible environment for Kylah. They have resources etc. to help you, they may be able to arrange couples counselling for you and DP if that's something you are interested in, and they have access to other community agencies like Family Start to help you out as well. The only reason they would take Kylah away is if they believe she isn't safe, and even then there is a whole process that has to be followed (believe me, we couldn't MAKE them take DSD away and it wasn't for lack of trying!), and it really is a last resort. Let us know how it goes this afternoon, will be thinking of you! -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 12:17pm
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domestic violence is a term they use - but it does include psychological abuse which is often far worse than being hit...
Domestic violence (sometimes referred to as domestic abuse) occurs when a family member, partner or ex-partner attempts to physically or psychologically dominate another. Domestic violence often refers to violence between spouses, but can also include cohabitants and non-married intimate partners. The term "intimate partner violence" (IPV) is often used synonymously. Other terms include wife or husband beating, battering, "relationship violence", "domestic abuse", and "spousal abuse".[1] Family violence is a broader definition, often used to include child abuse, elder abuse, and other violent acts between family members.[2] I hope you get some help out of all of this - someone is obviously concerned abot you and / or baby - many of us on here think you need to get out of this relationship and have told you this in your thread a few weeks ago. |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 12:17pm
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. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 12:23pm
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I think you should tell them everything that is happening and take the help that they provide. From what Emma has said it doesn't sound like they are there to "take children away". Perhaps they can provide relationship counselling etc for you. Your relationship issues may be kept seperate from Kylah at the moment but it won't be long before she is picking up on it even if its not in front of her.
I think you should see this as an opportunity to take control of the situation and resolve it. Is your DF going to be there when they come round? does he know about it? ------------- 
 
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Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 12:26pm
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. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 12:55pm
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they won't twist it...from my experience with them(work ) they have been really good ..listening and getting help where needed.. it's really unusual for them to take the child away ..so don't worry about that..
some of the stuff he does like you said bout pulling pants down to confirm not cheating and some of the other horrible stuff he does to you really does need to stop:( as PP said even if it's not in front of Kylah she will still pick up on it soon.. if it were me.. I would tell them everything or seek help on my own.. because the situation at the moment is really awful for you all:( ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 1:04pm
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He hasnt done that in a REALLY long time and it was a one off.. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: ShellandBella
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 1:09pm
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Yeah, but he shouldn't have done that at all, it shows he has no respect for you... ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 1:23pm
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.it doesn't get any better though(he's done a lot of things recently that are disrespectful and not things you should have to put up with)..it tends to get worse unless things get done:( ! Now I'm not condoning whoever told CYFS.. (just in case you thought i was) I can totally understand how much it freaks you out! ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 1:41pm
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Hun, I'm guessing you're already talking to them now, so this is a bit late, sorry (well, more likely you're waiting for the social worker who is and always will be late!! ha ha). I used to work for them (and no, wasn't me that made the notification - I'd have talked to you about it if I had) - but all I can say is be honest, be yourself, and you'll be OK. Please don't panic about Kylah being taken away - a baby has to be in severe danger for that to happen and from what you've said, I don't think that Kylah would fall into that category in your care. I do worry about you though and even though you love your DF so much, I don't think he is often loving towards you and you're such a fabulous person who deserves respect and to be absolutely treasured by her partner. You can ask the social worker to tell you what is in the notification, they are very unlikely to be able to tell you where it came from, but knowing what the concerns that were raised in it are helps you to know where CYFS are coming from with the sorts of questions they'll be asking. They get so many of these and see all sorts of things, so try not to worry about being 'judged', even though it might feel like that's what's happening - the social worker just has a job to do, and the more questions they ask the better they understand the situation. The social worker is there to stand up for Kylah, and you always want what's best for Kylah too, so while I know it sounds weird and you're feeling nervous about it, they're there to help you do right by your daughter and yourself, and you might find that they end up hooking you up with some support that you may appreciate. I'll be thinking of you! And hey - if your meeting with them today doesn't go so well, like you forget to say things you wanted to, or want to clarify something, just ring 0508 FAMILY and ask for the social worker you met or leave them a message on their voicemail. It's a heck of a lot easier than stewing over it all night! ------------- Andie |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 1:43pm
They won't twist it. You NEED to tell them everything, as you need to get some help. They will set up up with some family councelling,maybe?? YOU deserve a loving home for you and your daughter. The fact that you don't want to "tell them everything" suggests that maybe you are making excuses for behaviour, or blaming some of his behaviour on yourself, or there is something you would prefer to hide from people. They are there to HELP not to whip your babies away form you!! Unless there is very defiantely some problems with the safety of your Bubbs, there is no way they will tke her away, as the best place for kids is usually with their mums! Big hugs to you. You are sooo worth more than you think you are. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
KylahsMum wrote:Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 1:46pm
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oooh and it wasn't me, either. Also, maybe you need to talk to them on your own? You will be more honest and more like yourself if he isn't there?
Hun, I know you love him, but you deserve to be treasured... ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Bubbaloo
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 2:02pm
 Kandice but like the others have said you have to be completely honest with they are there to help they rather help the parents work through things than take the kids as I think Emma said it is a last resort.
Let us know how you get on take care. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  Was danni-chick Mum to James My Angel 28/07/08 |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 2:04pm
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OK, so i had the meeting with them and i am HUGELY dissapointed to find that whoever rang in and made the complaint has given them every detail that i wrote on my last post about my life and how it was time to move on.
I thought this forum was for support not for people to go and ring child youth and family on what i have spoke about. As i said the stuff about DF accusing me of cheating and telling me to do the things mentioned was A LONG TIME ago, and considering i told NOONE but you guys in that post i know exactly where the complaint has come from. I really liked this forum and found it really helpful and thought the support you guys have given me was great but i no longer feel that i can post on here and find support when i do need it as it has now made life A WHOLE lot worse for me. I dont know what to say. But cheers aye. I feel even more upset now because i thought i had found some friends in this forum.. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 2:09pm
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Hey Kandice, I am sorry that it was someone from on here that made the report, I can understand why you would no longer want to post on here.
And you have made friends on here, its only one person who has made the report. Did you get anything useful out of the visit? -------------
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Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 2:13pm
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OH... that is awkward! I think that whoever it was who made the notification did so because they were worried for you guys though - I don't know who it was so I'm just speculating. But even though it seems sneaky and all, it was most likely a caring thing for them to do, rather than a back-stabbing attack. I really hope you don't quit this forum now, because I really value having you here and I'd miss you, and there's tons of people here who care about you and enjoy your on-line company! ------------- Andie |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 2:16pm
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I just cant believe they would do that! I mean she read out that whole post! I felt really embarrassed and it wasnt very nice actually i feel really betrayed!! i wrote that so i could clear my chest and move on with life and make things a better place for everyone involved in my life and now it has been thrown back in my face but a whole lot worse than what it was! Lets just say i wont ever make that mistake again! ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: susieq
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 2:18pm
| It wasnt me bug hugs and as the others have said you are a good mum |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 2:19pm
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that is awful..a real betrayal of trust:( ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Aprilfools
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 2:20pm
| I am absolutely stunned! I am really sorry that you now feel like you're support network has been taking away from you as I think everyone needs somewhere to let things out although I can understand why you would now feel that way. I really hope that things will only get better for you from here on in. |
Posted By: Bubbaloo
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 2:31pm
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Like I said in my PM it's a real shame that someone has betrayed your trust. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> Was danni-chick Mum to James My Angel 28/07/08 |
Posted By: mummy_dee
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 2:58pm
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oh that's awful, I understand that whoever did it may have done it out of concern, but that is a huge trust to break. I think it may even put other people off posting their problems here.
Just a query - can non-members view the forums? ------------- Daphne Married Stuart: 19/03/05 Oliver: 9/06/06 Lilia due: 19/03/08 http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 3:02pm
hhhhhmmmmm im now wondering the same thing!!! 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 3:05pm
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I'm not sure, but you can be a member and not post. There has been a few issues in the time I have been on here involving lurkers telling others about things people have posted, so it could be that? ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: SuziE
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 3:06pm
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You dont have to be logged it to view all the boards except for the photos. This makes it a public website, which anyone can view, which is something to take into consideration when posting .....
------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 3:07pm
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They also brought up a post from the pregnancy thread that i posted about 6 months ago..? So i very much dought that it was a non menber.
But thanks to those who have helped.. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 3:07pm
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thats horrible, sorry to hear that. bit scary when we tell each other things on here, you dont expect it to be thrown in your face like that.
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Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 3:10pm
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I just should never have posted it.. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 3:13pm
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no you were right in posting it.. you needed to vent and you should be able to trust that people won't do that:( man I'd be so wild if it were me:( !
as far as viewing without posting definitely..i couldn't log in the last few days but i could still read everything on every board except photos.. ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: ShellandBella
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 3:23pm
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hmmmmmmm, it certainly brings up some major privacy issues...I'm sure everyone would agree, that what we write is private and not to be repeated to all and sundry. I'm really sorry that someone has betrayed you like this Kandice. Big to you. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 3:25pm
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I've had issues with people in real life finding things I've said on here and telling other people too, I had no idea until someone (who has no reason to be on here) mentioned word for word what I'd written. Now I am a lot more careful about what I write!
I'm really sorry this has happened to you chick, you don't deserve it. You're a good mum and obviously love your girl to bits. ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 3:37pm
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Noone i know goes on here or even know it exists.. my family dont use the internet and i dont know anyone else.. I just didnt think someone could be so mean, i mean dont they think iv been through enough! I havent stopped crying since.. it was so horrible, they even said i was suicidal and they asked if i had mental health issues, i felt so yuk, horrible, and it was just horrible i cant even put it in words, im trying to work thru our issues and DF is is trying really hard, and now this. It was like we took one step forward and now we have gone 2 steps back! ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: SuziE
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 3:39pm
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Kylasmum its a real bugger this has happened to you ... Ive seen it happen on other message boards as well ...
This is a great website .. its a place where you can ask the any question .. however intimate ... however TMI, and you know you will get support ... it would be a shame for people to think that they couldnt ask these questions for fear of retrubution ... Also ... alot of people basically document their day to day lives of themselves and their children on here ... Maybe because of the nature of this website and the fact that, IMO, pregnancy and all that goes with it, is a very personal thing, ohbaby should look at making the forums secure ...  ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 3:43pm
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Oh Kandice that really sucks to have something you just wanted to get off your chest go and be told to CYFS. Thats not nice, but I can it from both points yours and the person that has done it. Your side: p!ssed that someone has betrayed you like that, and they other person that is cares enough about you to get you some help. You would be surprised who does read these boards without actually being a member, I found out that a friend of mine has read things that I have written on here, nothing bad I think it made her more uncomfortable with the TMI stuff. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 4:06pm
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I would be VERY careful how much personal information you post. You don't no how many weirdos there are out in cyber land. Edit - I am sorry to hear that someone has done this to you
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Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 4:13pm
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Oh Kandice I am REALLY sorry to hear someone has taken your post to CYFS!! I would never have thought someone would go that far. I never thought you were in danger & that DF was physically abusing you. What a horrible feeling that must have been! And now they'll have you in their database!! I hope it comes out to be a postive though.
Yeah these forums you can publicly view AND anyone can join up without giving any info about themselves. So you do need to be careful about how much info you post on yourself. Hugs hun, I know this is certainly something you DON'T need right now!------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: BellaBoo
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 4:25pm
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Wow, Hugs to you
I think you are a great mum and I really enjoy your input on these boards (especially your photos as Kylah is super cute). I can only imagine how you feel right now as if I was in that position I would be upset too. As hard as it may be whoever contacted CYPS may have thought they had yours and Kylahs best interest at heart. I have read many of your posts and often think that your DH takes you for granted and that you deserve much better as you sound like a lovely person and a great mum. I have been in a relationship with a guy who I loved very much but really was not treating me well. It was so hard to leave and I felt regret for a while after but as time went on, my heart healed and I realised that I did the absolute best thing. Now I am with a wonderful man who treats me soooo well and couldnt be happier. You deserve to be happy aswell! Just a thought, how would someone on here know where you live to report you? Maybe someone you know has been reading your posts? I really feel for you in this horrible position and just want you to know that you have so many people on here supporting you.
Edited to correct my crap spelling and grammer! ------------- http://lilypie.com">   http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 4:30pm
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I know a few people on here know my address.. All they need is my name, and Kylahs name and they can find me. How can the person that done it think it was going to make things better when they told CYFS that DF physically abuses me? If he wasnt so understanding then it could have taken a turn for the worst.. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: BellaBoo
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 4:34pm
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sorry, didnt realise they said that. It really is a wake up call that anyone can read our posts. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 4:44pm
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Wow, I am stunned. I was just sitting here reading thru this and trying to work out how someone on here would know your address?
I too am sorry this has happened to you, I can completely understand your hurt and frustration at this happening to you. You have the most gorgy daughter and I too can tell from your posts that you are a fantastic loving, devoted mummy. You are also special because you were one of the first people that welcomed me into the July/August mummy's thread (even though I'm a Sept mummy)...so I thank you for that. You are going to be ok; you and DP will work through this and will come out better for it... Hugs to you... ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: Glow
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 5:01pm
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Life is a bed of roses, just watch for the pricks!!!
Sorry to hear you are having to go through all this unnecessary drama ontop of what issues you already have. Something similar happened to me a few months back, where the cops come round to talk to me about drugs, gangs & violence LOL yep little ol me the crim. And it all went back to a post on here that id written.. MEH. I also have had posts deleted because it offends some people LOL. Yep- watch out love, i dont know if they think they are helping or WHAT T F!! Just remember, very boring people are always lurking, waiting to pounce & stir some trouble  Sad it had to be you ------------- Mummy of Two Boys B: 2004 K: 2007 |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 5:12pm
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sorry you had that experience Kandice. i agree that I think the person who rang CYPS was trying to help - although I can see how you would see it in another light as well. I would be horrified if anyone told people some of the things I was saying sometimes - gulp in-laws.
I hope this doesn't stop you rteaching out when you do need someone, cause all of us do need help sometimes and I also know that Oh baby members have been great for me when i need them aaahh rambling now |
Posted By: AnnieB
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 5:13pm
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Im stunned too! How could someone do that! I know everyone can see your posts, but this fourm is meant to be about other mums and dads who you can talk to, get advice, support ect. I so very sorry that this has happend to you, from your post you seem like a great mum and person. Hopefully some one might admit to it? would;nt get our hopes up tho.
If you ever need to talk jsut flick me a PM ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 5:34pm
oh man! now im grossed out that ANYONE!! can come on here for a nosey!!! 
I definately think that OB should become a secured sight!!
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Posted By: ginger
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 5:53pm
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Oh Kandice, that's terrible. I'm so sorry ------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |
Posted By: ShellandBella
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 5:56pm
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Was just talking to my DH and he said there are people called "internet detectives" who frequent online forums (could be anyone) who have advanced computer knowledge and use information to contact the authorities about illegal activity/suspicious behaviour (some are genuinely worried whereas others just get their kicks from doing this) so whoever's done this isn't necessararily someone you know. Because its a public forum, anyone can view information and use it how they please, which is why you have to be careful about what you post. But I agree, perhaps the security of this site needs to be looked at...? ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 8:17pm
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Whew, have just read thru this thread and I do have a few things to add. Will do two separate posts, one from my Admin perspective, and one from plain old me...
Admin says: 1) Yes, anyone can access the forums without being a member, and without being logged in. The only board that is secured is the Photo Gallery. We have, in the past, looked at making the boards Members Only, but decided not to for two reasons. Firstly, so that people who might not neccessarily want to join a forum, but have questions about their pregnancy, baby, toddler etc. can access all of the great advice that is shared here, and secondly because making them Members Only wouldn't make them secure neccessarily. Anyone who wanted to could create a membership using false details and in doing so gain access to the forums. We have a current database of 9,500 members and unfortunately we don't have time to check the registration details of all of them. 2)ShellandBella is right, these boards, and other local boards, are regularly monitored by an external source to ensure the safety and wellbeing of all of our members. One recent example of this in action is the guy in Whakatane who holed himself up from the Police and spent the time posting a blog of sorts on the Trade Me message boards. 3) We are legally obliged to notify the relevant authorities if we feel that one of our members and/or their children might be in danger for any reason. To date we have only had to do that once, and I had communication with the person concerned to explain why we did what we did, it was purely in the interests of ensuring that her and her children were safe. It wasn't us that made the notification in this instance. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: BSDH
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 8:18pm
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Oh Get real it's the internet if your going to post stuff on here that you don't want people to find out about then don't post on here this can be read by any one at any time.
You all need to pull your heads out of the sand. this maybe a place to vent but think about what personal infromation you are putting up there ------------- *Act your shoe size once in a while!!!* http://www.baby-gaga.com/"> 
I love my wee girl - Gabriella |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 8:23pm
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Oky doky, and plain old me says...
Even tho these forums are public, and therefore not really secure, I think there is definitely an implication of trust, I know I certainly share things here that I wouldn't neccessarily share with anyone else, altho I am in the unique position of being very public on the boards because of my admin role so I guess I post in the knowledge that people can and do read it and make judgements. I think the important thing here Kandice is that you feel (or felt) that OHbaby! is a safe place to vent, and I sooo want it to still be that way for you. I'd like to think that whoever it was that made the notification had no malice or mean intent, but rather had yours, and Kylah's, best interests at heart. I know it's hard, as I've said I've been involved with CYFS from a parents perspective with DSD, but try not to feel as if they are judging you. If you can, maybe look at this as an opportunity to either strengthen your relationship using the resources they can offer so that you and DH and Kylah can move forward as a family, or else to use the resources they can offer to help start a new life for you and Kylah if that's the decision that you and DH come to. I know this all seems overwhelming at the moment, but trust me, it WILL get easier. Sometimes when you're in a really tough place it's impossible to see the way out, but you have all of us here supporting you thru all the way. Big hugs, Emma ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 8:27pm
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Thanks guys. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: BSDH
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 8:43pm
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I'm sorry but all I can say is pull ya socks all the way up hold your chin high and learn from this experance..
1) That there are people out there who care about you whether they know you personaly or through a web site like this where you all chat about different things. 2) This has or did give you a oppertunity (sp) to fix/clear the air or show you that there are other opitions for you be what ever may 3) Or That some one really cared enough about you and your wee one to do someting about it.People say we are all to complacent these day's and if they hadn't spoken up for you how do you think they would feel if things didn't work out for you and matters got worse and they hadn't said something to someone??? All that matters now is tha things are ok and CYPS had been/are there for you IF you need them..... ------------- *Act your shoe size once in a while!!!* http://www.baby-gaga.com/">
I love my wee girl - Gabriella |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 8:57pm
Yep true, we all need to remember its public and anyone can see what we are writing but I think your a bit harsh in the way you say it. For some of us this is like a little circle of friends and I can see how Kandice feels like she has been stabbed in the back. Lots of us have been on here for a while and feel like we can trust each other. Secondly if I thought someone was in danger or a child was in danger I would have no hesitation in reporting it to which ever authority and maybe I didnt read all the threads Kandice started but from what I saw it was someone who needed to vent and yeah probably get out of a bad relationship but I didnt think it was bad enough that bubs was at risk unless I missed something. Bring on an OB chat room!!!! |
Posted By: Leish
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 8:59pm
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Oh Kandice I'm so sorry that your going through this (all this) at the moment. Hugs and thinking of you. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: BSDH
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 9:09pm
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Well I guess who ever did thought it was bad enough to say something don't knock them for that.
And beleive me that wasn't harsh from me that was the soft approach. I don't mince my words and I say what I think I'm sorry if I offened anyone but I rewrote that 4 times to read the way it did so it was harsher 3 times before ------------- *Act your shoe size once in a while!!!* http://www.baby-gaga.com/">
I love my wee girl - Gabriella |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 9:13pm
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Bloody hell!!!! (can I say that??). I am gobsmacked at this and have actually sat here and read all 3 pages!! I guess it does bring up some issues and it is hard to form relationships on here whilst remaining anonymous. I agree with what the others say and think the person who reported this was only looking out for you but I also read your posts and could see you were mainly venting!!
Big hugs and hope it works out good for you. |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 9:28pm
I think she had already realised this without it being shoved in her face. I also think the nature of the website is not such that personal information is kept private. Afterall most people know each others first names, we have the introductions thread etc and not to mention that lots of us meet IRL. It is unrealistic to use the site and remain anonymous. I also like the fact that anything can be said without reprisal. Although i do also understand that whoever laid the complaint thought that they were doing the right thing, unfortunately I believe it was a dangerous gamble as it could have made things a lot worse and I think that people will be reluctant to share their feelings/problems etc on here because of this which is a real shame for all of us. -------------
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 9:33pm
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weather it was the right or wrong to do it doesnt mean she is gonna feel good about it. How would you feel if you thought you had said something when you were in need and then have this sort of thing happened. She reached out when she needed help and felt like she could trust us and its sad that this has happened.
It was a harsh post and do you really think its helping the situation. as cuppatea said she doesnt need it shoved in her face she needs support, be it from us or CYPS. |
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 9:48pm
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WTF!!!!!
kandice hun i'm so sorry!! please don't feel you have to back away from us now because someone has done this! yes, they were obviously worried about you and kylah, but i think they have really gone about things the wrong way!!! it's a complete mis-use of trust and i am disgusted...they could've approached you first about how worried they were and how they were feeling about your situation before they went calling the authorities!!!! keep your chin up hun.....you are an awesome mum! i've seen you with kylah and it's obvious you adore her, don't doubt yourself 
i hope the meeting did bring some postitive things too....where to from here? are you and DP getting some therapy? ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Leish
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 9:51pm
Thank you!! I've been trying to write a post to this effect for the last half hour but couldn't make it sound right I would have appreciated if someone was so worried about my situation that they would have told me before going to CYFS about it.
------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 10:14pm
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I totally agree with Jack&charlie and Leish. If that concerned please consult the person first for the full facts I am still shocked at the fact that they had your posts Big hugs Kandice ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 23 November 2007 at 11:38pm
------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 24 November 2007 at 12:06am
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I can see both sides of this. I totally understand that you feel betrayed, although this is a public place it does have an intimate feeling. It is easy to forget that anyone can read these posts and do with them what they will! Its a shame that people may now not feel comfortable to say some things but it is probably a bit of a reminder to us all about watching what we say.
I can also see why someone was concerned enough to want to take action. I know you say that the relationship isn't violent but it was very apparent to me that it is only a matter of time before it is if you guys don't get some serious help. Its an extremely abusive relationship- just because you aren't being hit doesn't mean the damage is any less. Kylah may be young but she will already be picking up on these vibes. I think there a 2 positive things you can take out of this. Someone cared enough to do something. It may not have been the best way to go about it (I agree that they should have talked to you first) but someone out there is thinking solely of Kylah and her well being. Plus you also now have access to some help. Why not make the most of a bad situation? I can't imagine what you must be going through- that would be an absolutely terrifying situation to be in ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3 
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Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 24 November 2007 at 12:48am
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Wow im totally astounded at what I just read, I haven't been following your original posts KylahsMum (Sorry if spelling is wrong there) ...Have only just started posting on this site and now reading these 4 pages of this thread has kinda put me off i must admit!
Internet is never safe, ya never know who you are speaking with or what their intentions are. I think this incident (well at least for me reading this thread) has made me realise this! Argh! You poor thing, good luck, from the sounds of it you are a GREAT Mum ...I can't comment on your relationship or partner, all I got out of this thread was something about taking down pants? ....That part was enough to make my blood boil. But as it stands I am anti-male at present so I won't comment. Just remember at the end of the day the safety and wellbeing of both you and your child are whats most important. And if your partner ever compromises that, then you have to rethink your situation and do whats best for the both of you. Good luck with everything and im extremely sorry to hear about whats happened. Eeek not sure if I want to continue posting now. Bubs father could be watching this site to read about his son and I'd have no idea. (okay sounds very insignificant in comparison to whats going on here) ...but so true. We don't know who is reading this!!!! ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 24 November 2007 at 8:39am
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well i shouldnt but i will...
i agree with BSDH's first post.... (may that be the last time i ever say that!!!
i dont think - just a gut feeling - that it was anyone from the boards who complained. anyone can read this and print it out or do anything they want with it. For all we know CYFs regularly read the boards - along with other parenting sites - to check the wellbeing of our kids. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 24 November 2007 at 8:50am
That's exactly what my DH said. Makes sense that they would check these places. -------------
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 24 November 2007 at 9:21am
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yes and no ..makes sense they would check them but how..unless they have read every post do they not take things out of context? ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 24 November 2007 at 9:24am
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That really sucks that this has happened. I hadn't checked in here so only just found out.
I see both sides as well....I do get that this is a public forum etc etc etc...but as someone who has also had posts quoted back to others by someone who is not a memeber it is sodding creepy! (thankfully nothing as serious as your situation but creepy none the less). I totally understand that OB has an obligation to report in instances where it is necessary but it would be nice to make the site at least secure enough to stop lurkers. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 24 November 2007 at 9:35am
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Erm, I can't imagine anyone being paid to read through all these message boards in search of more work for CYFS to do - they're already overloaded and chronically understaffed, it's not like they're out looking for more work, the work comes to them. That said, I could be wrong, but I sure don't remember anyone having that job there! Maybe the air could be cleared if the person who made the notification contacted Kandice privately and fessed up to it? Then they could explain their thinking on why they called CYFS, and maybe that could help the situation? For future reference guys, if you're ever worried enough about a child to make a notification, it really does run a heck of a lot smoother if you talk to the parents first - even if you still decide to go ahead and notify, at least they won't have the added stress of suspecting everyone they know. They might hate you for it, they might thank you for it later, who knows? But if you really do feel that you're doing the right thing for a child, what does it matter if someone hates you for that? It's still less awkward than them suspecting you all along! IMO, the only reason to make an anonymous notification is if you genuinely fear for your family's safety if the person knew if was you - and that's pretty rare, especially for people who know each-other via a message board! More often we just fear the confrontation. ------------- Andie |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 24 November 2007 at 10:02am
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Cant they put filters in place where they just check for key words or something (well thats what they do on the movies anyway!) could have been picked up that way.
And just for the record I do get what BSDH said and agree, I just dont like the way it was said. |
Posted By: Aprilfools
Date Posted: 24 November 2007 at 10:41am
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I get what BSDH said too and agree but yes the way it was said was a bit more than not mincing words. Some of us just want to offer support to someone who's having a bad patch.
Yes 'they' can and do put filters on the internet that search for key things but whether or not that has happened in this case...... who knows. The internet is not a private place. I can understand people being upset at authorities being contacted but I also wouldn't want to discourage a person from speaking up if they are concerned and see a need for someone to step in. Too many things go ignored until the worst case scenario happens. Not implying that would have been the case this time but it is better to over react and find everything is okay than to just leave things and find out too late that they actually weren't okay. Some people will address these things from an anonymous perspective and some will do it face to face. These choices are available because at the end of the day all that matters is the safety and positive outcome of those involved. I think this is probably a very hard time for Kylahsmum and her DF but regardless of how it came about I genuinely want to wish them the best and hope that one way or another they sort the issues they have and move on to happier times. |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 24 November 2007 at 10:49am
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I think what is possibly more upsetting is that IF it was a forum member they did not approach Kylahsmum privately first.
I agree that hopefully this can be sorted and there will be a positive outcome! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 24 November 2007 at 12:30pm
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yet another reminder of why we all need to be so darn careful with what is said. I was thinkign about writting a post's about smacking, but quickly changing my mind. I think what has happen is awful. Hmmmm Me think I might be a littel more careful in future too many people know me. ------------- Deborah Mum to:   
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 24 November 2007 at 1:10pm
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I dont even think her posts warant calling cfys anyway. Kandice sounds like shes working out her problems and they had nothing to do with Kylah. Its some peoples attitudes on this forum that have made me find a different one where peopl are a bit more understanding. I'm not just talking about this subject either. Obviously someone has too much time on their hands.
I hope the person that did it feels really stupid, i bet we could all find something they aren't doing right. |
Posted By: Peace
Date Posted: 24 November 2007 at 1:32pm
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What a scary thing to have happen and even worse is the effects of one person doing this is not confined to yourself it will be ringing around the forum: "We have a snitch amongst us".
I am very aware of what I write and you have just given me another good reason to tone down posting. What a crap thing to do to someone! ------------- DD1 May 2006 DD2 March 2011 DD3 August 2012 |
Posted By: Mazzy
Date Posted: 24 November 2007 at 2:08pm
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I can see both sides on this. Kandice, I'm really sorry this has happened to you, it must feel horrible and a betrayal of trust in an online community that shares so much. I hope the end result is a positive one for you and your family (in the long term - because I know it doesn't feel so good now).
However, I also agree that this is a public forum, anyone could have read the post and then searched for your other posts from earlier etc. It's open to everyone, and I don't necessarily think it was a forum member. If it was, I'm sure they acted out of concern for you and your family, and are probably feeling quite stink right now. Hopefully they will contact you privately to let you know what happened and why. In a more general sense, this is the internet, it's not private. I know it's a community and it can be hard to remember when we have such great conversations and share so much, but whatever we post here is open for public viewing. I agree that it is everyone's personal responsibility to protect our own privacy here (Kandice, that's a general statement, not aimed at you - I know I've posted stuff before and regretted it later too). ------------- Mum to two gorgeous girls! |
Posted By: Lissy
Date Posted: 24 November 2007 at 8:31pm
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Hey Kandice, Just wanted to check up and make sure you were ok after we talked. We are there for you, but just pm, or ring us if you need to talk. Thinking of you - remember you are a GOOD mum and you are a GOOD person. xxxx ------------- Harlan Drew DOB: 06.12.06 & Stepmum to Ethan & Christian, DOB: 25.02.99 |
Posted By: susieq
Date Posted: 26 November 2007 at 11:06am
| Yes Kandice don't forget you are a good mum , your baby is a little cutie too big hugs |