He’s scared.. what can I do?
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Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
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Topic: He’s scared.. what can I do?
Posted By: kebakat
Subject: He’s scared.. what can I do?
Date Posted: 26 November 2007 at 11:25am
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Daniel is terrified of kiddies now..
My friend and her 15 month old came over to my house for a playdate last week. Ella came up to Daniel and screamed really loud at him. This naturally freaked him out, scared him and made him cry lots. Everytime she came near him he would scream blue murder (lots and lots of tears!) Just before they were about to leave, he had finally calmed down and my friend brang Ella over to say goodbye "nicely" to Daniel and she reached out really quickly and yanked his hair (hair came out). Neither of us were quick enough to stop her. And again he screamed. All that afternoon he didn't wanna be away from me (can't blame him he was really scared). So now as a result anytime a kid comes near him he screams this horrible terrified scream and just grips really tight to me trying to get away from them. We went to the pool this morning, he was fine with watching the kids play on the other side of the toddler pool but when they came close (about 2m away) he started screaming.. How can I teach him that he's not going to be hurt by all kiddies? It's really hard to watch him be absolutely terrified by kids. I know its something that is gonna take a bit of time for him to get over but is there anything you guys can think of that I can do to help him. I won't let kiddies come near him now unless hes in my arms, just so he has that bit of security. |
Replies:
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 26 November 2007 at 11:39am
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Whats he like around other babies? Do you go to a regular coffee group or playgroup?
I started going to a weekly playgroup with Jack at around 7 months and he loved being around all the other babies. I can't remember him around older kids but I'd say your doing the right thing by holding him if they come near. Maybe go to places where they will be but don't let them come to close for a while. Once he starts crawling he might get all interested in older kids. You can't really trust that a toddler won't hurt him so just build him up slowly. At the end of the day it doesn't really matter if he doesn't like older kids because soon enough he will become really fascinated by them and they won't like him lol. |
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 26 November 2007 at 11:42am
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Oh poor little man. What did your friend do when her daughter did that to him?
Do you have any friends that have children who are around the same age as him or perhaps a little bit older that he could play with? Maybe start with small babies and then slowly work up to seeing bigger kids. I hope he comes right soon, it must have been horrible for him to have someone scream at him like that... they are so sensitive at that age; and of course he won't understand just yet. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 26 November 2007 at 12:23pm
He's still very timid around other babies too. I don't go to playgroup, I simply don't have the time between looking after Daniel, running a business and doing stuff for my parents business 
My friend didn't do much after Ella did that too him, but then her being young as well, there's not overly much she can do to make her understand. |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 26 November 2007 at 4:56pm
| I would try to join some kind of mums group or something where he gets to be around other babies. In a few months time he will be really needing it. |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 26 November 2007 at 5:18pm
Yeah I second that, I have an ante natal coffee group that has been meeting fortnightly since Spencer was 9 weeks and it is really great. The babies are now starting to notice each other and it won't be long before they are all interacting. I think it is important for them to socialise at their level (even at this young age). I'm sorry Daniel is scared of the older kids, Spencer is ok at the moment but i'm sure if he got shouted at and his hair pulled it would be a different story. Is hard because although the other kids are bigger, they aren't big enough to understand that they are upsetting/hurting the baby, I'm sure he will get past it when his curiosity kicks in. ------------- 
 
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RachandJack wrote:Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 26 November 2007 at 5:31pm
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he'll get over it i'm sure. jsut give him time and some space to himself and dont push it...
there used to be a boy at my coffee group who would upset gabriel every time he screamed so he would take great pleasure in screaming and upsetting him. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 26 November 2007 at 7:13pm
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I'll bring Josh around a few times, he used to him. May take a while but I think he'll settle down again. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 26 November 2007 at 7:52pm
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Poor lil fella!
The only thing I can suggest is allow a child with a quieter temperment (sp?) around and play gently with him until he can build his confidence up again. It's so sad to hear. Caitlin gets so much out of all of her playdates, always has  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
 
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 26 November 2007 at 8:12pm
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I wouldn't worry about it, he's young enough that he'll forget soon enough -------------  |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 28 November 2007 at 6:30pm
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Poor little boy had Josh around today and Josh is a big boy but was very quiet (well for Josh it was quiet) and Daniel was in tears any time Josh made a small noise. I think its going to take a few more visits. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 28 November 2007 at 6:50pm
Yeah, it took about 15mins after you guys left for him to kinda look normal again 
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 28 November 2007 at 7:24pm
| soundsike he needs to socialise with other bubbas....maybe a playgroup or something...I agree with DEB....and also let him get over it...dont make a fuss or he will learn that you will be there everytime....sounds awful i know but with Ellawe dont rush to pick her up ...we say oops, uh oh etc...and then make a playtime outta her "recovery" and she forgets all about being upseet or scared....might be harder for you for a while than for him... |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 28 November 2007 at 7:42pm
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Knowing Daniel, if I didn't try and comfort him he would work himself up into a huge state of choking etc. When he's distressed (huge amount of tears distressed), if its not "dealt with" he can take an hour or more to finally somewhat settle. I'd much rather comfort him than go through an hour + of that.
I won't be joining a playgroup, I've joined one before, went once and never had the time at the scheduled time of day it was at. So I'm not going to go join one when my own schedule is all up in the air. He did socialise before this. |
Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 28 November 2007 at 10:03pm
| ok well all just helpful suggestions - you dont have to use any of them. |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 7:02am
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I appreciate the thoughts. It's just that one particular type of cry that I won't let him just scream it out because its so nasty. He hurts himself with his toys and will start to grizzle etc but I just tell him well that was silly in a stupid voice and hes fine.
We have started going swimming a few times a week (just whenever I find an hour free) and if there are lil ones at the pool he gets to interact with them. It's random but I think he feels safe in the water and its a further distraction because hes a water baby. |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 10:14am
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I think he'll get past it - and the more playdates with Josh the better, because he's not at that really rough age yet, so would be great for helping Daniel get over it. Poor Josh has been the subject of a few of my Ella's wrestlings - I should send you the pick of her wearing his halloween costume horns, pinning him to the ground! ------------- Andie |