Is it wrong
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Life After Miscarriage
Forum Description: Up to one in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage, yet for many the loss of a pregnancy is isolating and lonely. Share your thoughts and feelings here with others who have experienced loss.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12620
Printed Date: 19 June 2025 at 10:21am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Is it wrong
Posted By: Kazzle
Subject: Is it wrong
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 10:26am
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That i dont want to have a signature with the loss of my baby on it anymore?, is it wrong that i dont think about when my babies would have been due?
I was told yesterday that i was cold and heartless because i dont think about my babies due dates or anything, and then when they found out that i dont get sad around any anniversary of family members that have died, or friends that have passed, well they just went to town. They dont seem to understand that i have my own way of dealing with things and that for me i would rather celebrate the times we had together. And as for hving the miscarriages, i believe my babies will come back to me at some stage, whether it be as another pregnancy or through as part of my extended family. I was made to feel so bad yesterday, i mean i dont judge ppl on the way they grieve and do things, yet because i didnt conform to their beliefs i was made out to be the baddy. And to top it off they cant understand why i dont want to talk to them at the moment and when i told them how they made me feel i was told to get over it. I certainly know how to pick my friends NOT ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 10:29am
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i think it's totally fine..its a personal thing.. i know someone who is still desperately sad three years later a lot of the time.. and that's just her way of doing things.. i think to each their own .if you feel like you don't want to put the m/c in your sig then why should anyone else judge:( ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Leish
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 11:23am
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When my DH was seeing a psychiatrist, he told us that there are two kinds of people. There are the kind of people that go through things in life and they need to deal with things fully, go through all the emotions and experiences etc before they can put the feelings to rest. And the other kind of people just put those feelings and emotions in a special place and are happy to just leave them there. I am one of the second kind of person and sounds like you are too Kazzle. There isn't anything wrong with it. Its just the way you are. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Bubbaloo
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 12:08pm
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I agree with what Leish said.
If your friend doesn't like they way you deal with your grief their the ones that need to get over it not you. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  Was danni-chick Mum to James My Angel 28/07/08 |
Posted By: Kazzle
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 12:14pm
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awww thanks guys, i think im a mixture of both actually, i like to sort through all the emotionals quickly and completely and then put them aside, and i know that they are in my heart, but i just dont need to dwell on it.
------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 12:38pm
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How rude of your friend. I think its fine the way you want to deal with it. I'm a bit like you and don't dwell on the EDD of my MC as to what might of been as I do believe that, that little girl out there for me. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 1:29pm
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wow now thats not nice thing for them to do to you how dare the judge you thats sooooo rude big big hugs everybody deals with things diff ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 2:35pm
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Damn rude of them, it is none of thier business.
I'm dreading Dads anniversary coming up, not becasue I expect to be overwhelemed by my own grief, but being overwhelmed by everyone elses, and feeling guilty cos I don't feel like I need to make a show of it or whatever. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 4:40pm
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Not at all. The date of my m/c or "due date" is no biggie to me anymore. Time has passed and I have healed. That's really all there is to it. -------------  |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 02 December 2007 at 10:20am
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I'm blown away that your friend would have said that stuff to you! Holy cow. OK so she doesn't understand your style of grieving but I'd say she has a lot to learn about how people tick! For the record, no I don't think it's at all cold of you to not commemorate anniversaries of tragedies. Some people do, some dont, some do for a while and then move on... whatever works for you and helps you process it all in your own way. I don't remember the anniversaries of family and friends death's, and if mum reminds me of them (she's big on commemorating them) I'll listen to her for a while about it because it really matters to her, but in all honesty, I don't do anything special for it myself and don't want to, and if no-one reminds me of them, I don't even remember them. I don't think it's cold - if I still have grief left in my heart (like I did for my last Grandparent passing, because he died right before Ella's birth and it was all very sad timing that also meant I didn't grieve him properly and my family weren't able to be there much for me with a newborn) something will trigger off some more of that grief every now and then, but it's more likely a photograph that does it rather than a date on the calendar. And I remember a friend who was killed on the Desert Rd whenever I drive through it - I wouldn't have the foggiest of when the anniversary of her death is! ------------- Andie |