The guilty mums working club
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12626
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Topic: The guilty mums working club
Posted By: Bombshell
Subject: The guilty mums working club
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 3:14pm
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From the other thread....
To join you must work (as in be paid for what you do!!!) fulltime (say 30 hours or more) outside of the home...or run a business etc from home.... sooooo who on here is a member....and how guilty do you feel that your kids are in care while you work.... NAMES: Bombshell....slight pangs of guilt from time to time! 
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Replies:
Posted By: Sarah Beth
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 3:25pm
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Sarah Beth... not too guilty now Jack has settled in there but miss him terribly ------------- "> 
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Posted By: Millie1976
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 3:30pm
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I only work 20 hours per week and feel guilty even though it was by choice to go back to work and so far I haven't had much luck with Ollie being in daycare - infact he has been out more than in so hopefully that will get better! I had to leave work 2 hours early today to pick him up from daycare as he was apparently rubbing at his ear and they thought he had an ear infection. I turn up and of course he seems happy as larry to see me and I am not sure whether he has a sore ear after all - going to the docs to make sure though ------------- Sebastien 2 years old Olivier 3 3/4 years old |
Posted By: Leish
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 3:32pm
I don't qualify yet but will in the next couple of weeks. Will reapply for membership then   ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Katherine
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 3:33pm
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Katherine -- no guilt any more (thank you, women's movement!). |
Posted By: ShellandBella
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 3:35pm
Me too, I'll be a member in January  ! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 4:11pm
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Ok in a way I can be a member. I won't be working but i'll be a full time studying mum on campus at Massey so both my boys will be in full time care. When Andrew first went into care at 5 months I felt so guilty but over time got over it as he enjoyed himself so much there. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 5:03pm
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I work outside the home but only 10 hours BUT I sometimes qualify as I work extra hours and next weeks I am doing full time (40 hours)
I think we all feel guilty if we do or don't. I choose to work (didn't have to for the money) I knwo I need to get out and work so I don;t feel guilty at all. (or maybe just alittle) ------------- Ann 
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 6:28pm
yummymummy (I work 32 hours a week) - I feel slightly guilty but figure quality counts for more than quantity when it comes to spending time with bubs. I also feel slightly guilty for having another on the way  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Brenna
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 6:46pm
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rubydooby - currently doing about 30 hours per week but will go up to over 40 as of January. Feel REALLY guilty! But Brenna loves being with her nanas -------------  My beautiful 2 girls...nearly 4 and 13 months
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 7:30pm
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ooh yay a club i can join!
tho i dont feel that much guilt, only when i walk c to school and shes clingy and i have to hurry off cos i need to get to work, then i feel guilt, i've been working since she was 6months old, and have kinda gotten used to it-sometimes i'll go for a couple of hours without thinking about her.....hmm NOW i feel guilty lol |
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 7:39pm
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Me - can i join?
Paris has been in care since 11mths, Ayja started at 11 weeks, i found it really hard when ayja was a baby, my heart broke each time i left her there. I now work 32 hours a week, with a fair amount of them spent during afternoons so am not always there to tuck them in at night which i find hard. I have times when i go and feel so bad especially if i come home and they've hurt themselves that day. and i always hate it at night, always. I dunno why, i just hate the fact that i'm not there while they sleep at night. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Posted By: linda
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 7:55pm
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Me - four days a week but lots of hours done at home once the kids are in bed.
Not much guilt...but they have been at daycare since four months |
Posted By: shaz
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 7:59pm
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I've just been filling in the forms for day care grrr, I was planning on going back for four days a week and incredibly it's more expensive to pay for four days than five. So am enrolling her for the five days and will just keep her off one day a week.
I'll be joining you in April but have been there before with both the other two so can sympathise with the guilt thing. It's harder when they are just little but once they went to school I was fine. ------------- Mum to Natasha Aroha 9/12/1995, Alexandra Makareta Waimarie 22/4/1998 and....Alyssa Frances Hopaea 18/03/2007 
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 8:17pm
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yeah us Feb and march mummies are real workers....that is funny that i think all in our thread on there are back to or about to go back to work....
Kelly - yeah had to create our own club but hey why not huh?
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 8:21pm
| why not indeed! i love clubs, the last club i was in was the Georgie Pie kids club |
Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 8:33pm
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LOL!!!
Isnt it strange how we feel varying degrees of guilt tho....I walked out this morning from DC and thought bad cause i gave Ella a quick kiss and left...other mornings i spend heaps of time there.... and then it gets closer 5pm and i think OMG i have a baby....and ive gotta go get her...and then feel slight guilt for not thinking about her all day long.... 
Maybe its cause she is in a safe place, or that they adore her....but then i tend to savour our weekends and feel guilt on monday when i cant wait to hand her over again...and she breathes a somewhat sigh of relief when she gets to DC!
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 8:36pm
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That was so me for a while with Andrew when he first started DC. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Bombshell wrote:Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 9:14pm
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Ooo can I join, I work 3days per week and Alize is starting in DC next Monday and Im still shocked at the price for DC As for guilt... It was definitely there when I started but now I find it more of a rest having 3days off from him lol I am going to up his hours next year tho and prob sell a kidney to have to pay for it as I wil be doing a postgrad degree which is part of my job but am expected to study outside of work hours..... ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: Bubbaloo
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 9:20pm
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Danni I will be joining as of next Friday I will be doing 25-30hrs I got a job interview on Monday and if I don't get I'm going to go back to Night Shift were I was working before I had James.
I feel guilty as James hasn't really been away from me for more than a couple of hours so it's more hanging on to me but what makes me feel a bit better about it is that I think he would get a lot of stimulation from it as I think he is starting to get a bit bored of me now. If I get the job that I have interview for he will be in full time but if I go back to night shift he will be in there for 3 mornings a week. Sorry for the ramble. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  Was danni-chick Mum to James My Angel 28/07/08 |
Posted By: baalamb
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 9:48pm
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I don't think this club should discriminate by the amount of hours of paid work. I think if I only left Ashlee for an hour or so per day for work, I'd still feel guilty!
I don't feel AS guilty anymore. In fact, I get quite bummed when Ashlee won't give me a wave goodbye when I leave! |
Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 10:08pm
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FINALLY!!!!! A bit of support for us poor "old" working mums!
I went back to work when Caitlin was 4 months old. Totally NOT by choice, was way too early in my opinion and I beat myself up over it every single morning I leave her. But in saying that, I've read about people leaving their 1 year olds for the first time and it's so much harder on the child as they are so much more aware. I started doing 3 days a week, went to 4 days last January and have been doing the same ever since. Definitely will not be going back to full-time! I know I couldn't handle being away from her that much I really enjoy our Friday's together.
I am incredibly lucky to have my Mum looking after her whilst I am at work so I know she is being looked after just as good as I would look after her (if not better). It does eventually get better but I don't think the broken-heart feeling will ever go away. Every day when I leave her she always gives me a big kiss and a cuddle and waves to me from the front door. **sits here in tears** BUT... When I do get the chance to spend time with her I make sure I give her 100%! Like someone said earlier, quality is better than quantity. And then there's the days when she's an absolute Demon Baby and I can't wait to go to work to get a break 
I think we have an ok-ish balance. We get to do all the good stuff with her at the weekends so I think we appreciate our time together as a family more. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
 
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Posted By: Leish
Date Posted: 29 November 2007 at 10:16pm
I agree with that. I think I really make our time together that much more special cos it is limited and I really enjoy it instead of getting caught up in all the house stuff. I am getting a little jealous of DH getting really close with Noah though and sometimes feel that I would rather he was in daycare so we parents would be in the same position with him  Isn't that awful!!! Only sometimes and I would never seriously do it. But sometimes when its late and noone else is awake, the mind wanders...------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Sarah Beth
Date Posted: 30 November 2007 at 8:04am
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Ok, I don't feel that guilty and now feel bad for not feeling guilty. I cried and cried the night before I left him there the first time, but the next day, dropped him off and kept myself distracted at work. I think about him all the time though, and once 3.30 rolls around I am usually counting down till 4.30 when I leave to get him, and I can't sit still in the car on the drive there.
I am lucky as we have Jack in a great place, and they love to have him. He had some issues at the begining, mainly getting angry, not upset but now he has settled and loves being with all the other babies and he is learning so much from them ------------- ">
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 30 November 2007 at 8:13am
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oh SB dont feel like that....I couldnt wait to drop her off this am....mind you BSDH was meant to but that is another story! and the little monster took the basket of toys and then waved bye bye to me...she couldnt drop a tear????
Im glad to hear all these babies are so settled too...it is such a relief isnt it? Leish - naughty naughty...but i know where you are coming from.... Baalamb - oh we had to set up some club rules - OMG just like being in primary school...wanna join MY club? LOL!!! |
Posted By: CuriousG
Date Posted: 30 November 2007 at 8:49am
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I work fulltime - 37.5 hours a week and if you include my travel time each week, thats an extra 7.5 hours too. Sigh.
Don't feel guilty at all, Charlotte loves day care and is itching to get back after the weekend. Plus, it was a choice for me to come back to work and I love it too. And we also have an awesome time at the weekends - we reserve them for the three of us and tend to do heaps of exciting things. Being away from Char makes me value my time with her even more. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: jaz
Date Posted: 30 November 2007 at 1:54pm
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OOOh goody, can I join?
DP is a full time Daddy so I don't have the daycare guilts but really really miss Caleb when I'm at work. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Leish
Date Posted: 03 December 2007 at 10:53am
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My baby took his first steps today while I was sitting at my desk at work Missed out. Feeling sad and sorry for myself.
Told DH to strap him to the floor and not to let him do any more of that rubbish till I get home ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: mummy_dee
Date Posted: 03 December 2007 at 1:38pm
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Ha ha Leish!
Can I join too? I'm Daphne and work 40 hours a week. Ollie has been in homebased care since he was 5 months old and I felt massive amounts of guilt for leaving him there. However now I don't really feel guilty because he loves it so much and as others have said the time we do spend together is just awesome. I love it when I pick him up and he comes running for a cuddle (unless DH is there, then Ollie will make a beeline for him and ignores me grrr). Also I'm finishing up work early with this pregnancy so I get a few months with Ollie before this baby is born. Now I'm just concerned that I'll have to go back to work when this bubba is even younger ------------- Daphne Married Stuart: 19/03/05 Oliver: 9/06/06 Lilia due: 19/03/08 http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 03 December 2007 at 1:51pm
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I no longer feel guility either...I beat myself up because I thought I had to be the perfect stay at home mum and now I know I function much better as a working mum and Maddie gets so much out of Daycare...far more than I could give her at home.
SB - I occassionally feel bad for not feeling guitly too but then in todays society, as parents we're made to feel bad for almost every choice we make so we can't sodding well win. I figure I may as well stop feeling guilty! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 03 December 2007 at 1:58pm
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I was so happy to dump her at DC today....she had a late night, ate heaps of preservatives at parties yesterday, was grislling in her sleep so got up to her three times last night, and I am shattered!!! could not have done all day with her today at all!!!
no guilt today!!!
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 03 December 2007 at 2:06pm
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None here either...I'm on a day off so I couldn't wait to come home and go back to bed until midday! hehehehe. (darn lazy shift workers!!!!) ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 03 December 2007 at 3:47pm
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yeah i love those days when i finish early and it is too early to pick her up...hey she might be asleep!!! so wait til after 4pm to go to DC!
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Posted By: linda
Date Posted: 03 December 2007 at 7:59pm
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I remember when I dropped Harry off for his first day at creche....I got upset because I didn't feel guilty.
What I do find hard, especially with two of them at creche, is what there routine is, what they get fed and like (and don't like), what they are like interacting with other kids etc. Sure you can see what the menu was but its not the same as seeing it first hand. Alex turns two this week so yeah, his cost will go down $15.00 per week. Roll on when he is three and it gets even cheaper |
Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 03 December 2007 at 8:46pm
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we get to see the food...last week when i took her out for a few hours (JK) they gave me a bowl of lunch for her a spoon and a bib....OMFG they were better prepared than mummy was!!!
Today Ella was exhausted and slept about 4 hours...LOL that means I paid them for her to sleep today!!! |