mealtime battleground
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: Toddler Times
Forum Description: Is bubs growing up and getting into everything? How do you train them to use the potty? When do you start feeding solids? Share your tips and advice here!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12685
Printed Date: 25 July 2025 at 12:29pm
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Topic: mealtime battleground
Posted By: Andie
Subject: mealtime battleground
Date Posted: 02 December 2007 at 7:37pm
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Ella has seldom been a 'good eater' and she was underweight so basically I fed her whatever she'd eat when she got fussy, because I was so desperate to get food into her. There were months where we had to syringe pureed foods into the child or she would have no solids at all! Now I have to admit, I used to look at people's kids and swear that I'd never let mealtimes become a battleground with my child, but that's just what's happening, and I usually dread feeding her her lunch and tea The problems I'm having (and I'd love some advice, please!) is that firstly, Ella's a fussy eater, and sometimes, like tonight, nothing I offer is what she wants. So tonight she's just gone to bed with only a bottle of formula in her belly, so I imagine she may wake for a bottle overnight. Usually she'd eat pear/banana farex after all other attempts, but I got tough on her tonight and didn't offer her that since she'd already been given meat, lots of veges, lovely fruit puree, none of which were to her liking Secondly, she throws & drops food and prefers to crush it through her hair, highchair, clothing, etc rather than eat most of it. I know toddlers and food are messy, but I've seen her peers eating plenty of times, and I've gotta say, Ella's food habits are really filthy even in comparison to other 1-year-olds! So far I've tried telling her off when she starts swiping the highchair tray clean sending food flying, then removing the tray and leaving it off for a minute while she sits there bored, then it goes back in front of her and she can try eating again - if she immediately does the same to clear the tray, no more finger-foods - meal over. Only because she's skinny (and bear in mind, I've had her Dietitian saying any calories I can get into her need to get into her), I'll then offer her some farex, which she'll usually eat. Advice would really be appreciated! I have all these lovely ideas about family mealtimes being a wonderful bonding time and for now they're just ideals. Feeding her is a full-on job and she usually gets fed before we do, so we barely even eat together as a family. ------------- Andie |
. I think now she's at a point (health-wise... she's slim, but a healthier weight these days) where I can be a little stricter to try and get the child eating properly. If it's at all relevant, thanks to allergies she's also had an incredibly limited diet, which is only recently expanded somewhat, but still limited. 
but all of which she's eaten before, so I know she can do it. Replies:
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 02 December 2007 at 7:37pm
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my gosh that was a novel! Sorry, and thanks if you are still reading!! ------------- Andie |
Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 02 December 2007 at 8:15pm
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No help here but I TOTALLY understand. My Elle is the same. She is the fussiest eater I've ever come across. TBH before I had her I thought fussy eaters were "created" by their parents allowing them to eat the wrong foods. Well I couldn't have been more wrong. We 'technically' did everything right with introducing foods and I've tried everything from canned, to plain homemade meals to gourmet homemade meals and my poppet rejects almost all of them. If I get it into her mouth she spits it out.
I guess it is just a matter of perservering. Present meat and veg every dinner time (maybe even at lunch!!) and hopefully they will eventually eat a greater variety of things. I go to so much effort to prepare food and it is quite disheartening when it is all rejected but I'm sure the effort will pay off eventually. We've had to introduce formula at the request of our doc as Elle just doesn't eat enough (her growth is fine though). But even that was complicated! We tried for weeks and weeks and she wouldn't accept milk or formula so now she gets milo in her milk! I feel so embarrassed about it but we honestly tried EVERYTHING. I know they say it takes 10 or more tries sometimes but in our case its more like 30 tries and still trying!! LOL Maybe it's in the name.... Sorry...I really am no help! ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 02 December 2007 at 8:52pm
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Maybe weigh her, then be fairly strict for 2 weeks (as in, no farex) and weigh her again - to see if it's ok to do that for her? I suspect she's just in for the farex LOL -------------  |
Posted By: KH25
Date Posted: 02 December 2007 at 8:56pm
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Sorry, I don't really know what to advise either. The only thing I wanted to say (and you may already be doing it) was that Ashleigh also went through a stage of just swiping all her food off the highchair tray, even before she had started eating so it wasn't a "I'm not hungry anymore" thing. I bought one of those bowls that suction on and since then she has been really good. Once she gets semi full then she pushes the bowl off with all her strength so I usually have to hold it down but it has stopped the swiping. ------------- Kelly, mum to DD, 19Jun06 (26wks 1lb15oz) DS1, 24Oct10 (32wks 4lb11oz) and DS2, 31Dec11 (32wks, 4lb11) http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 02 December 2007 at 9:05pm
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Hrmmmm... I don't know! Poor you!
I know the deal with kids not eating... they sleep less. But unfortunately my advice follows that line. I do think she is running circles around you... as any toddler does with their parents if they can! I'm a parrot again but I stand by "you responsibility to provide the food, her responsibility to eat it" - though Hannah has never had a problem with chub, so I didn't have to worry about that side of it. So, I'd be inclined to provide her food that you think she may eat but not provide treats just to get her to eat (keeping an eye on her weight of course) and see how she goes... it may take a while. BUT bear in mind that toddlers don't eat a whole lot. Little and often is what I hear. I think at that age (and still quite often here) Hannah was eating more at morning tea and afternoon tea than she was at breakfast, lunch or dinner... and that was because she was less tired at those meals than the others. She's a horrible eater when she's tired. So, could you shovel more food into her at those times? (And cut yourself/her some slack at the "proper" meal times?) I feel for ya Andie! I've seen a few mums go through the same battles and they didn't have a whole lot of fun! If it makes you feel any better, the lady I know whose child refused to eat ANYTHING eventually got over it and now devours a whole lot. I think it turned out to be a throat infection... nothing like that with Ella?? Sorry, rambling now. Good luck! 
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Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 02 December 2007 at 9:47pm
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I find we have more success offering things like meat and veg at lunchtime after a nice long morning nap so maybe you could try that? Then she can just have a lighter dinner. I think it is healthier to eat larger meals earlier in the day anyway. ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 02 December 2007 at 9:48pm
What we found was both Ayja and Paris went through this and got to the stage where, they knew that they didn'thave to eat cos they'd get a bottle out of it anyway. so that's when we got a bit hard, mainly at lunch times, (cos if it happened then - by dinner they usually remembered) - and would not give a bottle if they had been a real little misfit in terms of not wanting anything we had offered - (we also do the "little of lots" thing, a little bit of a few different things.. so not really any excuse not to at least eat SOMETHING) If they did not want to sleep, we again just offered them their food, at which point they were either hungry enough to eat it, or to decide that it wasn't worth the trouble. At any point, once they'd eaten an ok amount, they were then offered a smaller bottle, and put to bed after. enough times of that they come to learn cause and effect of "if i don't eat SOMETHING then i don't get that bottle" A couple of times is really all it takes, certainly not enough to make her lose weight or anything like that, but enough for her to learn she can't take the easy way out and just hang on out for the bottle.
That would work really for the farex too, she has learnt, if i bat this around enough, i get it taken away "YAY!!" and get some of that yummy farex. again, stick with what you have done this evening. Toddlies are picky eaters anyway as has been said, don't let it turn into a battle ground, alot of them don't seem to get much into their mouths and at this age they are testing out their own independance a little in ways that we don't always like or understand, but trust me there's gotta be something going in there sometime. She will not starve. Stick to offering her the healthy choices and eventually she'll try something and bit by bit she'll eat - ie, paris now eats most veges, simply from perserverence of putting a small serving on her plate when we have them, and the off chance that a few times she's tried them and decided they're not arsenic. Ayja, eats potatos, and carrots and slowly we are getting the peas coming into it too. thank god she's in love with fruit thanks to daycare and eats everything from grapes to pineapple to mango Mealtimes don't have to be a battle ground.. just stick to your guns.. she won't starve herself, no matter how little she is. up till a few months back ayja wasn't exactly sumo-wrestler either. lol ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Posted By: CuriousG
Date Posted: 03 December 2007 at 7:57am
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We had the same problems recently and decided to change our ways.
1. We all eat at the table together. 2. We all eat the same food. 3. Charlotte sits at the table, not in her highchair. I got one of those seats you can attach to a normal seat. 4. She is very keen to have some of Mummys so I will let her eat some of my dinner. We have found that she eats heaps better and a lot more food too. And as a consequence, she is now sleeping through the night too. On saying this though, all kids go through it. We also found that if she was teething, she wouldn't eat very much for a couple of weeks then would go mental and eat a lot for a couple of weeks. It went in cycles. Good luck! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 03 December 2007 at 8:33am
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I agree with the fulling up on milk thing. Since we got tough 3 weeks ago, and stopped Islas 9.30pm bottle, and not giving her any overnight either, she is not eating so so much better! Its unbeleivable! Mum and Dad are her visiting, and havent seen Isla for 5 weeks, and they cant get over the ammount of food she is eating! She not just has 3 bottles a day- drinks a total of about 500mls a day.
I cut all bottles after 6pm, on advise of plunktline and our GP, cos Isla was back to waking up to 6 times a night, and having 2-3 bottles overnight too. Eeekk! I hadnt been giving Isla morning or afternoon tea, cos I was trying to get her to eat more at meal times, but it was actually the fact I was offering bottles when she wouldnt eat much, than was fulling her up more and meaning she didnt eat much. She now has snacks and eats good meals too. Good luck! |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 03 December 2007 at 12:55pm
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We are normally pretty mean parents - Maddie gets what is on offer but if she refuses then we say tough luck. The foods we offer her are all stuff we know she likes. We figured it was the only way to reinforce that she can't whinge and get what she wants. (otherwise she would probably live on hot chips!) ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 03 December 2007 at 4:41pm
Kryssi can get hers off already!  lol------------- |
KH25 wrote:Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 03 December 2007 at 7:45pm
We tried this tonight after reading your post (except we had Maddie in her high chair) and it seemed to go down really well. Maddie was able to feed herself a good portion of dinner and I didn't have to worry about feeding her then sorting our dinner out! Thanks for the idea! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 03 December 2007 at 7:51pm
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I think we will have to get strict here too as tonight Elle has clearly been manipulating us to get the foods she wants (peanut butter sandwich and juice). She is really sick ATM though so I'll wait until she is better. ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 03 December 2007 at 9:14pm
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we all sit together at the table for dinner and mostly, it goes ok. jack is either a great eater or a non-eater, but i just go with the flow.
charli has always been a great eater, until the last few weeks she's turned into a right little toad! she'll refuse to open her mouth for the spoon, throws food on the floor, rubs it in her hair and all over her face instead of putting it in her mouth urgh! but we don't call her charli chub chub for nothing so something must be going in!
anyway...i've gone right off track!!! was just wanting to give you a big fat 
i have no suggestions, but hang in there hun and hopefully things will get easier once you find what works for you ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 03 December 2007 at 9:21pm
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i definatley agree with what was said re eating together - we found when we eat together and they have trhe same as us they tend to eat more - since then that's the way it's always been ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 03 December 2007 at 10:29pm
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We always want to eat together but DH doesn't get home until between 6.15 and 6.30 and Elle can't wait that long :( ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 04 December 2007 at 7:59am
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Methinks I need to get organised a bit more so that we eat together more than once a fortnight! Thanks for that piece of advice, and thanks for all the other ideas too, ladies. Funnily enough, Ella spent the day with her Daddy yesterday while I was at work, and ate much better. I keep the freezer filled with choc muffins for him and tiny Ella-friendly muffins for her - he said he ate a muffin, Ella ate a muffin, he ate one, Ella ate one, and so on - maybe I just need to eat more baking in front of her?! It's what a good person would do... ------------- Andie |
