A Failure!
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12971
Printed Date: 07 October 2025 at 11:26pm
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Topic: A Failure!
Posted By: concernedmum
Subject: A Failure!
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 3:56pm
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I have failed as a mum!
I scream, i smack, i yell, i berate, i threaten, i swear, i call them names...and most days i dont like them or me. i dont want a third, didnt even want a second. At the moment the kids are naked, have been most of the day cause they took their clothes off outside and i cant be bothered making them put clothes on cause it will be a battle, as is everything else with them. I hate fighting with them, i hate the fact that they dont listen, i hate the fact that they whinge and scream when they are upset but they do it cause that is what i have taught them. i hate the fact that i have taught them such bad habits, but really i am a lazy parent and it is my fault anyway. Being a parent sux and i want out! Oh and just in case you think, how weird for a first post, i am a long time user here but thought it best to use a diff name! |
Replies:
Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 4:08pm
 Dont have anything profound to say just wanted to give you (whoever you are) a huge cyber hug, cos you sound like you really need it today. I wish there was something I could say or do to help... Please don't be too hard on yourself, you haven't failed. You have acknowledged that there are some things you could do better, so now you need to work out how to improve on those things. Sounds like you need a day off too. Anyway, more big hugs coming your way and hope someone else can help out some more...------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 4:29pm
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I had a day like that yesterday, when all 3 kids were being right little a**holes. I dumped all 3 kids on DH as soon as he walked in the door and went and had a very long shower...I also found a good nights sleep and waking up not tired helped.
Talk to your partner about how you are feeling at the moment and see if he can take the children for you over the weekend and you go off and have some YOU time. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: meow
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 5:30pm
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You haven't failed, if you had failed, you wouldn't care about them.
You need some time out, to get away from being a mum. Can someone, maybe your partner/husband look after them while you go and do something for you? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 5:58pm
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Some great words said here! Noone is perfect, but a lot of people like to pretend they are! SO you have to stop being hard on yourself.
If you need to change and want to, there are some things you can do, like look into a parenting course. But mostly you probably just need some you time where you can become more than 'just' a mum again. Good luck. And there is nothing wrong with being naked at home! -------------  
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Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 6:27pm
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Hugs.
Don't want to sound preachy but PLEASE don't try to process these feelings on your own. Reach out to someone close to you. A problem shared is a problem halved and all that. Hugs ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 6:33pm
| my children are constatnly naked, or in some state of undress. - i figure that is no big deal - they are little boys. As for yelling and stuff- i think we have all done that kinda thing - but do you do it ALL the time? I bet not. Sometimes I thinkI must be a crappy parent but then I try and remember that i really do love them, and I really do try and do the nbest for our family - even if that isn't the best for them. Point in case last night when they went to bed at 11pm!!!! in with me. i realise Supernanny would have had me staying strong and putting them back to baed blah blah blah, then i thought Screw Supernanny - she doesn't have kids at all! Don't beat yourself up as being a parent as we all know is the hardest job in the world. |
Posted By: 3boys
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 7:58pm
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Hi Hun,
Don't worry, you are not the only one who has wanted out before. It sounds like you need some breathing space - is there someone who can take the kids for a while for you? Just know that you are not alone in how you are feeling, and I think sometimes kids pick up on this and their behaviour goes to the pack  .
I think surviving motherhood is all about taking it day be day or sometimes hour by hour. As far as being naked goes - my kids are always running around like that too! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 8:05pm
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Sorry I'm gonna be a bit harsher, yes it is good that you have recognised that you have problems but I actually think the behaviour you have explained is bordering if not already abusive. I think you should get help to deal with your anger and any other issues that you have cos if you think things are bad now what are they gonna be like when you kids are teens. You may not have chosen to have as many children as you have but the reality is that you do have them and it is your responisibility to do the best by them. Threatening, smacking and name calling is just plain wrong!!!!! ------------- 
 
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 8:28pm
| I agree however, i think sometimes we judge ourselves more harshly - i.e. a light smack on the wrist when the toddler is touching the tv for the fiftieth time, or trying to shove a fork in the socket, when we are emotional and upset, sometimes we see that as abuse, when in fact, it's not really that bad at all in my opinion. Perhaps when anobody states what she is doing, it is a bit of an exaggeration. |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 8:29pm
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Big hugs to you, im sorry your going through this.. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 8:37pm
Firstly - you have NOT failed as a mum! If you had, you would never have seen the need to reach out for help. But you did, so well done you! Secondly, the physical, mental and verbal abuse to your kids has to stop! I think you know that already or else you wouldn't have mentioned it. There are many many organisations that can help you, but you need to approach them. If you want to remain anonymous (I know that a lot of people don't seek professional help due to fearing they will lose their kids), I'm sure there are heaps of people on here (me included) that would be willing to help you through this, even if it is just an occassional email/pm. Anyways, there's the offer, up to you if you take me/any one else up on it. All the best to you and your family ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
 
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anobody wrote:Posted By: Brenna
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 9:26pm
I know that being a mum is hard work, but I really think you need help. This is not the way to treat innocent children. Please go and ask for help, I am sure that there are professionals out there who would support you to make your life and your childrens lives much happier. -------------  My beautiful 2 girls...nearly 4 and 13 months
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Posted By: Aprilfools
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 9:28pm
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How exactly have you failed as a mum?
i don't have kids but I distinctly remember being smacked when I was little and I also distinctly remember spending a lot of time naked (i still do  ) but at no point have I thought that my mother has failed me, herself or the rest of my family.
Being naked is one of the best things about being a kid. Enjoy it and treasure the freedom that they have within themselves to walk around bare bum. It's beautiful. Allow yourself to have those moments without feeling guilty, where you think that this is not what you want. How else would you realise that in fact you wouldn't have things any other way??? |
Posted By: shelly
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 9:45pm
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MMMMM - we all go through some tough times with kids but reach out to your partner/husband and tell him, he must be supportive and give you some time away from the kids.
I agree that all the stuff you said you do has to stop and my sister told me once to use the guilt trip on them and sometimes it works. |
Posted By: KH25
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 9:46pm
I totally agree. Yes we all have times where we lose our cool and get angry but no child deserves to be verbally abused which your post makes it sound like you are doing. I hope you get the help you need! ------------- Kelly, mum to DD, 19Jun06 (26wks 1lb15oz) DS1, 24Oct10 (32wks 4lb11oz) and DS2, 31Dec11 (32wks, 4lb11) http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 9:51pm
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Kylahsmum -I totally disagree with you and there is plenty of literature and studies out there to show why you should not parent that way. BTW there is a smacking law in place now - please dont advocate even the threat of it.
Anobody - BIG HUG - i wasnt gonna suggest who you might be but then about three of you on here came to mind and i thought better of it...Hang in there and remember to look at the little devil angels while they are asleep and think how precious they are and how much it took to get them here....THAT is SUCCESS not failure.... |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 10:02pm
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I agree with BS - all of the literature I have read says that threatening is definitely a no no... your kids soon learn that either 1) you go through with your threat and then you're basically just a bully or 2) that your word means nothing and they will undermine you.
Anobody - I hope you get the help you clearly need. If your feeling low it is just not fair to take it out on the kids, and name calling is abusive, as is everything else you have mentioned. It's a shame that you don't feel like you want your kids, but the reality is you have them and you have to basically either fix your own feelings to do right by them or put them in capable hands so they get the upbringing they deserve. I really do hope you talk to someone IRL about this as although we can give support on here, you really need to get urgent and ongoing help if you are having these feelings and treating the kids the way you say your are. Are you pregnant with #3 (or did I read that wrong?)? If so, talk to your LMC about this as s/he will be able to give you some good advice. |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 10:47pm
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I didnt mean anything by it, i mean im not going to smack my child if thats what you think i meant, but i used to get a smack on the hand and it didnt do me any harm. Yeah there are anti smacking laws and i think they are great for the people that beat their children up. A smack on the hand is not going to make your child think your a bully.
So what happens if you tell your child to clean their room and they outright say no? I mean didnt i see on super nanny she took alot of the kids toys of them? As dicipline? So is she wrong to? ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 11:51pm
I hope that getting this out there is the motivation for you to get the help you need. I think you need to talk to the people in your life- you obviously need more support. It takes a village to raise a child and its time you called on the people around you to help. Get some time out from your kids, get some education on how to parent better and get some support systems in place for when things get too much 
I don't think any kid ever 'needs' a smack- there is always another option than hitting. I was never smacked and I know not to run out onto a busy road, put a fork in a socket etc. How do you know that being hit didn't do you any harm? I do think as parents we sometimes need to cut ourselves some slack- I also think its our responsibility to be the best parents we can for our childrens sake. All of us make mistakes- whats important is that we learn from them and change our behaviour accordingly. ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3 
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 15 December 2007 at 7:21am
Sorry but I think there is a difference between explaining to a child that if they don't clean thier room then they will lose all thier toys and have to work to get them back...and yelling at your kids and telling them you will smack them if they don't be clean up/shut up etc.... I'm presuming it is the latter that is being referred to based on the rest of the post. Anobody - I can't really add much else but I really do hope that you will connect with people in real life and reach out for some help. I really do feel the situation needs to be sorted pronto. If you are seeking help though then I don't believe you have failed as a mum...gone a wonky path maybe but not failed. I wish there was more that I can add but I am thinking of you. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Spudling
Date Posted: 15 December 2007 at 7:31am
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what a post to get a good debate going.
All I would like to add is well done you for expressing that there is a problem, now I hope you are able to go the next step and actaully do something about it. Hugs to you and I really hope you have the support surrounding you to be able to get through this low point in your life so that you can see how great your kids (and you) are as people (which I am sure you all are) ------------- http://tickers.families.com"> 
http://tickers.families.com"> 
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Posted By: Glow
Date Posted: 15 December 2007 at 8:38am
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Anobody- You have not failed at all. I think its a good start by expressing yourself (as in, in this post) And its good to know, that you know, what you are doing isnt right. I just want you to know that there is help out there & if you ever want a chat/rant whatever, just PM me anytime. Hope you get out of that dark hole soon ------------- Mummy of Two Boys B: 2004 K: 2007 |
Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 15 December 2007 at 9:35am
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I really not have anything to add. I guess the word's that come to mind is the forst step to dealing with something is admitting it is a problem. And to do that take's a very brave woman which clearly you are. The reality is we all feel like this I think sometims I know there are day's where I am just not nice for my kid's to be around. Well know that there are heap's of people that love and care about you and only want ot see the best for you and your family. Please seek the help you need for your whole family. ------------- Deborah Mum to:   
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 15 December 2007 at 10:00am
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You sound like you really need those. Anobody, you can change. Even if it means living minute to minute, reminding yourself constantly that they are just kids. Your babies. You are not a failure. You have to remember who you want to be, who you really are. I'm 100% certain it is not what you describe. Everytime you feel yourself losing your temper, ask yourself "Will this matter to me in a week, a month, a year's time? Will it make me this upset remembering it? Or will I feel more upset with myself, for dealing with it this way?" This is all advise given to me when I was feeling very similar to you, by the wisest person I know. My Mum 
It really helps me, chick. Of course I still lose my temper sometimes, we all do, but it is so much better when I stop and think before I shout and overreact. Take care x ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 15 December 2007 at 12:41pm
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Times like these I parent with the mantra "Is it life threatening?"
Works perfectly. They don't have clothes? Not life threatening. They ate cheese toasties for dinner? Not life threatening. It's also the time where you need to build a hut... could be for yourself to hide in, or alternatively for your kiddos to play in. Either way you get time out. I think you are just expressing how every mother feels at times... I don't think there's a question of abuse here. (I mean I call Hannah a little ratbag at times(errrmm or worse)... even in a grumpy voice... and I don't consider that abuse.) |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 15 December 2007 at 12:52pm
| i think that people are reading the first post in one of two ways, as either a serious cry for hel;p from someone on the edge of abuse, or someone exagerrating their own imperfections and expressing perhaps what we all feel some days. I'm not sure what the real intention is. |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 15 December 2007 at 1:15pm
Here's my take on it - it's jolly hot, a stressful time of year, and little kids are NEVER easy to look after (whether you wanted them or not). Be kind to yourself. Get a friend or partner to take the kiddies off your hands for an afternoon soon so that you can just do something that you want to do. Big hugs  ------------- |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 15 December 2007 at 3:17pm
I'm picking the second. |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 15 December 2007 at 6:44pm
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It's interesting to note that the most valuable input on this thread IMO comes from those of us who have toddlers/older kiddies. It's difficult to anticipate what kind of parent you'll be until you've had to parent the demon spawn that is the metamorphosis of your beautiful baby as he/she becomes a toddler. We all start out with the very best of intentions, I know I swore I would *never* smack my baby ever ever ever, I was going to be a calm and balanced and kind mum that never lost my temper. And Maya is an 'easy' toddler/preschooler as far as they go.
But then she ran on the road behind a reversing car when she was 18 months old and I found myself smacking her in front of all and sundry on the steps outside the vege store. Does that make me a bad mother? I hope not! Do I yell at my kids? Hell yes! Not so much the gremlins coz they're too small to answer back and deliberately ignore me therfore provoking yelling, but believe me when it's the end of a long, hot day and all I want to do is fall into bed and Maya is out of her bed for the tenth time wanting a glass of water, Lord knows I raise my voice just a *tiny* bit ("Mummy, you're hurting my ears!" "Good, maybe now you'll do what you're told!") I know who you are, and I know that you are not a bad mother. That the level of yelling etc. that your kids provoke does not constitute abuse, and hey, we all go thru times in our lives that are harder than others, if right now getting by means letting them run naked then naked it shall be. I am so tired and sick at the moment that I feel like I am failing my own kids, and sometimes resent this baby for the way it makes me feel, but at the end of the day it's not forever. My kids will not be permanently scarred because I was too tired to cook and they ate spaghetti on toast, or because they live in their PJ's on rare days we don't have to leave the house. It's just a stage, it will pass, I will feel better and have more energy, and they *will* one day get dressed again! Hang in there and big hugs! And at the risk of being publicly stoned, law or no law, where my kids safety is at risk, if a quick smack will get the message across, then a quick smack it shall be. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 15 December 2007 at 7:00pm
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I don't have any kids, and I think you sound like a very normal mother.
They may be just kids, but kids can drive the most relaxed and sensible person to distraction. Interesting what a few generations make, as my mum most certainly - smacked my butt when I needed it, and she yelled and screamed, usually when we were doing something we knew we weren't supposed to. I know who you are too, and you're doing a great job and are a perfectly normal mum. You are always incredibly helpful and supportive of others. Its also a pretty stressful time of year, with Christmas etc and everyone feels like this at times. Hope you are feeling better today, have you got someone you can fob the little demons off to so you can have some time to yourself and recover your sanity. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 15 December 2007 at 7:12pm
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Man, sometimes I worry about what the neighbours must think of me. Some days all I seem to do is yell at hannah - but they are so good at winding mums up and it is especially hard when you are preggy. And I totally agree with Liz's last comment...
Hope today was a better one for you ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: 3boys
Date Posted: 15 December 2007 at 8:36pm
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After 11 years of motherhood I totally agree with Maya.
Its easy to say you will never do x,y or z when your children are so young, but when they grow older the tough times can get the better of you. Its hard to imagine when they are so dependent on us as infants. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Bubbaloo
Date Posted: 15 December 2007 at 8:41pm
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I agree with everything Emma just said ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  Was danni-chick Mum to James My Angel 28/07/08 |
Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 15 December 2007 at 9:34pm
Emma put it best man no wonder why she is a writter I wish I could write like that. ------------- Deborah Mum to:
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 15 December 2007 at 10:21pm
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have to say though that you dont need to be a mother to make these observations...working with kids, parents etc can fill in a lot of gaps.
I do think some people are making inappropriate comments on this website and need to carefully think about the comments they are making expecially when they dont like the responses.... this is not aimed at anobody but at KM for her comments....! |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 15 December 2007 at 10:34pm
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Yeah I agree bombshell, I was one of 4 growing up and my mum and dad never smacked, threatened or called us names, and believe me we were not angelic children, so although I don't have young children I do have the memory of my own childhood and I would like to raise my children in the same manner. I'm all for discipline, I actually think as a society it is one place where things have gone considerable wrong but there is a difference between discipline and teaching your child respect and abusing your child.
I read the post to be the first meaning that lizzle wrote but I hope that it is actually the second. I also understand that yelling will happen when buttons are pushed, my mum would lose her temper but she would always remove herself from the situation, calm down and then come and deal with us. At which point we were normally pulling up the sofa cushions "looking for mums temper" but we all knew we had pushed the boundaries too far and would wind our necks in. -------------
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Posted By: EllenMumof2
Date Posted: 15 December 2007 at 11:03pm
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I have so been there -------------  
 
Kalem 6! |
Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 2:00am
I can see if taken with the right mind set this would be really good- my only worry is that realistically, short of killing your child, you could almost forgive yourself anything. In a basic physical sense your child being molested isn't 'life threatening', but that doesn't make it any less horrific or life altering for the child. I know that isn't at all what you meant but it just seems like it may not be the best mantra for someone who is feeling so out of control. I also read it in the first way lizzle said- seemed like a real cry for help rather than just a vent, but if some of you know who it is then you're probably alot more aware of the situation than us others who only have the post itself to base our judgement. Totally agree that the reality of raising a toddler/small child is a hell of alot less idyllic than we like to think pre-terrible 2s! Its alot easier being a parent when you don't have children
ETA: Just wanted to clarify I don't at all think these kids are being molested! Was just using that as an example. ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3
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Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 8:42am
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Well BS.. I was just trying to be the opposite to YOU and make her feel better because i know what it felt like when you were so harsh to me. I dont care what you think of me. I know im a good mother. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: MILF
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 8:50am
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have been reading this thread and pondering on it too. i think emma had some really valuable points to make. i never could have imagined how xanthe can make me go from 0 - 110 in temper in the blink of an eye (or the stamp of a foot, finding nail polish on the carpet etc etc etc) but as much as i do yell, i dont put her down while i do it. there is a difference between yelling "I CANT BELIEVE YOU JUST DID THAT!!! GO TO YOUR ROOM! and YOU ARE SO FRIGGING STUPID! I WISH I NEVER HAD YOU! i dont know what the OP has been saying to her kids though, so dont know how *abusive* it is. but i think i know who you are, and what worries me is how your posts have changed over the last few months. you have always been acerbic, but lately have begun to sound defeated. i hope you get the help you need before things get even busier for you. it has been a long year, and everyone feels tired at the moment. i know in our house we are hanging out for a holiday soon.
i hope things improve  ------------- Lyla - mum to Xanthe - my big 4 year old
and Jordis - 1 year old 
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 8:52am
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I wasnt being harsh to her at all - and I know who the person is and I know she isnt a bad mother!
KM your comments on here show you have so much to learn - and if you dont want people to respond to you the way they do then dont write about your life on here. As i said before parenting courses are a good option and there are a lot out there. I dont think anobody needs a parenting course...ive seen her in action and know she really has it sussed and just needs some hugs right now. I would not even compare her with you. Total differnet kettle of fish! and it is a shame her thread wanting soem sympathy has become about you due to your comments of threatening children and smacking! |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 9:03am
Just to clarify... the OP seemed worried about kids running around naked... that's what I would put under this scenario (as my example suggested) - if it is scenario 1, (which I doubt, *think* I know who the person is) then no way... mind you, if you are at that point then I doubt you could logically apply that anyway. It's used in my usual light-hearted way! 
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Posted By: Mazzy
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 9:03am
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It is hard to make any comment here without context, but as someone who definitely knows the feeling of 'wanting out', I send you HUGE hugs. Parenting is hard. I can't imagine what it is like with two (soon to be three?), although I will soon find out. I very much doubt you are a failure, although we all feel like that some days. With one baby coming up to the two year old age group, I'm already getting wound up by her behaviour. I don't have any advice, just wanted to add that I hear you, it's not fun being a mum sometimes, and
I too take your original post the same way as Nikki and Emma. I hope you get a break this weekend. And KM and BS - take it elsewhere eh guys? ------------- Mum to two gorgeous girls! |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 9:17am
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mazzy i was just about to say that..i read things on here to get advice from parents and see how they deal with hard times and good times..not to see personal conflicts played out:( ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 12:44pm
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Somedays, I think all I ever do is yell and scream and "threaten" Jake (not with anything specifically, but more along the lines of "if you don't..)and have had, especially in the last month lots of days when I wanted out, and have hated both of my kids cos its just sooo damned hard.
And it is dammned hard and all the parenting books in the world cannot ever prepare you for the terror that is an almost 2 to when the hell does this stop? year old. AND, can I just say, dosen't matter what kind of parent you are, and what ever smug thoughts those who haven't been there are having (and that IS NOT a pointed comment at anybody at all) the toddler terrors happen to EVERYONE. I started out with all the best intentions as well, but that was before I had any idea just what the "job" entails. I have got a fairly good idea who you are, and I don't know you personally, but you always have sage, honest advice, and all I can say to you is chin up, someday, it will get better, please know there are lots of people out there who care about you. I don't have any advice or answers, cos I'm not that flash of a mother myself at the moment, but I just take each day as it comes and sometimes, I just let them do whatever and leave them to it and sit on here, reading and drinking tea till the urge to kill passes over. Not alot of advice there, really, but more just a "hey I feel like thats me too sometimes". Big hugs. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 1:08pm
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BS while you may know anobody you don't know Kylahsmum so leave her alone.
Sorry for my earlier comment, it was uncalled for. |
Posted By: kezplanet
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 1:43pm
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I'm sure this wasn't spose to turn into a sh*t slinging match!! Anobody- I am not preg with two little ones so I don't know the extent of your tiredness (I got to 12wks & that was hard enough). I have had and still do have days/weeks that sound similar to what your explaining. I have got close to smacking my eldest while in a raging temper .... & then saw the absolute terror in her eyes - this made me unbeliveably sad and guilty. It took me a while longer but did seek the help from my gp and have been on medication for a few months and things are getting better but nothing is ever perfect. If it was there would be nothing to learn. We (my brother and sister & I) were smacked as disapline, no never hurt us but I do remember the fear of doing something wrong and getting caught so try not to carry that trait on to my children although sometimes VERY hard. I agree with a comment that nikki made "is it life threatening" I try hard to pick my battles - ones that will matter down the track. My girls are at the moment running around our section 1/2 naked - in the rain and in the back of my head I can hear mum and what she would be saying (yelling)at us. But at the moment they are happy and its not doing them any harm, so I will let them be and have 5mins to myself on here. I took Ashlyn to kindy this year in her pj's, she didn't want to change & I couldn't be bothered with WWIII over pj's and she went to kindy happy - and the supportive comments that I got from the teachers "for letting her do that" were real ego boosters & made me realise that in the big scheam of things it was a little tiny nothing. (mums reaction on the other hand was a little different but then its different generations and different ways of dealing with things). I'm sorry for the long post but just want to let you know you are not alone in the "bad mummies club" I am happy to talk on the phone if you would like someone to listen, its sometimes eaiser to vent to someone you don't "know" feel free to pm me or you can get my email from profile. Take care and love yourself first then it will be eaiser to love your babies ------------- Kerryn, Mum to Ashlyn(29/3/04), Anastasia(1/11/05) & Abigail (24/02/09) |
Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 2:10pm
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Did you manage to get a bit of time to yourself this weekend? Hope you are feeling a bit better Do you think it might be a good idea to talk to your LMC as well, cos she might be able to keep a close eye on you when you have the baby, in case you need some extra support with 3. I hope you have got something out of peoples comments in this thread - mainly that you arent alone. I hope you are able to get some more support (IRL or on here) from someone, you know most of us are more than happy to help out in whatever way we can or just listen. Take care. PM me if you want ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 2:34pm
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I'm sorry but this was totally un called for and its these sort of comments about people putting their children into daycare that drive me
------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 2:42pm
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Sorry mummybecks that wasn't supposed to come out like that. I just felt like BS was being really nasty about Kylahsmum and it was the best I could come up with I shouldn't of said it so I apologise to anyone I offended. What it was suppose to come out as is that she looks after Kylah and so is not the bad parent BS keeps harping on about.
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Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 4:06pm
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Come on guy's this is a nice happy place to be where we can find support and not give each other a hard time. Clearly some people konw who this person is so can give and offer support IRL. So please don't ruin it for everyone else who loves' the the nice light hearted support with some very sound advice mixed in. We are all not perfect and todder's are hard work the the nicest if them so lets give each other a break yae its been a very long year for alot of us. ------------- Deborah Mum to:
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 5:42pm
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Jesh this has turned into a slanging match hasn't it....apology or not makes me feel like I know where I stand seeing as I obviously "don't look after my own kid".
Maybe I missed something but I really don't see what the hell BS said for everyone to be so up in arms! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 5:59pm
Totally agree with that... Sometimes people don't need a lecture, or someone ringing CYFS, just a vent.. Bet she's glad she used a different nickname anyway. |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 6:01pm
I suspect the response she got is the reason for that. Shame  ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 9:11pm
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Hey one thing I do do when the urge to bash almost overwhelms me, is something Rod told me a long time ago. Hang on to those "gosh he's cute" moments, becasue when times get tough you will need to think about them to get through. And thats true...
oh, and I don't bash my kids, for the record, it was just a turn of phrase. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 9:27pm
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Whoa.... This post has gotten.. out of hand.
Am sure the person who posted this was looking for support, not looking to start WW3 between pople. Anobody, I hope you find the support you need, whatever that may be, there have been some great suggestions here amongst the rubble. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 9:46pm
Exactly! Maya often gets "GO BACK TO BED AND STAY THERE!" or "UGH, WILL YOU JUST STOP ARGUING AND DO WHAT YOU ARE TOLD!" but even in anger I would never make it personal. I firmly believe you discipline the behaviour not the child. As for this thread getting out of hand, I think I'm going to lock it here. It's not an appropriate place or manner to address the WAHM/SAHM debate, or to speculate over who is a better parent than who and why, and it's gotten less than constructive, however there has been some good discussion and good debate as well so thanks to those of you who kept it civil. Night all! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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