Am I being selfish??!?! Opinions please!
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Topic: Am I being selfish??!?! Opinions please!
Posted By: Two Blondinis
Subject: Am I being selfish??!?! Opinions please!
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 7:57pm
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Here's the story!
This Christmas is supposed to be the first in 8 years that I have spent with just my family (and DH of course!). All has been arranged etc. Then SiL throws a spanner in the works and is staying home and now so is Mil & FiL (they all normally go to the bach). Anywho.... Now everyone is in Auckland, My Sister (who is hosting our Christmas) wants to invite DH's family! I said I'd rather not as this was supposed to be OUR Christmas. So I get called selfish, making the day all about me!   WTF?!??!
For what though? Wanting to finally get to spend the day with only my family?!?!?! Millions of couples do the same every year! Christmas Day with one side, Boxing Day with the others, that was our plan. Now... Who knows if I'm still invited to my sisters?!?!?
P.S Just wanted to add to my pity party... Today has royally SUCKED! I haven't had a day off work in a month, today was my first day alone with Caitlin, she turns into She Devil and drives me doo-lally whinging ALL FRIGGIN DAY! Wer also find out that she is allergic to lactose AND dairy and now THIS!!!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
 
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Replies:
Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 8:32pm
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Nope not selfish, I can totally understand! We have spent the last two christmas's with DHs family and I put my foot down this year when MIL started trying to organise me. So we are having MY family for lunch and DHs for dinner. Yes, the IL's are your family too, but its just not quite the same and to be honest I would not like having both families together for Xmas here as they both do things so differently.
Sorry today has been a bad one, hope tomorrow is better for you. And I will go through all my allergy stuff this weekend and send it up to you next week.  ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: Brenna
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 9:32pm
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Not at all!!!!! We had xmas with the 2 sides together last year and it was just plain wierd!!!! We are now going back to taking turns with each family.
I hope your xmas works out OK 
P.S - Hugs for the sh*tty day -------------  My beautiful 2 girls...nearly 4 and 13 months
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Posted By: Aprilfools
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 9:42pm
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Not selfish at all.
We rotate, a christmas with my family a christmas with DH's family and a christmas at our place. We've put our foot down, all are invited to join and that's the end of it. If they don't join in then tough luck I'm sorry. We can't please everybody every year and I'm not going to have the fun sucked out of our Christmas (taurus!!). We have found that putting our foot down just once was all it took. After all, we are all family now by marriage or by blood or whatever else!! |
Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 9:53pm
oh Toni you know I would give you a great big hug if i could...and you know I dont beleive that miss angelic was any kind of a devil child today - no way!!!
In laws suck - xmas involving in laws sucks...NUF said by me on here me thinks... BIG HUG!!!!!!!!!!! |
Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 11:04pm
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We all spend Xmas together and quite enjoy it but then we do get on quite well - I must be odd eh?
Not sure what else to say - big hugs for having such a day ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 11:08pm
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well technically seeing as you are all family together then having both sides could be good....
I dont think you are being selfish - i certainly wouldnt want my family and IL's at the same function...but on the plus side it would mean you would get them all over and done with together...and then have the rest of the day to yourselves. oh and i am sure your sister will still have you for dinner and maybe she just didnt realise how much it meant to you. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 14 December 2007 at 11:25pm
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If you had it all together this year, then you could have it wth your family alone next year - so have it with your family 2 years in a row!
back in the day before my mother went nuts we all had a big combined xmas lunch too, which was awesome, I loved it, so not so odd yumymummy! -------------  
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 15 December 2007 at 7:39am
nah i dont think you are toni i hope you can get your feelings across to your sister big hugs ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 15 December 2007 at 10:04am
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We use to have the best christmas with my IL it so really cool best lunch's etc. unfortunality the last 2 have been really sucky.Alan's first was jsut really sad cause we all knoew it would be MIL last. And last year was a disater we had FIL and my crazy Mother and my BIL who we love to bit's it totally sux tho. So this year we are making some changes. My SIL is coming on christmas eve to see the kid's. Chritmas morning we are going to to go the the christmas service for church and the nhaving lunch with just my bro and my FIL. Then we are goign to go out jsut me Pete and the boy's for a very nice time in the park or something.
Anyway that soes not answer your question so no I don't think you being selfish i agree it is jsut totally weird to have both there I would not do it again in a hurry well maybe my Dad and Pete Dad. ------------- Deborah Mum to:   
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Posted By: Mazzy
Date Posted: 15 December 2007 at 10:39am
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I can totally see how you'd be disappointed after looking forward to a christmas with your family, especially after eight years with your husband's family. So no, not selfish, just disappointed when you had your heart really set on something lovely with your family.
On the other hand, like Miss said, could you do it jointly this year and then have your family again next year?? Caitlin will be so much more into it next year too, so even better for them
I would love if my family and the in-laws got it together enough to organise a joint Christmas celebration, they all live within ten minutes of each other, but no, we are instead expected to get to everyone on the day with DD. Such a pain in the butt! So I am a little jealous that your sister was so thoughtful to invite your in-laws, but I'm just weird like that! ------------- Mum to two gorgeous girls! |
Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 15 December 2007 at 11:23am
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We had Christmas all together last year as it was Caitlin's first and my family's first in NZ.
I really had my heart set on spending it with just my side of the family. My sister STILL isn't speaking to me, left 2 messages 
------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 15 December 2007 at 3:36pm
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can you go to your sister,s place toni and speck with her big hugs hunn i hope you get your xmas ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 15 December 2007 at 6:50pm
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Nooooo! Tell the IL's to sod off! They changed their plans, why should you change yours to keep them happy!
*runs to duck from Toni's DH* ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 15 December 2007 at 7:08pm
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No way are you being selfish, trying to please everyone at Christmas is a sure way creating stress you don't need.
If you've already organised everything, stick with your plan. You can't please everyone on Christmas Day, usually makes for a very grumpy christmas. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 15 December 2007 at 8:51pm
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If the ILs are going to be staying, then surely boxing day left-overs would be ok? I'd stick with the original plan. I'd also be careful of doubling-up the day, depending on how big the respective families are, as that has caused us much grief in the past. We also alternate and the family that 'misses out' gets us for New Year's Day. Two days in a row is still an ask for my introvert hubby ------------- |
Posted By: Tricia
Date Posted: 15 December 2007 at 8:59pm
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Not sure what I can say that helps but Christmas is overrated. you spend far too long trying to please everyone and for one day where you eat too much and end up arguing with relatives you don';t really like!!
Think happy thoughts that it will soon be January and all over - I am! |
Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 8:58am
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Toni has your sister called yet?
our inlaws never responded to my invite for xmas lunch but are coming for morning tea only..go figure for ellas first xmas huh? |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 10:18am
yeah, am wondering the same thing? ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Bombshell wrote:Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 11:30am
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Not selfish. If it's important to you then that is fine.
I have a slightly different perpective though. My family is teeny tiny and I would love to have a wider family to be a part of. It really upsets me when I see families fighting and turning on each other, particularly at times when they need to pull together. Families fight and take offense so easily. Losing my sister recently has shown me the importance of not letting small / moderate / large issues destroy a family as family are really important. I wouldn't mind if complete strangers came to share Christmas day with us as that is how I see Christmas. Everyone is equally as valuable and equally as important. I definately understand most people don't feel this way. So what am I saying...ummmm...no, not selfish...you need to do what you feel comfortable with. However, IF it looks like it is going to lead to division and arguments, maybe just have a think about what is MOST important to you and what compromises might work for everyone. The less stress the better...like you say, it should be a happy day. ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 2:21pm
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Toni.....woooohoooooo???
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 2:27pm
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Not selfish Toni! I think it's lovely that you want to spend it with just your family... we are doing the absolute mission of a drive up to Rotorua on xmas eve to spend Christmas with my mum as I haven't spent it with her for 6 years... and I would be quite upset if it didn't go my way... but I hope that isn't construed as selfish! I want Mum and the rest of the immediate family (my brother, stepdad, and sister) to be able to share in Han's Christmas as I'm sure she is going to make it all the more special.
Anyway, ramble over. You are good. Your sis just needs to know that you wanted special family time.. I don't see anything wrong with that! |