Smacking - whats the deal
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Topic: Smacking - whats the deal
Posted By: my2angels
Subject: Smacking - whats the deal
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 8:18pm
| Addi has started getting a little naughty and Im trying to decide the best way to discipline her. With Kobe we count to 5 and if he doesnt do what it is we have asked he goes to his room for 3 minutes. Addi doesnt get the counting thing yet and hubby reckons we should smack her hand, just lightly of course but is this against the new law? so far Ive refused on the basis I dont want to end up in jail!!!! |
Replies:
Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 8:30pm
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Good question as I have no idea and then the other day Mercedes says to me, "our teacher said parent arent allow to hit kids or we have to ring the police" so now im wondering the same thing ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: 3boys
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 8:33pm
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Aside from the law my experience (and only my experience) is that is just doesn't work.
She is still very young, she may need more guidance than discipline. We use the timeout corner, but it has never worked before age 2 1/2. Before that I just used to say no and redirect. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 8:39pm
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As far as I understand it totally depends on circumstances but yes you can be charge.
Just for safety sake dont hit the hand as such. The bones on there is really really fragile and can get hurt really easy. It hurts real badly even with a light tap on the hands. Remember there isnt a lot of muscle around the top of the hand ect. (not trying to preach here at all about smacking versus non smacking.) ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 8:45pm
| just wanted to add, as a general rule i am against smacking, its not like I think its ok to hit children I just dont know what the law is around this. I do say no to her and very sternly but she is going through the stage where she just looks at me and laughs then does whatever it is again. |
Posted By: 3boys
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 8:53pm
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Yeah - I know that can be very frustrating when they just look at you and laugh in your face.
Sorry Hun - I did not intend my first post to mean that you wanted to smack regardless of the law.  ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 8:58pm
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We are saying "No" firmly to Isla, then "Mummy doesnt like that",..and redirecting her attention to something else, then praising her for being good playing with whatever shes now doing.
If she does the same thing again straight after, we say "NO Isla" again, and pick her up and move her a metre or so away from us, and ignore her for 30 sec-min, she always gets the picture now and sometimes starts to cry. We then pick her up and say - "say sorry to Mummy for.....", and have big hugs. Even tho she is little she seems to get the message, and we think that starting off the way we mean to carry on,..ie- using now the method tat we want to use when she's older, she is learning the pattern etc of what happens when she is naughty. Later whe will understand the words etc. |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 9:03pm
| I found that smacking the kids actually amde them more violent to each other. We really saw a change in Jake's behaviour last year when unknown to us, when jake misbehaved, the inlaws were smacking him - although not on the hand, on the butt I think. I was furious when i found out. Anyway, jake was suddenly hitting taine when he didn't do what he wanted. |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 9:10pm
| Gee thats scary Liz, that u could see a change in him that quickly. Scary! |
Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 9:15pm
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I have smacked both my older children on the bottom and it has worked a treat for me, it was often but none the less effective in the punishment. im not saying I beat them up althou believe me there are times when I easily could have. I dont smack them anymore as my words are enough althou Mercedes did get a paddle on the backside a few weekends ago. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 9:17pm
| yeah i normally put her down or move her away from us and she gets the picture but lately she has been doing things like biting kobe (he has a huge bruise on his bum from where she bit him) and just being generally naughty and hubby keps saying smack her hand cos she isnt listening to me telling her off. |
Posted By: 3boys
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 9:21pm
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just remembered that tone of voice change that supernanny talks about. Using a firmer harsher voice.
Maybe that might help. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 9:48pm
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hehe i have a very firm telling off voice and have the evil look to go with it.
So is smacking the hand now against the law? Hubby says the law is reasonable force but I thought that was what it used to be and now its no smacking, hitting at all |
Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 9:50pm
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Yes- any physical discipline of any kind is now illegal- in all liklihood you wouldn't get charged but they have taken the 'reasonable force' loophole out of the legislation so now ANY hitting of any kind is against the law and in theory you could be charged. ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3 
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Posted By: 3boys
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 9:59pm
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Yeah - I think it is all illegal but the police have the ability to apply their discretion when it comes to charging people. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 10:08pm
| god just thinking this makes me sound like im planning on hitting my children doesnt it. I honestly dont hit them....honest |
Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 17 December 2007 at 8:28am
The best punishment for Bay right now is "right! im going to ring santa and ask him if his elves just saw what you did!! because im sure he wont be visiting you if your a naughty boy!"...to which he starts freaking out because the only way hes going to get his lightning mcqueen car plane is through santa (yes its already under the tree! lol)
After xmas we will be doing the "birthday threat" (no bday presents!) We were smacking Bay but apart from the law - its not working for him now and counting + santa threats works a treat! |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 17 December 2007 at 8:35pm
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Personally, I think if it's something like biting, then hitting isn't the answer (well, I don't think hitting is the answer to anything actually) as it's a bit hypocritical. "Don't bite! *smack*" - seems to be teaching the wrong message.
I think it's more important to teach her the effects of her actions. Show her how sore it is for poor Kobe and perhaps remove her from the situation, ignore her, and pay a lot of attention to Kobe for that time. After a while, head back and get her to come and give Kobe a cuddle, explaining why it was wrong of her to bite. I found Hannah responded really well (well? is that the right word) to me denying her attention for bad behaviour. Sort of 'time out' for juniors. Then when she was a bit older I instituted time out... which has always worked really well for us. Now it is just a warning which works. I have to say that there are particular offences that warrant instant discipline. Biting and smacking are the two main ones. Anyway, hope some of that made sense! |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 17 December 2007 at 9:14pm
The law is worded really weird and I find it so confusing (and I'm a legal secretary!)  But I think it goes a bit like this
reasonable force is out - so any physical force against the child's will is actually wrong. "for the purposes of correction" is also out. And this is the biggie So the gist comes down to, you can use force if it will directly safe the kid from harm. Not to correct behaviour, but it's ok if you grabbed them out of the way of a moving vehicle, for instance. The Police have discretion to not charge any instance they think is inconsequential but it's enough to make a lot of people nervous. As far as smacking goes though, I have seen it work for some people and not for others. I think it depends on the child's/parent's personality most of all, and it being used as a last resort. All the best - discipline seems to get easier as the understanding improves. At least to 4yrs anyway -------------  |
Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 18 December 2007 at 7:29am
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Ok so after posting this this morning and thinkig about all that has gone on here the last few day's I am a little worried how pwopl might judge me so have removed it. ------------- Deborah Mum to:   
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 18 December 2007 at 8:06am
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I have smacked (on the hand or nappied bottom) and hate myself for it! I agree with Nikki...it seems insane to use violence to correct violence, even if you are not hitting hard enough for it to hurt it's still hitting.
We used the naughty spot up until last night when we aquired a naughty chair. She gets 3 warnings and then 1 minute on the naughty chair. And yes even at her age it works, far more than if I have lost my temper and smacked her. I did used to think smacking was fine but now seeing the results first hand I have done a total 180 and don't see it necessary at all. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 18 December 2007 at 6:35pm
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Paw's I do agree, but seriously the naughty corner just won't work with Mikey he really has no idea maybe it a boy thing. ------------- Deborah Mum to:
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 18 December 2007 at 8:51pm
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I haven't witnessed what you are going through Deb, but I just want to discuss about the naughty corner "not working" - I don't think we can expect a young toddler to sit in the corner and look remorseful for what they have done. I think the intention is (if anything) is to not reward them with attention (which is what yelling and carrying on/hitting would give them.)
If you mean that he just plain won't sit in the corner, then it just might take time (if that's the way you want it to work). I mean, at that age they hardly have the attention span to deal with things, which is why I think understanding (or atleast beginning to be shown) the consequences of their actions is more important. The other thing that I have come across people talking about recently, though I think this is for older kids, is that their "punishment" is the loss of their freedom. The kids have their 'right to choose' taken from them and they are shadowed by a parent for a period of time. This is to create a bond/open the means of communication between the parent and child. I need to read up on it more to be able to talk about it properly, but I like the theory behind it. (Ooo really off topic! Sorry Robyn!) Edited to fix italics. argh. |
Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 18 December 2007 at 9:04pm
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HAnnah gets asked to do something, if she doesnt then I tell her, still misbehaving then she has to sit on her bed. I dont care what she does while she sits on her bed, she can sing and be merry for all I care. All I want to achieve from it is time for me to cool down so I dont lose my temper, and show her that her misbehaviour isnt acceptable and she doesnt get attention for it. After a few minutes I go in and ask her if shes ready to do whatever I had asked - most of the time she does and we hav ea quick cuddle and then thats over with, but sometimes she decides she isnt ready and she will sit there for longer. Its totally her choice, but she does eventually have to do whatever it was. TBH I dont care if she just goes into her room and plays with her toys, becasue its just us having a break from each other, I dont see it as a punishment, more a time out IYKWIM (denying her my attention).
Ooops, again OT sorry... ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 18 December 2007 at 9:05pm
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Oh and I should say we have been doing this probably since she was 18 months, maybe a bit before. ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 18 December 2007 at 9:31pm
This is pretty much what we use it for at this stage although we do follow the supernanny 3 warning technique and still tell her why we put her in the naughty chair. In the beginning no she never stayed put where we left her but it achieves the result that she does know she has done something we are not happy with and she calms down. If she is throwing a tantrum it will go for ages if we try to just calm her down...if we put her on the naughty spot and come back 1 mintue later, she calms down and gives us a hug. It has taken patience though and our determination to implement this right from when it had some effect. As she gets older and is better able to understand her actions that is when we would expect her to be able to apologise for her behaviour and understand it more fully...right now though it is more cooling off for both sides. Hope that all makes sense! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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nikkiwhyte wrote:Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 18 December 2007 at 9:37pm
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Yeah it does paws and I am a huge supper nanny fan. Alan does know that he needs to say sorry I just don't think he really gets why if that makes scence. I know it sound's like an excuse, but I really think the fact that he is a boy he responds diffiernt to how a girl would.
And as for Mikey he is completly clueless we have tried to ignore the behavour does not alway work tho when is is totally screaming in your ear. we use to put him in his cot till he calmed down except he would keep going to sleep too quick and sleep too much in the day. ------------- Deborah Mum to:
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 18 December 2007 at 9:38pm
| I think that's what I like about Hannah at the moment, is that a warning is enough to prevent the corner even being used. Preventative is so much better than punitive! |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 19 December 2007 at 7:05am
Yeah every so often a 3-2-1 countdown is enough to head off a temper tantrum...not always but occassionally! loadsakids - can you use someone where else rather than the cot? Even just a spot in the hallway or something? ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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